Sunday afternoon - sleepy but ok.
Sunday afternoon... 1.25pm
Not dressed yet. Feeling rough as a badgers ar$e! All sniffly and snuffly... but NOT giving in to it!
Had a veg soup and 2 mugs of bouillon so far and countless pints of water so not hungry (despite just dishing up shepherds pie for Zoe and 3 portions for the freezer..) damn dog wee'd on the landing twice last night!!!
Have no idea why -
I got up in the night (twice) to let him out... hmm...might have to walk him in the evenings... if I have the energy and if foot will tolerate it! He's never done it before until last week he did once... hmm... perhaps a trip to the vet if it continues...
Anyway... my diary... where was I up to..?? Ah yes,.. Friday and the saga of "Eric"...
He eventually arrived and had a cup of tea and a plate of the stew I had cooked for Zoe.. (she'd eaten fit to burst and said she didn't want any more.. lol) He gave me my birthday present too... a double dvd set of Ghost and Sliding Doors! I was chuffed to bits as he had obviously remembered that I had told him that Ghost was one of my absolute favourite films!... mega-brownie points for that one! ... and as soon as he finished eating we headed to the wine bar... well... lol
Normally they have really good music on.. but not this time!! They had this absolutely dire woman entertainer... oh my goodness... she was dreadful! Red sprayed on satin trousers, skin tight white top, bleached to death hair and killer heels... (perhaps a look I can emulate when I am slim?? hmm... perhaps not!)... when I got to the bar I asked the owner if she was any good and he grimaced and shook his head... said it was listening to the first round of the X factor and that she had cost him £130!! The place was near empty! No wonder... she was loud, larey and dreadfully out of tune! lol
We sat on one of the leather sofas as far from her as we could get and had quite a good chat about all sorts of stuff... we did singalong to one song... can't remember it now... but it was silly and funny too. We did laugh a fair bit, he had one bottle of beer and I had a bottle of fizzy water.. A woman there commented on my top and said she loved the colours and style... I was well chuffed! I've NEVER had another woman actually say that kind of thing to me... now don't get me wrong am not a lezzie, (not that there'd be owt wrong about it if I was) but I think for one woman to compliment another is very special! So I smiled, told her where I'd bought it and got back to my chat with "Eric".
We left when they were sweeping up around us... lol.. thinking about it now, I didn't actually introduce "Eric" to the owner of the bar... hmmmm.... I wonder why... perhaps I'm just rude. Lol or mebbe I didn't want him to think that "Eric" was a permanent fixture!?
We went home and settled down on the sofa for a chat and a cuddle.. you know how it is..
We talked about all kinds of things... eventually it was getting close to time for him to leave... Zoe had texted to say she was on her way home too and I didn't want them to meet...
I got my diary out and we went through it for the forthcoming weeks... I told him that I would feel far better about things if we made definite plans to see one another.. so... we ended up with Dec 23rd (as a maybe because he might be playing golf!!!) and Dec 29th as another possible maybe. Not as definite as I would like, but better than nothing.
He saw the pile of Christmas prezzies and commented upon them so I told him they were his and that he should take them with him as I wouldn't get to see him on Christmas Day.. he said no, that the main part of giving gifts was to see the recipient face when they opened them! So, we agreed that Dec 23rd would be our Christmas Day... the 29th was the next available date so that will be like our New Year's Eve I guess!!! hmmm... well, at least that will be twice in a week!
We talked quite seriously about how hard it was not to be able to see one another more frequently, and I actually told him that if he seriously wanted a relationship that he would have to change his priorities and decide what he really wanted. I also told him that one day his children will be grown up and gone and if he doesn't invest in people now he could find himself very lonely in the future.. I wasn't horrid, just honest and direct...and, bizarrely he said that he had been thinking about that a lot recently.. He told me that if we lived closer it would be very different and that we see one another at least twice a week as well as at some point over the weekends because it wouldn't entail a nearly 200 mile round trip! (He totally appreciated how tiring it had been for me to do all that driving as his comments were... God, you DO live in the sticks!! It's a hell of a drive out here! )
Again he said that if I felt he was taking the pi$$ to tell him. He also asked if I would rather just meet up as and when we could for some fun!
I was appalled and he very very quickly said he hadn't meant it how it sounded and that he knew I wasn't that kind of a woman, and retracted his words... repeatedly.. I think my face must have been an absolute picture!!! To be honest I was pretty shocked and disgusted and appalled that he would think I would agree to that kind of relationship!! I was very upset. It was a bit tense... as you can imagine... so I said straight out to him.. is THAT what you really think of me!!!!!?????? he looked so upset and kept apologising... he hadn't meant it the way I had taken it... (hmmm, yeah right!)... and that he really did like me a lot and wanted to see me... etc etc etc...
Anyway... I told him that he was the one who needed to think long and hard about what he really wants in his life... if he wants to keep on the wheel he is on then I can't jump on it ...he has to stop the wheel and get off it and have a life not just an existence,.. it was quite a discussion!! I told him life was all about choices... he has choices... as do I... and he needs to think about the choices he makes... he looked thoughtful and agreed and said he wasn't sure how to change things.. so I just told him... that's up to him and he needs to do that, but I will hang around for a while yet and see how things go, but that I won't settle for once every fortnight or 3 weeks once Christmas and New Year are done... I will expect and I deserve more... (heaven alone knows where I got the strength from to say all this!!!!!)...
