Where did you get your habits from?

[finns_tired_mum]

The only time my mother ever got praise from my father was when she cooked. She is an exceptionally good cook and the bigger the portion the more praise she got. I remember eating until I was in pain. THe plate was always cleared. My dad was an exceptionally bad bully. He emotionally abused us all and lately I found out he was physically abusive to my mum too. I have a great deal of anger toward him but at the same time I love him. Sometimes I wish he was dead so that I could put these awful feelings to rest. I know this is an awful thing to say but my early memories relating to my weight were mostly of my dad picking on me - making me run until I was sick, forcing me to take my own weight by continually kicking my feet from underneath me. I don't know, maybe this isn't that bad. He didn't want me to get fat. I was very studious and painfully shy. It was only when I left home to go to uni that I was able to take control of my weight, getting down to a size 12 from an 18. Subsequent bad relationships saw me gain and lose the weight until the latest gain from having 2 kids in 2 years. I suppose what I really want to die are those memories and the pain. My dad is very different now having been diagnosed and treated for bipolar. I wish I could tell him how I feel but I don't know how he'd take it. I don't want to endanger his relationship with my children. I'm pretty clear where my eating issues come from.

 

[Jesca]

My habits are learned from my late mum, I have known this all my life and though I'd like to be able to blame her, I know it wasn't her fault. She suffered from panic attacks, then emotional/physical abuse from her first husband, a total lack of thought or attention from her second (my dad) and depression.

I suffer panic attacks and depression too but when I went to my doc in dec 2006 in a state of desperation (I left it far too long), he got me counselling and onto antidepressants, her doctor gave her nothing and told her it was all in her head, I can't imagine the despair she felt. She hit me a lot when I was younger but looking back I know I was a terrible child and in her situation it must have been so impossible for her to cope at times.

Eating wise, we'd go healthy for a few days then she'd say "come on, let's go and buy some chocolate" and we'd stuff ourselves. Underneath it all were good things like grilled meat and not fried, homegrown veg and fresh milk from our own cows, eggs from our own chickens.

With all this I know that I have to take responsibility and put it right for the sake of my (hopefully!) future children, so they don't learn the same damaging habits. The past is the past, I'm the only one who can change my future x

 

[Just Peachy]

That's some tough stuff there.

I'm glad you're learning new habits and doing it for yourself. I find that people who want to do it for their kids is such a beautiful thing. I will definitely go about it with my kids completely differently than how my parents did with me, it's just not something you should have to deal with as a kid and it's a bad way of dealing with anything.

 

[miss bee]

hey there
just peachy,you do have a knack with starting good threads!
some powerful stuff here!
though there are many things i can think of that have probably contributed to my very unhealthy relationship with food,one thing that i remember happening was,after many years of being bullied by the kids at school and in my neighbourhood,sometimes quite violently,i began to put on weight,and bulk up a bit(i was very skinny as a child)they started to leave me alone,at least physically.i also blossomed into a punk rocker,loads of make up,shaved the sides of my hair,studded jackets and wristbands etc!they started to say stuff like"i would'nt want to get into a fight with her" and "she'd knock you out with one punch".which though it was'nt true(i've never been much good at fighting,lol)really suited me at the time.it stopped a lot of my troubles,dead in their tracks.
of course,problem was,i then continued to pile on weight until that took over as my main problem in my life!!:sigh:

still,the most annoying thing for me is i have been a grown up for soooo long now,and am a big believer in personal responsibility,and though i have taken control over so many things in my emotional life.this weight thing is still such a blooming struggle,grrr!!
well good luck to all of us who have struggled and are still struggling with this.
however we got here i'm sure
we will get where we want to be

 

[Just Peachy]

Why thank you Miss Bee, I really do try to get to the very bottom of this issue. I wanna solve it for good and it is usually insightful to hear other people's experiences.

Funny, I went through the tough punk rocker phase too. It's strange how you put on a different face so people won't focus on what the problem actually is. At least I always thought that's why I did it. That and being so lost and having no idea who I was really.

Ah, bless us.

