Blergh! - FatFairNForty(ish) - my diary

[Sarahelizabeth]

Morning Jen! You just have no idea how much I understand your situation with your sister! One day in the future we will have to compare notes! As you say your Mum is the most important person here and if that means biting your tongue then you are doing the right thing by doing so at the moment. I can understand her worries about the two of you-it is always the greatest joy to me seeing my sons getting on and being close. The alternative would just break my heart I know. You are being unselfish and can feel proud of that. If your true feelings and concerns were know then I think it would hurt your mum when she is in such a vulnerable way. Keep strong.x

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

Another tiring day - I have cleaned the house top to bottom, vacuumed, polished and just need to wash the floors - all mums bedding stripped, washed, dried and back on , all the clothes washing done and dried, baked 2 tea loaves (mum's recipe), and also made some leek and lentil soup (new recipe I found so thought would try).. also ordered some more bedding for mum as she has so few sheets and I think it is wise to have at least 3 full sets available should the need arise in future.

We haven't really talked all that much today but I did shower her and we chatted about general stuff.. I told her how I have offered to store my sisters things at my house for her and that I thought it could be an idea to start sorting those things out now so I can get my loft sorted out too... I sat with her and said that I felt the joint account was a bad idea as I would probably fail the credit check so we would have to find an alternative solution.. thinking caps firmly on!

I had a really rough night last night - so many thoughts going on in my head... weird dreams...

This morning I saw how horrendously far the tumour is spreading... it is all the way across her lower back now, past her spine... I was quite shocked and so very glad she couldn't see my face.. she hasn't been comfortable on the sofa at all today so, after lunch she went back to bed - I found her old "V" shaped pillow and have positioned it in such a way as to form a kind of L shape behind her supporting most of her but avoiding any pressure where the tumour is.. she said she has been comfortable all afternoon as a result so that's good!

She was very dizzy this lunchtime and nauseaus too.. so we've agreed that if she doesn't want to eat anything this evening then she doesn't have to... so.. cup of green tea and soon be sitting with her watching "Strictly"...

I am bloomin' freezing! lol no heating on as yet and her windows wide open as she is hot! Brrrrrr!! I have layers and layers on and my poor nose is like an ice cube!

I've asked sis to come early tomorrow so we can chat properly face to face - there is much to discuss.. and so, she is coming over with her boyfriend and she and I are going to go out somewhere away from the house so we can sort things out..

I am going to let her say her piece first and then I shall have my say.. I have decided to suggest that we begin to sort the house out now.. prepare for the time when it comes as much as we possibly can as we may not have chance after very much as the house is not ours and we have no legal right to remain in it... so.. first thing is her stuff needs removing... the garden sheds need sorting and clearing if appropriate... things that mum won't see or worry about.. but the kind of things that take time to sort out...

I have mentioned it to mum (taking sis's stuff away in bits and bobs..) and she thought it was a really good idea and that it was nice of me to offer.. which, of course, it is! lol

I sent sis another email saying that we needed to talk as mum had said some things to me which I wanted to discuss with her..

So - trying to warm up my nose, keep eyes open and hoping for a decent sleep tonight as I really am shattered and it's going to be late before I can get away tomorrow as sis and her chap aren't arriving until late afternoon! *sigh*

I hate the drive home but am hoping the house will be warm and I will just have to get ready for work on Monday morning early, rather than late on Sunday night..

Am worried about mum and her dizziness and sickness.. she is still in good spirits and we have had some giggles today - but she looks dreadful and I can tell she finds the stairs harder every single time she tackles them.. we really will need to get a bed sorted out for her this week - it's a real shame.. but that's how it is... *sigh* C is for Cancer, C is for Cruel...

 

[rubyangel]

hope you get things sorted with youre sis,at least things will be a bit more out in the open,good luck.
sorry youre mum is in pain,i wonder if those stick-on pads for back pain would be any helpfor her?
cancer is vile, i hate it with a passion...

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

hope you get things sorted with youre sis,at least things will be a bit more out in the open,good luck.
sorry youre mum is in pain,i wonder if those stick-on pads for back pain would be any helpfor her?
cancer is vile, i hate it with a passion...

