Blergh! - FatFairNForty(ish) - my diary

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

Ok... i have had to mess around with the pics but... attached are the ones Ailsa took this afternoon and the 2 of me yesterday at Hunstanton (with my fellow bikers cropped out).... names and pictures changed to protect the innocent etc.... lol lol

Thanks Kitty Zoe is home home, worked a week's notice and has an interview tomorrow and is enrolling back at college for her level 3 (eves)... so no hanging around thank goodness as freezer not full any more!

Thanks Irene ((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))

Right, MUST go get on with this work... it's hard!!

 

[jane]

Hello jennie,
Life's still changing for you daily isn't it.

What you didn't say re the embarrassing PCT phone call was their reaction. Did you get any feeling about their attitude towards the funding? Your spliiling the emotional beans with some candid info added should have helped.

Glad you've coem out about CDC training.
you'll enjoy it & be SOOOo good at it.

 

[kazbro]

wow wow wow
your pics are stunning
jennie you are a star and i think slimmer of the year
well done hun
amazing
fabulous
brilliant
i could go on and on

kaz xx

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

Hello jennie,
Life's still changing for you daily isn't it.

Hiya

Yep it certainly seems to be!

What you didn't say re the embarrassing PCT phone call was their reaction. Did you get any feeling about their attitude towards the funding? Your spliiling the emotional beans with some candid info added should have helped.

I haven't said their reaction as it was a deeply personal conversation and to give their response would be too difficult.. but I don't think my call was necessarily a good thing to be honest.. I will find out next week... they are discussing it tomorrow... I feel a mixture of nausea and anticipation... don't want to get my hopes up...but trying not to be devastated if a negative response forthcoming... hard though..

Glad you've coem out about CDC training.
you'll enjoy it & be SOOOo good at it.

Thanks, I hope so... I will give it my best shot.

wow wow wow
your pics are stunning
jennie you are a star and i think slimmer of the year
well done hun
amazing
fabulous
brilliant
i could go on and on

kaz xx

Lol Kaz, thank you hon, you are always such a love.

I'm still working on the CDC homework and am beginning to panic as I have to get it in by tomorrow! Eek!

Have to say... one of the questions makes me want to give a very flippant answer... lol... but I shall resist! This is VERY serious stuff!! (But you know me... it's really hard not to say some stuff! lol lol lol)

Will sleep better when it's done and dusted and out of my hands! (Probably tonight - I'm off to hairdressers after work then out with a mate tonight bowling, then will probably drive up to Corby to drop off paperwork or , if STILL not done, will sit up 'til it is and take it straight after work tomorrow lunchtime... but even for me, that is cutting it a bit too fine....

Mum rang last night, she told me my nana really enjoyed my visit but thinks I've lost too much weight... ahhh God love her! lol lol lol What's that saying.... 'you can never win' ?

Oh.... for all those wonderful ladies who sponsored me at the Brum meet up - please can you send your sponsorship money to me as I have to hand it all over when I arrive at the airfield on the 20th! (Smacks a bit of – hand it over in case you become strawberry jam!!) lol But if them’s the rules, them’s the rules!! (I was a bit shocked though as in other events you collect it after you can prove you did it! I suppose they have their reasons… and I don’t mind as long as it’s all in… lol )

Can’t believe it’s only 18 days til I leap out of a plane at 10k + feet hopefully strapped to some lush fit bloke - have gravity giving me a blast and get a real birds eye view of things! Wooohooooooo…..

what next….? lol Think I might put ‘white water rafting’ on my birthday prezzie wish list… hee hee hee… (now I can get into a wet suit!) Hmmm… wonder if I can persuade the bike club to do it as a day out…. that way we all get to have some fun together and do something mad! Sounds like a plan to me!!

oooh, have to say... this 1000cal step is ace! Had 2 shredded wheat with my skimmed milk allowance for breakfast and feel really really good! Enjoyed every flippin morsel... strange how a year of basically no food has completely converted my taste buds into fully appreciating things I would never have considered before... last night was chicken, brocolli, cabbage and cous cous!! 40g of dry couscous doesn't make a huge amount and I had to write calculation on box as it only needs 54ml of water (portion on box for 1 serving is 150g of dry weight with lots of water)... have to say though.. it was a very filling meal and I chose dried apricots as my fruit to follow and they were scrummy yummy too!

I am falling in love all over again with food, but this time it feels different... long may it last... I even tried a raw tomato the other day (have always hated them) but nah, still don't like 'em... lol...