 

[miss bee]

oh yes peachy.
i totally agree.i have been through so many far out styles in my youth,and i do think in hindsight,that a lot of it was about putting other peoples attention on to something other than my weight.
though i did love being different,on a personal level too,loved the hair make up etc.and most important,i did love my music.
like so many people,i have often lost myself in my tunes.still do!
my daughter is following in my footsteps(the good,fun ones)and is a proud emo!thankfully i feel she likes it cos she likes it,and not to cover up anything(she's 12 and a size 6/8 bless her)so i think it's just the rebel coming out(as to be expected with my offspring,ha ha!)

 

[TRISTAR]

I think my eating habit (past tense now), stemmed from my Dads ex girlfriend forcing me to eat foods I didn't like when I was a child. I remember being sick on a few occasions (usually after cottage cheese, beetroot or liver), then being sent to my room and when I was hungry again I'd be faced with the same food. I think when I got to a point where it was nothing to with anyone else what I ate, I just ate what the hell I like when I liked

 

[WW_Newbie86]

I have to say i saw my nan eat her life away and she used to look after us alot. My nan was a big woman and she would always send us to the shop to get her munchies and then say get urself something this was a daily thing. All my family are chubby so i think they learnt from my nan as she has always been big although now she is slimming down before our eyes but it def stems from childhood, you see them eating when they are sad and you pick up the habits aswell.

 

[welshgirl21]

My habits come from my ex fiance. It's a very long story but in short we met in Wales while I was in Uni and when I graduated I didn't want to move back into my parents house so we rushed and rented a house near them (I am very close to my family) after only being together 6 months; he then got a job in Birmingham and I moved to be with him which caused lots of arguments with my parents (they could see he was bad for me, and they were right), I should have known when I told him about the time I was date raped at 20, but he accused me of making it up and never believed me; he was the only one I had ever told.

Once he had me away from my family over a period of 4 miserable years he hacked away at my self confidence and self worth gradually; nothing I did was good enough, everything was my fault, he'd never do anything wrong because it was always because of me etc and gradually he made me feel I couldn't manage without him but no one would ever want me; then it started with I was fat, he didn't love me, he wasn't attracted to me etc.

I turned to food for comfort as my family were in Wales, my best friend was in Holland living but food was always there. I would diet then he'd say I wasn't trying hard enough or I was still fat so I'd think 'sod it' and eat more and more. My weight crept up and up, I went through a period of depression which I never told anyone about and even had suicidal thoughts which I have never told anyone to this day.

All this triggered an unhealthy relationship with food, weight and myself and even though my boyfriend of 2 years Rob is amazing; so kind, caring, gentle and encouraging I still struggle with my feelings of self worth and confidence and that is something I will always hate my ex for doing to me.

 

[se1ene]

I'm not really sure how all this started.. But I was bullied at school, the whole school was against me.. and we lived in a country side, there wasn't much to do.. So I walked to the closest small shop and bought some sweets and ate them whiles walking back home.. Few years later, I was 15-16 years old and very deeply depressed, still bullied at school but had few people there who I talked with. My parents were very strict, they'd not let me stay with my friends after school or bring them home, I had to come straight home alone after school and stay in my room. We didn't have TV or other electronic stuff, so my life was basically going to school and coming back to home and into my room. In my room I slept most of the day after school, sometimes wrote texts and read books.. I started to fill my emptiness, loneliness, and bad feelings with food and soon I had e.g. 200g of chocolate, 500g of other sweets, 200g of crisps and large pack of biscuits every day... on top of normal meals.. plus sometimes I ran away at weekend nights and ate like 3 times in Mc donalds.. Eating made me feel better and I ate like a crazy next years.. And I still do.. But somehow I've been able to lose a lot of weight! It has taken 2 years tho, and I always gain some back when binging.. But I believe, one day I'll get to my target weight and hopefully I can leave depression behind, feel good and learn to control my eating.

 

[Greengiraffe]

It's funny looking back on my family because I do think I was taught good eating habits in general. At the same time it seems that my mother, along with all those healthy meals, was teaching me how to eat treats whenever I was down. It was such a common thing and was always indulged. Now I'm fighting that mentality and trying to find new ways of dealing with emotions and even learning to recognise them when they happen.

Great discussion, thank you!

 

[mommyB]

Even now my mums loves my kids thru the power of chocolate !!!

 

[MissUno]

I'm really not sure where my emotional eating habits came from. I was brought up to be active and eat healthy as a child, perhaps it was a subconscious rebellion thing that went too far...who knows. Maybe it's the huge traumas I experienced from a young age.

