Weight loss again

[Alecto_on_LCD]

Well done for taming the mental beast today. It had numerous attempts at you and you thwarted them all! Not that you need reminding but do you remember how **** you felt the day after you had a few vodkas - look at what you’ve saved yourself going through tomorrow morning!

You’ve done awesomely

Ya know...thank you for the reminder actually. You are right. My mind had been well too occupied with intrusive food thoughts and my trying to control them to even think back and remember that dreaded next day feeling. I did save myself a lot of physical and emotional pain! This is not only a physical challenge in repairing myself. It truly is a mental one. I'm not surprised so many people end up yoyo-ing without appropriate support throughout these journeys. I now feel that should be something these companies (or NHS even) should be putting in place to curve the obesity/diabetes soaring prevalence. Food for thought! Bit of a pearl you gave me there.

Ps.edit. up there I said "repairing myself". Ill keep it there as a knee jerk reaction of putting myself down for my weight. Actually I do not need to repair anything, I could carry on as I am without me being less of a good human. However if I do want to make some amendments that is fine - but it's not about repairing something broken and if I dont make it through, being broken since the start of time and forever. And what I do want to amend is being nicer to myself in the days to come - in the sense of what you said, not treating myself as a human dustbin as my body does not deserve that.

 

[Alecto_on_LCD]

Well done, chicken salad was a really positive choice. You’ve got this

Your links re distorted eating behaviours are bril Kiwi! Read through most yesterday. While I am not a fan of the willpower concept I'm happy they go against that also and focus on reshaping thoughts. My issue is all-or-nothing. I can find it easy to restrict myself to no end for a while and then it backfires and I binge. The thought that I have during those times is "ive been so good thus far, i do need to be kind to myself, right?". And that leads to a false kindness really because I eat the entire fridge or something. What I finally did yesterday was to choose the grey area as inspired by what I read from what you posted. It was difficult as moderation/grey area is something I'm not familliar with but it is a personal milestone in many ways. Better get accustomed to being kind to myself without it meaning "eat a horse".

 

[Alecto_on_LCD]

Day 23. 71.5kg.
-------------------------
Uneventful and smooth (love these days). No hunger or cravings. 3 exantes, 4l water, 2.5k steps. Been sitting on my bum working all day but feel ive not advanced much yet. Itll come but need a really early one tomorrow.
Alcohol counsellor meeting today - she said i look brighter than ever, face is slimmer, and my skin looks amazing. Really - I'm taking it! She was chuffed with my progress and wants to see me again in 3 weeks before the party weekend to put some controls in place and see how I've carried on.
Have booked squash, aqua aerobics and coffee meet ups with a couple of friends over the coming weeks. Positive changes step by step.
Onward to tomorrow.

 

[Alecto_on_LCD]

Day 24. 70.8kg woop!
---------------
I did something slightly silly of me... not that bad but another lesson (that I seem to learn continuously, but hey, it was worth a try!).

I was so chuffed to see that I hit my 1st stone mark today that....I came out to my family (mum and brother) about my weight loss. Pff. Pissed me off to say the least! I'm good as it was all via text and I've not planned to go to where each of them live in the near future...There was a potential to visit my brother and wife in 2-weekends' time, but I am really not planning for it anymore now. Later, will do, once I'm done with the diet.

My mum said it is way too much, advised me to make sure I don't put it back on really quickly and had a moan about my poor partner who is going hungry because I - the woman of the house - am no longer cooking. I thought...cool... knew the response would be in that region, why did I even bother? (although I did feel anger flow out of my ears, as usual in our relationship).

My brother... said WOW, hope you can maintain it and immediately ensured to send me a peer reviewed paper comparing Atkins, Weight Watchers and a few others (albeit published in JAMA, really small samples and high variability of data) proving that the diets do come with benefits in terms of losses and blood sugar levels/cardiovascular risk reductions... but the losses are small and not maintained.

First, I work in a related field and I've already read tonnes of peer reviewed papers on this, as they are at my finger touch. Second, again, I work in a related field and know how to assess the reliability of these things a bit better than him. Third, thanks for the support, mate. Guess I'm your little sister and you need to show me you're the smart one while discounting fully what I do for a living - as always. Don't know why I expected anything else. I do love them but you cannot choose your family, can you... and they really do bug me sometimes. Why am I expecting any external validation from them (when I know they are against it!) when I've never really had it for most of my life?

I'm sorry, rant over - just got a bit angry there. I'm so happy this forum exists. I have no idea what I'd do without seeing everyone else's experiences in all the ways. I've re-read some of your stories to help the anger and tad sadness fade. At least I've done a test to see where I'm at with them and how to put stuff in place when meeting up with them later in the year (my mum is also the sort, who you'd tell: I do not want cream, and smears cream all over your dish, apologizes, and if you say you won't eat it she kicks off as if she's made that cream...). See why I was so worried about my partner's family? I really thought they'd react the same.... On I go...

