Wednesday night - dilemma!!!
Right - am going to TRY and be brief as I want to go to bed soon. Not feeling great today..
Anyway, no self-pitying... this is how my day has gone...
As you know, called in sick this morning and dropped Zoe off for her lift, came home and got on here.. took car for it's first "courtesy check" (I thought it was a service!).. they told me that there was a mark on it that looked like it had been hit by a football!! Well... it MUST have happened parked outside my house as I never park it anywhere else where there is space or kids! On the way home I popped into the post office and picked up somoe parcels that needed signing for (Zoe's done her christmas shopping online!)... then got home and started knocking on the neighbours doors and telling them about the car and explaining that it is a lease car and that I am liable for any damage and to ask them to tell their kids to not play football near it any more. I was peeved but as I have no idea which boy it was (and I'm not being sexist - they all have bliddy boys in my road!) lol.. they were ALL lovely and said they would have a word and that if I saw them playing footie to feel free to say something to the lads too.. (I don't need telling that! lol)..
Got in, made a huge mug of bouillon and put the telly on - DQ had posted that there was a programme on about a woman who weighed 700lbs! Poor love. She had such a difficult time.. her children (late teens) were well on their way to being morbidly obese too.. and there was a 14 year old girl who weighed 419 lbs.. my heart bled for her... I sat in tears watching... it was Dr Phil. Now.. I love the man, he talks sense! He offers practical solutions to people who simply can't see the wood for the trees! He's fantastic! I can see why the american public love him so much! Anyway, I cried and drank my hot drink and then fell asleep in the chair (with the cat as a headwarmer on the top of the back cushion - he used to curl up on our necks when he was tiny).
I then watched a film - well, sort of watched it... still nodding off. I really feel tired today, and my foot is STILL hurting! Grrr... anyway.. Zoe rang to ask if I could pick her and her mate up from College (about an hour round trip)... I did the usual parentl moan and then left to get her.. lol (only coz I do love driving my car! lol - perhaps I should look for a job that involves driving!).. lol anyway..
Got back (via the petrol station - Ohhhhh -- did I say about the woman who offered me a voucher for money off food and drink yesterday whilst I was at the petrol station? forgive me if I did and am repeating myself, but I just quickly have to tell you this... lol... she was handing out vouchers and offered one to me and I declined saying that I wasn't eating or drinking at the moment and she straight out asked me if I was fasting? I thought that a fascinating question.. but that aside, I told her about the diet and thanked her for the offer. She hadn't heard of it, why would she, she was stick thin and stunningly beautiful! lol (not that fat women aren't equally stunningly beautiful!!)..
Anyway... where was I ?? Oh yes... petrol in car, bought a couple of bottles of water (on special offer) and as I paid I could hear my head saying... go on... treat yourself to a McVites Hobnob flapjack - you deserve it - look at what you've lost - one little bar isn't going to hurt... !!
I sort of shook my head, smiled at the cashier and paid for my fuel etc and left sharpish! I hate when that happens.. all I could think was NO NO NO!! I want to lose MORE!!! They did look SO good though.. and they were reduced!!!
Home again and made myself a chicken & mushroom soup so all I have left now is a muffin to have (I do love a muffin before bed!!! LMAO)
I've spent way too long on here today, but it's done me good (I think!).. tomorrow will be a mad day at work and then, oh the excitement! I shall be at the Show Of Hands gig at The Stables in Milton Keynes!! Martyn Joseph is support! I am SOOOOO looking forward to it! Going to do me hair down (Mich
) and maybe put a teeny bit of lippy on... dunno.. not really me.. I don't do make up that well... not worn it really all my life.. lol
Anyway... I have to update too on "Eric"... *sigh
Got a text this afternoon saying that he had just got my text about the course I was on!! That was LAST week! I asked him what he had decided about Friday and he texted back that we would talk later - I thought that was quite ominous but thought, oh well.. at least he'll be calling me! lol
He did call, whilst I was driving to pick up Zoe... he was very honest.. disarmingly so. He said he would drive up on Friday but couldn't get here before 9 and would have to leave by midnight as he has to be up early Saturday morning to pick up the kids... I wasn't quite sure what to say... I mean.. he was agreeing to my conditions.. he was prepared to drive up here ( a good 2 hours on a Friday night) after a very hard week, and then spend 3 hours with me and then drive the 2 hours back again!
What to do! He told me that he knew I was pi$$ed off with him and the he completley understood why and that he is crap at relationships.. but the he likes me, REALLY likes me a lot, and wants to see more of me, but that at the moment his life is so busy, he has stuff in his diary that he is committed to for the forthcoming weekends.. he told me he thinks I am such a lovely person and kept telling me that he REALLY likes me.. and wants to see me... he didn't suggest driving halfway each, he said he will come to me this time!
So, what's the dilemma? Well... he also said that I need to think about what I want, as he knows he is not being fair at the moment to me, but he can't see a way 'round it.. he says that he doesn't want me to feel like he is taking the pi$$, that if I feel that way that I must be honest with him and tell him... that if I feel he is holding me back (from what I don't know!) to let him know,... he said that he wants me to be happy and at the moment I'm not, and if I think he's taking the pi$$ now then things won't work... he was lovely ... he was the "Eric" I am sooo attracted to! All this he was saying and in the very next breath telling me how much he likes me and wants to see me...
See now, I believe him.. I know that sounds mad given all the things I've said.. but I think he really does like me A LOT, but he has no idea how to treat me... *sigh He does when we are together, lol.. it's the in-between times that are tough! And I really don't know how long I CAN cope with not seeing him for weeks on end! Not long would be my guess...
BUT... an alternative would be for me to go and take my nana's Chrimbo pressies to my mum on Friday and then go on to his and go out to the cinema with him, then stay over at his place... and come home early Sat morning... but I'm not even sure that is a good idea either!!!
I told him I will think about Friday and let him know what I want to do... what I want to do is to go down and be with him... his place is empty ... mine isn't! If he came up here we would have to go out the entire time as I don't want him to meet Zoe..
Also... if he comes up here I will have to do a grand houseclean tomorrow and I can't be bothered.. LOL How bad am I ??? lol I would do it... but would be knackered for tomorrow's late night!
HELP!!!!!!! I really want to see him and spend time with him. and to go out would be lovely... but I'd like more than 3 hours of him clockwatching... BUT it is almost a 200mile round trip and costs loads in petrol too... I think I'll get him to come up here... and we'll just have to find somewhere to go up here.. oh Lordy! I just am SO confused... if I didn't like him so much it would be SO easy... if he hadn't been so lovely it would be SO easy... if if if if... but the fact is that he IS lovely AND he said lots of lovely things to me too!!
To be told by someone you really like that they REALLY like you a LOT too... especially at our age... it isn't everyday you get that... oh crap crap crap!!! HELP!!!!!!!!!
