FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
It gets better... she also has paid to fill the damn thing with petrol!!
Blergh! - FatFairNForty(ish) - my diary
- Thread starter FatFairNForty(ish)
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FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
sorry not updated but am so tired... loads to say but too tired... mum now permanently downstairs... sis constantly criticising me.. i feel like a zombie... news on the lovelife front!! also on the Mr Misery front (told him he's to move out when mum dies).. sis still ripping mum off... emotional rollercoaster.. cakes... shopping...will try and update properly tomorrow...
HopeSprings
Gold Member
Good morning, just so that you know I'm not ignoring you, it's a quick hello from me as I go back quite a few pages to catch up with your diary xxxx
FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
ok, having had the rant and suffered a week of criticism it is almost Thursday and time to go back to mum again - it can't come soon enough for me!!
I hate being away from her...
Got there Wednesday and the bed had arrived, we moved things around and finally got it in the perfect position for mum so she can look out of the window onto the garden and watch the birds on the feeder, and the other way she can look out of the front window and see that way too... she is also facing the hatchway into the kitchen so if we are in there she can see and talk to us..
Sis and I made the bed up and when I commented that now there were enough beds in the house for us to both stay if we needed to she almost bit my head off! She accused me of "pushing things".. as if I have ANY control over the speed of all this cr@p!! Because I am thinking ahead, getting things in like commode liners, bedding, flexible straws, extra baby wipes, air freshners... she thinks that I am somehow making things happen faster!!! I'm not!!
My beautiful younger daughter and her boyfriend came to visit mum and it was lovely - they all had a great time together up in her room and we ate a bit of my daughter's birthday cake (which she loved) and then they left and mum slept. Bless her.
I was so glad when my sister left - things are horribly tense between us, and she just constantly picks at me and on me, she has no idea that I know ALL about her and the money and what has been going on - I am still convinced there is more somewhere else that she is hiding from me, and I am going to have to ask mum this time as it is the only way. I will be very very gentle how I ask and hope she will be honest with me, because both of them have been lying to me so I am incredibly hurt and disappointed.
Thank you so much for the link to the commode liners - they are fantastic (sis says so)...
Whilst I was there mum didn't come down on the Wednesday... but she couldn't really as I had to empty the dresser, pack the dinner service for sis (stunning very very expensive dinner service, gold leaf bone china thing...) and get dresser removed, pack its contents into mums other dresser, clear up, help neighbour put curtain pole up, hang the curtains, set up the commode, clean the kitchen, write a shopping list, see to mums needs, etc etc etc... it was about 2am Thursday when I finally crawled into bed.
Thursday I woke at 5am and that was it... full on all day... sis had done no cleaning and no food shopping, she hadn't even collected the prescription I had put in the previous Friday! She said she didn't get chance! I have NO idea WHAT she does when she is there!!!
So, I got mum breakfast and then dashed out to do the shopping... I was back within the hour, laden down with food and toiletries etc.. I unpacked it all and then showered mum. It was the last shower she will ever have now... I didn't realise it at the time, so am glad I washed her hair too.. she went back to bed and I went to sort out her meds into the weekly dispenser thing I got the other week... it's fantastic! I also did her washing and a bit of cleaning up in the kitchen. I also did some baking as mum had a WI meeting scheduled.
The hospice nurse arrived and we had a very good talk - she has suggested I get bereavement counselling when mum dies as she knows how many loved ones I have lost in the last 2 years alone... I think I shall do so..
We talked at length about mum and how things are going so fast.. I asked her to tell me when she feels it is only a matter of a couple of weeks so I can be there.. she said she would try..
They went and saw mum and had a good talk with her.. sis rang and I told her what was happening. I always keep her well informed.
Mum was really tired when the nurses left and decided to stay upstairs for one more day.. and that she would go downstairs on Friday morning. She had another brilliant night of sleep but as I lay in the next room listening to her , I knew it won't be long now...
