Blergh! - FatFairNForty(ish) - my diary

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

I'm back! lol Just like the proverbial bad penny! lol

I'm only in very briefly before shooting off out on a 'date' kind of thing... anyway... I had an incredible, stupendous, exhilerating, exhausting, laughter and tear filled, manic, fun fun fun weekend!
Did loads, met loads of old friends and new - much hilarity - got to ride on the National Run on the back of Fitbloke's bike and boy was THAT a buzz!! Very tempted to post the link to the video of us going round one of the bends!! hee hee... never been so excited on a motorbike in all my born days!

Up til all hours, out and about... fresh sea air... great friends... me size 10 jeans...got to spend a whole day in my leathers! lol lol lol... anyway... MUST dash,. but wanted to let you all know I went and am back and haven't forgotten just how madly behind I am with this diary of mine but in all honesty.. 'tis gonna have to wait 'til to weekend proper as am out tonight, tomorrow is bike club (yipppeee!!) but I am going to cancel my Thursday night arrangements and am clear all weekend 'til Sunday morning when... I am bringing Zoe home... she has handed in her notice and is coming back home! Lots of feelings about that but overwhelmingly that she is making the right choice for her... she has a job interview Monday and is enrolling for her level 3 at college Tuesday (it will be on Weds eves)... so... no hanging around for her as she knows I can't support her.. (financially)... took over 200 pics this weekend... will put a couple on this post.. we had a great great time... dying to share it all with you guys.. and read your posts too... but must go get ready!

OH crap!! ALMOST forgot!! Was weigh in today - put on 0.9lbs so an pretty pleased as I did have a lot of extra chicken over the weekend so was way over the allowed 6oz per day... so a good result there too!

Will update as and when... and respond to your wonderful messages too.

Cheerio for now! xxxxxxx

 

[MandyB2]

So pleased you had a fab weekend hun It sounds lush

much love xxxx

 

[octavia]

Hello FFNF,

I have spent the past week slowly reading through your entire diary and am exhausted with how busy you always are! I have laughed and cried with you, and you have "kept me there" on the diet, especially on Sunday when I was really struggling (I read from 1st new bra to meeting S on Sunday).
How wonderful that someone I have never met has been such a true inspiration to me and I wanted to say thankyou so much for leaving your diary on here)
I did manage to stick with LL and have now lost 25lbs in 3 weeks so am very happy)
Thankyou!!

 

[MadamDotty]

*whoosh*
*typing frantically*
*whoosh*

- that's the sound effects of your thread as you whizzed in, typed your post and whizzed out again I can still feel the breeze in my hair I got as I read your post
xxx

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

Another mad dash online - but - had to share..... Skydive is confirmed as being on October 20th (Zoe's birthday)!!

Very excited now! lol

Quick precis on life.... still in process of making inroads to financial situation, work going well, diet going great (loving 790 so much!!), feeling knackered but very happy, men: Fitbloke texting daily (he made a point of giving me his mobile number at the rally ) weather permitting may be out on his bike on Saturday! (pray for the clouds to go away please and no high winds!!) he's a nice guy, don't think he's all that 'into' me, but is great company and incredibly easy on the eye... :giggle: , Cooldude vanished into the ether over my weekend away - put in brief text appearance on Tuesday), 'date' from Tuesday evening was very positive, saw him again yesterday afternoon for lunch (I had a spicy tom soup), seeing him again tomorrow eve (briefly as I can't face another really late night so soon!) and again Sunday maybe - although I want to go to motorbike BBQ Sunday so might do that instead..., depends how Friday goes I guess.. lol... skydive booked and sponsorship growing nicely... every penny helps... I've had promises from £2 to £90 so if you can... please pm me and add to it. Ta ever so.

Animals healthy, daughters healthy, mum and sis prepping to go on hols... nana in fine fettle... busy days at the moment off to do some work towards helping finances now and also filling in forms.

Lots emotionally whirling around, good, bad and indifferent too... head not caught up with body yet... weird! Will post more over weekend.

Happy days!

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

Hello FFNF,

I have spent the past week slowly reading through your entire diary and am exhausted with how busy you always are! I have laughed and cried with you, and you have "kept me there" on the diet, especially on Sunday when I was really struggling (I read from 1st new bra to meeting S on Sunday).
How wonderful that someone I have never met has been such a true inspiration to me and I wanted to say thankyou so much for leaving your diary on here)
I did manage to stick with LL and have now lost 25lbs in 3 weeks so am very happy)
Thankyou!!