Not feeling in the least bit hungry and its 11.20am (been up since 7am) and drunk lots of me usual... water, sugar free appleade, coke zero... innard are probably a right mess with all the fizz... lol but I don't care! lol Feeling good today - nervous - excited - sick (see above) - but good! Looking forward to bowling with someone who won't lecture me on arm movements and feckin curtseying! lol

Right... MUST shove off... been flat out at work all morning and heaps to do... still got CDC stuff in my head! You know what - makes me respect EVEN MORE - those who are already accredited! Never realised there was so much to it and they all make it look so easy! lol Trust me.. it is and it isn't!

Wonder how my fellow trainees are doing... might waffle about that another time too... perhaps over the next few days I may get chance to almost catch up with all my friends diaries (sorry been a really really inward looking muppet of late, not always a good thing, but sometimes a necessary evil).

Happy days!

 

[Mich]

'Wit woo..... wit wooo' check you out in your photos.... you look ace Jennie and it's all very well deserved.... wish I had a fraction of your will power.... just gonna PM you to find out how much I comitted myself to for the jump - you are seriously barking mad you know that don't you....fit bloke or no fit bloke there are other ways to get tangled up with a fit bloke....lololol

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

Oooh, also... Zoe brought home with her a massive box of flapjacks she had made (some dipped in white chocolate)... I did succumb at 5am Sunday morning when we got home and scoffed 4 of em!! (they are the size of fishfingers) and as a result had a mega pounding headache all day Sunday and yesterday too - so they are in the larder unit and fridge and I am not going near them.... nasty evil devil's food!!! (Gave me nasty headache.... not nice... but they were scrummy... not scrummy enough to put up with a thick head though!!) I know I won't touch them again and she is forbidden from making any more! lol (Unless removed from premises immediately! lol)

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

you are seriously barking mad you know that don't you....fit bloke or no fit bloke there are other ways to get tangled up with a fit bloke....lololol

hee hee hee... funny... you aren't the first to say that to me...

 

[jane]

I'm still working on the CDC homework and am beginning to panic as I have to get it in by tomorrow! Eek!
But Jennie you're so close you could pop over & hand it over the desk in person

Have to say... one of the questions makes me want to give a very flippant answer... lol... but I shall resist! This is VERY serious stuff!! (But you know me... it's really hard not to say some stuff! lol lol lol)
Just the one? how restrained of you.

Mum rang last night, she told me my nana really enjoyed my visit but thinks I've lost too much weight... ahhh God love her! lol lol lol What's that saying.... 'you can never win' ?

Ah yes,praps that could have been anticipated. And this is why you love her too isn't it.

I am falling in love all over again with food, but this time it feels different... long may it last...
All sounds good to me.Wonder how my fellow trainees are doing... might waffle about that another time too
Did you enjoy the training day?
... perhaps over the next few days I may get chance to almost catch up with all my friends diaries (sorry been a really really inward looking muppet of late, not always a good thing, but sometimes a necessary evil).

Happy days!

Don't give me that 'necessary evil' twaddle. fundamental,essential,blah blah. suspect there a zero chance of success at maintenance with out it.
also in a short while, when you're sitting over a cup of tea with a client who's trying to begin to understand her overeating habits are you going to call her an 'introverted muppet'.
don't assign harder rules to yourself thsn you would to others.

 

[mindless]

FIGHT (LOL)

Brave Girl Jane teehee

At which point (as a wise man) I shall back out

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

It's been a funny kind of day - not ha ha funny... just funny...

Today I submitted my CDC stuff... and the PCT held their discussions... went to Bike club and definitely am getting a frosty reception from one (if not 2) of the women there.... and no idea why! Came away early as very tired and still up... off to bed now as been very reflective all day...

Very nervous about sharing that I have applied to be a CDC as am worried about failing... lots of emotions spinning around at the moment... not least the ops thing... it's all a waiting game now...

Right, going to bed before this becomes the kind of post I dread reading in the morning and groaning to myself about... lol

 

[westiegirl]

Hope you feel better this morning.

Well done on getting the CDC stuff submitted. How long till you hear?

Fingers crossed on PCT.

As to frosty reception, well that's obviously because they feel totally threatened by some hot babe rocking up in her leathers, scared that their men will run away with her!!!

Love ya xxx

PS, PMSL at your text from last night - just read it!!!

