A Graceful Descent

its got to be said - I'm pretty pathetic at the whole throwing two sheets to the wind and celebrating off plan thing really. I didn't count my points all day today and was worrying I'd be miles over - I just checked them and had to eat a WW bar as I'd been too healthy and had used fewer points than normal!!! :8855:
 
Hi sweetie! Sounds like a tough day! U are amazing, kind and supportive!!!

I think your friend needs a reality check! She needs a lesson in how to be a friend!! She hasnt been there! Maybe it will be for the best if u don't speak to her again! U deserve better!


Hugs! Xxx
 
Awww Carly thank you. I will add she's not a cold hard cow or anything along those lines - its not a blazing argument type situation its just that the last few years I took a good long look at my life and where I am at and whether I like who I am or not. Kind of went into my cave and retreated for a while before coming back out to take control of my life kind of thing. All very poetic sounding but more just a re-evaluation of where I am. I realised that I put my heart on the line a LOT for friends and I am always thinking of little things to make their life easier etc etc and that I get hurt when I don't get the same in return. I looked at it less emotionally and accepted that they are not responsble for things I choose to do as a friend as they don't ask for me to be that way - its who I am and I'm happy with that and wouldn't want to change it. But at the same time its unfair of me to be resenting that they don't necessarily put me first in the same way - I have to simply accept that maybe they aren't as good a friend in the same way. Don't get me wrong they are awesome friends in other ways but over the years I've positioned myself as being the "reliable" one who everyone depends on and because of that I get taken for granted quite a lot. I have accepted that that is something I have allowed to happen and I can't hold other people fully responsible for that fully - I wish they didn't take me for granted but I've allowed it to happen and that is just who they are as people.

From that over the last few years I've looked long and hard at a few friendships and now take the view that they are who they are and instead of wishing they'd change I have to accept them as they are and then decide if that's something I want.

In this case I think if she was a standard level of friend it would be fine. But she's not. We started primary school the same day and have been friends since we were 5 years old. To only be given the same consideration as she would give a more casual acquaintance is just simply not good enough for me. Maybe that makes me less of a friend who knows but it is what it is.

So that's my head clear - I would have gone on more but my friend just turned up and I'm off down to the seaside!! Catch you all later :)
 
Hi Miff ,hope you have a lovely day at the seaside .Sounds like some good fresh air might help blow out the cobwebs and help to get things straight in your mind.

Im sorry to hear about your friend . I dont know if it will help any but I have found that sometimes you can grow "out" of friends. I have a few friends from primary school /secondary school too and although we were a close group in school with all of us going our seperate ways (different colleges ,jobs etc) then some getting married etc we sort of drifted apart . I stiil bump in to them occasionally but after the pleasentaries we dont have a whole pile in common.

I then went on to make some great friends in college that are still great friends today 27 years later.!!! . We are all spread out but keep in touch when we can by text,e-mail,skype etc. We may only meet 3-4 times a year but i always know I can depend on them if I needed them.

Then I also have a friend who lives near me here and our kids have grown up together and gone to school together and she has been a great support to me.

Sooooooooooo . I think what I am trying to say is you can have friends from all stages of your life but if you can put your hand on your heart and say ,If anything bad happened in my life, I know that person would be there for me then thats a true friend.
 
that was the most bizarre day - I had wanted to go see a Andy Warhol exhibition on down there and it being a nice sunny day we thought that would be a nice Sunday and take a stroll along the seafront. By the time we got there we discovered the exhibition doesn't start until next weekend and while wandering around it tipped down with rain and got soaked.

And ended up in an italian restaurant drinking big cups of awesome hot chocolate mulling over my friend situation and wetting ourselves laughing at various things and its probably the best Sunday I've spent in ages!

We did nothing and we went nowhere - and yet it was a really really nice day. Weird how those happen out of nowhere.

I just read back my last post and because it was rushed its kind of not a complete cohesive one but I think it covers most stuff. I showed my other friend the emails today without influencing how she saw certain things in them because I genuinely wanted her opinion - she agreed with me that they aren't nasty and are actually quite considered but it was interesting that all the things that bothered me in them she viewed exactly the same. Un-prompted. Not influenced. I deliberately didn't tell her which bits bothered me or why - and it was word for word how I felt about them. So its interesting that it obviously isn't just me then which is good to know.