Wow Octavia, 25lbs in 3 weeks is fantastic! You ought to be very happy and very proud of yourself too Am touched that in some way my ramblings and manic life have helped in some way Thank you for telling me, it makes me go all warm and gooey inside. Hey, no need for thanks - you did the hard work, pat on the back to you You are the only reason for your sucess Well done!

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

Have a fantastic time Jen
I just realised - My mate is on a rally this weekend - wouldnt it be weird if its the same one?!!!
(They are the 'Black sheep family.... cos her OH drinks it - her son is the Lamb)

Have fun
x

Hiya Debbie

It would've been very weird - shame I didn't see this before going or I would've asked you to get in touch with her and ask! lol

Had oodles of fun!! Well, you know me! lol Fun is essential!

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

So pleased you had a fab weekend hun It sounds lush

much love xxxx

Thanks Mandy It was, I loved it. Almost every second of it! (I did have the odd 'reflective' moment or two... lol)

Just want to say, thank you for being with me on this journey from day 1 . Means a lot

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

hope you have a fab weekend hun, do yer leathers still fit eh ????
xx

Hey hon Oh yes, they are wicked! Love em!! Bit baggy in some areas now but all the more comfy for it too

Wow babes what a weekend you have ahead of you!!! Your relationship with Zoe is soooo wonderful and I agree you are the coolest mum!!! Fancy adopting me? lol

Have a truly wicked time in every sense of the word and i look forward to reading all about it next week!!!!!!

Hope the weather holds out for you.

Lots of luv,

Lol, couldn't adopt YOU!! Blimey - we would kill each other within a week! (too freakin similar in many ways! lol)... I love my relationship with Zoe and Sarah... they are lovely girls. The weekend was just the absolute tops! Weather was great for most of it too! Will drone on about it another time!

Darling, I have tears in my eyes reading your post because I love to see you so happy, because it's all you deserve and more!

Wish I was with you, missing you loads at the moment.

Looking forward to the update next week xxx

Oh Sarah, it would have been totally ace if you were there too!! Only a brief dancing interlude though.. but even so.. think you would've enjoyed the social side of things enormously!

Hiya honey

Hope you had a fantastic weekend, absolutely made up about you getting into your size 10 jeans, FANTASTIC, I did exactly the same as you, burst into tears the first time I got a pair of size 10's over my bum and done up, it's a wonderful, amazing feeling - enjoy every single minute of it.

Look forward to hearing all about your weekend - hope you're not too shattered!
xxx

Still getting my head 'round the size 10 thing... weird innit! I'm totally shattered but am going to get an early night tonight (have cancelled my mate coming to help sort out my downstairs rooms as too pooped!) so... intention is... bed by no later than 9pm.. soooo, if you see me lurking online you have my permission to smack wrists and order off!

Jennie, I'm so so happy for you hun

Hope you've had a fab weekend, and hoping that your home hasn't be effected by the bad weather that hit your side of the country early this morning

Love Kitty xxx

Hiya Kitty, My home was ok but up the road there were trees blown down! I missed it all as was still 'oop north! Hope all's well with you

jenny i came on here today to write in my diary and well lets just say stress stress stress
but then i read your diary and boy does it give me a kick up the arse
you have done so well and am now enjoying life and having fun
you did it you beat the battle and came out glowing
so thank you jenny
as for me well i have a rough few days ahead or maybe weeks but as long as i keep reading your diary i hope to stay on the track to slimdome

thanks hun
kaz xxxxxx

Hey Kaz... sorry life is so stressful at the moment for you - anything we can do to ease it??? Sending mega hugs and positive and happy thoughts your way xxxxxxxxxx

Whats this size 10 thingy - thought that Size Zero was the fashion LOL

Ignore (I know you have anyway) the male ignorance - as a guy who revels in sizist achievements of a shrinking nature, I can maybe appreciate slightly how great an achievement and feeling that must have been

great isn't it !!

x

Tsk, men! It's all about size with them isn't it!!

Yes, it is great, odd, but definitely great

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

It's all happening now for you.
The size 10! You definately get through the sizes quicker at the smaller sizes. I think (KD know about all this) that the size intervals get greater in the larger sizes.
love the story of the pillow fight in Tescos. you child you! Anyone come &tell yuo to behave?