All I know is somewhere down the line, I lost control where food was concerned and never really could figure out why the heck I had to have such issues with food that it would cause so much weight gain.

 

[Medusa]

My mum was/is a housewife. Not worked since 1962 so we always had good "wholesome" home cooked meals. She made her own bread, cakes and everything was made from scratch. Chips were a rare treat but what we did eat was without a thought for fat content etc.

We had our evening meal at about 5.30pm and aside from a piece of fruit about 8pm that was IT until breakfast.

However, waste was beyond the pale and I remember being made to sit at the table until I'd cleared my plate. I am not a fussy eater but I have never liked kidney beans but some would always be put on my plate and I was expected to eat them.

It taught me to override the "I am full" signals. To this day (I'm now 46) I can find myself continuing to eat when I am stuffed. I have to be very aware when I eat and listen to what my body is telling me.

Sweets and chocolates were an occasional treat and this means that whilst I don't think of them on a daily basis when I do then oh boy...one bar is just not enough.

I understand why my parents are obsessed with food waste. Born in the late 1930's they were raised with rationing until early adulthood in families where for various reasons money was tight. They loathe wasted food. But it's had an impact on me and my brother. Whilst we both love good food we have to think about when to stop.

 

[Micci]

Oh yes,

I too was forced to eat everything. My mother was in many ways a very controlling person and she had decided that she knew better than me what my nutritional needs were. Like Medusa's parents, mine too had been through WW2 and knew hunger and rationing.

However, while I was struggling to be a 'good girl' and eat all I was given my mother would be dieting and telling me that she had been 'good' for eating a miniscule amount that day. I grew up out of touch with my own hunger and confused about what being good was.

I know understand my parents did the best they could and I no longer blame my mother, just trying to move on as an adult from what I learnt as a child. To my mother's credit she tried very hard not to give me the link between food and comfort - I never, AFAIR, got chocolate or biscuits when I was hurt or upset. But I saw her doing it, and yo yo dieting all the years I've known her.

Other issues, eating from habit and boredom are all my very own )

 

[glasgow_celtic]

Hey I was just thinking about this yesterday. For me I think it started when my mum died. My grans brought me up while my dad worked and while I love them to bits for it I do think thats how my comfort eating started. Obviously like any child I loved sweets and etc and I think when they realised that cheered me up after losing my mum they used to give me it more often, sometimes even now when I get really sad I crave that comfort from food, even though I know I'll regret it afterwards
x

 

[fatty2slim]

Hmmm, mine's a bit more personal. My childhood wasn't very pleasant, so I turned to food as a comfort... I started off really thin as a child upto the age of probably 10 - thats when I gained weight, and kept on gaining, my older thinner cousins pointing this out didnt make it any better, I tried to rebel so I ate more. Then came high school, seriously I was SO much bigger I think I probbaly reached about 16 stones at the age of 14-18. Obviously through a cycle of starving eating starving eating which made me gain so much...

And at the start of uni 3 years ago, I was lighter than before about 12st 7 lbs...hmm, working to that 10 stone mark xD

 

[cactus]

I dont know where my bad eating habits came from - they just sort of crept in - im not sure what 'comfort eating' means but i ate basically because i liked doing it - there was a nice feeling when i would be doing it - but it wasnt to escape anything or because i had a bad childhood or anything else like that.

 

[Eli]

I was bullied at school and I had no friends, also I wasn't allowed to go anywhere but to come home straight from school. I stayed in my room all day listening radio and eating..

 

[Jambro]

I think my food issues started as a child also.
I come from a big family of four children, me being the oldest and money was tight so we were always fed meals with lots of potatoes or bread to 'bulk' up the meal and of course it is cheaper.
In fact, it's a standing joke between me and my sisters that dad always used to say "make sure you eat the meat, that's the bit you pay for"!!
Needless to say, we hardly ever got sweet, biscuits and cakes etc and fruit was only at Christmas along with rice crispies (don't know why I remember that?!!) so when I was earning my own money I would spend a lot of my wages on these 'treats' binging in my bedroom and hiding the wrappers.
In fact I do still do that today (or did)
After 2 failed relationships that didn't help my eating habits years of yo yo diets AND a gastric band resulting in a 10st weight and re gain I have realised I am very much an emotional eater. And I am trying to tackle that every day and probably always will.