Yo-yo's attempt to snap the string!

[westiegirl]

:wavey:

Another good day on the food (or rather, lack of it) front. Well, so far anyway!

choc porridge
choc bar
choc muffin
orange jelly
3.5 litres water
6 black coffees

I have found it a bit of a struggle today. Lots of temptation came my way - no more than usual though - but the smell of people eating chips and baked spud with chicken curry in the office just seemed to tug at me much more. Luckily I didn't have to make dinner this evening - i went to have a spray tan and dinner was done an dusted by the time i got home.

I've just kept thinking of my 'night off' tomorrow and that's got me through. CB has been telling me ALL day that I might as well have something now as will be cheating tomorrow, but I explained to her that the outfit I'm going to wear would feel snug if I stuff my face. She's trying to talk me into having breakfast tomorrow now - but I really want this to be a night off, not a day, not a weekend - and not a bank holiday weekend!

To say I am sceptical about my ability to get back to SSing with a hangover on Saturday would be an understatement. If I manage it, it will be nothing short of a bloody miracle to be honest!! My willpower always seem too busy swimming around in brandy to come to my aid the morning after. Usually I just take it as a given and even stock up on full english ingredients and goodies in preparation! I sometimes look forward to the day after more than the night out!

But.... this time I am going to TRY not to. I have the added temptation of being here all alone as OH and DD are out all day and evening. This petrifies me as when there is noone here to be disgusted with me, my binges know no bounds!

I might take a sedative or ask OH to lock me in the bedroom before he leaves with 3 tetras, 4 litres of water and several buckets!

Why can't I be one of those people who feels really ill and off their food for 2 days when they are hungover??

Bye for now xxx

Hi Yo-yo

Well done, you're doing really well this week!

I've been struggling this evening but haven't given in either. Been reminiscing about my journey the first time around and that's helped a bit.

PMSL about looking forward to the day after a big night more than the night itself. I thought it was only me!

Me and ex-flatmate used to have wonderful post drinking treat sessions planned! OMG how sad is that? Oh dear! Any recent binges that have happened post alcohol have been totally justified in my head and usually accompanied by copius amounts of lucozade.

Hope the brandy head isn't too bad on Saturday. If the weather is as nice as it promises get outside and sit in the sun with lots of black coffee and a magazine. I tend to find it more difficult to binge in the garden - not so easy to access the food and also conscious of the neighbours "monitoring" me! If it's not so nice get on here and get chatting! Do you have MSN? Perhaps arrange to chat with someone, that always helps too.

 

[yo-yo]

:cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I sit here - thoroughly ashamed of myself (with very very tight trousers on!) wishing I could turn back the clock.

Reading my pre Friday posts it seems obvious to me that my intentions to get back to my diet after my 'Friday night off' were half hearted.

The word TRY appears far too much, it should have been I WILL ss from saturday onwards.

Anyway the BIG TIME! In fact it was actually one of the worst binges I've ever had. I feel so embarrassed to list what I ate but somehow feel like I should.

It started when I got home from the party at 5 (saturday morning). I ate a burger (with cheese and bacon), and a flapjack then went to bed. Woke up an hour later and had a bowl of special k. Went back to bed for 2 hours then got up and ate half a loaf soda bread with lots of butter.

Once OH and DD left for the day things got even worse. 6 packets of crisps (one of them was on a cheese topped roll), a 250g bar of dairymilk, 3 blueberry muffins, other half of the loaf of soda bread, a chocolate muffin and ANOTHER burger. Just when I thought there was nothing else left to eat in the house the ice cream van pulled up....I had a large 99 (with 2 flakes) and bought 2 magnums for later (not that they lasted till much later).

Feeling really really sick and looking as though I had swallowed a space hopper I went up to bed crying my eyes out.

DD was staying the night at her Grandads (I was glad cuz I didn't want her to see me like this) but OH turned up very tipsy at 10pm with a large pizza and another 250g bar of dairymilk! He only ate 1 slice of pizza and then feel asleep - but yes - you've guessed it - even though I felt sick and was in agony with my tummy I managed to shove some of that in too! And what I couldn't manage I got up at 7 oclock on Sunday morning to finish off. I couldn't sleep for the fear that my OH might get up first and beat me to it.

I was so ashamed - I told him that I'd given the pizza to the dog and convinced him that we'd eaten the chocolate together before he'd gone to bed the night before.