I think you are right Breda it is that we've grown apart. I'm the same with friends - I have different ones from different times of my life and some have grown apart but others have grown closer. This friend has always been one that even when we've been apart forever as soon as we reconnect its always like it was no time at all. I have no idea what has changed over the last year and maybe its that while she was living away we both became different people and I hadn't realised it.

What is on offer for me out of the friendship at the moment quite simply isn't enough as far as I'm concerned. its basically the equivalent of any other random friend and from the one that has been there my entire life and as far as I'm concerned is family for either of us to be on the same level as any other friend just isn't acceptable. That might make me a bad friend I don't know - but its who I am and I think I'm going to stay true to that.

Its not a case of me replying and telling her I've had enough - I just simply don't see anything to be achieved by replying and I'll let it take its course going forward and just see what happens. I'm not going to cut her out of my life and say its all or nothing - if she gets in touch or wants to stay in touch I have no problem with that but it will never be what it was again. Being there as the comfy piece of furniture in the corner is not what I want out of life any more and I think its a case of I've moved on from that part of my history to be honest.

Its a shame and the one thing I am sad about is that it means that I will miss out on her son who I adore. But in reality I'm not a major factor in her or his life and that's now clear so that isn't my decision and its not something I can influence so I'm going to have to accept that and move on.

What's interesting is I feel almost relieved - nothing will actually change but I won't be getting the feeling that I'm getting kicked in the teeth every time I try and get in touch so emotionally that's an improvement from where I've been. And the fact I'm not devastated by it tells me everything I need to know I guess.

See this whole dieting and getting your life back business - it leads to all manner of things you'd never imagine! hahahahaha
 
Hugs poppet! I kno where u are coming from! I feel like I make all the effort in most friendships. I'm not strong enough at mo to stand up! Big hugs!!! U are lovely :)

Glad u had a nice day xx
 
actually Jo you have no idea how relevant the tena lady comment is - the conversation wasn't quite that but it was in that general area. All I'll say is its a good job we were somewhere nowhere near where we live and that everyone around us was loud enough they couldn't eavesdrop hahahahahahha

Diet today - hmmmmm yeah I think its just one of those days we don't talk about. I have no idea why but I've just not felt like eating properly today. I've not gone above my 31 points but at the same time its not exactly what I'd call a healthy day - I think the fact I'm tired doesn't help. There's been no fruit or veg at all - I'm guessing squirty cream counts as part of my dairy?? lol

I do have days like that where I just don't feel like being so organised - I had a lot going on with work today and my concentration on everything else goes to pot a bit when work is like that unfortunately.

So I'm not even going to put it as a proper menu counted out but basically breakfast was 2 WW bars, lunch was philadelphia light and turkey roll sarnies and a packet of wotsits and dinner has been cheese on toast followed by a meringue with squirty cream.

I think I may have lost my normal halo today hahahahaha
 
That doesn't sound too bad darling! And all within pp :D xx
 
Carly that sounds AWFUL! hahahahahahahaha There is no fruit or veg in there at all and nothing of any nutrition value - for me its about as bad a food day as it gets hahahahahahaha I'm getting myself back on track again today though - I seem to get less focused towards the end of each week as the food runs out in the cupboards so today I need to do my plan for next week and do a Sainsbury's order and then I will be back to being focused for a few days again.

Weigh in tonight - things are fitting better again so I think I'm down but I have no idea by how much. Next week will be my biggest challenge yet - I have 3 evening football games in the next week and I have to leave home by just after 5.15pm to get there. Trying to fit in work and organise food before I leave so I don't eat rubbish fattening stuff at the stadium is never easy so I need to get some severe planning in my head to deal with these situations this week.

So I'm trying to work out what I want to eat this coming week - I feel casseroles coming on for some strange reason. Hmmmmmm - winter must be on the way :)
 
Hope WI went well . :D. Can I ask you what you point the squirty cream at. I sometimes use the lidl linesse low fat one and point it at about 1pp a squirt (If you know what I mean)
 
mm casseroles sound nice and comforting..i love making my own soup in winter too, so warm and filling! Good that you stayed within points too! x
 
Breda I use Anchor low fat and do the same - pretty much 1pp as I'm not having much more than one "squirt". I do have to be careful as to what qualifies as a squirt though lol Its very rare for me to use my weeklies, or sometimes even my dailies, so its one of those things that I know even if I've gone overboard and miscounted it won't be by much so I don't worry about it too much :)

Well my whole idea of staying within points etc kind of went out the window with a vengeance. For some reason my head decided that yesterday afternoon would be a good time to attack mars bars and a bag of rainbow drops and wham bars and anything else I could get my hands on. All within about an hour of weigh in time. Doh!!!

