Blergh! - FatFairNForty(ish) - my diary

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

Sorry tonight was so difficult for you. I too hate TOTM! Especially in the summer when it's so darn hot!:grouphugg:

I hope you and he are able to come to a decision you'll be happy with when you get back from vacation.

Have a GREAT and SAFE trip!

thank you, the decision is all his to make at the moment.. TOTM is naff, makes me weepy too which doesn't help.. lol

morning
sorry it wasn`t such a great evening for you me too
have to applaud this guy he is being honest
absolutely - and he is and it can't have been easy - the easy option would have been to make a snap decision to say 'just friends'! Job done then eh!
something tells me that maybe you being away will make him realise how much he misses you and in time he can take things further with you.
I really hope so, but there's no telling...
TOTM is a curse but as you say at least it will be almost over when you fly yep and I can't abide the thought of having to make several loo trips in flight.. although.. the last time I tried I weighed at least 24 stone and couldn't move in the loo... oh my goodness! I might be able to use a loo in an airplane!!!!!!!!!
it is hard but no more tears now, you need to stay happy for the holiday, i`m sure you will get a text or 3 while your away
I'm trying to, honest... going to put on some loud music...reggae I think!
good luck with the packing and be happy thanks, you're a sweetie... I need luck with the packing!
kaz x

BRB - off to put loud music on and upset the dog and the neighbours! lol

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

Don't buy a cd-walkman. Mp3's are So much lighter smaller more versitile etc. the easiest way to load it is proabably to connect it to pc, open it from my computer & then copy whateve you want into it from CD's, or put the cd's into my music then copy them across.Then no CD's to transport etc.

You are SUCH a genius! I found my old mp3 player and it has a usb thingy and I'm going to have a bash at putting some music on it! lol

Ah except thatsome cd's seem to go acreoos in MP3 format automaticaly but the occasional one doesn't. The newr MP3's have big colour screens so you can see what's in it & choose what to listen to. I've got about 8 different books on mine at present to cover various moods. eg Len Deighton, Terry Pratchet, & 5 volumes of I'm Sorry I haven't a clue. Don't do high-brow for MP3 that's not the point of it. Need an engrossing diversion & sometimes a good laugh.
Just had a thought...can one Email Mp3 files? Would you be interested in the I'm Sorry.. ones. I just love it.know many of the jokes off by heart but it doesn't stop me giggling.
I think I may have just offered to commit a felony, but BBC audio books have had plenty of hard currency from me over the years.
Oh, I LOVE the thought of talking books on an mp3 player - especially terry pratchett!! If you can email the mp3 files then go for it! lol will pm you my home email addy as hotmail won't accept them (I think)! And even if they can't be sent, thank you for the thought
Now the important stuff. As I read it his life's bowl is rather full at present. He has strong feelings for you, I think that's pretty obvious. Do you think his doubts are more related to whether he can fit it in to his life without bursting rather than simply how he feels abot you?
I think he does care for and about me. I think he needs a break too and to think about what he really wants, he said he wanted ... "to meet a nice girl, be her best friend and lover and fall in love with her"... now, although we haven't become best friends or lovers.. I think he met his nice girl and perhaps fell in something with her and it's scared the pants off him! (well, not in the biblical sense, but you know what I mean!) and yes, his life IS full but he did want a girlfriend.. so I honestly don't know Jane. But I can't second guess and will have to wait and see what happens after 3 weeks apart...
Probably way off the mark. Either way I think you'll both benefit from a break & S & R. DEFINITELY!
Take a big hug from worcestershire.
Speek soon

Duly taken, appreciated and blubbed on !!

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

Jen, hun - you might not like what I'm going to say - but it's said with your best interests at heart and because I've been in your shoes with a similar type of man, whose failure to commit to a relationship nearly killed me.

This book changed my whole life and attitude towards relationships - Amazon.co.uk: Men Who Can't Love: How to Recognize a Commitmentphobic Man Before He Breaks Your Heart: Books: Steven Carter,Julia Sokol

It describes a type of man who rushes headlong into wooing you, with soft words and implicit intentions of longterm happiness together, then inexplicably withdraws. It's not his fault - he really is confused, but nonetheless, his reluctance to commit to a relationship never goes away. They go on in this pattern, wreaking havoc on womens' hearts, sometimes unintentionally, sometimes because they are in love with the first flushes of being in love and then run away when it all becomes real.