This meant that I had given myself permission to eat on Sunday too - and as OH had a hangover he arrived home from getting the papers with 2 bags full of goodies. I didn't complain......until about 5 on the evening when I had to eat 6 rennies and take to my bed. I had the worst acid reflux ever and (apologise it TMI...) couldn't lie down without my mouth filling up with it. It was disgusting - and as a result I had to sit up in bed ALL night and didn't get any sleep.

So - you'd think I'd learnt my lesson wouldn't you?? Sadly - no. Yesterday we went out to Longleat for the day. A day which started with a full english at a motorway services, cream scone midday, an large ice cream, then chicken burger and chips on the way home. Even though I felt sick when I got in I had this desperation to get rid of the last of the goodies OH had bought the day before. I tried to eat some ice cream and pringles but I just pysically couldn't fit anything else inside me.

Went to bed feeling disgusted with myself, very miserable and very scared.

Scared, because it just isn't right for me to eat the amount I have, particularly on saturday. I've always had a bit of a binge mentality, can remember way back, me and brother often used to spend our pocket money on piles of sweets and crisps and eat them in one go. And when most kids prayed for snow so that they could stay off school to build a snowman - we were happy that we could spend our dinner money and busfare on goodies then sit in front of the tv and fire stuffing our faces till Mom and Dad got home from work! It's always been a part of me but never on this scale before.

I just can't seem to stop myself once I start. Seems that now I have a food on/off switch - i.e. SSing or eating - the volume contol button has stopped working completely. I am frightened that it never will again! I really don't know what to do about it, but I need to do something as it's spoiling everything I wanted to lose weight for in the first place.

I had a great time on Friday night, really enjoyed myself and would have had a lovely day out yesterday if I hadn't felt ill from eating too much - but now I'm sitting at work 13lbs heavier than I was on Friday and when colleagues have asked if I've had a nice weekend I can't say yes and mean it. I have ruined what would have been a lovely weekend with food.

And ahead of me I have the embarrassment of my weigh in tonight, ANOTHER couple of weeks of panic SSing to get back to goal. ANOTHER 2 weeks of my clothes feeling skin tight (and that's if I'm lucky!) and ANOTHER week or 2 feeling really glum. And just by the time I've started to feel better I'll be going on a hen night (18th May) after which I will probably do exactly the same as I have done this weekend and the whole pattern will start over again!

I know this sounds defeatest - but I can't help it today :cry: - I am so tired of gaining and loosing this same stone over and over and over again - and after how determined I felt not to let it happen again last weekend - then blowing it big time - I do wonder if I am EVER going to manage to maintain my goal weight for longer than a week!

And what will happen if one day I can't get back to SSing after a naughty weekend - then it'll be 2 or 3 stone I need to get off - or who knows, maybe I'll wake up one day to find that I've put all 9 back on again?!

Apologies for all the self pitying nonsense. I know it's all my own stupid fault and that only I can find the answers WHY I keep doing it, and only I can make myself stop. I just needed to write it all down.

I could never tell anyone in 'real life' what I ate over the weekend - and when I try to think about it after the event I 'forget' things (totally on purpose of course!). I'm writing it down on here in the hope that seeing it in black
and white, will make me face up to what I am really doing to myself. I push it to the back of my mind you see in order to 'think positive' and focus being good again. Which = brushing it under the carpet I guess.

Oh well - that's confession time over with. Will try to end on a positive note - have SS'd well today so far!

Will update official weight in results later, that's if I can face my CDC. I am contemplating ringing her to say I can't make it as the last time I couldn't (for genuine reasons) she dropped my packs round to me the next day. Very tempting.....

 

[kazbro]

well done for confessing
at least you know what you did and can admit it
try from now on to pick yourself up and start afresh

i am ew to ss this is my 3rd week
i`ve been struggling today and so tempted to have some toast, you have actually helped me today because now if i do have that toast i wont stop there i will carry on and on until i feel sick

so sorry you messed up but thanks because i am even more determined

and hugs for feeling so sad about it all
kaz xxxx

 

[westiegirl]

:grouphugg::grouphugg::grouphugg:

I so understand where you are coming from. How many times have I done the same thing, including just about half an hour ago .

Once started, never stopped!