 

[IreneH]

Congratulations on submitting application. You'll make a great CDC. And fingers crossed for the outcome of the PCT. You are looking so good that the ladies are probably just a little jealous. Just be yourself and if they don't like it tough.

Love

Irene xx

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

'Morning

Still in very reflective mode and very pre-occupied about last night...

When I first joined the bike club they went out of their way to make me feel welcome... I'm not saying that they still don't do that, but there is definitely something going on with a couple of the ladies (and no, honestly, there is no danger whatsoever of them thinking I would be after their blokes... honest... it isn't that... I don't know what it is.. but it isn't that...)

I sent one of them an email this week thanking her for encouraging me to join in and go along to the meets... told her how much it has helped me and that my being OTT (I know I talk too much and laugh loads but I'm happy! lol) is a compliment to how comfortable they have made me feel with them all... told her it was wonderful to 'belong' again.

Her response? A polite 'your welcome' followed by... "one criticism though - can you go easy on the perfume as I have hay fever and it makes me sneeze"... lol Now, that in itself wouldn't have bothered me too much had it been worded differently... (and of course, I put barely a whiff of the stuff on last night for fear of upsetting her nasal passages – I really don’t want to make anyone sneeze!) but in the mindset I have right now, it was a real "OUCH!" moment... y'know? ... PLUS... definitely got ignored at one point by her and the other lady who I am convinced I've somehow managed to upset (which is beyond me as, when at the National rally oop north, and it was pee-ing down with rain and blowing a hooley - I offered to bring her home in the car with me and Zoe.... unless that was wrong of me...??) and last night they were organising the presentation of the fundraising cheque - a staggering £10k+ (fabulous charity - Warwicks and Northants Air Ambulance) and told me there were strictly limited numbers so they could only include those who really supported/took part in the event (was on August Bank Hol Monday).... now, that's fair enough... I understand that... I do… but... I supported the event too... I distributed fliers, posters, blagged a good raffle prize from a local motorcycle dealership, donated cash and baked 100 fairy cakes.... forgive me for thinking that was showing support... the only thing I didn't do was go because I was at Notting Hill!

Sorry – she’s right, of course, I know she is, I just would have loved to be a part of it, they're going to be out all day and evening too I think... a real top 'branch' event... still... I know that on air bases you have restrictions, but even so, she is a key fundraiser for the charity and I’m sure if she wanted me there it would be possible.
Hey, knocks me down a peg or two eh... lol… at least I hope someone will take photos of the whole presentation so I can get a feel for the thing… get over it Jennie!

Argh!!! lol Sounding like a petulant child who’s sulking coz she can’t get her own way… but it brings back memories of being the last one picked for sports … etc…. know what I mean? and the ‘popular’ girls looking down their noses at me… (Ironically – like a bad smell!)

Hey ho.

Sorry.. you can tell I'm in real 'sour grapes' 'ultra sensitive', 'crybaby mare' mode today... that's what you get for: being out too much; not sleeping enough; and (maybe) TOTM looming large; loads of reflecting: CDC stuff... financial stuff... food stuff (all good - still loving the 1000kcals!)... kids... (Zoe still not got a new job)... blokes (still affected by that bad experience and also confused about someone else now.. and got past things getting to me... ).... surgery… I know the PCT will have made their decision... I have to wait and see... can feel the pressure getting to me but desperately want to be 'what will be, will be' about it... one of my best mates is very very depressed and I am incredibly worried about/for her too…. she’s really not in a good place… poor love. So just the odd thought or two kicking around in the little grey cells! lol

The guys at the bike club and the other females make me feel very happy to be there... so... am going to grit my teeth, hang tight, and just be extra nice to those from whom I sense a really negative vibe... I’ve found over the years that being nice to those who aren't as nice to me is a) disarming (they really don’t expect it) b) very positive (for me, because being nice makes me feel good too) and c) although sometimes very hard, it usually reaps rewards of at least a slight increase in warmth from the ‘negative’ parties and d) the right thing to do.... if after doing so repeatedly for a period of time with no change, then I shall give up and just be polite and tolerant. No point in upsetting apple carts now is there....

Also think I should get back into my Bible readings… I don’t mention my Faith much but there are times when I ‘forget’ some of the very basics and I know if I spend time doing reading etc that it really does help… so… more of that methinks!