My concern isn't him. It's you. How long are you prepared to wait for him to 'decide'?

I waited 9 months - every minute in writhing agony - every contact a painful reminder that I just couldn't give him what he needed. Until I read this book and realised that nothing I could have done would have made him want me - I had just become too close to him and he ran for the hills. Oh he did it nicely - said if he was going to commit to anyone, it would be me and how lovely I was etc etc. Then he got engaged to someone else, which kind of made me realise that he was not in control of his emotions enough to make him a worthy recipient of my love.

S may well be a lovely man - but he's not doing you much good right now, is he, hun? It's got to be about YOU and what he can bring to the table and how he can enhance YOUR life - not the other way around.

I hope you understand that I'm saying this out of concern for you and I do feel your pain.

I just want you to go on your super holiday - have the time of your life and put S to the back of your mind.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Oh Isobel, thank you, such a thoughtful and loving post - I am only prepared to wait until my return from my holiday No longer. I know that and so does he and to be fair to him.... he has said that he feels bad that he hasn't been able to get his thinking straight yet but that it won't continue once I am home. So, I know I will get a decision then. Who knows.. I may have changed MY mind by the time of my return!

I am going to have the BEST holiday and chill out and have fun with my sister. thank you xxxxxxxxx

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

Hi Jennie, Thinking of you. :hug99:
xxxx

Thank you

Hi FFNF,
Sound advice from Isobel! Like you I thought I'd found Mr Right! I fell head over hills the minute I saw him! He was 'one of the lads' and just wouldn't commit. So I finally sat him down we had a heart to heart...and 16 years, 3 kids later we're still going strong! Talking straight is the best thing to do! You've done that now go and enjoy your holiday and things will sort themselves out either way soon. At the end of the day its his loss if you decide you don't want to wait any longer or Mr Right finds you on holiday! MM x

lol, somehow I don't think I will change my mind, however, you're right. lol It will be his loss if I do. (I'm trying to make light of it, but to be honest, I am still hoping he will decide the way I hope....)

Hope you get your packing done then relax and get into holiday mode.

thanks Sonkie - I think I have everything almost ready to pack....not started yet though...

 

[Isobel1965]

Oh Isobel, thank you, such a thoughtful and loving post - I am only prepared to wait until my return from my holiday No longer. I know that and so does he and to be fair to him.... he has said that he feels bad that he hasn't been able to get his thinking straight yet but that it won't continue once I am home. So, I know I will get a decision then. Who knows.. I may have changed MY mind by the time of my return!

I am going to have the BEST holiday and chill out and have fun with my sister. thank you xxxxxxxxx

You go, girl!!!!!!!!

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

Hello my darling

Hello

Just spent an absolute age catching up with you and all your going ons in the last 10 days. I know - I say too much!

Sorry to hear that things have not really got anywhere with S, :sigh: me too but like the others have already said go and have a fantastic holiday, I will ! try to put him to the back of your mind and see what the situation is when you get back. Yep, that's what I'm going to try and do Enjoy your hol, you've waited and looked forward to it for so long, so make sure you have an absolutely wonderful time. I will, honest injun xxx

Take care

xxxx

thanks, you're lovely

I'm so glad you had such a great time on your holiday

 

[KittyB]

((((Jennie))))

I echo all that these wise peeps have said

Sending you lots of postive thoughts and hugs

Kitty xxx

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

thanks Kitty xxx

It's usually my weigh in tonight...might get on my scales and make a note - but as I don't know how they differ from Ailsa's there isn't a lot of point - and my ticker won't be moving until I get back on hers.. but in any case.. sod it... here goes nothing.... they say 12 stone 13, and, according to Zoe that would mean I have put on 3lbs this week... as she says our scales are 4lbs less than Ailsas... and on Ailsa's I weighed 13 stone 1

Wonderful! :sigh: a weight gain for the first time in almost 9 damn months.. well, I'm going to leave ticker alone, hope its just TOTM and that it will be long gone soon!

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

Better go and pack... needs doing and I need to clean the pond pump out as it decided to reduce to a trickle today! Can't have that blow up! TOO costly! Got texts from S throughout the day and we spoke very briefly - he's going to call later and we're going to see each other tomorrow evening. (I think?) :sigh: in fact, he's on the phone now! lol

 

[cah-ching]

Don't take your scales as gospel. 12St 13Ibs / 12St 9Ibs no matter you've done sooooooooooooooooooooooo..... well.