I have struggled the whole weekend and have binged on foodpacks because somehow that is better than food. I ate a whole weeks CD packs in 3 days. I then topped it off with rather a lot of Atkins bars. Including 4 today! Even though I ate loads yesterday and they made me feel sick.

My packs are still lost in the post and that has been my excuse to buy and eat food tonight. It has all been all protein but I now feel sick and ashamed. I actually feel tonight that I will never be "fixed". I imagine that you probably feel the same. I imagine I will always struggle with food and that frightens me and more than anything else depresses me.

Not a lot I can say to you to make you feel better I know but please take heart in the fact that you are not alone. I'm here too feeling the same way but sending you all my love and hugs xxx

 

[yo-yo]

well done for confessing
at least you know what you did and can admit it
try from now on to pick yourself up and start afresh

i am ew to ss this is my 3rd week
i`ve been struggling today and so tempted to have some toast, you have actually helped me today because now if i do have that toast i wont stop there i will carry on and on until i feel sick

so sorry you messed up but thanks because i am even more determined

and hugs for feeling so sad about it all
kaz xxxx

Ah thanks Kazbro.

I'm glad that my post may have made you think twice about the toast. Toast is one of my usual pitfalls - but I couldn't manage to fit any in at the weekend!

There will be so many temptations along the way but I'm sure you'll overcome them. You've had great results so far and that success is really addictive.

Please don't be discouraged by my poor attempt at maintenance though will you? There are lots of fab diaries to inspire you in the maintenance sub forum - AmandaJane's is brilliant....I'm just RUBBISH at it!

Best of luck xxx

 

[yo-yo]

:grouphugg::grouphugg::grouphugg:

I so understand where you are coming from. How many times have I done the same thing, including just about half an hour ago .

Once started, never stopped!

I have struggled the whole weekend and have binged on foodpacks because somehow that is better than food. I ate a whole weeks CD packs in 3 days. I then topped it off with rather a lot of Atkins bars. Including 4 today! Even though I ate loads yesterday and they made me feel sick.

My packs are still lost in the post and that has been my excuse to buy and eat food tonight. It has all been all protein but I now feel sick and ashamed.

Oh dear at least you've stuck to protein and low carb bars, take comfort in the fact that you are maintaining an element of control. You'll pull back from it.

What a bummer that you're packs have got lost - you'll have to keep a close eye on the postie - if he looses weight you'll have found your culprit! :whoopass:

I actually feel tonight that I will never be "fixed". I imagine that you probably feel the same. I imagine I will always struggle with food and that frightens me and more than anything else depresses me.

Although I have said before that I try not to 'analyse' myself too much I've been forced to over the weekend and today because I've been at rock bottom. You have hit the nail on the head with this comment. I do feel 'broken' - irrepairably so. I think thats why I never bother to try to work out the 'whys' anymore - it feels pointless to - llike crying over spilt milk. Feels like all I can do is try to limit the damage but you're right, it's one hell of a depressing way to live!

I went to a clarevoyant a few weeks ago - not something I'm into but a few of my friends are and said this lady was amazing so I thought I'd give it a go (even if just to be able to say it IS a load of old rubbish with confidence!) Anyway, to cut a long story short, out of the blue she said that I needed to get counselling for my eating and self esteem issues! Well, I was gobsmacked (as I do look quite normal to the untrained eye!) but it has kept popping into my head since (and moreso over this weekend!). Friends and family have often said they think I would benefit from it, but as I've always thought 'I KNOW I'm broken and have got a tube of superglue and patch myself up when I need to' I haven't felt I could gain anything from it.

(Blimey, have just re-read this and think I have stopped making any sense at all now haven't I? ) Anyway, do you think your counselling helped you at all? Did you find any answers? (or stronger superglue!)

Not a lot I can say to you to make you feel better I know but please take heart in the fact that you are not alone. I'm here too feeling the same way but sending you all my love and hugs xxx

I do feel better for 'typing' about it all with someone, thank you for your kind words as always xxx

Hope you can get hold of some packs from somewhere? what will you do?

 

[westiegirl]

Hi yo-yo

Just got out of the shower and I was thinking about my post whilst I was in there. What a miserable one and I apologise! Gosh what a mardy b*tch I was yesterday! Probably didn't help much did I?