 

[Ketoveggie]

Hey Alecto,
I love my mum dearly but she does like to keep me in a box that is of her own making. I think she finds comfort in defining me the way it suits her best. Lol! It has caused many a ruction over the years. We live miles apart now and our relationship has never been better!

You're doing the right thing for yourself and that's what counts. My attitude to people who don't like what I do, just because it upsets their sensibilities is . . . Boll**ks to ya! I find it works a treat for peace of mind. x

Edit: forgot to say, Big congrats on your achievement! One stone off is amazing! You rock!! x

 

[Alecto_on_LCD]

Hey Alecto,
I love my mum dearly but she does like to keep me in a box that is of her own making. I think she finds comfort in defining me the way it suits her best. Lol! It has caused many a ruction over the years. We live miles apart now and our relationship has never been better!

You're doing the right thing for yourself and that's what counts. My attitude to people who don't like what I do, just because it upsets their sensibilities is . . . Boll**ks to ya! I find it works a treat for peace of mind. x

Edit: forgot to say, Big congrats on your achievement! One stone off is amazing! You rock!! x

Truly, truly so! I live about 400km away from my mum now which does help! In small measures she's fine. Cannot do with too many days though lol. Brother-wise - I just said 'rome wasn't built in a day, nor my huge BMI'. I'm not gonna bring this up anymore. As you say, boll**ks to ya! Does help haha

 

[Ketoveggie]

'rome wasn't built in a day, nor my huge BMI'

Haha! Brilliant!!

 

[Alecto_on_LCD]

Hey Alecto,
I love my mum dearly but she does like to keep me in a box that is of her own making. I think she finds comfort in defining me the way it suits her best. Lol! It has caused many a ruction over the years. We live miles apart now and our relationship has never been better!

You're doing the right thing for yourself and that's what counts. My attitude to people who don't like what I do, just because it upsets their sensibilities is . . . Boll**ks to ya! I find it works a treat for peace of mind. x

Edit: forgot to say, Big congrats on your achievement! One stone off is amazing! You rock!! x

Thank you Keto! ROCK ON ha!

 

[a_kelpie]

Oh. My. Soul.

I wish you could see the 'oooooohhhmmmyyyysoull' face I am making at the computer screen: those are insane responses. But at the same time, totally expected from some family members. Huge well done for shrugging them off as much as you have done, I think my blood pressure would have done something lethal. You've got a good mindset towards them, and I'm totally with you: I love those members of my family, but they bug me so, so much, and I don't expect anything.

Have kinda the opposite with my dad, in that he's utterly gleeful that I'm losing weight, and it gives me that, "oh, so I made you ashamed before?" feeling. All. In. My. Head. Well, mostly in my head. He definitely was. But it doesn't really matter. What you said above ^^ about the mental game is spot on. It's an immense mental challenge, and anyone who can power through it is stronger than anyone could imagine.

 

[Alecto_on_LCD]

Oh. My. Soul.

I wish you could see the 'oooooohhhmmmyyyysoull' face I am making at the computer screen: those are insane responses. But at the same time, totally expected from some family members. Huge well done for shrugging them off as much as you have done, I think my blood pressure would have done something lethal. You've got a good mindset towards them, and I'm totally with you: I love those members of my family, but they bug me so, so much, and I don't expect anything.

Have kinda the opposite with my dad, in that he's utterly gleeful that I'm losing weight, and it gives me that, "oh, so I made you ashamed before?" feeling. All. In. My. Head. Well, mostly in my head. He definitely was. But it doesn't really matter. What you said above ^^ about the mental game is spot on. It's an immense mental challenge, and anyone who can power through it is stronger than anyone could imagine.

Aww, thank you Kelpie! They are a bit silly, aren't they, sometimes. As for your dad, just as with my family, in their minds I think they really do mean well but really don't quite get the impact of their words (which I am quite sure are meant in a good and supportive way) in the context of such difficult and unique weight loss journeys. Basically, restricting yourself from everything, dealing with quite mushy food, threat of ill health if you don't stick to it, retraining your body, behaviours, and mind to ensure you stay thinner for longer and trying to be super aware of what's triggering what and when. And the constant distraction of food adverts plastered all over the world. I'm sure your dad is just happy you are coming to better health rather than having been ashamed of you! But then again - you can never know what's going on in their minds sometimes and unfortunately (or fortunately?) we cannot mind read.
While I was angry earlier and a bit sad I realised throughout the day - you know what, they've never struggled with weight in this way. But they do struggle with other stuff and denying that there an issue there. So in some ways, I think it is healthy for to admit at least to themselves there is an issue somewhere and at least try to amend it for their future. As opposed to someone who say.... drinks themselves numb all the time and refuses to acknowledge there's an issue with their consumption (it's not the case here, simply an example). But I digress. Thank you for the mounts of empathy!

