Where did you get your habits from?

[Faith_111]

This is an interesting thread. I had a lovely upbringing, a living family and lots of healthy and nutritious foods. In fact, I was quite slim until I found out my boyfriend of 4 years had secretly had an arranged marriage (his family wouldn't have accepted me as I wasn't part of his culture but I didn't know that at the time) and after the shock wore off, I comforted myself with food. Not necessarily bad foods, just huge portions and some processed crap. It was true emotional eating. I'm finally ok but losing weight is a still astruggle but I intend to win.

http://www.minimins.com/members-only-diaries/289931-faith-my-weight-loss-journey.html

 

[faery_lights]

This thread is really interesting and really an important question, to help you analyse yourself and move forward.

For me, a large part of it is my Mother. My Mother is by nature a feeder. She loves cooking for people and seeing people enjoy her food. However, we moved countries when I was 2 and this triggered a 'change'. I went from a Toddler who would eat everything, to a Toddler who ate nothing. I know my Mum tried everything, but the only foods I would eat was processed junk. My Mum, being the feeder that she is, couldn't bare to see me go hungry or to see me not enjoying the food she was providing me with. So she capitulated and stopped trying to get me to eat healthily, in favour of foods I enjoyed so that she could feel satisfied. Problem One. As a small child, I never really ate healthily. And My Mum fed me up and the bigger the portions, the more satisfied she felt.

My Mum also comes from a poor family where she went hungry more often than not; not only does my Grandmother have food issues, my Mum too associated food with happiness and being a family and good times. Everything we did involved food. Watching TV, snack time, out shopping, snack time. Everything was so food central. And aside from that, we were encouraged to clear the plate. I still feel a bit of guilt if I leave food as I feel like I am 'wasting money'.

My Dad also has massive food issues. His Mother, my Grandma, has been on a diet for most of her life and as a result, she would deprive her children of sweets and cakes. She would make cakes for her friends but not let her children eat them- as a result my Dad wanted a house full of the sweets, cakes and chocolates he hadn't been allowed and my Mum being a feeder allowed it because it made her happy to see him happy. This behaviour then got transferred to my Brother and myself.

As a teenager, I also had bullying problems at school- my early childhood associations led me to eat as a source of comfort, particularly those sweet foods which seemed to make everyone so happy. And the bigger I got, the more I comfort ate. I ate out of sadness, happiness, boredom. Anything. I was also quite an inactive child (I was a big reader and spent a lot of time in my room) so it was a two pronged problem.

I don't blame my Mum and Dad- I know they love me and they want nothing but the best for me and my Mum genuinely believes that feeding me is loving me. Both of them come from family situations which have left them with a dysfunctional relationship with food- and I suspect neither of them realise it.

What's important is that I realise it, I know what triggers my unnecessary eating and I know I've got to strike a balance between eating foods I enjoy and trying to find enjoyment in food- two very different things. I can't make a promise that I will never emotionally eat again, but I can take steps to eat more healthily when I do and eat less than I did. That and being able to tell when I am hungry are really important parts of this journey to me, as it means that hopefully, this will be the last time in my life I have to lose a serious amount of weight.

 

[Lizzybeth1]

Iam bored, lazy, not very disciplined! Also pregnancy, overcoming one addiction to just go and stuff myself with food to make up for it. Hmmmmm I could go on!

 

[Tracymc72]

My emotional eating really started about 13yrs ago, we were married four yrs when my husband was diagnosed with kidney failure and would need a transplant. For a yr and half when he was at dialysis times a week i overate. Even when he had a transplant 11 yrs ago i'm still emtionally eating. Something i should address.

 

[Helcat]

This question is something that really resonates for me - my eating habits strongly stem from when I was a child.
I would have to "clear the plate" (irrelevant of whether I was full or genuinely didn't like the food that was on it. I had to sit at the table until I had finished it. So I developed a coping mechanism - of eating the things I didn't like first so then I could get on with the business of enjoying my dinner. The effect of this was two-fold 1)I ate really quickly so the food I liked didn't go cold 2)I divided all the food on my plate and eat in order of which I liked least to most (so for a roast it would be each veg in order of preference, roast potatoes then the meat). The last mouthful had to taste the best or the whole meal was ruined.
I do still eat food in order when I am tired, but try not too - but you can see how, even though I am no longer at home, if I am saving the best till last I will clear the plate even if I am stuffed ...
It has to be a concious decision not to eat this way - does that make me strange?

