'BIG' .......Bring on the summer :D

[kellierocks]

hanz- dates from hell!! and they were!! felt so sorry for some of them.
well done my dear- how are you feeling these days? i have no doubt you'll surpass ur goal for next week.

I ran today but stopped and started and stopped and started. dont know what was wrong with me, really disappointed, did 4 miles instead of 7.

 

[Wasted Ink]

Hey ladies and gents,

Hope you're all doing well. Hanz - congrats on your recent losses. That's fabulous.

judith55 - according to your profile you haven't been obese for some time. Or am I misinterpreting that?

Anyway, I myself had a horrible weekend. Escaped to the cinema on Sunday because the weather was so miserable and ended up eating 1/2 a tub of popcorn and went to pizza hut with the family afterwards! I had a few glasses of Rose, as well. It was all very nice, but came to about 2,600 calories. I haven't eaten that much in a long time! I've been working to repair the damage all of this week.

Also, this is the first time EVER that I have not weighed obsessively every day. I'm quite proud of myself - I used to weigh twice a day! I'm going to try and hold out till Saturday and hopefully I won't be too disappointed!

 

[kellierocks]

it is very quiet here today, are we all out walking and running and swimming?
Wasted Ink, pizza............. what can I say- Judith I think ur with me on this one- Pizza is almost irresistable - I say almost cos somehow ONCE i managed to avoid it. it will be in fron tof me again tomorrow. I will be hungry.... will I avoid again? Wllpower do not leave me

I have a sore shoulder. Oh, did i tell you last ngiht I just lost my mojo, couldnt run felt just out of sorts, found out today my friend was sending me whte angel light (she is very into it, i am largely skeptical). Anyway she completely believes it was my body receiving healing light and detoxifying that caused it. I asked her to not send any again until after the marathon.

SO how is everyone doing? I have not binged now in quite a while, and I am so proud. Remember when I'd eat pizza, wedges and chicken things? or 4 different chinese takeaways (it was 5 weeks ago, feels like years). Please let me keep this up.

time to sleep- i have a 6 am run, with hopefully no angel light coming at me!!!

 

[judith55]

Lost 4lb again this week..so thrilled! Im not sure what has gotten into my body the last 3 weeks since my 3lb gain but its been going crazy loosing so cant complain! 1/2 from 3 and a half stone so hope I'll hit that next week.

Well done, Hanz - you are doing so well. xx

I ran today but stopped and started and stopped and started. dont know what was wrong with me, really disappointed, did 4 miles instead of 7.

Another example of how our bodies aren't machines I guess. Just be careful that its not a sign of an impending cold/virus so go steady. You'll be on form in no time. xx

judith55 - according to your profile you haven't been obese for some time. Or am I misinterpreting that?

Anyway, I myself had a horrible weekend. Escaped to the cinema on Sunday because the weather was so miserable and ended up eating 1/2 a tub of popcorn and went to pizza hut with the family afterwards! I had a few glasses of Rose, as well. It was all very nice, but came to about 2,600 calories. I haven't eaten that much in a long time! I've been working to repair the damage all of this week.

I worked out my obese thing based on my height's BMI, Inkie. I'm sure your treat won't be the end of the world - remember it takes 3600 cals to make a pound of body fat.

it is very quiet here today, are we all out walking and running and swimming?
Wasted Ink, pizza............. what can I say- Judith I think ur with me on this one- Pizza is almost irresistable - I say almost cos somehow ONCE i managed to avoid it. it will be in fron tof me again tomorrow. I will be hungry.... will I avoid again? Wllpower do not leave me

I have a sore shoulder. Oh, did i tell you last ngiht I just lost my mojo, couldnt run felt just out of sorts, found out today my friend was sending me whte angel light (she is very into it, i am largely skeptical). Anyway she completely believes it was my body receiving healing light and detoxifying that caused it. I asked her to not send any again until after the marathon.

SO how is everyone doing? I have not binged now in quite a while, and I am so proud. Remember when I'd eat pizza, wedges and chicken things? or 4 different chinese takeaways (it was 5 weeks ago, feels like years). Please let me keep this up.

time to sleep- i have a 6 am run, with hopefully no angel light coming at me!!!