I have absolutely no idea what I was thinking or where my brain abandoned me to but the result was that the scales were a STS last night. They actually wavered at the possibility of going up 1/2lb and I was almost ready to jump off the scales before they had the chance to change their mind!!!

I know what has been going on - even just looking back at my diary this week, and possibly the last couple of weeks if I'm being honest with myself, I've not really been tracking or concentrating properly. Ok I'm within my points but I'm not exactly eating healthy food or planning properly and so on - I've been missing meals and then using my points up with rubbish food or snacking in between. I know that if I'm still within my points then in theory I should still be losing the weight but put quite simply my body doesn't seem to get the hang of the theory hahahaha I know that eating like that doesn't work for me - its kind of going back to what I did before I started WW where I generally ate once a day and then grazed on stuff like fruit during the day if I got hungry. It doesn't work for me and I need to give myself a boot up the backside to stop doing that now.

Except this week I have the football tonight, the football again on Friday night and the football again on Tuesday night!!! All of which throws me for 6 and makes planning difficult as I don't generally get time to eat before I go and there is nothing but rubbish at the stadium. I was going to have one of the pies tonight and then try and be good the other two games but having had a stay the same I think I might see if I can sort out at least a couple of sandwiches to eat early while I'm working tonight and then see how it goes Friday and Tuesday. Friday should be easy enough as I'm off work all day so can eat dinner at lunchtime and as I won't be driving for that one I can make up something to eat in the car on the way down and then by Tuesday I'll know whether I've left myself enough leeway during the week to be able to allow myself a treat.

Oh and I've booked my first skating lessons for Sunday afternoon. I never did make it to the first thing Sunday morning ones but they are now doing indoor lessons slightly nearer to home in the afternoon so I'm going to give them a go and see how the exercise helps.

Anyway - with all that planned today's menu plan is as follows:-

Breakfast = 0pps

Melon (0)

Lunch = 9 pps

Sweetcorn and butterbean chowder (7)
Gluten free crispbreads (2)
Fresh fruit salad (0)

Snack = 3

Curly wurly (3)

Dinner = 9 pps

4 x nimble bread (4)
Turkey slice (2)
Quavers (3)
Apple (0)

General = 3

Skimmed milk (3)

Total = 24/31 so far

having had a 0 point breakfast with just a load of melon I'm already hungry so I think that total will be going up through the day but that's the plan. And I have a full menu planned for the week and my sainsbury's order will be arriving at lunchtime to make sure I stay on track with it as well.

A whole new start to a whole new week and Miffy needs to get her butt in gear!
 
so the plan went so far out the window last night hahahahaha All good plans and all that! I ended up not getting time to make anything to eat before I left so ended up having a steak and ale pie at the match - it was soooooooooooooooooooooo good! I have no idea what to point it at but have treated it the same as a pukka pie and taken it as 15 which hopefully will be roughly in the right region. Funnily enough if I'd just had the pie I'd have been fine but I ended up with a mars bar and a packet of fruit pastilles as well - doh!

And this morning I'm knackered and didn't feel like arranging breakfast so found the other pack of fruit pastilles at the bottom of my bag and ended up having them - double doh!

I have the football again tomorrow night but I have the day off so I'm going to try and eat early and keep it under control - and then I'm there again on Tuesday night so if I get a pie there on that one but make sure it is JUST the pie and I save enough points for it hopefully I won't do too much damage.

And I've pointed everything so am well within my weeklies - I think I used rougly 20 of them so I'm covered but for me I know that eating like that doesn't work for me even if its within the points.

Did taste freaking good though :)

Oh and I'm booked for my first roller skating lesson on Sunday afternoon so an hour of that should help counteract some of the damage with any luck!
 
