20 somethings
- Thread starter CryLittleSister
- Start date
Claree__x
Silver Member
It's not even so much the weight gain, it's my personality and mannerisms that have been so messed up by people. I'm going to go off on one here so please excuse me.
I never really fitted in at school. I was always a bit less pretty, a bit fatter and generally just a bit less "cool" at school. Academically I got on great, don't get me wrong but I just never felt like I fitted in properly. When we went to high school I had a group of friends - or so I thought - but long story short, they were all using me for the fact I had an empty house and they could have parties there or the fact I tried so flipping hard to fit in that I'd do pretty much anything to feel included.
So now, I'm 22, I'm married and I'm generally happy in life but I still have that paranoia about all my friends - particularly work colleagues and other students on my college course. I wonder if they're actually my friends or if they all talk about me behind my back. It drives me insane because they're grown men and women, why would they do that? But I just can't shake the feeling that they do
hatwell
Full Member
So now, I'm 22, I'm married and I'm generally happy in life but I still have that paranoia about all my friends - particularly work colleagues and other students on my college course. I wonder if they're actually my friends or if they all talk about me behind my back. It drives me insane because they're grown men and women, why would they do that? But I just can't shake the feeling that they do
This is word for word what I think sometimes and I'm 27. I didn't fit in at school either and still don't think I really do a lot of the time, even though the facts would deny it as I have some good friends and a partner who I live with and love. I still think about school all the time and how unhappy I was, and how it has impacted on my life. Because of being bullied at school I had a proper wild period when I left and had all sorts of problems with drinking and depression and it led to me dropping out of university, staying in a very bad relationship and all sorts of rubbish.
Anyway, the point of this is - you're not alone. When you feel bad, try to focus on one positive thing that you indisputably have in your life. Once you're focussed on that, try to build on it. For example think of one good friend you have who you really trust. Then think about a good experience you had with that friend, then think about something you're looking forward to and so on. Sometimes this can help, although I know how hard it is when you're lying in bed at night and negative thoughts flood your head and spiral.
CH2b
Silver Member
Its like you took those words from my own mouth, I know I get treated differently at work because of my weight and because im shy and quiet and very rarely stand up for myself because ive become so self conscious since school its like im afraid to have an opinion anymore because I dont want people to judge me even more and thats not just my imagination ive had it proven so many times ive just gotten depressed with my job and contemplate quitting like I did with college, twice, because I knew everyone judged me and no-one even wanted to sit by me as if being overweight is contageous :/ I also used to do anything to fit in, at 13 I started to drink quite often with my 'friends' and even smoked weed which im not proud of now as I realise that what I thought was friendship was just me trying to copy popular people and at 17 I moved away and stopped drinking and smoking, but thats good advice to think of good things about true friends etc..from school I have one friend who has stuck by me through everything and im grateful just for that one person I can rely on to not have judged me on anything ive ever done to try fit in and we have alot of good memories that cheer me up when im down aswell as my OH of course lol
sammyb1985
Silver Member
I was the same at school and was also bullied about my weight. I often am paranoid that colleagues talk about me behind my back, but I've finally got to a place where I don't care. I have a fiancé who I met online and we have a gorgeous baby boy together (who started sitting by himself today!!) and I realise my past experiences have made me who I am today, both the good and the bad. Those who bullied me showed me how not to be, and the good showed me how great life can be, so I never regret anything that happened to me or anything I did, because at the end of the day, changing one single bit of my life could have meant me not being here where I am now, and I wouldn't change that for anything xx
StarGir1
Silver Member
Aww it's awful hearing how much of a shitty time some of you have had so it's no wonder it'll still affect (or should that be effect?!) you now.
I didn't have an exciting childhood and we were really poor but I feel lucky as I was never bullied and I only started to put on weight when I hit 19/20 before that I was a size 8/10. But I do know people treat me differently now I am overweight, it's like they don't take me seriously and think I am less of a person because I am bigger. Peoples attitudes need to change as a whole and see that everyone is the same no matter how big or small. I do know my weight is stopping me getting a new job as in at least three interviews I have had I could see the look in the eyes of the interview panel that very clearly just saw a fat girl and not a competent human being who is more than capable and qualified to carry out the job so I may as well have just turned around at the door!! I have also lost contact with some friends because I hated being judged on how I looked. I was brought up not to judge people on their apperance and that is something I will teach my children, if I ever have any. But it doesn't get me down as I always try to see the positive in any situation and am a glass half full kind of girl.