I had a restless night, more bad dreams and woke exhausted. Put on a bright and breezy appearance and cracked on with getting ready for mum to come downstairs... helped her wash in the bathroom and then helped her downstairs later when she was ready.
It took every bit of her strength to tackle the stairs and I really thought, this is it, she is down for good now... I got ready for her WI visitors (8 of them) but she had her best friend visited first and whilst she was there I nipped down to the shops and Drs to collect prescription and to get some food in that I thought sis would like. I didn't get chance to clean though and was still dashing around prepping for the meeting when they started to arrive! Mum had made it up and down the stairs again as she wanted to use the toilet, not the commode.. but it was really the last straw for her poor legs.. I was so worried about her.
I went upstairs as they had their meeting and she rang the bell when she wanted me to "serve tea and cake" lol I had baked some cupcakes for them all. They loved them and I was very happy about that. When the meeting ended I cleared up and heard them scheduling their next meeting - December 2nd... it's never going to happen for mum... I know that... and I think they do too.. it was hard to see them all leave, they were very brave until they got out of mums eyesight and earshot... then their faces crumpled and words were not required. They all gave me lovely hugs and parted with the words "see you again soon". It was so sad.
Mum was shattered and so I cleaned up and tried to be as quiet as possible and left her to sleep. I loaded the car up with all my stuff and waited for my sister to arrive. She had promised to be there no later than 4 as Friday rush hour on the M25 & M1 is NOT funny!
She arrived at 5pm
By this time I had cleared everything away and had sat with mum, had a shower for myself to wake me up ready for the 2 hour drive home, and was just waiting to "handover"... she apologised for being late but had been seeing her friends...
She went up to use the loo and yelled down at me "for goodness sake, SQUEEGEE THE SHOWER WHEN YOU HAVE ONE!!!!" ... so it began... I just looked at mum and said "if the worst thing I can do is not squeegee a shower screen then I am a happy bunny"... and then added "perhaps if she cleaned it she might not be so fussy!". I laughed and made light of it, but I was upset and frustrated.
She stomped downstairs and I told her I had rearranged the boiler service just as she had asked me to, I had scheduled in the diary any visitors, and I had been shopping and got the meds for mum...
Basically, all she had to do was look after mum and clean the house while she is there this week..
I said goodbye to mum and was really upset as I got in the car to drive home.. I hate it when sis has a go at me and makes me feel about 1 inch tall, especially in front of mum... I mean, come on.. in the greater scheme of things... who gives a flying hoot whether shower screens are clear or not!!!
(more to follow...)
I hate being away from her...
Got there Wednesday and the bed had arrived, we moved things around and finally got it in the perfect position for mum so she can look out of the window onto the garden and watch the birds on the feeder, and the other way she can look out of the front window and see that way too... she is also facing the hatchway into the kitchen so if we are in there she can see and talk to us..
Sis and I made the bed up and when I commented that now there were enough beds in the house for us to both stay if we needed to she almost bit my head off! She accused me of "pushing things".. as if I have ANY control over the speed of all this cr@p!! Because I am thinking ahead, getting things in like commode liners, bedding, flexible straws, extra baby wipes, air freshners... she thinks that I am somehow making things happen faster!!! I'm not!!
My beautiful younger daughter and her boyfriend came to visit mum and it was lovely - they all had a great time together up in her room and we ate a bit of my daughter's birthday cake (which she loved) and then they left and mum slept. Bless her.
I was so glad when my sister left - things are horribly tense between us, and she just constantly picks at me and on me, she has no idea that I know ALL about her and the money and what has been going on - I am still convinced there is more somewhere else that she is hiding from me, and I am going to have to ask mum this time as it is the only way. I will be very very gentle how I ask and hope she will be honest with me, because both of them have been lying to me so I am incredibly hurt and disappointed.
Thank you so much for the link to the commode liners - they are fantastic (sis says so)...