Have a lovely W/E.
Sky dive...how do we get to see pics when you do it?

hee hee, the cool bag fight was such a giggle... no-one said a word... which made it even more fun! lol Hoping I shall always be a big kid at times lol

I'm forking out to get pics and a dvd done of skydive... will prob put them on my facebook page.. or if I can work out photobucket... lol.. am getting ever so excited about it all now!!! Hopefully Zoe will be ok about it being on her birthday - but then, she intends to be at Westfest (a mega rave) then I think... lol...and my sis and mum will be out of the country... Sarah hundreds of miles away... so no family there... not that it matters really as they'll probably hear me screaming from wherever they are in the world!

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

What a rollercoaster of a day... just got off the phone on one of the most embarassing and humiliating phone conversations I've ever had... rang the PCT about my request for surgery to get rid of the skin and sort out what alledgedly(sp) pass for breasts, although I think they fail to meet the basic criteria and are more like deflated balloons with distorted marbles stuck on the ends and attached to the side (not front) of my body by ribbons of revolting flesh... and as for the stomach (torso) skin... well let's just say, it's getting worse all the time... there are infections, actions that need taking to be able to go to the loo in a hygienic fashion and other nastiness I can't divulge.. so... I rang the trust who had recently written to my GP to say they would be considering my request next week on October 3rd.. I hadn't planned to, but as soon as I started to speak to them I started crying... it was awful, embarassing, humiliating going over the reasons... and to top it all, I had to admit that I don't feel I shall ever be able to be intimate with a potential life partner again as I was told by the last 'partner' that it would be a special kind of bloke who could see past it as it is revolting. Now if that ain't a kick in the teeth I dunno what is... and I haven't admitted that to ANYONE before but today I feel like getting it all out as I don't want to feel this way any more!

Whilst I'm in the mood to offload emotional crap.. (I do hope I won't regret this post!)... I am a mess about what's going on in my financial world.. the important call I was going to make the other week was to ask my nana to loan me some money to help me pay the mortgage for a few months.. but I bottled out and when I saw her I pretended everything was hunky dory. I'm 43 for goodness sake.. it's not HER responsibility to help me out... it's mine...

On a more positive note (and I need to keep seeking out those silver linings as they are what get me through each and every day ) ...

I got a good night's kip last night and am planning another early night tonight and have a list (ah me and my lists) of things to do over the weekend (my first 'free' weekend in about 6 months I think! lol)... and am hoping to have a 'break' on Saturday and go for a ride on Fitbloke's bike... got my leathers on right now in the hope that they will stop the rain! (It's a standing joke that when I wear them it stops raining!! although looking out the window it appears they had a limited timespan of that effect... lol). Regardless... I have Robbie Williams 'swinging' away in the background making me smile.. and think I will put on some more 'happy' music on after that... stuff to make me smile and get a grip on this damned naff body I seem to have ended up with!

Nothing else for it... if the man from delmonte he say no, then I am off on a cruise to bag me a freakin sugar daddy!!!

Ahh... there's my sense of humour again! Hurrah... knew writing on here would make it shove the crud outta the way! lol

 

[Gen]

Ok head not with it at the moment to do a proper post about loose skin etc... but will do tomorrow!!!

Just wanted to say hello and that you are and always will be a huge inspiration to me... I looked at your new avator pic and just thought wowsers.... you have achieved the dream chick... you really have!!!!

lots of love and I'm glad you are seeking the silver linings xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[debz32]

hey there - sorry u felt so bad bout call to PCT....sounds like that was a tough call to have made in the first place - so well done for being so brave

for the record - I think you are AMAZING !! I love reading your diary (even thoughI don't post much)....and wish I'd had the chance to get to know you in Dublin...keep on keepin on - you are truly an inspiration to us all !!

lotsa love

Debzxxx

 

[westiegirl]

(((((((((Hugs)))))))))))

You know where I am when you need me xxx

 

[KateF]

(((HUGS))) too.

Both of the things you want to sort out seem to involve asking for some kind of help.
You're so independent that it must be difficult- but it really sounds like you're doing the right thing speaking to the PCT early. You pay taxes, you're in the NHS, you have basically a medical issue- that's exactly what they're for and about and it sounds absolutely essential that they give you the help they need. Everyone has a right (that's the good thing with the social system in this country) to have the ability to have good physical nourishment and bodily functions (of all sorts). It's what they're SUPPOSED to sort out. Basic human needs really. I so hope they come through on this for you, it sounds like a daily distressing thing.