Sorry... didn't log on to say any of this... TOTM MUST be coming! lol

Thank goodness it's a sunny morning... I think I'll bundle the dog into the car and go and walk this afternoon with him somewhere peaceful (might take soup, flask etc and have lunch whilst out!)... hmm.. need to get a rucksack... ah... think there may be one in with the camping gear!! Right... that's my afternoon sorted! lol Wish I had a camera though.... hmm... might ring mum and ask if she can get me one for my birthday... early... lol Feel totally lost without it and if I get accredited I shall have to have one for all my clients ‘before’, ‘during’ and ‘after’ pics!

Came into work to discover a huge list of things to do… on any other day would just start and work slowly through them… today… head somewhere twixt a vice and a tornado/vortex! in a vice... lol…

Please let it be 12 soon.....

...and on a positive note....

2 very generous minimin-ers sent me sposnsorship (you know who you are) so thank you so much! Plus... my mum rang to say her hairdresser knocked a tenner of her perm and told her to give it to me as sponsorship too! Good things do happen on a daily basis too...

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

OK, right... got my thinking head back on again now... someone PLEASE tell me NOT to post when I'm feeling so crappy!!!!

I feel bad now for moaning and bitching about the club... they don't deserve it... it's not them... it's me and how I'm reacting to what are pretty normal things I guess...

I'm positive there will be number restrictions (prob on Health & Safety grounds) and I am just being snotty coz I want to go too... lol... and there will be branch members who've put in months of preparation and effort and time and energy and of course they SHOULD go... I hate when I get my 'poor me' head on! It's ridiculous!! BAH!!!!

As for being ignored... well.. you know what.. they were in a deep conversation so maybe that was my being ultra-sensitive too... coz of the day I'd had... so... whilst I did feel all those things... and some of them are niggling still... I do believe that it is my problem not theirs...

The comment about perfume was well founded I do tend to douse myself in the stuff and if I was suffering because someone did that I would ask them (perhaps a little more subtly) to ease up a bit too... so unfair of me to gripe on that one too! lol

Oh well... lol... felt better to offload it all though... :giggle: :giggle:

Just need to go with a better attitude next week - it's going to be a mega night with a quiz etc... they do organise some fab things!

A lovely lady from this site sent me the following (I printed it out and have just read it and I carry it with me always - glued into my diary!)....

How Important Are They?

Someone said something unkind about me. Are my feelings hurt? Yes.
Should they be? No.
How do I overcome my hurt? By detaching myself, "turning it off," until I can figure out what lies behind it. If it was a retaliation for an unkindness I did, let me correct the matter. If not, I have no responsibility in the matter. Nothing can hurt me unless I allow it to.
When I am pained by anything that happens outside of myself, it is not that thing which hurts me, but the way I think and feel about it.
Let me not take to myself and suffer over, the actions and reactions of other people. Other adult human beings are not my responsibility, no matter how closely their lives may be entwined with mine. I will not allow myself to be troubled by anyone else, my goal is to improve my own way of living and looking at life.


Hurrah for minimins and remembering to read this again just now

Also... it's 12! :giggle:

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

....(... ... wise man) .......

Contradiction in terms!

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

Right... am home now.. going out on my pushbike later.. nervous and excited all at once.. lol.. taking it to be sorted out to make it rideable then tootling off around somewhere I've never been before and hoping I don't embarass myself by falling off it! lol Sorry for the horrendous moaning minnie earlier... am totally convinced TOTM is on the way as now have a spot on chin!! Argh!

Just had chicken salad for lunch and am going to have a muffin too ... adored the shredded wheat for brekkie again but will be trying oats tomorrow as went and bought some especially

Got on the scales this morning - they tell me I've lost more.. hmm... we'll see... on the way home I nipped to the butchers and bought some pickled shallots.. ended up with him sponsoring me.. lol... he started the conversation with.. " you've lost more weight ! I'll sponsor you to put some back on! " I hadn't even mentioned the skydive and had no intention of doing so! lol So I replied with "well, if you're in the mood to sponsor me for something...." ran out to the car, grabbed my sponsor form.... end result... tenner more for NCH!

He said it was always good to see me but that I cost him money! (last time he sponsored the music festival and we had a banner made with his business name on it... lol)... hee hee... only 16 days til jump time!

Off now to do some tidying up and try and fit bike in car! Might be difficult but there's no way I'm missing out on this opportunity!

 

[Gen]

Jennie....