Thanks Ruby - mum's not in pain tonight , Morphine is an amazing double-edged sword... no amount of stick on pads would help I'm afraid.. if only they could..

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

Just had a tearful conversation with mum.... she apologised as she thinks she is going to need me to help her go to the bathroom in the night - I told her it was no trouble at all... and that I am off to bed soon anyway... and that NOTHING is any trouble ... she thanked me for looking after her so I told her straight.. it's an honour and a real privelege (sp?) to look after her.. and that I love her... she said she was lucky to have such wonderful daughters and I told her that we were the lucky ones for having such a wonderful mum... she said she had tried her best but hadn't always got it right.. so I laughed and said "I know that feeling!" ... I stroked her face and kissed her goodnight... she looks awful... and although not in pain, she is in anguish... and the nausea is still present and her stomach is bloated... we're hoping she will be able to "go" in the night... that will make her feel much much better...

I am shattered so, once I have washed the living room and hall floors I am off to bed too... I am freezing cold as she hasn't got any heating on... lol Brrrrr!! I am putting my pj's in the tumble dryer for a few minutes and making myself a hot chocolate.. and I have borrowed her lavendar wheat bag thing that works like a hot water bottle... not sure how long I can cope with being so cold at night before it makes me ill so may bring a fan heater with me on Thursday...

If she hasn't picked up tomorrow I shall give the hospice nurses a call and seek their advice.. it may well be to just carry on as we are... or they may have some suggestions to help... no question is a stupid question... well... except "would you like a chocolate?" now that IS a stupid question!

Goodnight my friends, thanks for being there, including those who lurk...

I'm going to write a book about all this.. I'm going to entitle it "Kippers For Breakfast"...

 

[Gen]

Ur breaking my heart pet I can only imagine what you are going through. Much love and please give ur mum a hug from me for producing a beautiful beautiful daughter. You are so brave xxxxx

 

[pandora]

Feel the warmth from the love sent to you from me & your many friends on here . Wishing you a peaceful night xxxxx

 

[IreneH]

I think of you constantly and know the hell you are going through.

Big hugs

Irene xx

 

[HelenG]

Feel the warmth from the love sent to you from me & your many friends on here . Wishing you a peaceful night xxxxx

You put it so well Pandora
You are all in my prayers Jen :hug99:

 

[Sarahelizabeth]

Morning Jen! Just wanted to reiterate the point Rubyangel made about the stick on morphine patches. My Dad had them and they give a slow and constant morphine release. Worth considering if they are on offer as they gave my Dad some relief. Just a thought. Hope the talk with sister goes ok today.x

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

Hi
Well, what a weekend that was! Mum got progressively sicker and vomited all over the place on Sunday and couldn't stop... not even keeping water down and constipated too (which I think is one of the reasons) and so I called in help in the form of the hospice at home nurse and she was wonderful... she came 'round and gave mum an injection, talked to her, and then answered the few questions I had, and, as I thought, this is how its going to be now... up and down, but more down than up... and I can see that...

So, poor mum was upset and weak and apologetic and I just washed her hands and face and helped her to the bathroom and sat with her afterwards... I told her just how much I love her and how sorry I am that there is nothing I can do to make it all better.. and how I wish I could... sis had already arrived... and we both helped mum get settled.. sis and I went out for our chat earlier in the day (her "fiance" sat with mum whilst we were out..)

Sis doesn't know but, I now know that mum gave her £3,000 in February and that there are several transactions unaccounted for in her bank accounts which are significant sums of cash out - but those were also before mum got ill... I also know that she gave my eldest nephew several hundred pounds... *sigh* plus.. this jewellry my sis was so keen to let me know about... the 2 rings she has been allocated are worth £6,000!! The one ring and the earrings allocated to me equate to less than a third of that.. lol lol

I have to laugh - otherwise I think it could drive me nutso... I knew it would be so... just disappointed in mum a bit really... she always raised me to treat people the same, and my girls - what one gets, the other one gets.. either both or neither... that's the rule!