Whilst I was there mum didn't come down on the Wednesday... but she couldn't really as I had to empty the dresser, pack the dinner service for sis (stunning very very expensive dinner service, gold leaf bone china thing...) and get dresser removed, pack its contents into mums other dresser, clear up, help neighbour put curtain pole up, hang the curtains, set up the commode, clean the kitchen, write a shopping list, see to mums needs, etc etc etc... it was about 2am Thursday when I finally crawled into bed.
Thursday I woke at 5am and that was it... full on all day... sis had done no cleaning and no food shopping, she hadn't even collected the prescription I had put in the previous Friday! She said she didn't get chance! I have NO idea WHAT she does when she is there!!!
So, I got mum breakfast and then dashed out to do the shopping... I was back within the hour, laden down with food and toiletries etc.. I unpacked it all and then showered mum. It was the last shower she will ever have now... I didn't realise it at the time, so am glad I washed her hair too.. she went back to bed and I went to sort out her meds into the weekly dispenser thing I got the other week... it's fantastic! I also did her washing and a bit of cleaning up in the kitchen. I also did some baking as mum had a WI meeting scheduled.
The hospice nurse arrived and we had a very good talk - she has suggested I get bereavement counselling when mum dies as she knows how many loved ones I have lost in the last 2 years alone... I think I shall do so..
We talked at length about mum and how things are going so fast.. I asked her to tell me when she feels it is only a matter of a couple of weeks so I can be there.. she said she would try..
They went and saw mum and had a good talk with her.. sis rang and I told her what was happening. I always keep her well informed.
Mum was really tired when the nurses left and decided to stay upstairs for one more day.. and that she would go downstairs on Friday morning. She had another brilliant night of sleep but as I lay in the next room listening to her , I knew it won't be long now...
I had a restless night, more bad dreams and woke exhausted. Put on a bright and breezy appearance and cracked on with getting ready for mum to come downstairs... helped her wash in the bathroom and then helped her downstairs later when she was ready.
It took every bit of her strength to tackle the stairs and I really thought, this is it, she is down for good now... I got ready for her WI visitors (8 of them) but she had her best friend visited first and whilst she was there I nipped down to the shops and Drs to collect prescription and to get some food in that I thought sis would like. I didn't get chance to clean though and was still dashing around prepping for the meeting when they started to arrive! Mum had made it up and down the stairs again as she wanted to use the toilet, not the commode.. but it was really the last straw for her poor legs.. I was so worried about her.
I went upstairs as they had their meeting and she rang the bell when she wanted me to "serve tea and cake" lol I had baked some cupcakes for them all. They loved them and I was very happy about that. When the meeting ended I cleared up and heard them scheduling their next meeting - December 2nd... it's never going to happen for mum... I know that... and I think they do too.. it was hard to see them all leave, they were very brave until they got out of mums eyesight and earshot... then their faces crumpled and words were not required. They all gave me lovely hugs and parted with the words "see you again soon". It was so sad.
Mum was shattered and so I cleaned up and tried to be as quiet as possible and left her to sleep. I loaded the car up with all my stuff and waited for my sister to arrive. She had promised to be there no later than 4 as Friday rush hour on the M25 & M1 is NOT funny!
She arrived at 5pm
By this time I had cleared everything away and had sat with mum, had a shower for myself to wake me up ready for the 2 hour drive home, and was just waiting to "handover"... she apologised for being late but had been seeing her friends...
She went up to use the loo and yelled down at me "for goodness sake, SQUEEGEE THE SHOWER WHEN YOU HAVE ONE!!!!" ... so it began... I just looked at mum and said "if the worst thing I can do is not squeegee a shower screen then I am a happy bunny"... and then added "perhaps if she cleaned it she might not be so fussy!". I laughed and made light of it, but I was upset and frustrated.
She stomped downstairs and I told her I had rearranged the boiler service just as she had asked me to, I had scheduled in the diary any visitors, and I had been shopping and got the meds for mum...
Basically, all she had to do was look after mum and clean the house while she is there this week..
I said goodbye to mum and was really upset as I got in the car to drive home.. I hate it when sis has a go at me and makes me feel about 1 inch tall, especially in front of mum... I mean, come on.. in the greater scheme of things... who gives a flying hoot whether shower screens are clear or not!!!