Walking, running, swimming? Don't be silly :8855: Pizza is the most magical food of the gods. No question. As my TT was having his exams this week I used it as an excuse for a trip to the lunchtime all you can eat buffet at Pizza Hut. I did quite well - a big plate of salad (ok, with quite a lot of mayo) and then about 3/4 of a medium deep pan. Bad but not as bad as it would have been before. That was Tues but today I completely caved and had a chinese take away - bad, bad girl. Getting so close to my mini-target seems to have thrown me: I am having a major wobble. Nice to think angel light is beaming down on you - lets hope it doesn't effect the running too much. xx

Today was tattoo day but having had a nervous unsettled night and getting all geared up with jangling nerves they phoned and cancelled it 30 mins beforehand. Double damn. At least I realized from my disappointment that I do want to go through with it so just have to rearrange it. Still scared sh*tless tho.

 

[x Nee x]

Hi peeps,

sorry not been on for a few days - internet issues as always!! but put a little credit on the dongle so here I am

Well this week has been utter C**p on a personal level, the college show is absolutely amazing and so relieved I have this to take my mind of other things going on.

Not wanting to say much about it but I feel if I dont rant somewhere I may just explode!!

Were being evicted from our 'shared flat' and have no proper understanding whats going on, our housing benefit has been suspended and had bailiffs at the door this morning for an old debt! (I know I just sound like a dream huh) My boyf' feels so low, he has gone out and decided he would get wasted (this is the first time he has actually done this) but Im going out of my mind, he isnt answering his phone and wont text, so sitting here in my PJ's feeling so confused and upset.

Just dont know what to do

Food wise been really good, suprisngly havent reached for comfort food but have eaten more than I would normally but not bad foods!

College again tomorrow for our last show this year

PS please dont think im a loser for being in a mess

 

[judith55]

Well this week has been utter C**p on a personal level, the college show is absolutely amazing and so relieved I have this to take my mind of other things going on.

Not wanting to say much about it but I feel if I dont rant somewhere I may just explode!!

Were being evicted from our 'shared flat' and have no proper understanding whats going on, our housing benefit has been suspended and had bailiffs at the door this morning for an old debt! (I know I just sound like a dream huh) My boyf' feels so low, he has gone out and decided he would get wasted (this is the first time he has actually done this) but Im going out of my mind, he isnt answering his phone and wont text, so sitting here in my PJ's feeling so confused and upset.

Just dont know what to do

Food wise been really good, suprisngly havent reached for comfort food but have eaten more than I would normally but not bad foods!

College again tomorrow for our last show this year

PS please dont think im a loser for being in a mess

Oh Nee, sorry to hear life is a pile of poop. Remember that moving house, even when its planned, is a major stress factor. I hope your boyfriend comes home soon - I guess he just needed to let some steam off. But its tough on you sitting home waiting for him to come back. Good that college it going well - that must help. And brilliant willpower not to comfort eat - better than I've done over last 2 weeks.

You are so not a loser, Nee. You are kind and sweet and supportive and you deserve lots of good stuff in your life. This crap will pass, I know it. Lots of love, xxx

 

[Hanz]

it is very quiet here today, are we all out walking and running and swimming?

Heh, football training! Im very sore now,but glad I went along as had a lot of fun..even if it was knackering. I know I couldnt of done it 4 months ago!

Hi peeps,
sorry not been on for a few days - internet issues as always!! but put a little credit on the dongle so here I am

Were being evicted from our 'shared flat' and have no proper understanding whats going on, our housing benefit has been suspended and had bailiffs at the door this morning for an old debt! (I know I just sound like a dream huh) My boyf' feels so low, he has gone out and decided he would get wasted (this is the first time he has actually done this) but Im going out of my mind, he isnt answering his phone and wont text, so sitting here in my PJ's feeling so confused and upset.

Just dont know what to do

Food wise been really good, suprisngly havent reached for comfort food but have eaten more than I would normally but not bad foods!

College again tomorrow for our last show this year

PS please dont think im a loser for being in a mess

I know what you mean, my broadband box is playing a game of lets turn on and off for no reason!

Awwh hun, im really sorry about all the stuff going on it sounds horrible. Is there something you can do to find out what is going on about the flat and all? Your boy sounds like hes def upset about everything, i can imagine its worrying for you if he's just headed out.. is he with his friends or someone else you can contact?

Good news on the food , It can be so easy to slip especially when things get on top of you so you should be proud of yourself for that. I would never ever think of you as a loser Nee, your are an amazing person under alot of horrible stress which you dont deserve, be strong hun xx

 

[x Nee x]

Thanks Judith and Hanz,

Means alot to know you dont think im a total loser (which I am by the way - me and money have never mixed)

He doesnt actually know anyone here, so has gone on his own, not knowing anyone, with our bankcard!! seriously concerned tried calling again another 3 times (stalker, I know) and nothing at all.