Oh well.... anyway... sis and I went off for out "chat" which basically was sis stating "I want you to trust me and let me handle all the financial matters on my own"... "we need to detach ourselves from the emotion and be objective about this"... so, when she had finished her pitch I simply said no. We are joint executors, joint power of attorney... it's either both of us or neither of us,.. being objective and detached about it.. THAT is the correct and proper way in which to handle matters. End of! So... she had to agree, albeit very grudgingly... so , we went back to the house and told mum it was sorted and we had agreed to split the responsibitiy 50/50 as she wished and how we would do it was xyz... and I said, "we have both agreed on this, haven't we?" and sis very clearly unhappy, said "yeah". So, I think she at least knows I shall stand my ground... AND I told her that we both have to keep very clear accounts of all monies that mum gives us for this purpose... as we are BOTH accountable, not only to mum, but to one another, and, when the time comes, to the law!!

I think she forgets I am not really very stupid... and she was shocked that I had printed out a statement for mum and carried out some transactions for her...

The thing is, our mum is what is classified as a "vulnerable adult" now.. and, if my sis chooses to, she could completely act without my mother's permission and mum wouldn't even know! Sis has been sending emails out with mums name to them... it's all wrong - she can do that but needs to pp it and show that she has typed it.

*sigh* I couldn't leave mums until I knew she was settled for the night, that meant a very long tired drive home last night and a late night to bed... but.. it was ok.. sis and I had a quiet, close chat after mum was settled and we ended up hugging and crying together.. we both needed that I think..

Today sis has kept me well informed on things.. so, perhaps corners have been turned... I doubt it though, lol... I am on my guard! lol

So tired but, had a last minute invitation to see a fabulous Christian singer/songwriter tonight and am being picked up in just over half an hour! eek! I better get changed! I look like a freak! Boy I hope it's dimly lit as I look sooooo knackered! lol

I've spoken to mum twice today and am going to call her before I go out.. she sounds brighter now she has "been" again! lol I keep telling her... hosepipe and jetwash attachment will soon sort her out!
Dunno why she finds the idea so unappealling really.. .. ..

Boy my eyes hurt I'm that tired! Blah.. did naff all at work today for thinking about things.. and after work I went to my local Co-Op Funeral place and have made enquiries about Funeral Bonds... for me. I have no intention of my daughters having the kind of conversations we are having right now... so.. I am going to do what I can and get it paid up front.. I'm going to do what mums done as regards the "programme of events"... aka "Order of Service"... and have already got my music chosen, lol Wish I could be there to physically witness the looks on folks faces when Queens "Fat Bottomed Girls" blares out! lol

Anyway - best skedaddle.. am tired, sad and stressed... flu jab in the morning (another minor victory)... fingers crossed I have no adverse reaction to it as am back with mum again Thursday... still... a couple of days in bed probably would do me some good! lol

Thank you for your love, care and advice... you're good people! xxx

 

[Redpam]

I do feel for you, Jennie.

Not only are you having to deal with your poor Mums illness but your sister too. I think you are right not to trust her though.

Dont worry about the flu jab. We had ours today and the chemist was saying that they had not heard of anyone having problems with this years jab. So hopefully you will be fine.

Very wise to be arranging your own funeral now but not something people of your age usually do. I must visit our local funeraria to find out what we need to do if and when Mum passes away. It is so different in Portugal.

I hope you enjoy your trip out this evening and dont fall asleep while you are there.

Big hugs

Pam xxx

 

[Pommette]

Jennie - oh hun, I'm one of the semi-lurkers but just felt I had to post.

If I was anywhere near you I would come and give you a big hug.
So just accept this one through cyber space.
:bighug:

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

Can't believe it's Wednesday morning already - almost time to go back and spend some more precious time with mum.

Well, it's been a really tiring week so far - I haven't managed to sleep all that much as having bad dreams and belly ache - yep - TOTM arrived early (again) so that to deal with too, lol...

Monday night was fantastic! It was so much fun! My line manager is also my lovely friend Lucy's widower and, bless him, he discovered that Brian Houston (a superb singer/songwriter) was in town and asked if I fancied going! Hell yeah!! So, he picked me up and I went! We met up with one of Lucy's best friends and the 3 of us had a wonderful evening of laughter and music and prayer and worship - it was (unbeknown to me) a church event in a community centre and it was JUST what I needed!