(more to follow...)
FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
Every day has felt like a month since leaving mum... however, on the way back on Sunday night, having battled through the traffic on both the M25 AND M1, I met up with an old friend at Toddington Services. I shall call him RB.
RB and I were an item 31 years ago when I was 16 and he was 18. We never "did it" , lol and I split up with him because I said he was boring. All he ever did was agree with me. LOL I hated it! I remember when we split up my mum wrote me a letter telling me that he was a lovely boy and not to be so harsh as one day I would want someone just like him. I remember her letter so well, in fact, I think I still have it somewhere... anyway... we had made contact through a mutual old school friend on facebook. Only exchanged a couple of messages - told him what was happening in my life and we agreed to meet up and have a catch up on my way home (he lives in Herts).. so that's what we did. It wasn't a date... it was 2 very old friends (flames) meeting up for food and a catch up... well... 4 1/2 hours later we finally left the services having had chilli and jacket spuds and krispy creme doughnuts! We just never stopped talking... 31 years is a long time to cover! It was very very clear that whatever had attracted us to one another all those years ago was still there!! I was shocked! We agreed that this is NOT a good time for me to get involved with anyone right now as I have more than enough on my plate without that too! So, we have agreed to see how it goes as friends and just take it nice and easy...
So.. we talk and text each day, and yesterday when I was distraught after another dreadful exchange with my sis he jumped in his car and drove up to see me. Bless him. He only stayed for an hour during which time we chatted and I dozed off leaning on him on the sofa. It was lovely to feel so relaxed for a change.
I have told him I am incredibly vulnerable right now and not to put any pressure on me or I may spontaneously combust and that would be very messy! So, he isn't, and it's nice. So, time will tell but for now, it is lovely to have him back in my life like this - oh, and I reminded him why I dumped him all those years ago... lol He remembers it very well! He is mid-divorce at the moment, having been separated for 2 years. His ex lives with her new partner in Leics so a good safe distance away and, thankfully, no kids. I know all of his family as we were all great friends during our school and teenage and years beyond too. It's so refreshing to be in the company of someone who knows me from way back, and who remembers all of my family too. It's nice. It's very nice. He has lovely eyes. (I notice these things)., although he will need some help sorting out his wardrobe! lol
Anyway - he put a relaxed smile on my face and there will be no funny business either! lol
I got home very late and went straight to bed. That was Friday done and dusted.
RB and I were an item 31 years ago when I was 16 and he was 18. We never "did it" , lol and I split up with him because I said he was boring. All he ever did was agree with me. LOL I hated it! I remember when we split up my mum wrote me a letter telling me that he was a lovely boy and not to be so harsh as one day I would want someone just like him. I remember her letter so well, in fact, I think I still have it somewhere... anyway... we had made contact through a mutual old school friend on facebook. Only exchanged a couple of messages - told him what was happening in my life and we agreed to meet up and have a catch up on my way home (he lives in Herts).. so that's what we did. It wasn't a date... it was 2 very old friends (flames) meeting up for food and a catch up... well... 4 1/2 hours later we finally left the services having had chilli and jacket spuds and krispy creme doughnuts! We just never stopped talking... 31 years is a long time to cover! It was very very clear that whatever had attracted us to one another all those years ago was still there!! I was shocked! We agreed that this is NOT a good time for me to get involved with anyone right now as I have more than enough on my plate without that too! So, we have agreed to see how it goes as friends and just take it nice and easy...
So.. we talk and text each day, and yesterday when I was distraught after another dreadful exchange with my sis he jumped in his car and drove up to see me. Bless him. He only stayed for an hour during which time we chatted and I dozed off leaning on him on the sofa. It was lovely to feel so relaxed for a change.