I know its probably silly but it makes you wonder what he is up to?!?! is he going to even come back, Have I got to sort this mess out alone?!?!

RAUUGGHH feeling proper down

 

[x Nee x]

Morning,

He stumbled in at around 1.30am....steaming and £60 lighter!! (we really dont have that kind of spare cash) no appologies, no 'asking how my show went' - that he was supposed to come and see (the first one he would have seen me do ever)

I know he probably needed to do it to escape for a while, but I just feel really hurt by it. He is supposed to be visiting his Mum today and staying over, I hope he goes for a couple of nights as feeling I need the space, how horrible am I!!!!

Had a sneaky WI this morning and STS just hope I can shift a little by Monday to cheer me up

x

 

[kellierocks]

Nee
You are not a loser. But if you start believing yo are, you may start becoming one. You are not a loser. You are not a loser. You have worked hard for college, for the show, minding us here. You say you an money do not mix- sweetheart look around- most of us in teh western world cannot handle money including the banks, the governtment and the property developers. Trust me when I say you are not alone in this.

Yeah sure boyf needed to let off steam, but u also needed him, At some point in a non- bitter/ angry/ way say that. It may help down the line if something like this happens again, its important to feel listened to, even if he doesn;t agree with you.
Try and get the answers you need, as hard as it may be knowledge is power/
And take Judith's advice- movign house is always stressful, give yourself a break, adn treat yourself with the love you show others.

Judith- it may just be stress but could u in someway be self sabotaging- stopping yourself form reaching your mini goal? SOmetimes our minds ar elittle devils.....
Hanz- football- go you!!!!

 

[colly strings]

nee;

i cant say anything better than what others have already said, i am thinking of you tho.

if he didnt ask i will- how did the show go? xx

 

[judith55]

Judith- it may just be stress but could u in someway be self sabotaging- stopping yourself form reaching your mini goal? SOmetimes our minds ar elittle devils.....

No maybe about it!! I am deffo self-sabotaging. I cannot tell you how many times I've done this. In fact when I joined this thread I didn't really plan to lose 4 stone - I just thought that if I tried that and then fell into the self-sabotage thingy at about 3 stone I'd do better than putting 3 stone and stumbling at 2 stone (if you see what I mean??). I really have no idea why I do this. Any ideas??

Morning,

He stumbled in at around 1.30am....steaming and £60 lighter!! (we really dont have that kind of spare cash) no appologies, no 'asking how my show went' - that he was supposed to come and see (the first one he would have seen me do ever)

I know he probably needed to do it to escape for a while, but I just feel really hurt by it. He is supposed to be visiting his Mum today and staying over, I hope he goes for a couple of nights as feeling I need the space, how horrible am I!!!!

Had a sneaky WI this morning and STS just hope I can shift a little by Monday to cheer me up

x

Well done on holding steady on the eating. Glad he's home safely even if he has been a bit selfish. Tbh I envy men that they can just walk out the house with their wallet in their pocket and find entertainment. Us women usually have to phone our friends, agree where we are going/who's driving, decide what to wear, etc, etc. I'd give him a real hard time, but maybe that's why I'm divorced :wave_cry:. xxx

* * *

Well today has been interesting. Got the tattoo done this morning yay! After an hour and a half, I said "gosh good job I'm not having a big one done as I'm getting a bit worn out now". The tattooist laughed like a drain and said "this is a big tattoo - nobody normally has one this big for their first one." That made me feel quite brave. Can't see it properly yet (red, covered in cling film and, of course, its on my back) but I'm pretty happy. Don't think I'm feeling addicted as everyone predicted but no regrets so far.

Foodwise is a disaster - had a big breakfast on the advice of everyone (low blood sugar is not recommended prior to tattoo) and a kitkat as a reward afterwards. I know that in my head I am anticipating how much I'll eat and drink in Vegas when I already expect to put on about 4/5 lbs. I wonder if this is making me feel not bothered about the last half pound.

Hope you are all doing well and having a lovely day. xx

 

[kellierocks]

Judith, we need a life and 5 lbs on hols is ok- when u come back if you want, we will badger you into a mega tough week to help get back in control?
when do you go?
Ok let us look into self sabotage- anyone in here feel tehy do this too? I dont think I do, as I never get close enough to goal, any goal. Only once have i gotten down to 10 4 and then my life changed and it all went all again. DO think it can happen though. I have the devil in my head who tells me to eat and eat and eat and even if i dont like the food, or am full, i still do it.

