Well -I thought as lots of people seem to be talking about doing a sober January, and for me it just continues (one day at a time) I'd give a quick update of my alcohol free journey.
This was my first alcohol-free Christmas, and it was very different to the ones I've had in past years for a number of reasons.
Plus points...
... I managed to cook the stuff I'd bought for Xmas dinner fir the first time in years. I'm not saying everything always goes to plan when sober - but it's much more likely.
... I could drive us to see relatives and invite them to spend time with me without feeling unreasonable resentments about the visits stopping me having a drink.
... I spent less money (and the same can be said of every week of the year) - this meant that I could buy some new shoes for an elderly friend on Boxing Day when I visited and saw the state of his (only) pair. I'm not sure I'd have noticed before, and I certainly wouldn't have wanted to spend £65 on his shoes when I could have a couple of good nights out on that.
... so far I've only had one week off. It feels like it's been a decent rest, even though I've had a nasty cold
... I managed to stay awake for (and not embarrass myself at) midnight mass. Bonus!!
... I had some lovely new friends to spend time with - people from AA and from my local church. I was more involved in things - I sang and did a reading in the Carol Service in church - not something I'd have committed to and / or seen through before.
... No inappropriate behaviour / comments to wake up berating myself for after Xmas do's. I also looked as good when I left parties as I had when I'd turned up. (Not that I stayed long tbh).
... 'simple' pleasures. Putting the tree up (and taking the bugger down again on Boxing Day when the needles were getting on my nerves); wrapping gifts nicely; christmas shopping with too many tea and cake stops admittedly. These activities were all enjoyed in a different way to what I was capable of doing before. I don't seem to need to constant stimulation that I once thrived on.
Challenges...
... Christmas parties (the kind where you're surrounded by very drunk and screechy colleagues or people you don't know well) are dismal. I lasted an hour and then, like Cinderella, escaped into the night and went home for pyjamas and hot chocolate and a good book. (Top tip for anyone attempting sobriety - plan your escape route!!)
...My colds this year have felt much worse - mainly because I'm not just drinking myself into oblivion as a means of self-medication. Mneughhh. (Note: negative feelings generally need to be dealt with in a different way to in the past. I've discovered that alcohol had turned into a way of dealing with pretty much anything I didn't want to / couldn't cope with. On a light note this could be a common cold. More seriously, I have had some nasty depressive episodes. Thankfully I have an astute and understanding boss who has referred me for counselling, which is proving very helpful. AA is also a strong lifeline. (Top tip - there are people out there who can help you. Chances are that your GP will be as much use as a chocolate fire-guard (this being based on my own, and other people I know's experiences - yours MAY be great. Give them a go, but you may need to look elsewhere to get the help YOU need!)
... staying awake to go to the midnight mass was much more difficult - next year I'll go to the Crib Service early evening instead as a compromise (Be flexible and keep things simple. Do what it easiest and be gentle with yourself.
... some of my old drinking pals seem determined to get me to drink again. This is sad, but if I'm honest with myself, I have put alcohol before friendships many times in the past. It isn't personal. And sometimes I just need to accept that some 'friendships' were nothing more than drinking acquaintances. Top tip: Some situations and people will need to be avoided. (My rule is now, if they don't respect my desire for sobriety; calm; health and happiness, then I need to move on. This may only be temporary, but I suspect not.)
(These are just the things occurring to me at the moment - I may edit this post and add things that occur to me as my cold / flu tablets start working and my head starts to think more clearly.)
If you're worried about your own drinking, please remember that this is a very common issue. Certainly, at the AA group I go to regularly there are a large % of ladies. Many of them being respectable, middle-aged and even elderly ladies as well as men. There are also a number of younger people. You do not need to be on a park bench; drinking every day; destitute; or secretly drinking to be an alcoholic. If you're powerless over alcohol, and although you know that it is detrimental to your standard of living but it still has a hold over you, then there is amazing and free help available for you, and people are waiting to welcome you with open arms and support you if you decide to ask for that help. If anyone wants to know more, feel free to contact me by private message if you want to. I'm in my very early days compared with the people who are supporting me, but can remember how scary and hard those first steps can be, and I may be able to give you a link or phone number that will be helpful.
Happy New Year to all on Minimins. Thanks for all your SW support, tips and encouragement. xx
