Barb's slow but steady improvement diary!

Thanks Abz and Jane!

Well, sorry I've been awol, been away for a very indulgent weekend. Hence the damage on my signature/ticker.

Bit cross, but had a whale of a time and you have to live, don't you? So, back on the straight and narrow today. One dinner party to come next weekend, other than that should be able to have a very good week.
Here goes, need to get those 4 off, pronto!
 
Good day yesterday - no naughty stuff and most importantly no alch! (wine had really crept back in over the last 2 weeks)So very pleased. Didn't strict cal count, just kept a sort of running total in my head. I think I've learnt so much in the last few weeks that i can calculate fairly well. Had a cal counted meal for dinner, so that helped. Had about 1200 cals and got on the scales this am to see 2 squatters have already cleared off! Great. So onto another good day today.
 
Oh Clarri, I wish I was. I am struggling, big time. i'm not pigging out, I can't bear to undo the good I've done but I'm not being good enough to lose.

My brain is all over the shop; work stuff gets ever more complex. Now having to take legal steps. Expensive and scary. On top of that DD2 is in an awful relationship with an absolute little g*t.
She thinks she is in love, he can't believe his luck. Her; 21, gorgeous, good job, own car, lovely famiy, loved and care for. Him, 26, ugly (yes, I know that shouldn't matter, but bear with me) no job ( has no career as was on drugs for ages), can't drive, mode of transport - skateboard, lives 10 miles away DD2 now his personal chauffeur, his family want him our the house, his ticket out? Our daughter. It's doing my head in, I just worry all the time. I don't feel mentally able to give my diet the thought it requires to suceed. I may have to look for an easier option where I don't have to spend so much time 'weighing and measuring'. I don't know what to do really, about anything.

Sorry to be a miserable old bat.
 
Oh Barb, sorry to hear of these things getting on top of you. I can imagine the upset you must feel over your daughter, I have a 17 year old and so far he hasnt got a gf but I am sure I will be up for some problem or other when he does! Worst thing is the more we 'push' our kids the more they will rebel, I do think they learn by their own mistakes, just pray she doesn't get pregnant by him and just be there for her!

As for the dieting, in an ideal world we would sail through each day counting our calories with plastic grins on our faces, and no other cares in the world. In reality though, we cope with rollercoaster emotions and tribulations that would sink ships, yet here are we still battling on with our weight management by either going up or down or staying the same!

Well firstly, I think your doing fantastic in maintaining what you have achieved. Even if you continued to maintain that for a while it would make you much happier than gaining again over time, and it IS an option when life drags you under! You don't always have to be losing you just have to be succeeding and that includes maintaining losses for a while until you feel strong enough to kick butt again. Maybe you need 'time out' from the stress of trying to 'lose' right now, and it is another stress! So don't berate yourself, it will only damage your self esteem.

I find that one of my many challenges in changing my eating habits, is separating food from emotions. Many times I have just HAD to step back and say.. Look, a large box of popcorn or bar of chocolate is not going to fix this problem in your life, either today, tomorrow or next month!

I will not eat to make me feel better!
My new mantra lol.

I am trying to deal with my own problems outside the circle of food, (and believe me with a sleepless baby and teenager they come daily.) I think that the more I succeed in separating this in my head, the easier and more of a habit it will become. So take it easy hun and don't worry, and I really hope that everything will fall into place soon. xxx
 
hey there honey. i'm sorry things are difficult for you at the moment. but take a second to see how far you've come so far and what you have achieved. you've been doing brilliantly. you don't want to undo that so don't. no food is worth that. weight will start coming off when you are ready to get going again. if you have gained in the past then maintaining is a massive achievement and one you should hold onto.

these worries will pass barb. life does go on. the only decision you can make is whether you will be heavier or lighter when they do. time keeps on going, what we eat doesn't change that, and the way i am now trying to look at it is, if time keeps passing, if it keeps going regardless of what i do, all i can control is the size i am at the end of it. and that's what i'm trying to do.

take care of yourself honey. don't fret about it too much. we can only stress about so many things at once. but i do feel that if you do gain it will only make you feel worse. so concentrate on staying the same. you're doing fabulously.

abz xx
 
Thank you CP and Abz - so much. You both make a lot of sense. I totally agree, gaining weight back is just going to make me feel so much worse. Trouble is, like so many of us I guess, food is my comforter when i'm feeling low. DH has said ' lets have a take-away tonight, you are knackered enough, without cooking' and he is right, but it's not going to help the weight, is it? I guess i can make good choices though, I have been doing that and still lost, so I will. Just reading your messages really helps. You make me think sensibly even when i don't want to!
I am goin to aim at keeping 2 of those 4 I gained off this week. if I can do that and remain steady that will be a step in the right direction without too much pressure.
Thanks again, I don't know what I would do without you.
 
you are more than welcome barb. you do the same for us!!

you will do fabulously. read back a few weeks in your diary and see all the reasons you are doing this, for you, for your health, for your joints, for your son, and you will see that you can indeed achieve it!!

abz xx
 
Hi Barb
im sorry to hear things are bla for you at the moment. About your dd. My instincts tell me that she will make the right choices even if you think she hasnt at the moment, and I say this because i reckon you are a caring loving mother, and she will be sensible in the long run. believe you me, I have made some ABSOLUTELY awful choices in men, thinking I liked the "hard man" type, and getting involved with really crappy men, (my sons father is one of them), but Im strong enough to get out of them, and now that I have some good self esteem I am with a man who values me, and is reasonably steady. Life goes on, and your daughter is an adult. There must be something that she sees in him that you dont, but there is always the question - will anyone be right for your dd?
Foodwise what the others have said to you is spot on. you can do it.
xxx
hugs. xx
 
Thanks Clarri - I am sure a lot of what you say is true and I am sure he has some redeeming qualities, it's just that they are well hidden. I do think there is someone out there for everyone and TBH so long as whoever it is loves and respects my daughter without taking advantage of her or undermining her self confidence, then I will be happy about it. I want her to be valued and cherished - I want her to be secure and safe. I know there is no such thing as a 'perfect' relationship but i think in this instance the only good bit is probably the sex!

Anyway, I have made my feelings known (so I am now the bad guy!) and have made it clear that I only worry so much because I love her so much. I want her to question how he treats her - if he was treating her best friend like it what would she think? Time will tell.

Dietwise, still being sort of good, did the takeway thing last night, but will do better today. I hope!
 
Good luck barb, i've already been a bit naughty at lunch today. Went to a fab italian with my parents and OMG every dish is gorgeous and cheesy. :eek: Couldn't resist the lasagne but had a salad starter instead of a desert. Hope it makes some small difference!
 
Did okish yesterday, not as good as I could have done though.

Have a dinner party here tonight so have decided that tomorrow, 1st March, is a good day to get back on with proper cal counting. I've been dithering about most of Feb and it's ridiculous. Do I want this or not?
9 weeks till the cruise now so need to get a move on.

CP, I think you did well yesterday, i am sure a salad starter instead of a creamy pud did make a difference and you are entitled to the occasional treat. Life is to be enjoyed after all!
 
Just been on WLR - very interesting. Reckons I need 1164 cals to lose 2lbs a week if I consider myself moderately sedentary or 1497 if moderately active.

So, going to set my daily cals at 1250 -1300 and see what happens. Back on it tomorrow!
 
Good dinner party - bit too good actually! Have a banging hangover and feel generally seedy! Serves me right!
1st of March though and i feel ready to get on with my plan again. Don't know why, I just do! So, back to writing everything down, cal counting properly and lets see what can be lost in March!
 
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