 

[tekniicolor]

My mother used to go out a lot and leave me alone at home a lot and leave me to look after my younger brother and sister she made up for it by bringing us sweets, she also got us mcdonalds whenever she didn't feel like cooking and it was always a ''just this once'' situation.

I am now estranged from my mother and a probably use junk food to make up for her absence or something

 

[Cherry-Blossom]

I think mine's a bit of my childhood and a bit of myself.

My mother has always been overweight and my dad (although trim) has always eaten masses of junk food. I've been on the larger side for as long as I can remember. As a very young child I was pretty active running around a lot and I rode horses until I was 9/10. As I got older I got more into books and so instead spent a lot of my time reading. I remember when I was younger I really wanted to do trampolining and my parents wouldn't let me, I've always resented them for that. Anyway it started going downhill more when I reached high school. In primary school I'd always had a packed lunch and I'd been on the school netball team so was relatively active. When I got to high school I started having school lunches and as it was the pre-Jamie Oliver era pretty much all the served was junk so I never really had a healthy lunch. At the start I was on the school hockey team but that only lasted a year as I was always in so much pain with my back the day after playing that I just gave up. As a teenager I also got depression (though this was undiagnosed) and spent 90% of my time arguing with my mother. So I turned to food as a comfort as I lived too far from friends to go out and escape with them. We also had the must clear you plate rule and from a pretty young age would have the same size portion as our parents. As I got older my parents started telling me I needed to lose weight which just made me hate myself more and thus eat more.

When I moved away to uni at 18 I initially lost weight as I lost access to a car so had to walk everywhere though I will admit my diet of cheese toasties and bananas probably wasn't the best. So about 6 months after moving away I'd gotten access to a car so was back to driving everywhere before the year from hell began. I was bullied by my personal tutor and by my housemates s could never get away from it. One of my friends from high school suddenly died at the age of 19 and I just had bad luck coming in from every direction. My depression got worse and I hid into myself again using food and nights out (filled with alcohol) as comfort and escape. At the beginning of the next year my personal tutor got his wish and I was kicked out of uni due to the personality changes caused by the depression. I then spent the next 8 months unemployed and living off job seekers. As most of my friends had reached the end of their uni courses they moved back home so I was left alone with no-one to do stuff with and no money to go out anywhere. Instead I sat at home and ate, and ate, and ate. In that 8 months I gained about 6 stone.

So now I'm here and trying to loose weight for the umpteenth time. This time though instead of just sticking to a diet plan and hoping it will come off and stay off I'm looking more at how to change my eating habits and why I eat the way I do. That's why I'm working my way through Dr Beck's Diet Solution which is a CBT based workbook on working out why you eat the way you do. I know I can diet all I like but if I never change my attitude to food it will never go off and stay off.

 

[Sweethearts]

I don't like blaming others for how I am because ultimately it's my decision to pick up the foods i eat and put them in my mouth, but I do think that being told from a young age that I was 'naughty' if I didn't eat EVERYTHING that was put on my plate in front of me. I was told this from as far back as I can remember. I'm sure a lot of parents do this and each to their own, but the foods that were put on my plate were hardly healthy foods.

The ironic part is that the people who used to insist on me eating everything are now the people who have called me fat in the past, madness!

 

[Starski]

From my mother, who was always very weight conscious and saw me as an extension of herself, thereby enforcing her bad habits onto me. I 'rebelled' by stuffing my face, and it's hence become my go-to response when I'm feeling frustrated and angry, generally.

How I feel about it. Err... Was resentful at first, but comes a time you have to take responsibility for yourself, and as I recognise the pattern now, it feels more like my issue to tackle than something to blame on her. Frustrates me when I over eat because it feels like a childhood habit... So old and tired and repetetive. Just fed up of it!