I saw Brian and he smiled and said "Hi Jennie, how's it going" and gave me a big hug - and we chatted like old friends... Lucy and I used to go to his gigs together (for those who read this and don't know, Lucy was a lovely friend of mine who, tragically, died in February, aged 40, of cancer. She married her wonderful love less than 24 hours before she died). So, it was a landmark occassion for me, first time at seeing Brian without Lucy... first time at a Christian worship event in a very long time... and I was nervous of being all emotional... but the thing is, I was SO excited about seeing Brian again and hearing his fantastic music, that the excitement overtook the sadness,.

ANyway - it was awesome. I was exhausted by the time I got back but it was spiritually refreshing on a very deep level.

I don't usually talk much about my faith but you know, without it I wouldn't be here right now.. of that I am sure. I hang onto the promise that I won't be given more than I can bear... so... boy can I bear a lot! lol lol Will add more later... got to get off to work now.. but have loads to waffle on about...

 

[Sarahelizabeth]

Morning Jen! So glad you had an enjoyable and uplifitng evening-just what you needed obviously. Just popping in to say hello really.x

 

[Eclipse]

Good morning honey. Sounds like your night out was exactly what you needed x x

 

[IreneH]

Glad your evening out went well.

Irene xx

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

I feel so sick today it's just not funny - have a banging headache and nauseaus... am sure it's just tiredness and stress, but really feeling ropey... can't even remember what I was going to drone on about yesterday, but ended up going home early and going to bed...

Slept a bit but the kids all arrived home from school and made the most incredible din outside that they woke me and it took me until about 1am to finally get off to sleep - I was then up again at 4am and, because we'd had a power cut yesterday and I hadn't re-set my clock properly, I thought it was 6 so I got up and baked a cake for my neighbours house-warming party!

It was only after spending ages baking and cleaning and packing that I realised it must be a lot earlier than I thought - plus, the dog had gone back to bed... that's usually a sign of it being the middle of the night!

So - been up half a day already and look like a bag of the proverbial... can't believe how tired I look... blah! Hopefully some time with mum, and maybe napping when she does, will re-charge my batteries...

My arm is still a bit swollen and sore from my flu jab but it's stopped throbbing so that's a bonus, lol.

Have been having terrible dreams.. and still have a funny feeling that sis is squirelling away things... ho hum.

Today would have been my mum and dad's wedding anniversary... their 56th! I remember their silver wedding anniversary on this day in 1980.. I got engaged to my first hubby that day... *sigh* Where have all the years gone...

I asked my girls which rings they would like from my marriages? Neither wanted any of the jewellry I have from hubby no.2 (the one who left me for a younger model).. so, yesterday I took the rings he gave me to the local jewellers and sold the wedding ring for £40 (scrap value) and handed over my engagement ring (an amethyst and diamond cluster) and another ring he had bought me (ironically, from that jewellers) which was a thick gold band with a large amethyst on it.. and they reckon they can sell each of them for £100! So... come Christmas, hopefully, I shall have some money to split between my girls and they can choose a piece of jewellery or I may just give them the dosh!

I've decided that I am NOT having them feel the way I am feeling right now, and I am not having them have to go through the kind of thoughts and conversations my sis and I are right now too..

I am going to be checking mums finances over the next few days and if I find any more significant transfers to my sister I shall speak to my mum about it if appropriate.

I feel such disappointment...

I took Mr Misery and my daughter and her fella out for a curry on Tuesday night (a kind of congrats on the job and belated birthday thing for Mr M)... I then put £20 in my other daughter's account.. I don't want her to feel that just because she lives away, I would treat her any differently...

I think this experience is taking it's toll on me to be honest... I look dreadful and feel it too... TOTM has arrived too which doesn't help at all!

Blah! I MUST get on and do some work - I know it will make me feel better... and, after all, it's what I'm here to do!

Sorry for being such a moaning minnie right now - head not in a happy place at the moment, but it will pass.. as soon as I see mum again I know I shall cheer up!

 

[Gen]

Big snuggles hope you have a fantastic weekend with your mum xxx

 

[pandora]

sweetheart , you don't give yourself credit, you are dealing with so much at the moment , your mum , tiredness, TOTM & flu jab symptoms , all of which singularly would have anyone feeling rotten , but all four together its no wonder you feel as you do .
the TOTM & jab symptoms will pass & hopefully you will relax & rest at mums .
hope your weekend revives the spirits of you both xx