Zoe and her mate arrived home... drunk.. but not horrendously, although she did waltz into the living room calling out hellloooo mumsy!! lol I introduced them and then her mate shoo-ed her upstairs.. lol "Eric" just laughed and said hello and then we both laughed about it once they were upstairs.. we had another quick kiss and then it was time for him to leave. I saw him out and he blew me a kiss from the car as he drove off.. with the promise to text me when he got home.. which he did.
So... I'm really no farther along with him and won't see him now for 3 weeks.. I understand why... work dos, family do's etc.. and that's actually ok.. as long as he keeps in touch in the meantime.. (this I told him).. and, once he has his broadband set up then we can chat on cam during the week and that will be excellent and will make a bit of a difference too! and yet... I'm still in a quandry about him... but then... am I ? If we lived within a ten minute drive then there would be no hesitation.. but 2 hours... 4 kids... hmmm... we'll see.
Slept like a log though - had a weird dream though.. about driving down to see my mum and NOT calling in to see "Eric" whilst I was down there!!! hmmm.... lol... am remembering my uni days and dream analysis... etc.. lol
So... Saturday morning came too fast! I was up and making Shepherds pie for Zoe before she even set foot out of her room.. it smelt divine! That done and washing up done (I like to clean as I go when cooking)... it was time to go shopping! There was a continental market on in our town (only happens twice a year)... so we went to that first.. I treated myself to a candle holder which is a massive lump of salt rock from Polish Salt mines... with a whole drilled out ofthe centre and space for a nightlight... it's orangey coloured and so unusual and heavy so I thought it would be great for long soaks in the tub in subdued lighting.. it as a tenner but I love it! Also bought Zoe some french pastries.. and some Brioche and a croissant filled with chocolate! She was loving the market ! lol I also bumped into a friend of min with her children and she was chatting to me and then she stopped speaking and touched my face and said.. "where's it gone"? lol she told me to undo my coat and then just looked really shocked! lol She was blustering about OH MY GOODNESS... where has it gone? You've lost loads of weight!!!" lol I just laughed and told her about the diet.. lol she was stunned... I haven't seen her in about 3 months.. and she has seen me at my absolute biggest too.. lol I found it so funny... lol but really nice too.. and we had a lovely chat and agreed that I should call in one afternoon - the only reason I hadn't was because her car was never outside the house.. lol but she said her hubby is using it but she is usually in. So, I shall be calling in to catch up with her next week one afternoon! We met through the music festival, she was on the committee and only stepped down as she was expecting her gorgeous little girl.. then one of my neighbours bumped into us and said she wasn't sure if it was me or not... LOL I can't see how I cannot be recognisible... I mean,, it's only 3 stone and I have another 10 to lose!!! LOL It isn't like I look emaciated... ROFL!! But still... hey, I like these reactions so what the heck! lol
I bought Lucy some olives from the Greek stall and decided to take them in the evening to the gig we were going to in Bedford. There were loads of lovely things on sale... stunning boxes from Morocco made of cedarwood... amber earrings from - umm, can't remember now.. but they were overpriced (I thought).
Then we headed into Northampton.. and shopping!
Nightmare! We trawled into Debenhams, Contessa, Beatties, Evans and ultimately M & S before finally finding bras for Zoe. Bless her, she is, like her mother, blessed with a fine decolotage (I hope that's the right word).. and getting pretty feminie bras is a nightmare of a job! Several hours, and screaming feet later... we left Northampton with 3 bras, a jar of psyllium husks (flippin tenner!!!!), big tub of bouillon, pull in suck in big knickers that Bridget Jones would be happy with and a gorgeous purple scarf for my sister.
Home and on here for a mo, then gave Zoe and her chap a lift to her mates house as they were off for a night on the dogs! I saw the limo sitting down the road as I came out and I got all excited for them.. it was her mates 18th birthday celebrations...she looked beautiful (as ever lol)...
Home and on with getting ready for the gig. I tried on the boots I'd bought at our local market on Friday afternoon, a size 6 (as my size 7's feel decidedly loose all of a sudden!) and they were snug but lovely! They are a powder blue colour.. so I got dressed in jeans, blue suede boots.. (uh-huh) tee hee, and blue nautical stylee top that I wore to the WeMitts bash.. I straightened my mane and wore it down (see Mich, still listening! lol)... squirt of perfume, olives in hand, bag, purse, keys, cd of guy we're seeing in the car already.. off I set to pick up Lucy and her mate..
They both are very slim and very pretty! They looked incredible! Both done up glam and looking very good... I felt positively shoddy but hey - it was only a gig so what the heck!
Got there and said hi to the guys and that was it... got a pint of water, sat down at our reserved table ('tis all about who ya know.. lol) and settled down for a rockin' night of incredible music and laughter and foot stomping!