I have always been too scared to go to a clairvoyant - because I do sort of believe. How very spooky. My counselling is going ok but as it is on the Nhs I am only "allowed" 6 sessions and they are spaced a month apart so I feel little benefit. I have had counselling privately (although it wasn't specifically for weight issues - it was at the time of splitting from my ex) and did gain enormous benefit from that because I went weekly and I was forced to face things - I tend to be an ostrich and bury my head if not forced to. I left each session feeling so positive - getting that every week was certainly a boost. The trouble was the expense when I became single meant that I could no longer afford to keep it up. Once my sessions on the Nhs are finished I think I might try and find a "specialist" locally and see what happens.

Hope you are feeling better today and I am very hopeful that I will get back on track. Hopefully packs turn up today. I have 1 soup left and some chicken in the fridge. Might just have to suck it and see!

 

[yo-yo]

Hi yo-yo

Just got out of the shower and I was thinking about my post whilst I was in there. What a miserable one and I apologise! Gosh what a mardy b*tch I was yesterday! Probably didn't help much did I?

I have always been too scared to go to a clairvoyant - because I do sort of believe. How very spooky. My counselling is going ok but as it is on the Nhs I am only "allowed" 6 sessions and they are spaced a month apart so I feel little benefit. I have had counselling privately (although it wasn't specifically for weight issues - it was at the time of splitting from my ex) and did gain enormous benefit from that because I went weekly and I was forced to face things - I tend to be an ostrich and bury my head if not forced to. I left each session feeling so positive - getting that every week was certainly a boost. The trouble was the expense when I became single meant that I could no longer afford to keep it up. Once my sessions on the Nhs are finished I think I might try and find a "specialist" locally and see what happens.

Hope you are feeling better today and I am very hopeful that I will get back on track. Hopefully packs turn up today. I have 1 soup left and some chicken in the fridge. Might just have to suck it and see!

Nonsense Sarah, it was a great post! Very comforting. Not that I want you to struggle too of course, but it does help sometimes to realise you're not the only one feeling like sh*te! I have lots of lovely friends but it is only on minimins that I've found people who have the same level of phsycosis (sp?) as me about weight related matters! And that makes me feel...less crazy!

I am a lot better today thanks. SSing is like a pair of comfy old slippers. Thankfully I don't suffer any side effects getting into ketosis, which is just as well as I would have been ill for a few days every fortnight lately!

I'm going to have a long think about the counselling thing.

I hope your packs arrive today. I have lots of extra packs this week as I didn't use any at the weekend. I still got a full weeks supply last night though as I feel bad incase she is relying on the money. Can post some to you guaranteed next day delivery from work tom if yours still haven't turned up? they'd be with you by Friday?

Hope work is better for you today. I've got the day off cuz am going to Dad's hospital appointment with him. He doesn't have much of a head for information (especially if it contains any long words) so can never repeat what's been said - best to go with me thinks!

Chat later xxx

 

[sash]

Hiya Yo yo and Sarah

I'm a fellow binger and you have no idea how much you two helped me when you posted on my thread after my massive binge at the weekend.

I was reading about your weekend binge nodding my head, just the sort of things I eat and the same mentality. I've been bloody lucky because I didnt put any on (i have NO idea how that happened) but I can tell you that its pulled me up short and I feel really determined. However its only day 2 on SS and i'm already thinking about what I can eat and when. It has got SO much worse the slimmer i've got and I dont think i'll ever beat it.

I think you're ruddy great for being so honest and posting it all on here.

 

[yo-yo]

Ah, thank you Sash. I'm finding writing it all down very therapeutic actually - just hope noone I know ever joins minimins!

I'm so pleased you got away with naughty weekend! arty0049: Same happened to my friend lastnight. I thought she was gonna do a naked streak round our CDC's house when she got on the scales and lost a quarter of a pound after 2 nights on the booze and lots of food.

I wasn't so lucky - put 6 on - but hey, you read my menus from the weekend! Bit of a no brainer really! It was actually 11lb though as had lost 5 between my last weigh in and the start of my binge from hell! :ashamed0005:

It is so much harder when you are there or thereabouts. You feel better about yourself and others endorse it. It's the worst kind of ammunition the evil chatterbox can have against us. Much more powerful than just 'eat it, eat it'.

It's 'eat it, you deserve it - you've done so well -you're wearing size x clothes - everyone says you don't need to lose anymore'

Ignore her and have a great week Sash!

xxx

 

[yo-yo]

6lb off! Hooray!