Words just escape me when I read through your posts... I do be wrecked by the time I read all your goings on that I rarely post... thats a good thing by the way

You have achieved so much and really in such a small time frame its just amazing!!!

You have loads and loads of friends and really don't need these 'ladies' as your friends so just be yourself and ignore them!!! I was glad you said that everyone else was grand with you cos I was picturing you going in and everyone ignoring ya!!

You are just truly inspirational

Enjoy ur ride

xxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Dub07]

Oh, hon

There will always be the type who thinks up "something to whine about" and if you're wearing ANY perfume at all, it's going to give them allergies. Don't pay a jot of attention. Well done. I'm never going to do a parachute jump and I'm not going to even discuss it with you till you've done at least five and can steer.

Apart from my fear of heights, I'm petrified of spiders (found one in the bath last night which yes, squished instead of capture-releasing) and lots of other stuff.

 

[SHAZA]

I agree with the other minimins ~ those ladies are jealous and dont deserve your thoughts

By the way ~ just spotted some portsmouth photos on an old thread and I cant believe the changes in you since then

Its unbelievable how far you have come ~ WELL DONE YOU

ps dont forget keep us all posted for op and CDC news

SHaza

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

Good morning

I love Fridays!

Well, have to tell you... lol... I did go for my cycle ride (first time on a push bike in almost 25 years!!!!!) and it was the best fun!

I took my bike to be sorted out and bless, my friend gave me a gel seat cover for the saddle (his cover, not a spare, how kind is that!) and we loaded the bikes into his car and set off. I have never been to Pitsford Reservoir before and oh my goodness... it is stunning. I loved every single second - even when I almost fell off coz I couldn't get into the right gear up hill and then tried to take in the scenery... lol... we chatted and rode and stopped occassionally... he kept checking I was ok coz I was quiet... I told him that water has that effect on me... rivers, lakes, oceans, reservoirs... just something incredible peaceful about it... we got back to the car just as the sun was setting... pink skies in Northamptonshire - always breathtaking, but even more so when shared with someone who equally appreciates the magic of nature... ended up going out for dinner and I got home around midnight. A really very lovely afternoon and evening. Have arranged to go out again on Sunday too with the pushbikes... He's very nice.

Today I struck a deal with the sweetie man on our market - I've known him for several years.. lol.. we agreed that as I was now cycling I was ok to buy 5 chocolates this morning instead of 4 but back to 4 next week... lol I love my Friday 'treat' and am saving 2 for this afternoon/evening...

Out tonight to the pub (karaoke!!!) lol so should be fun! Got to clean out the pond pump this afternoon (all clogged up since Rally!) and take the tent down (only been up since August! lol) and going to (if time and energy) try and sort out front bits of grass and weeds and me trough - that's after I've been shopping for my own gel seat cover and some trakky bottoms as jeans aren't the best thing to cycle in!

Had porridge for brekki.. yummy and hot and filling (nuked it in the microwave, lol) but a bit sloppy... lol.. yesterday for my fruit I had half a banana... can't ever recall them being SO damn tasty! lol Zoe had the other half It's lovely having her home but she Soooooo needs to get a job!

Another mad weekend of housework, gardening, and room sorting lies ahead... I've also arranged to meet with my ex hubby.

I'm not entirely sure what I shall say to him and will post on this later maybe when I have time... but... I do know it's something I thought I didn't need to do, but I realised, I do. Only meeting for 5 minutes. My terms. Want to say some things to him that have gone unsaid - and I want to see his reaction first hand before he sees any pictures of me anywhere else... and yeah.. I want to make him realise that he didn't destroy my life, I have survived and I am living life properly now...

Unhealthy? Maybe... will let you know after I see him!

Don't anticipate hearing from PCT unteil well after the postal strike! Of course, I could ring them but I am afraid to... need to summon up the courage to do that next week and perhaps use the postal strike as an excuse for impatience.... the thing is, once I know then I know... (if you know what I mean....)

Same will go for CDC! They can't write to me at the moment and the postal strike will have a mega impact - I did hand deliver my things so might offer to collect anything they may have for me... I got lost though.. lol... anyway... must do work... loads to do... prob work late and def taking some home to do at some point over the weekend... no idea when I'll get time though! lol

Murder Mystery tomorrow night at Creamers wine bar (was ace last time!) and Sunday is bike ride and pub in evening when PQM knocks for me at half 8... lol must text Zoe and ask her to do some washing... hmm... can I trust her to read labels though..... lol...