No matter how outside influences are making you feel right now, take it from me you should feel a million dollars on the inside for doing so well! You look a million dollars!

You deserve to be treated like the diamond that you are Jennie

.

CC xxxxx

 

[cah-ching]

he's on the phone now! lol

Enjoy the chat!

 

[sonkie]

Hope that suitcase is packed and ready to go.......bet its bursting at the seams though with all those lovely smaller clothes......!

 

[mindless]

Go on holiday - chill out - crisp up and dance yourself dizzy

then after you get out the airport ........................

sincerely Jennie, take the biggest chill pill and have a great time - of all the people, you deserve to recharge and have a great time.

By the way, helps if you pack your stuff - one time when the saying 'Pack your bags' is a good 'un.!!

 

[jane]

thanks Kitty xxx

It's usually my weigh in tonight...might get on my scales and make a note - but as I don't know how they differ from Ailsa's there isn't a lot of point - and my ticker won't be moving until I get back on hers.. but in any case.. sod it... here goes nothing.... they say 12 stone 13, and, according to Zoe that would mean I have put on 3lbs this week... as she says our scales are 4lbs less than Ailsas... and on Ailsa's I weighed 13 stone 1

Wonderful! :sigh: a weight gain for the first time in almost 9 damn months.. well, I'm going to leave ticker alone, hope its just TOTM and that it will be long gone soon!

now which is really more likely. A weight gain from Mrs 10stone off, or a cock up on the how-do-I compensate-for-these-not being-ailsa-scales?
err so was it him on the phone?

 

[westiegirl]

Can't really say anything more than anyone else has but to let you know that I'm thinking about you lots and I know that you'll have an absolutely fabulous holiday. Will miss you loads when you are away.

Thank you for being my friend, even when I'm on a downer and not been as supportive to you as I should.

I truly believe that 3 weeks away will give both you and S some clarity and I actually believe that there will be a positive outcome, because I know how special you are and not having you in his life would be more difficult than he currently realises.

I love ya loads hun!

 

[Karen1972]

Hey gorgeous!!

Have a fabulous holiday!!

Forget about S - guard your heart ok???

Enjoy the slow nature of the caribbean and cherish each moment with your lovely sister. How often do you get to do this kind of thing eh?? Don't let ANYTHING or ANYONE spoil this for you!!

Your crazy life will be here waiting for you when you get back.

Do not analyse the outcome. You have no idea at the moment what that will be. You cannot influence it when you're away. SO just CHILL OUT and have fun!!!

Will miss you loads!!!!

Lots of luv and hugs,

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

Well, just drawing breath here! lol

Last night had a nice chat with S, and then got stuck in to packing - nightmare - blitzed wardrobe and bed looked like a bomb site! (see pic below) Still, it's all (somehow) miraculously packed (well nearly)... and today I have so far...

Cleaned the pond pump and it's running like a dream now (see nasty before pic!!)

Walked dog around the lakes, dropped dog off at kennels... me sad him tail wagging, but I don't think he realised I was leaving him felt odd coming home and him not jumping up on the window sill to greet me.... :sigh:

Then it was off to get car sorted out (in car phone charger socket packed up) so got that done, also did washing and got that on the line, lol, have written out sticky address labels for postcards (I know I must have forgotten someone but I'm not taking my address book out with me!) lol, didn't finish packing last night until 1am!! VERY tired today.

What else, oh yeah, lol, rang sis at 7.30 to say I was packed and starting to get excited, lol, and told her about the aqua shoes I bought yesterday and agreed to go get her some today! So, post car fixing I nipped into Rushden and got her those, and, as instructed by her, I bought a dress!!! I went into Select and there was a dress that I loved... smocking across boobilage, little straps, then gypsy style to the floor... black and white... I love it! Tried it on and asked someone what they thought- they said I needed the next size down so I tried that on and OMG! It fitted! It is a size 12!!!! I was so shocked, mind you, feet on the ground time... couldn't get close to fitting into another dress that was a 16.. nor trousers that were a 14, lol... but DID buy a pair of size 14 black trousers that fit me.. plus 2 more cotton tops.. 1 red, 1 white (both 14's)... lol so I dunno what size I am but still hankering after the 'comfortable in all size 14's'

Anyway, got some cheap sunglasses too and then almost got evicted from a charity shop as I undressed the window dummy to get a gorgeous sarong of it lol, they started to say they couldn't sell anything from the window so I pointed out, very nicely, that a) they were a charity and need my money, b) they had other sarongs they could cover the dummy with and c) I'd already got the tag of it so it was a done deal.. I gave them the change too so they got a fiver instead of just 4 quid.. lol.. bit of a sweetner for messing up their display (still a fab bargain though!).. lol

Chuckled my way along the high street and back to the car...