After my horrific 11lb gain over the weekend I was absolutely thrilled to have shifted so much of it in 2 days.

Dare I hope that I could get the other 5 off by my weigh in on Tuesday?? Na - I probably shouldn't in case I end up disappointed! And disappointment could result in another binge!

I have SS'd to perfection since Tuesday. 2 packs, 1 bar, 3 litres of water and 4/5 balck coffees every day (tonight I had a berry jelly too) but boy have I felt hungry! I really wanted to get back to my exercising today but I fainted in the shower thismorning so thought I'd better give it a miss till the weekend when hopefully I won't be feeling as hungry.

Ha! :silly:Just realised that I wrote 'wanted to get back to my exercising today' as if I previously had a strict regime! It was actually half hour on the rowing machine last wednesday, and half hour on the cross trainer (otherwise known as 'the beast!') on thurdsay!

I really need to start doing it religiously every night now as my holiday is fast approaching (11 weeks today ) when I will be lying on a sun lounger next to slim sister in law with NO stretch marks, NO cellulite, and skin that actually fits her body! I know it probably won't help much as the stretch marks are obviously here to stay and I don't hold out much hope for the 17 and a half stone overcoat either but it can't hurt. I just want to go away feeling that I've done all I can - and this year I can't afford any surgery!

On that note, I am going to head off up the wooden hill to ensure am rested enough for my date with 'the beast' tomorrow!

xxx

 

[westiegirl]

Hi hun

Just wanted to say
:thankyou::thankyou::thankyou::thankyou::thankyou:

You've been so fabby and supportive during my mardy moo moments.

Well done on 6lbs. Take each day as it comes and we'll see where we end up, eh?

We have to get this sussed somehow, don't we? In fact I KNOW WE WILL!!!

arty0019:arty0019:

Catch you soon hun and have a good weekend.

 

[yo-yo]

Hi hun

Just wanted to say
:thankyou::thankyou::thankyou::thankyou::thankyou:

You've been so fabby and supportive during my mardy moo moments.

Well done on 6lbs. Take each day as it comes and we'll see where we end up, eh?

We have to get this sussed somehow, don't we? In fact I KNOW WE WILL!!!

arty0019:arty0019:

Catch you soon hun and have a good weekend.

Hiya - was on your thread - posts crossed again!

You are welcome. I was most disturbed when you said you were going to stop posting for a while - it would be like ITV announcing they were taking Corrie off the air! Don't know what I'd have done with my evenings!

Yes we will do it. These ups and downs are even worse for the mind than they are for the figure. We don't want to end up bonkers as well as overweight! Although a spell in a straight jacket would certainly help the SSing process - off to google it and see if can purchase one!

xxx

 

[westiegirl]

Hiya - was on your thread - posts crossed again!

You are welcome. I was most disturbed when you said you were going to stop posting for a while - it would be like ITV announcing they were taking Corrie off the air! Don't know what I'd have done with my evenings!

Yes we will do it. These ups and downs are even worse for the mind than they are for the figure. We don't want to end up bonkers as well as overweight! Although a spell in a straight jacket would certainly help the SSing process - off to google it and see if can purchase one!

xxx

Lol, can you see if they do discount for bulk buying? In fact ask if they can do getting rid of bulk buying!

 

[yo-yo]

:wavey:

Relatively good days dieting under my belt but I had an extra pack :sigh: .

An about to faint feeling came over me today at work, but luckily I got to a chair just in the nick of time. I knocked 2 cups of coffee over on the way though! Oh well would have been much more embarrassing if I hadn't made it to the chair!

I used to faint ALL the time - dodgy hormone levels I think as was having a lot of ovary touble at the time - but doesn't happen so much now. Think it's because TOTM arrived yesterday with a vengance. Am lucky as I'm usually quite light and don't get much pain but this one's been horrendous so far. I guess it's only fair I get a bad one every now and again though!