What would worrying you about being an ideal weight- be really honest, jsut keep writing and see what comes up.

Ok i have one for me. I am worried when I'm ideal weight I'll still be unattractive.

Yeah i think that. Even though in my heart I believe that weight has nothing to do with being attractive,adn I would not feel this about anyone else, I feel I'm single cos I'm fat and so what if I'm still unattractive when I'm thin- it means i'm just a very ugly person.

And would I be able to eaat when I'm thin? will it be so hard to stay thin, that there is no point in bothering?

WOuld guys just me using me? at least if a guy shows interest now, its hardly for my body... these are the thoughts runnign around my head.
nee- what was the show? and how was it, and well done COlly for asking the best question.

 

[judith55]

Kellie, thanks for your support. I don't think my weight has effected my view of my own attractiveness because I never felt that gorgeous in the first place. Without wanting to sound conceited I've never been short of male attention but I always thought it was cos I was fun, intelligent and sexy - never cos I was very attractive. I think my age is more influential on my failing self image than anything else. One of my things is an overwhelming feeling of bereavement if I think that I won't be able to eat all my favourite foods. I worry that if I get my weight down I'll be living on lettuce with no booze. I own up to the fact that I'm physically self-indulgent: food, sex, alcohol, l love it all. And sometimes I can't face the thought of not having these things. I just seem to lose focus/commitment/motivation. I'm not going to give in entirely before Vegas on the 29th June. Still thinking about my white jeans!! xx

 

[x Nee x]

Judith, well done on getting the tattoo, so proud of you and glad your happy with it, you wait give it a while and you'll be considering another hence me now having 3 and considering a 4th!!

Also thanks to Judith, Kellierocks and colly for being so sweet xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ok, so .... Woke up didnt bother waking him, but left a note saying to go for the weekend instead of a night as I need space. Didnt hear anything till 2pm, him saying he has gone to his mum's but will be back tomorrow!!!! and that he is sorry blah blah blah he has sent messages throughout the day, and called me this evening, but I was just off with him, he said when he is back tomorrow well talk about everything.

I told him he has really hurt me, but havent gone in to details and will save it for tomorrow.

Maybe its me being selfish, but I often feel I am the one picking up the pieces when things go wrong, no-one I know has had faith in me going back to college (especially as doing it at 28 and now 29) and he was the one person who I thought really supported me, and knew how much this weeks show meant and was going to come .... but didnt. Not only that he then chooses to P**s it up the wall, with money we really havent got, then strolls in at stupid o'clock making a racket and being a D**k!

I dont know, just feeling so unhappy!!

On a plus side.... I counted the change in my purse and had £8 so looked for a takeaway and was gonna have a pizza hut (min order £7.99) ha ha .... just before putting the order through online, I went to the kitchen and popped a Quorn cottage pie in and had 2 flumps (30cals each and no fat) so feeling pretty chuffed that I didnt give in

Also seriously peeps, flumps are like sugary naughtyness with only 30 cals!!!! there in tesco's/tesco expree for 10p there barratts brand and are super nice and totally guilt free

Ok, the show this week was 'Moulin Rouge' its never been bought to the theatre (that we know of) and was done in contempory dance, it was absolutely mind blowing, I was doing the sound (my biggest love EVER) and the four shows we have done I have cried in each, there was some amazing emotional pieces and the whole audience could feel it. the best part was that us 'techies' was included in the whole process - normally were cast to the back in the darness hee hee and last night (when the OH would have been there) the director got everyone to lie down on our backs and think of our journeys, and whilst all laying there with our eyes shut, they placed a rose on each of us...more tears again hee hee

I have done alot of shows but this week was the most significant experience so far, and gutted my OH didnt share it with me. Leaving me now feeling like no-one is backing me

In regards to fears...Mine is just that Ill never get there and never be happy....but gonna keep bloody trying till I am ha ha

Sorry for the long one

xxxx

 

[x Nee x]