Mifford said:
so the plan went so far out the window last night hahahahaha All good plans and all that! I ended up not getting time to make anything to eat before I left so ended up having a steak and ale pie at the match - it was soooooooooooooooooooooo good! I have no idea what to point it at but have treated it the same as a pukka pie and taken it as 15 which hopefully will be roughly in the right region. Funnily enough if I'd just had the pie I'd have been fine but I ended up with a mars bar and a packet of fruit pastilles as well - doh!

And this morning I'm knackered and didn't feel like arranging breakfast so found the other pack of fruit pastilles at the bottom of my bag and ended up having them - double doh!

I have the football again tomorrow night but I have the day off so I'm going to try and eat early and keep it under control - and then I'm there again on Tuesday night so if I get a pie there on that one but make sure it is JUST the pie and I save enough points for it hopefully I won't do too much damage.

And I've pointed everything so am well within my weeklies - I think I used rougly 20 of them so I'm covered but for me I know that eating like that doesn't work for me even if its within the points.

Did taste freaking good though :)

Oh and I'm booked for my first roller skating lesson on Sunday afternoon so an hour of that should help counteract some of the damage with any luck!
Click to expand...

Let us know how the skating lesson goes :) I'm as gracefull as a drunk bambi if put on wheels! :(

Well done for pointing up your pie - and seeing as you will know you will have another in advance you can totally plan around it & am sure it'll be fine :)
And you enjoyed it which is important - I hate using loads of points on something unsatisfying!

CGx
Sent from my HTC Wildfire using MiniMins
 
Hi Miff . Its hard to be perfect all the time . At least you enjoyed your Pie ... I am struggling as well at the moment but will get my head around it again . Hope the roller skating goes well . That would be my nightmare now (I have a bad back so am always afraid of falling..even without wheels !!!!) but I believe its great exercise . A new place has opened up in Limerick recently so I think its the latest thing.

Hope you have a good weekend . Breda
 
Hope ur well :D x
 
oooo - my email didn't tell me about anyone's replies so very exciting to come on this morning and find 4 of them! lol

Right well the last week has been totally chaos and just not great from a diet point of view at all. I continued in the oh sod it vein and haven't really tracked or pointed at all - just one of those weeks where life gets in the way and they are going to happen from time to time. I haven't eaten horrendously badly but I have missed meals and grazed instead and eaten virtually no fruit and veg - which is actually most unlike me as I normally JUST eat fruit and veg!!

So today we draw a line under it and get back on track.

Skating was great fun but I had no idea just how unfit I was!! I was sweating buckets by the end of it and my knees, ankles and hips were killing me .. plus I discovered butt muscles that have been awol since I was about 19 I think hahahahaha The first lesson was learning how to stand up (I'm not great at that bit), getting started, stopping and turning. Well I can do the complicated bits like turning without a problem but what I struggle with is the very slow basic stuff - funnily enough I can set off skating in what the instructor calls "step 2" which is supposed to be harder but I struggle with the beginners moves - typically me :) The trouble I have with stopping is that I can do the scissor move (look at me getting technical lol) and can lift my brake but you than have to kind of sit into it with your knees bent to get the weight on the back brake - well because my back is incredibly inflexible due to osteoarthritis in my spine I simply can't do it. I can't do squats at all as I can't keep my heels or feet flat on the floor when I bend like that - no idea why but my tendons and ligaments simply won't allow me to without being in pain. I'm going to work on stretching them as much as I can this week but I can't see it helping too much - I am hypermobile in a number of joints apparently (can't do anything fancy but they don't stay where they should basically) and have all manner of problems with them and I think its something to do with that - I think my body has basically done what it wants for so long that now there is no training it to do anything else! We will move on to more complicated stops in future weeks if I keep going so I'll hopefully be able to get the hang of them better and then be more confident.

Breda you should look at giving the lessons a go though - the first thing they teach you is how to get into a position to stop you from falling or actually even how to fall and the way you do it means you won't fall backwards so your back is ok. When they got us to do it my knees took a bit of a pounding under the kneepads if I'm honest but they were well protected and didn't do any damage thankfully. The only thing that is still a bit dodgy today is my right ankle but I've had a lot of problems with that one in the past and I think its just a case of needing to get the strength back in it - that ankle/foot has a tendency to turn in ever so slightly and I'm guessing having inline skates on where it is straight and the ligament can't stretch in like that means I'm strengthening muscles that I haven't used for a looooong time so it'll get there slowly.