But I am totally ok with any of you having a rant on here if you need to as sometimes you just need to get it out xxx
I didn't have an exciting childhood and we were really poor but I feel lucky as I was never bullied and I only started to put on weight when I hit 19/20 before that I was a size 8/10. But I do know people treat me differently now I am overweight, it's like they don't take me seriously and think I am less of a person because I am bigger. Peoples attitudes need to change as a whole and see that everyone is the same no matter how big or small. I do know my weight is stopping me getting a new job as in at least three interviews I have had I could see the look in the eyes of the interview panel that very clearly just saw a fat girl and not a competent human being who is more than capable and qualified to carry out the job so I may as well have just turned around at the door!! I have also lost contact with some friends because I hated being judged on how I looked. I was brought up not to judge people on their apperance and that is something I will teach my children, if I ever have any. But it doesn't get me down as I always try to see the positive in any situation and am a glass half full kind of girl.
But I am totally ok with any of you having a rant on here if you need to as sometimes you just need to get it out
xxx
StarGir1
Silver Member
I think it also helps that I really like my own company. Give me a sunny day, a good book and a nice spot in a park to enjoy it and I am happy...even happier if I can have a slice of cake to go with it lol
Good luck everyone, I really hope you all find a way through the tough time as you all seem lovely to me xxx
Good luck everyone, I really hope you all find a way through the tough time as you all seem lovely to me xxx
CH2b
Silver Member
The way I think about it now is that being thin will be more enjoyable knowing ive worked hard for it and deserve it and just being healthy is a massive bonus even if I cant get as much weight off as id like, you lot are all amazing in your own right whether fat or thin and we shouldnt let other people make us feel like we are nothing xxx
Star I hate job interviews because of that reason also, knowing what the guys I work with are like im suprised I even got a job because all theyve done since is hire thin, pretty, young girls
Star I hate job interviews because of that reason also, knowing what the guys I work with are like im suprised I even got a job because all theyve done since is hire thin, pretty, young girls
StarGir1
Silver Member
Woohoo it's the weekend!!! Hope you all have something nice planned I am going to make Frans quiche with salad today and am really looking forward to it
Ch - have to admit most interviews have been fine and there are some people who don't care about what I look like, I always come across well in person as I put on my 'confident and happy face' to hide how I feel and I do keep getting really really positive feedback but always keep missing out because just one person had a tiny bit more experience than me or worse they already worked for the company!! The only positive is with christmas coming there are going to be quite a lot of christmas jobs so I may be able to get something short term but I really don't want to work christmas or take a temp job as i'll just be in the same position I am in now come January
I know this is going to sound really silly (and I am sorry if it comes across badly as I don't me it in that way) but I have worked since I was 13 and full time since 17 and although when I started work I didn't earn much I was earning very well before I was made redundant as I had worked my way up to a very senior position and had been saving for years for a house deposit so although I am living very frugaly off my savings now I don't want to take just any job as I feel if I take something with a very low salary my future may as well be written off. I am really torn as to what to do, I apply for every job I am capable of doing and have easily sent over 100 applications since I was made redundant but I don't know if I should lower my expectations and just take anything I can get...what do you guys think? I would really appriciate some unbiased opinions x
I am going to make Frans quiche with salad today and am really looking forward to it Ch - have to admit most interviews have been fine and there are some people who don't care about what I look like, I always come across well in person as I put on my 'confident and happy face' to hide how I feel and I do keep getting really really positive feedback but always keep missing out because just one person had a tiny bit more experience than me or worse they already worked for the company!! The only positive is with christmas coming there are going to be quite a lot of christmas jobs so I may be able to get something short term but I really don't want to work christmas or take a temp job as i'll just be in the same position I am in now come January
I know this is going to sound really silly (and I am sorry if it comes across badly as I don't me it in that way) but I have worked since I was 13 and full time since 17 and although when I started work I didn't earn much I was earning very well before I was made redundant as I had worked my way up to a very senior position and had been saving for years for a house deposit so although I am living very frugaly off my savings now I don't want to take just any job as I feel if I take something with a very low salary my future may as well be written off. I am really torn as to what to do, I apply for every job I am capable of doing and have easily sent over 100 applications since I was made redundant but I don't know if I should lower my expectations and just take anything I can get...what do you guys think? I would really appriciate some unbiased opinions x
sammyb1985
Silver Member
I guess it depends how your finances are looking hunny and if you can afford to hold out for a more senior position. Then again, you may have trouble finding a lower paid job because prospective employers may say you're over qualified. I'm sure you know that they won't want a someone (like a senior exec for example) to have a job in a coffee shop as they know it's just a stop gap and that you will be moving on to something bigger and better soon and theyll have to start all over again trying to find someone. Ben has had that problem, he's been out of work since november and not found anything and a few times the reasons have been because he's 'over qualified' so he's ended up creating what he calls his 'dumbass cv' for submission when he's applying for any job he thinks may find him over qualified. Xx
StarGir1
Silver Member
I'm not struggling yet but I have had the same as your Ben Sammy, in that I get told I'm either over qualified or too expereinced for a more junior role as they think I'll just be looking for something better to come along, I like the thought of a 'dumbass cv' and may create a second one to help in those circumstances It's really hard to know what to do as I do want to work but I don't want to feel like I have thrown away the last 10 years so I just feel so confused
I also think you have a good point Clare as it probably looks better to have some work in there than nothing as I will have to explain the gap in my CV.