I have told him I am incredibly vulnerable right now and not to put any pressure on me or I may spontaneously combust and that would be very messy! So, he isn't, and it's nice. So, time will tell but for now, it is lovely to have him back in my life like this - oh, and I reminded him why I dumped him all those years ago... lol He remembers it very well! He is mid-divorce at the moment, having been separated for 2 years. His ex lives with her new partner in Leics so a good safe distance away and, thankfully, no kids. I know all of his family as we were all great friends during our school and teenage and years beyond too. It's so refreshing to be in the company of someone who knows me from way back, and who remembers all of my family too. It's nice. It's very nice. He has lovely eyes. (I notice these things)., although he will need some help sorting out his wardrobe! lol
Anyway - he put a relaxed smile on my face and there will be no funny business either! lol
I got home very late and went straight to bed. That was Friday done and dusted.
FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
Saturday and I had a list that was so long I could paper a wall with it! I had to bake for Sunday, clean, do MY washing and housework, bike club paperwork, stock counting and prepare stuff for AGM, empty car, load car with merchandise, etc etc etc...
I managed to get most of it done before my friend needed me to go and be with her. My friend AB lives across the way, she had an unexpected pregnancy - long story - and went through loads of tests to ensure it was safe for her to go to term... it was... and then she found out there was a problem with the baby...
On Friday night she gave birth to a tiny baby girl - the baby drew breath for just under 2 hours then died... it is tragic. Her little footprints are no longer than my thumb, she weighed less than 400g... she was beautiful... my friend called me on Saturday night and asked me to go to her, I did.. I was in my pj's and in bed so pulled on a jacket and some shoes and went and sat with her until she was ready for me to leave in the early hours... She cried, we talked, she showed me photos of her little girl, of her footprints and hand prints... of the box the hospital had given her which had lovely things in like her blanket and some snowdrops and a poem and photos and the order of service as they had her blessed and named in the hospital before she died... it is so so so sad.. my poor lovely friend is heartbroken..
I got in and finished off loading the car up - Sunday and the sun rose far too soon for my liking and I had to get to Birmingham for the AGM. I felt (and looked) so bloomin' tired!
It was a brilliant meeting and it was wonderful to see so many of my wonderful, loving and supportive friends again. I got countless hugs and had the odd weepy moment.. but there was laughter too, and loads of hugs and heartfelt hand squeezes... I love my biking buds..
Home late Sunday afternoon and straight into shower and bed.. tried to do paperwork but just fell asleep... utterly exhausted. Had rung mum twice in the day to see how she was doing and she said all was well..
I managed to get most of it done before my friend needed me to go and be with her. My friend AB lives across the way, she had an unexpected pregnancy - long story - and went through loads of tests to ensure it was safe for her to go to term... it was... and then she found out there was a problem with the baby...
On Friday night she gave birth to a tiny baby girl - the baby drew breath for just under 2 hours then died... it is tragic. Her little footprints are no longer than my thumb, she weighed less than 400g... she was beautiful... my friend called me on Saturday night and asked me to go to her, I did.. I was in my pj's and in bed so pulled on a jacket and some shoes and went and sat with her until she was ready for me to leave in the early hours... She cried, we talked, she showed me photos of her little girl, of her footprints and hand prints... of the box the hospital had given her which had lovely things in like her blanket and some snowdrops and a poem and photos and the order of service as they had her blessed and named in the hospital before she died... it is so so so sad.. my poor lovely friend is heartbroken..
I got in and finished off loading the car up - Sunday and the sun rose far too soon for my liking and I had to get to Birmingham for the AGM. I felt (and looked) so bloomin' tired!
It was a brilliant meeting and it was wonderful to see so many of my wonderful, loving and supportive friends again. I got countless hugs and had the odd weepy moment.. but there was laughter too, and loads of hugs and heartfelt hand squeezes... I love my biking buds..
Home late Sunday afternoon and straight into shower and bed.. tried to do paperwork but just fell asleep... utterly exhausted. Had rung mum twice in the day to see how she was doing and she said all was well..
FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
So - Monday (yesterday) and here I am sending a text to mum saying how, if she's up to it, I will give her a shower at the weekend and how much I look forward to seeing her.. and then my sis calls me, on mums phone... she tells me "mum is very down today, she asked me to call as she doesn't feel able to talk to you"... I was gutted... cannot tell you how rejected I felt... had she said mum was too tired that would've been fine... but she didn't... not entirely sure mum said that in any case... so... she told me that mum was permanently downstairs because, on SATURDAY morning (yep, 3 days earlier!) mum's leg's have given way under her and she couldn't manage the stairs any more. She cut her leg very deeply and the nurse had to come and is changing the dressings every day. This was the first I heard of it!
HopeSprings
Gold Member
Whew.... I'm speechless!!
FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
Monday continued... sis rang and said that the reason they hadn't told me about mum's leg was "we didn't want to spoil your weekend".. argh!! What part of "I NEED TO KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON" do they NOT understand??
Mum rang me later in the day and sounded pretty upbeat! I asked how her leg was (I still can't believe she never mentioned it all weekend when I spoke to her at least twice both days!)... and she said it was fine.. she also told me the nurse had been and all was ok. We had a bit of a chat - nothing I can recall now (my memory is shot to bits!).. and it was ok - sort of.
Not sure if I said or not, but sis wanted to know why I had asked mum if it was ok for my daughter to stay over on Saturday night as she is travelling down from Liverpool to visit mum... and, when I DID ask mum her response was "if it's ok with your sister then it's fine with me!" FFS!! It's MUM'S house!!!! WHY would I need to even ask my sister??? Grrrrr... I don't get asked if I mind her smelly boyfriend staying! (Which, actually, I do now mum is using a commode..) In fact, I never get asked anything by either of them.. and mum still says "thank you for a lovely weekend" when I have been to stay... which is a bit galling as I am there from Thurs... not Friday night, or Sat morning... and I am sure her friends think my sis is doing it all and I just pop down for a couple of days.. when the truth is, I do such a lot more than that...*sigh*
So... sis on phone giving me grief about:
1) wanting to know about mum's legs giving way and her cutting herself..
2)asking permission for daughter to stay - she (sis) thought it would be a nice surprise for mum instead, but a) it's not my house and b) she may not want her grandchildren to see her like this and c) she's not really well enough for surprises now...
3) for buying 4 slices of ham and not eating them! She lectured me that in future I should only get 2 slices as she had to throw them out! *Shheesh*
4) I didn't put her chops in the freezer.. the thing is, I bought them for her as I didn't want her not to have food AND I OFFERED to put them in the freezer and she said not to... when I pointed that out to her she went loopy and told me the expiry date on them meant she HAD to freeze them...
5) I got cross-examined about what I had spent mums money on at Budgens... so I told her to get the receipt out of the drawer and she would be able to see as I ALWAYS get receipts for mum whenever she asks me to go shopping.. so she flippin went through it reading out all the abbreviations and quizzing me!! Grrrr... I AM NOT THE ONE RIPPING MUM OFF!!!
6) Amount spent on bedding and curtains.. she asked why it came to so much? Again - I pointed out that ALL the receipts were in the drawer... she had forgotten that I had bought commode liners, curtains, curtain rod, bedding, cards and other things for mum and some of it online...
By the end of the call I was so angry and so frustrated because I had to keep calm throughout.... I have NEVER interrogated or questioned what SHE is spending.. but I shall if she doesn't provide receipts too!!
She then, final nail for me, told me I had left her "nothing to do" !!! I nearly choked! So I pointed out that the whole house needed cleaning, the floors needed washing, the bathroom needed a good clean.. I cannot believe she even THINKS there is nothing to do when she is there with mum! There is heaps!! The windows need cleaning, mum's stuff upstairs needs sorting (clothes she can wear and clothes she can't so that we don't put her in stuff that swamps her and accentuates her weight loss... there are letters to be drafted, lists to be made, 2 sheds to be sorted for rubbish, a garden that always needs something doing in it.. fridge can do with a wipeover and the freezer could do with defrosting... if that isn't enough to keep her out of flippin mischief!!!!!