Kellie, thanks for your support. I don't think my weight has effected my view of my own attractiveness because I never felt that gorgeous in the first place. Without wanting to sound conceited I've never been short of male attention but I always thought it was cos I was fun, intelligent and sexy - never cos I was very attractive. I think my age is more influential on my failing self image than anything else. One of my things is an overwhelming feeling of bereavement if I think that I won't be able to eat all my favourite foods. I worry that if I get my weight down I'll be living on lettuce with no booze. I own up to the fact that I'm physically self-indulgent: food, sex, alcohol, l love it all. And sometimes I can't face the thought of not having these things. I just seem to lose focus/commitment/motivation. I'm not going to give in entirely before Vegas on the 29th June. Still thinking about my white jeans!! xx

You sound pretty down on yourself, but I have to say although I think im repulsive, I think its alot to do with your confidence as you are, you can still be big and sexy, and there is always someone to see it too, but you have to see it first.

Its hard to imagine a life without the ability to have the things we love, but I dont think you ever have to cut them out fully, its about having it in moderation - apart from sex of course -

 

[kellierocks]

Nee
I love your honesty.

The rose just sounds amazing.
If it counts, I know I'm far away, but I back you.

I believe it is such an achievement to go back to college.
You are making your dreams come true, while most believe there is no such thing.
You are more powerful than you know.
You are stronger than you realise.
Take tonight to get some peace inside, if he is coming back tomorrow.
And remember you do not have to engage with him until you are ready.

PS judith- fresh tatoos- UUUUUUHHHH yuck! haha! But i am sure it will be worth it- how big is it?!

 

[x Nee x]

Nee
I love your honesty.

The rose just sounds amazing.
If it counts, I know I'm far away, but I back you.

I believe it is such an achievement to go back to college.
You are making your dreams come true, while most believe there is no such thing.
You are more powerful than you know.
You are stronger than you realise.
Take tonight to get some peace inside, if he is coming back tomorrow.
And remember you do not have to engage with him until you are ready.

PS judith- fresh tatoos- UUUUUUHHHH yuck! haha! But i am sure it will be worth it- how big is it?!

What lovely words hun, thank you xxx

And yes it does count that you back me

Sorry Ive been rambling so much, just helps to de-stress.

I like tat's when there fresh hee hee, yeh, so how big is it?
xx

 

[judith55]

My tattoo is across my lower back below my waist but above my knicker line. If it was on the front it would reach from hip bone to hip bone (if I could find them lol). I have always believed in a balance in the universe and so I have a ying yang symbol nestled in the middle of squirly bits. Its blue, red, pink and no black. I went to a parlour where they have all female artists and mostly female customers which was great (they specialize in feminine tats). In the nearly 2 hrs it took I was distracted a lot by the laffs and gossip. And yes, it does hurt a bit, but deffo not unbearable. Already given it a wash and first coat of healing cream which was also fine.

Nee, your show sounds amazing. It is brilliant to be able to enjoy something so much. And don't worry about the money thing - I was sooo crap with ££ until I bought my first flat and 25 yrs later I've just managed my final payment on my mortgage. No-one who knew me then would ever have believed it. Eventually it'll click.

And I'm sorry your OH is being a prat. I remember when I was married I played in a regional final and only went and won it. My OH wasn't there and when I got in at about 10pm I was beside myself with excitement. You know what he said? "Oh hold on, I just want to watch the end of this programme." Oh yeah, cos TV is far more important than your wife achieving a major accomplishment. But when they do so much as win £10 on the lottery you're meant to jump up and down. Bitter? Me? Never.

 

[x Nee x]

Oh wow, your tat sounds lovely you should try and post a pic on here? My last one which I had on my foot, was also a female and she only does fermales too which I found really nice, and was in a lovely clean little studio.

Regarding money, I have owned 3 propertys on a mortgage of course my problems really kicked off just before the recession my payments (just for the mortgage) went up £400 a month as a result I lost the house as couldnt cope with it, there was no help then either. They did offer 6 months later for me to take the house back but I just couldnt bare it! That was 2 yrs ago now. So have gone from a 3 bed townhouse with garage and gorgeous garden to a room in a shared flat whcih were getting evicted from, its almost laughable!!

So as you can imagine Im up to my eyes in debt, have no way of paying anything right now, but decided to use all the negativity of everything into starting a course to work in a field I had always wanted to since I can remember.

Being a student I kinda knew it would make things harder especially with what happened but seems to have just suddenly crept up!

Well done on paying off your mortgage you must be over the moon

I hope at the time of your Ex being a prat you hit him over the head hee hee Men ...wonder why we bother sometimes.

Got any nice plans over the weekend?

xx