The guys we were there to see/hear were the support act, Shaughnessy.. absolutely brilliant!! He is soo talented and a brilliant bloke too! It was so good to see him and the other lads again, they are such nice blokes and SO talented! I'm trying to organise a house-gig for Dec 29th as a surprise for Christmas for my Sarah.. top secret... but will be incredible if I can pull it off!
Terry's going to let me know later on today. So, fingers crossed!
The headline band just blew me away! The Papa George Band - a blues band who were just incredible!!! What a sound!! We stomped our feet couldn't keep still! If there had been a dance floor I'd have been up! I know it!!!! Sang and clapped and stomped... absolutely incredible! Spent a fiver on raffle tickets and got first prize!! (well, its a pick of the prizes... there was a box of mini toblerones, a bottle of wine, a box of Terry's choccie orange segments, a deep blues cd and a cd of the Papa George Band... I chose the last!
I can't believe I did that !! I would ALWAYS have plumped for choccies and I could have this time and given them away, but now.. I took the CD! lol Will put it on in a moment - am listening to one of the CD's I bought at the gig on Thursday night at the moment! lol
Eventually the gig was over and we sat and chatted and my mate who had come up from Luton and I agreed to go to Hitchin Folk Club on Dec 17th to a special evening they have planned... also, I didn't know (and we've been friends for over 16 years) she is a mega Cat Stevens fan, and there is a gig on in March (which I already have 2 tickets for) which is the ONLY cat Stevens tribute act in the world, and they are sanctioned by Cat (Usef) and last time he sent in his lyrics for the newly released song, autographed, and it was auctioned for £500!! in aid of his school.., so she's coming along to that too! It's ace, because we rarely see one another but used to be nieghbours... so... it will be great to see her again so soon and know we have something to look forward to in the new year too!
I dropped Lucy and her mate off at her place and set off for home... the A45 is a pretty dark stretch of road and as I was driving I noticed the car in front was going very slow and then their hazards went on.. it was about 12.30am now... as I drove past I saw it was 2 young lads.. about 18 years old... I kept checking in my rear view mirror to see if they were still moving... but lost sight of them so turned around and went back to see they were ok... I had to go past them to the next parking spot and turn around again... I pulled in behind their car - it wasn't a good place to break down - pitch black and just before a bend.. the driver came to my car and I asked if they were ok and he said they'd run out of fuel and he had a can in the car but it was empty - so I told him to jump in and I'd run him to the garage - we were about a mile from the one at my town and it's 24 hour.. so he did and off we set.. turns out his brother has a band with some mates and so between taking him to get the petrol and dropping him back at the car... he offered to give me the cd of his brothers band, lol so I accepted. He was really grateful (there was no way I would have wanted a son of mine broken down so far out in an unlit road and having to walk (no coat!) in the middle of the night to get fuel!!... anyway.. I gave him the music festival email address and told him to send me the band's details (we have a sessions specifically for up and coming young local talent).. I doubt he will remember.. lol.. oh I also was a real mum - I could smell alcohol on his breath - not a lot but it was there so I asked him pointedly if he had been drinking.. he said he had one but would never drink and drive... I gave him the benefit of the doubt, but I did listen to his speech and look at his eyes.. and watched carefully as he filled up the can! lol Well, if he had been over the limit I would have offered to take him and his mate home and leave the car there! lol
So, I have ANOTHER cd to listen to!!
By the time I got in it was about.. um... 1.15am and I was very tired but had taken lots of photos at the gig and promised the guys I would email them today, so I set to sorting that out.. then Zoe came home.. floods of tears... her and her fella had a massive arguement.. both had been drinking... (I wish they wouldn't) and this had made matters loads worse... in the end at 2.30 I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer and told her if she wanted to get in with me she could but I was off to my bed! lol
She had a takeaway with her... burger and chips... smelt divine and VERY tempting! I had made a muffin when I got home so just took a pint of water up to bed with me!
Woke up this morning feeling poop... just overdone things I think... so , now it's flippin 3pm and still I'm in me pj's, slippers and a dressing gown I haven't worn in about 5 years!! (it was too small).. and have had soup, bouillon and several pints of water and am thinking I might just get dressed and put on my Sliding Doors dvd and get on with the ironing.. so when I go out tonight to the pub quiz I will be happy that nothing needs doing at home!
Also - have done all the washing (Zoes chef whites aren't looking so very white! lol).. I've run out of Vanish so will have to try to remember to get some tomorrow!
Sitting in the study listening to Show Of Hands and just feeling snuffly but relaxed... a nice feeling... Zoe has had some of the Shepherds Pie I made, I've put 3 portions in the freezer and there is still enough for 2 more portions for her and her chap... he arrived at 6am, still drunk but quiet (I never heard him come in)... and they are both upstairs as I type.. I'm hoping they will sort out whatever it was that happened last night.. I know it was all fueled by alcohol... I wish they would learn to not drink so much.. but she's 18 and he's 19... so.. well... what can I do? I don't have any in the house..
Right, well.. sorry it's been a mammoth diary again.. and not very exciting... but this is what life's like for me.. lol Will catch up again soon! Happy Sunday all xxxxxx
