Had a lovely weekend away so much so that i didn't want to come home again lots of tears and hugs before I leftandthe journey home was just ugg
Spent friday catching up with J and P and drinking
had laughs tears and laughs again overall a great night just a bit to much drink but surprisingly no hang over
Theres something to be said when you still drink water thoughout the night inbetween JD lol. Saturday morning was spent chilling with my friends girls till lunchtime then we all went out to Smith and Westons a cowboy themed restaurant. Now this is were I panicked everything looked yummy and I just felt overwhelmed by the menu, normally I would have chose the steak straightaway but I just felt I couldnt have it ( I know what a muppet lol) ended up having cajun chicken and jacket spud, we also had a share platter for starter and I had all the jalapenos with cream cheese filling, and the prawns all battered of course (so why didnt I just choose the steak lmao) J had the t bone steak and P had the surf and turf it was all yummy I couldnt manage more then a quarter of my spud but ate all the chicken I blame all the prawns from the starter lol. We also had a tower ofonion rings but we didnt touch them so they came home with us.
Saturday afternoon was spent filming the girls doing singing and dancing routines and yep i dont know how but i got in on the action oh dear me P has promised it wont end up on youtube but if i do find it on there I'll let you all know cos I have never laughed so much in months
Sunday was a quiet morning watching the grand prix with the girlies and then blitzing J's place while they had a nice long lay-in. ThenJ&P made a lovely roast dinner before i headed home.
The whole time I was there I felt quite relaxed I still didnt get more then 2 hrs sleep each night and thats how the onions rings disappeared by sunday morning opps but the whole weekend was much needed just not long enough.
When i got home it was all back to reality *sigh* ended up pouring a lot out to hubby about how im feeling about things and how im struggling to move pass it all and see the future at the mo. I think he understands a bit anyway. I feel horrible at times as I know all this is hard for him and I cant be helping with it all when Im so unhappy and wrapped up in me just going though the motions trying to keep the house happy for the boys and to just protect them from it all. I have no idea whats going to happen I want to believe that this time he will follow everything though and be the man that I fell in love with again but I also have this horrible feeling deep down that he is just waiting for me to get over it and for it all to be how it was with minamal effort on his part and thats just something that I cant have happen again. I have said that if that is the case then as much as it will kill me to say goodbye to the person I love and the last 15yrs we have had together it would be for the best its not fair on either of us, this is obviously worst case sernario and last choice I dont want this but I also know that I will have everything im possibley capable of and hopefully hubby will have to so if all that fails what will be will be.
So monday weighed in and gained 1lb over the weekend, today i weighed in and its +2 the last 2 days I have been in shut down mode totally distanced myself from everyone didnt reply to txts or asnwer the phone instead Ive spent the 2 days at home cleaning the place within a inch of its life, now i started last week with the kitchen Ive got all OCD took me 4 hours cleaning the cupboards out then arranging all the tins etc in order, labels front alphabetically its scary! Monday it was the lounge's turn from the moment i got in from the school run till 8pm i was cleaning my lounge moved all the furniture out cleaned every nook and cranny sorted all the dvds and games out (again alphabetically and in groups ) mopped hoovered mopped again polished everything, and then yesterday spent the morning going over the kitchen and lounge again as well as the bathroom before going next door and cleaning there. And today as soon as I have finished writing this Im going to be doing my dining room oh dear me Im starting to worry myself
last night I had all of 40mins sleep the tablets the doctor gave me should knock me out but they are just not working so I need to head to the docs tomorrow if its not busy and try and get something different and then perhaps I'll chill at home instead of overthinking everything and stressing over things.
Food wise the last 2 days have been pants had a bingey 2 days but Im fighting back today and am not giving in to it!! I havent got this far just to ruin it with emotional overeating!! Today I have had a bowl of porridge with some cinnimon in it and then lunchtime I will have some soup i think before having stirfry tonight. Well thats my plan anyway and Im hoping to stick to it
Ive rambled again lol big thanks to you all, you are all stars that shine brightly in my world
hope you all have a great week I'll be back later to catch up on all your diarys for now I have the urge to clean the dining room (its beyond a joke if i took a before and after photo you would know that i will have spent all day cleaning it as it doesnt even need doing but hey ho its taking my mind of the bigger things even if its only for a few hours)
Keep up the great work everyone xxx