Have asked S to print out my flight info so I can give Zoe a copy and my mate L too... also done all the washing up, house really looks great - told Zoe it had better look this way when I get home too! lolololol (She'll be coming home on her 'off' days). HAd to lend her the money to be able to do that - bank are going to hate me soon! PLUS sent money to Sarah as she's 20 on Saturday!

MP3 player is fully loaded with a real mix of music... my head's a whirl with what I still need to do - I have an entire branch of Boots the chemist still needing to be shoved somewhere in the organised chaos that is my clothes! lol

PLUS... I don't know what time I'm seeing S tonight but Zoe wants to spend the evening here with her fella so I AM going to ask for a definite time this time as it's important. PLUS.. I did suggest we might like to start my holiday off by going out for a meal somewhere - I will have chicken or prawn salad... easy! DOn't think he'll go for that, but hey, if not, then I shall have another muffin! lol

Rang my nana this morning so mega brownie points there, AND my mum (more brownie points)... have Fathers Day card and prezzie ready, anniversary card ready, birthday card for Sarah ready.. lol... there are a couple of other birthdays I need to nip and get cards for too... hope I remember those!

MUST remember to pack packs for Dublin too - found suitcase that is hand luggage size (bought especially a couple of years ago to stick to RyanAirs rigid sizing!). Will pack for Dublin when I get back to mums - haven't a clue what to wear or pack that weekend.. so , as I have my entire wardrobe with me anyway.. lol

Oh, sis is going to unpack me and repack and tell me what to leave out! lol Hopefully I can leave loads of stuff out! hee hee

Lordy, I've been jigging around the house to "Hot Hot Hot" and a Soca CD sis loaned me.. she told me this morning that we will be swimming and snorkelling and chilling and dancing and that I will have a great and very very restorative time! I believe her!

Right - better get on and try and pin this man down to a time... I reckon 8pm is fair... not too early,... not too late.. gives us at least 2 hours together... and an early night for both if that's what is wanted. I won't sleep though! lol

PLUS.. lol.. sorry, nearly done now... last night my mate Trudy called in to see if I was ok and we had a brilliant natter and hug and she helped me blitz wardrobe etc.. lol

I have a gift for S.. it's a sandstone 'Hug' I bought years ago and have kept in a drawer for the right person.. and I have written a little not to go with it and all it says is...

"Although I am thousands of miles away I shall be thinking of you and hoping you are ok and life is easing up for you. I'm giving you this 'Hug' because I hope that when you look at it you will smile and think of me too. Jennie xxx"

I think it's a safe thing to write, no edge to it, no pressure,and no reference to the thinking he has to do in my abscence. It's a very simple piece of sandstone, smooth lines and no features.. just my kind of thing. I intend to give it to him this evening and tell him not to open it until Thursday afternoon (when I shall be uncontactable and flapping my batwings merrily as we cross the - um -- atlantic?? ) lol I'm crap at geography... but then, I'm not flying the plane so it doesn't matter! lol

Oh, on the way back from shops I visited a friend of mine - she has a load of ducklings in her kitchen - I took pics with phone camera and if I can I'll try and whack them on here, they are SO cute!

Cheerio for now!

 

[westiegirl]

My goodness, what a whirlwind of activity! It's always the same trying to get everything organised before going away.

I hope that everything is almost sorted now so that you can make arrangements with S and really enjoy the time you spend together without worrying about what still needs to be done!

Gonna miss ya loads hun, but I'm glad you're going because I think that you really need it and you'll be a whole new woman when you come back.

Love ya :sign0168:

 

[KittyB]

Jennie,
Have a fantastic time hun
Will miss your updates while you're away. Have a fantastic time in Dublin too
Bon Voyage!!

Kitty xxx

 

[sonkie]

ooooooo I am excited for you.....hope you have a super night tonight and a bluddy fantastic holiday.
Cant wait to hear of everything that you get up to.

Missing you already.x