Terrific exercise - I've always been able to skate along without a problem and know how good that is for toning my legs up while not feeling like you are exercising but I've never known how to stop or turn or do any fancy stuff so its really good to be learning and get my confidence up again so come next summer I'll be going down the seafront and whizzing along the promenade for miles :)

Today is getting back on track with the diet and the menu is as follows:-

Breakfast (4)

Fruit smoothie with bio yogurt and flax seed oil
(not sure what to point the yogurt at as I seem to get different values every time I look at it so I'll take it as 3 for now until I actually get round to pointing the specific pot I'm using)

Lunch (9)

Pear and parma ham salad (3)
Low fat ambrosia custard pot (4)
Quavers (2)

Dinner (10)

Bubble & squeek:
Cabbage and leek (0)
100g potato (2)
Butternut squash (0)
Cathedral city low fat cheese (5)
Olive oil (1)

Weight watchers rich chocolate desert pot (2)

General (3)

half pint skimmed milk

Total = 26/31

I'm sure I'll add a few bits and pieces in as the day goes on to up the points a little bit but I'm not going to panic about it.

I haven't done my positives for a while - I have the beck diet book been sitting unopened for a week so tonight my plan is to start reading that as well and get myself back in "the zone". But in the meantime lets go with ...

1. Went to rollerskating on my own despite being knackered and not really wanting to make a fool of myself in front of a load of strangers. Worked out it was not only brilliant exercise but good fun as well.

2. Drawing a line under the last week and starting today as a fresh week.

3. Recognising areas that went wrong this past week and being determined to tackle these head on in future.
 
Well done for drawing a line :) glad u enjoyed skating! Cx
 
I won't be making weigh in tonight as I have the footie again - all these evening games are killing me! On the bright side it means my nephews can't go as they have school the next day and I get to upgrade their season ticket which guarantees me a ticket rather than having to take pot luck on getting one in the right area :)

I did a quick weigh in on my scales this morning and they show me as up by 2lbs - I'm guessing its some kind of blip on them as I'm wearing my size 14 skinny jeans today. I have major muffin top both front and back in them :-o but they do go on and do up AND I can sit down!! Last week I could get them on but there was no way I could wear them for the day and sit down so it tends to indicate that whatever the scales say I've lost "size" this week. On that basis I'm ignoring the scales and just sticking to staying on track this week and starting some gentle exercise here and there and I'll see what the official ones say next week. I do know that when I start to work out bizarelly my weight can shoot up with it but I actually get smaller so I'm trying to keep it very light at the moment - I walked down the high street and back yesterday rather than taking the car and I've been doing some squats and lunges every day to try and stretch my muscles out more before skating next week.

Everything is aching a lot less this morning but I did find that when I tried to roll over in bed at all last night my lower abdominal muscles were VERY aware of it!! lol I'm seeing it as a big positive as its the muscles you can never tone with sit ups etc and its the one area that everyone wants to flatten - mine certainly feel likes its on the way to toning with any luck :)

Today's menu ...

Breakfast (6)

Boiled egg (2)
2 slices nimble wholemeal bread (3)
Thinly spread Butterlicious light (1)
1/2 galia melon (0)

Lunch (9)

4 slices nimble wholemeal bread (5)
Butterlicious light (1)
3 slices parma ham (3)
Grapes (0)

Dinner (10)

Salmon cottage pie microwave meal (8)
WW rich chocolate desert (2)

General (3)

Skimmed milk (3)

Total = 28/31

I haven't managed to find time to start reading my Beck Diet book yet - I really need to get my life organised! lol In the meantime my positives ...

1. Getting back to tracking everything I eat

2. Walked to the postbox instead of taking the car

3. Wearing my size 14 skinny jeans even though they don't fit the best they can because it makes me feel good and knowing that by next week they will fit better than they do this week :)
 
Hi Miff . Sounds like you really enjoyed the roller skating . Im afraid youd have a bit of convincing to do to get me to go. I know i would end up on my butt !!!!!!!. I have really bad coordination .

Well done on getting back to the tracking . Your menu for today looks yummy . Think I will steal that for tomorrow without the choc desert.. :D
 
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