 

[RareKiwi27]

Two things;

Well done for planning for success

Family have all there own predisposed ideas

This four agreements helps me. Xx

 

[Alecto_on_LCD]

Two things;

Well done for planning for success

Family have all there own predisposed ideas

This four agreements helps me. Xx

View attachment 191040

Thank you, Kiwi.
Interesting. Shall i ask where its from? You dont need to say if you dont want to!
Im on board with most but its presented so very all-or-nothing. Trying to change that for myself im obvs a bit sensitive to it. Buuut... Chatting about these things in context could make it a lot better imo!
Also i do like points 3 and 4. Maybe they just resonate with me more, donno. Self neglect comes in so many forms and we've learnt it in so many years. Eating habits is one. We've certainly learned that...

 

[RareKiwi27]

Don Miguel Ruiz
The Four Agreements: Practical Guide to Personal Freedom (Toltec Wisdom

It’s a book, these are the key chapters.

Over the years it’s helped me. Particularly the don’t take things personally.

 

[Alecto_on_LCD]

End of day 24.
Okay. Ill be honest with myself here. I was chuffed for the 1st stone mark, 1 kg away from my own milestone, booked myself on a term-long painting course on Wednesdays (whoop!) and have the schedule of drop in events for abstract painting. Cool. One of my best mates got a permanent job in a uni giving him flexi time to do his research, something we all in my field aspire to. Kudos to him, so very happy and happier i got to chat to him!
So. Decided even before i got home Id break the 13 days no alcohol. I am not feeling guilty. I wanted it. We'll see how i go tomorrow (remembering my last experience 2 weeks ago here) but... I wanted to do this for pleasure in a measured non-bingy way. And i think i did. Just to enjoy it once in a while and get accustomed to that rather than nothing and then everything. Im cheery but not over the top. I know i truly wont be missing it at the social event tomorrow!
3 exantes, 50gr chicken and 10gr low fat cheese (putting me at 751cals for the day), almost 4l water and 9k steps.
On we go.

 

[#GymBunny]

This thread has exploded yet I had no notifications - I blame my phone!

I like how you noted that you referred to repairing yourself then corrected it as no, you’re fine as you are, you’re choosing to make some tweaks to suit you and the life style you want to make for yourself.

Congrats on the loss. You must be feeling really quite good now. Do you feel a chunk has disappeared yet or are you still waiting for that light bulb moment?

Keep up all the good work

 

[Alecto_on_LCD]

Day 25. 71.3kg. A bit on the up side. Think its water mostly. No bother.
I'm pleased that I had that 5.2units of alcohol last evening and I don't feel like I've overdone it. I wanted a drink, could've really binged but I didn't. My sleep was not that great after it however and I like seeing the stark difference. Also I can be just as cheery and happy with or without it. I am pleased with the experience overall as that makes it more likely I will do it less and less often and with lower quantities every time. In the sense that it was fun but I'm getting more to a 'can take it or leave it'-frame of mind rather than be desperate about controlling intrusive craving thoughts, trying to deny myself things, or beating myself up. There's been no internal guilt tripping which is a bit WOW. It's a good prep for the upcoming birthday party and I certainly will not be craving any tonight at the social event or be jealous of other people's freedom around it.

 

[Alecto_on_LCD]

This thread has exploded yet I had no notifications - I blame my phone!

I like how you noted that you referred to repairing yourself then corrected it as no, you’re fine as you are, you’re choosing to make some tweaks to suit you and the life style you want to make for yourself.

Congrats on the loss. You must be feeling really quite good now. Do you feel a chunk has disappeared yet or are you still waiting for that light bulb moment?

Keep up all the good work

Sorry for the explosion - I think I'm enjoying this forum a bit too much? : P : D.
I am feeling okay - chuffed but not overly ecstatic just yet as I can see there's still a long way to go to amend these relationships. But I am chuffed that I am seeing progress in myself and most of all, a lot of energy, motivation, living in the here-and-now, so many fun activities that I've planned for myself including an art course which I am really looking forward to... Clothes-wise I seem to be fitting a lot better in the 14s that had started to be a bit tight before getting onto exante and with some of them I've got quite some space in there especially in the belly area. Not in the size 12 part of my wardrobe yet though.

 

[RareKiwi27]

That sounds really positive from a psychological prospective.

I’m sure you know this but alcohol and ketosis can be dangerous for your liver. So even if you have 1 unit eat some protein xx

 

[Alecto_on_LCD]

That sounds really positive from a psychological prospective.

I’m sure you know this but alcohol and ketosis can be dangerous for your liver. So even if you have 1 unit eat some protein xx

Yeah that's why in the end I had some chicken with my red bean chilli last evening to soak it up. I've amended the post accordingly so I don't hide it from myself and keep myself accountable. Yeah, my liver is a bit painful today so I'm staying on the water and taking it easy.

 

[RareKiwi27]

Alecto your doing amazingly well. Just wanted to say it as wouldn’t want anything bad to happen to you