Also, re your Nana and asking for help- although it's not her responsibility to sort you out- you ARE taking responsibility by asking her for help. It sounds like a positive, proactive step to get some of your finances sorted. You're already doing loads by all the work you do.

You do so brilliantly on your own- but asking for support sometimes is a really strong thing to do too.

I love the way your joy for life shines through your posts, whatever's going on for you.

Good luck with all

xx

 

[westiegirl]

Hey darling, hope you had a lovely day and evening last night .

My head wasn't really in a place to reply properly on Friday, but day 3 on antibiotics and I feel a whole world of different.

You and I are on parallel lines in so many ways at the moment - both having a business venture we really want to start and need to sort the finance for (as well as trying to deal with the daily struggles of life). Like you, I have been so independent for so long that it becomes very hard to ask for help. I am learning that it's not a crime to ask for help - the hard way. I should have asked for help before I reached critical level last week and had a meltdown. My mum and dad were there for me and everything seems like it can be resolved (eventually). But unfortunately I had already stressed myself out totally and run myself down - result tonsillitus!! Mind you I am still a glutton for punishment and worked through it all week (darn, I still care too much how people see me and don't want to let them down).

No man is an island, so please don't feel like you can't reach out for help when you really need it. I bet you find people are more willing to help than you ever imagined.

 

[Dub07]

Would your Nana rather you stewed in financial misery while she sits on money in the bank which she may very well intend you to have after she's gone? I know what my Granny would do - she'd wring my neck. When I buy her anything she would prefer to maintain the role of the older, more responsible adult by paying me back for every cent I spend. It takes a lot of diplomacy to give her a gift, but even more to allow her to give gifts...

Would a vague, unfocussed conversation with your Nana about your situation allow her an opportunity to offer help, rather than you outright asking? In many cases, our older relatives are very keen to help out, but reticent about intruding. It's obvious to anyone how much your life has changed in the last while. Perhaps you'd find your Nana would be delighted to have the opportunity to invest in your success.

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

Right,... am back! Not that I've actually 'been' anywhere - well, that's not strictly true...

first things first... thank you (yet again) for all your supportive comments. I need to say though, Dub, bless you, my nana isn't like you think., lol, no offers would ever be forthcoming, trust me... lol

So much has happened since that awful emotional post...
a) as soon as I posted it I felt better
b) I just had one of the happiest fun-filled uncomplicated spontaneous weekends of my life (and no, no sex,, just good clean fun and fab company)
c) I have applied to be a CDC (trying to do the homework and get it in by the deadline so this WILL be a brief post)
d) Still hate body but glad made the phone call despite humiliated feelings
e) Zoe is living back home again
f) I am on 1000 cals plan now and just had a fab delish meal which included cous cous!!!!
g) I lost the 0.9lbs I gained and am bang on 11 stone again and very pleased as clearly this stepped maintenance programme works! (so far so good!)

what else... oh yeah... S is dating, I'm not, went out for 3 meals at weekend and was dead good on all 3 (appropriate protein and green salad all the way)... been on a thrilling motorbike ride to the seaside, went to a gig, spent the most I've ever spent on one piece of clothing - £27.50 on a top from Fat Face (long story but, went shopping with Fitbloke Saturday in MK and had an ace time, then to a gig, left at 2am, fetched Zoe from Hatfield, home at 5am, bed at 7am, up at 10am, out on 'bike ride to Hunstanton by midday, back to club BBQ by 5pm (very exciting ride home!), back to Fitblokes to get car, dinner date with ex from pre-christmas times... on way home, saw PQM and told him to come and 'knock' for me to go to pub as he was on his way there.. he did, we walked to pub together, had evening filled with laughter, walked home and arranged for him to 'knock' for me again next Sunday.. lol

Got pics taken today at weigh in - my 'after pics' by Ailsa... will attach if I can ...

Life seems a lot better since offloading that nasty stuff... odd that innit?

Once I have my 'homework' done for CDC I'll try and update but have another busy week ahead...

 

[KittyB]

Hi Jennie ((hugs))

It's so lovely to read about your weekend hun. Sounds like you've had a fantastic few days.

Has Zoe moved home now or is she working her notice?

I think you will make a fab CDC hun - all the very best for your venture.

Looking forward to seeing your photos

Love Kitty xxx

 

[IreneH]

Well done Jennie. Hope everything goes well

Irene xx