I have done a couple of IT qualifiations since I lost my job to back up the claim that I have IT skills but I don't think that would be enough. There aren't many charity shops near me or maybe some voluntary work could be the way forward whilst still looking xx
It's really hard to know what to do as I do want to work but I don't want to feel like I have thrown away the last 10 years so I just feel so confused I also think you have a good point Clare as it probably looks better to have some work in there than nothing as I will have to explain the gap in my CV.
I have done a couple of IT qualifiations since I lost my job to back up the claim that I have IT skills but I don't think that would be enough. There aren't many charity shops near me or maybe some voluntary work could be the way forward whilst still looking xx
sammyb1985
Silver Member
Ben has been doing some unpaid placements for a charity organisation that he was put on to through the job centre, so he has that down to try stop the big gap in employment being so huge. The job centre are bloody horrible and I can't stand them, they make him go down to sign on every fortnight, only manage to find him unpaid jobs and yet he doesn't get a penny from them, hasn't had a penny in jobseekers allowance ever, we jaw to survive on my maternity pay. It's ridiculous. Can't wait till he gets a proper job and we have a bit of money, at the moment out money has to do us, plus bills plus try to save for the wedding next year!! Xx
StarGir1
Silver Member
Oh yeah they are the biggest waste of time ever, I have to go every other week, they're always running late and all they do for me is look at the list of things I have done to find a job and ask how the search is going, never had any help or support from them to get a job or training, I only did the IT courses I did because I went off my own back to do them and if they ever suggest a job for me to apply for I have always already applied for it. I have been going there for four or five months now and have not had a single session with them with a proper advisor even though you should get one every 12 weeks minimum!! I am glad though as I hate them and they do nothing to help people who are struggling. Hope things get better for you soon Sammy as I know how difficult it can be.
I think volunteering for something is probably the way forward until I can get something. Thanks ladies, I appriciate your help xx
StarGir1
Silver Member
Any day where the sun comes out is a good day
Curry is nice but I am rubbish with spicy food so I only ever have quite mild ones...I can never manage the whole one (mostly due to the rice and Nann I have with it!!) so I always have left overs for the next day.
Hope you enjoyed your lamb chops, I love lamb and you can't beat lamb chops with chips so hope you enojoyed x
I made the SW quiche and had it with salad for lunch but ended up having oven chips and beans for my tea but tomorrow I am having a turkey dinner which I am making for one lol
sweetdll
Full Member
well i have done day 1 of 30 day shred today, i have gymm membership but really stuggle with going due to my health, 30 day shred is evil tho so proud of my self for not just turning it off when it got tough haveing salad for lunch and jacket for tea, hubby is working late tonight so having the rest of the day as a lazy day minus tidying upstairs we have a house inspection on wednesday and upstairs looks like a bomb hit it.
those looking for employment its tough isn't we just about surive on the hubbys, pay my disability and the tax credits but we now have a teenager to feed so money is tight, that and we are still paying wedding bills from our wedding in july. theres not much work around and even less that i am allowed to do but fingers crossed i find something soon although i am being sent to sheffield soon for treatment once a week so probs best that i don't have a full time job right now.
hope everyone is well.
haveing salad for lunch and jacket for tea, hubby is working late tonight so having the rest of the day as a lazy day minus tidying upstairs we have a house inspection on wednesday and upstairs looks like a bomb hit it. those looking for employment its tough isn't we just about surive on the hubbys, pay my disability and the tax credits but we now have a teenager to feed so money is tight, that and we are still paying wedding bills from our wedding in july. theres not much work around and even less that i am allowed to do but fingers crossed i find something soon although i am being sent to sheffield soon for treatment once a week so probs best that i don't have a full time job right now.
hope everyone is well.