So - since the incident in the shower yesterday morning CB has been telling me that this heavy TOTM is zapping my energy so I need to eat. Ignored her yesterday but she stepped up her campaign after the near miss at work - in the end I decided I'd pacify her with an extra pack. I'm trying not to class it as a cheat/failure as that kind of thinking could lead to.......malt loaf :drool:

Bloody malt loaf! I don't even like it but OH has been eating it thisevening and I have been dying to have some??? there is still half left in the cupboard torturing me. DD just asked me if she could have some toast - I said "why don't you have some malt loaf instead" she looked at me as if I was mad and said "because, as you know, I don't like malt loaf". I spent 10 mins telling her she should give it a chance, that I used to think I didn't like it, that it's tastes much nicer than it looks etc but she wouldn't budge. I just gave in and made her the toast in the end as I was beginning to sound like a campaigner for malt loaf rights! Why stop there? Malt loaf for Prime Minister!

I think I have made an important discovery today about this grumpy mood that keeps descending on me on Friday evenings. My OH works evenings/nights Mon to Thur! Coincidence??

Myself and DD have our little routine. While she has her tea I have my pack, we can watch whatever WE like on the tv, she goes for her shower at 9 then off to bed - so there's no food around after tea time to make me feel hard done by. I can get a decent sleep cuz there is noone lying beside me snoring like a warthog with a bad head cold. All is good in the yo-yo house.

Compare that with thisevening.

They had Mcdonalds for tea, I've had to watch 3 lots of news and a couple of documentaries on how hostages cope with the trauma they've been through - while he eats MALT LOAF! and 2 bowls of cereal. This is when stumbled across the important discovery BTW - he was eating the cereal SO loudly that I was overcome with an overwhelming urge to punch him in the face. I actually pictured myself doing it! I had to go ino the kitchen, and this was when DD come pestering me for toast!

Eureka!! It turns out that HE is the reason for black Fridays/weekends - or rather my irritation with him is. Don't really know what I can do about it?

*Kick him out? - Hmm, perhaps bit drastic.
*Get him a weekend job? - Tempting!
*Tell him no to be such a selfish git by stuffing his face in front of me all evening? - maybe a little unreasonable, not his fault I can't eat.
*Ask him to try to eat quietly and stop watching such a load of boring ***** on the telly?

I'll mull it over and speak to him in the morning (but not over his cornflakes or I'm certain to pick option 1!).

Will let you know how it goes......

xxx

 

[westiegirl]

Lol Yo-yo about OH troubles! Option 1 is possibly a bit a drastic. How about a mixture of options 3 & 4. I know not eating is your choice (that's what I always say to people who get apologetic to me) but I think a bit of support from OH is not unreasonable.

Hope the conversation goes well and he's not already weating the cornflakes!

Well done on SSing success. I think just having 1 extra pack is definately progress. Compare that to last weekend. Just how different do you feel - much less stuffed, and if you're not you should be dead proud!

Have a good weekend hun, I'll check back with ya later x.

 

[yo-yo]

Just posting to say thanks to anyone who has read my diary so far and goodbye. :cry:

I won't be posting on it anymore as OH snooped and read all my posts while I was out yesterday.

I feel so hurt that he felt the need to do so and really don't feel able to write any of my derranged thoughts and feelings on here anymore. I won't be able to be totally honest if I know that he will read it - and being able to be honest, without the fear of being judged, is why I found it such a help.

Thank you to everyone who was on hand to offer support when I needed it. I've felt understood (sadly OH - not by you - just incase you're reading this!) and it has been really nice to feel that way.

Will still pop on and see how everyone else is doing though.

Sarah - I really hope you can crack it xxx

 

[westiegirl]

Yo-yo.

That is the saddest news that I've had all weekend! How horrible that your trust has been violated!

Please don't be a stranger on here even if you're not writing your diary. I will miss you so much! You sound just like me. It's always nice to have that outlet for all the emotional crap that goes on in your head. I have always kept journals (since a 14 year old) and they are very precious and private to me. The thought of someone else reading them makes me cringe. Luckily my ex was very supportive and would have never dreamed of doing such a thing.

Good luck and I think that you can crack it too.

I will really miss ya hun :cry::cry::cry::raincloud::sad0071::sign0168:.

 

[fitter at 51]

Hi i can so relate to your story . Mine was the same until i realized that like the alcoholic i am addicted to sugar and once i eat anything with sugar ( i avoid white flour,rice and pasta ) so after my weight loss the the G.I diet suits me)i crave anything ediable or what ever is around. I would do anything for my fix so now i avoid it like the plague i dont want to spend any more time,head space energy and life now that i have the solution. Sorry if it sounds a bit serious but well done on all your hard work and the forum is fantastic.
Love Simone