Mum rang me later in the day and sounded pretty upbeat! I asked how her leg was (I still can't believe she never mentioned it all weekend when I spoke to her at least twice both days!)... and she said it was fine.. she also told me the nurse had been and all was ok. We had a bit of a chat - nothing I can recall now (my memory is shot to bits!).. and it was ok - sort of.
Not sure if I said or not, but sis wanted to know why I had asked mum if it was ok for my daughter to stay over on Saturday night as she is travelling down from Liverpool to visit mum... and, when I DID ask mum her response was "if it's ok with your sister then it's fine with me!" FFS!! It's MUM'S house!!!! WHY would I need to even ask my sister??? Grrrrr... I don't get asked if I mind her smelly boyfriend staying! (Which, actually, I do now mum is using a commode..) In fact, I never get asked anything by either of them.. and mum still says "thank you for a lovely weekend" when I have been to stay... which is a bit galling as I am there from Thurs... not Friday night, or Sat morning... and I am sure her friends think my sis is doing it all and I just pop down for a couple of days.. when the truth is, I do such a lot more than that...*sigh*
So... sis on phone giving me grief about:
1) wanting to know about mum's legs giving way and her cutting herself..
2)asking permission for daughter to stay - she (sis) thought it would be a nice surprise for mum instead, but a) it's not my house and b) she may not want her grandchildren to see her like this and c) she's not really well enough for surprises now...
3) for buying 4 slices of ham and not eating them! She lectured me that in future I should only get 2 slices as she had to throw them out! *Shheesh*
4) I didn't put her chops in the freezer.. the thing is, I bought them for her as I didn't want her not to have food AND I OFFERED to put them in the freezer and she said not to... when I pointed that out to her she went loopy and told me the expiry date on them meant she HAD to freeze them...
5) I got cross-examined about what I had spent mums money on at Budgens... so I told her to get the receipt out of the drawer and she would be able to see as I ALWAYS get receipts for mum whenever she asks me to go shopping.. so she flippin went through it reading out all the abbreviations and quizzing me!! Grrrr... I AM NOT THE ONE RIPPING MUM OFF!!!
6) Amount spent on bedding and curtains.. she asked why it came to so much? Again - I pointed out that ALL the receipts were in the drawer... she had forgotten that I had bought commode liners, curtains, curtain rod, bedding, cards and other things for mum and some of it online...
By the end of the call I was so angry and so frustrated because I had to keep calm throughout.... I have NEVER interrogated or questioned what SHE is spending.. but I shall if she doesn't provide receipts too!!
She then, final nail for me, told me I had left her "nothing to do" !!! I nearly choked! So I pointed out that the whole house needed cleaning, the floors needed washing, the bathroom needed a good clean.. I cannot believe she even THINKS there is nothing to do when she is there with mum! There is heaps!! The windows need cleaning, mum's stuff upstairs needs sorting (clothes she can wear and clothes she can't so that we don't put her in stuff that swamps her and accentuates her weight loss... there are letters to be drafted, lists to be made, 2 sheds to be sorted for rubbish, a garden that always needs something doing in it.. fridge can do with a wipeover and the freezer could do with defrosting... if that isn't enough to keep her out of flippin mischief!!!!!
HopeSprings
Gold Member
'There's none so blind as those who don't wish to see'
One of my dear Mum's favourite quote's seems appropriate here.
What a lazy mare!! I'm angry on your behalf.... GGGRRRRR
One of my dear Mum's favourite quote's seems appropriate here.
What a lazy mare!! I'm angry on your behalf.... GGGRRRRR
FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
I spent pretty much the rest of Monday in tears... until mum rang me later in the day.. that was good. I also rang the hospice at home nurses and had an update from them. I explained the family "dynamics" and how my mother is so controlled by my sister now it just isn't even remotely funny!! I did my bike club merchandise stock checking and then, despite intending to do housework and baking, I just ended up in bed... shattered.. and still sorting out stuff..
RB was really nice and sent lots of encouraging texts throughout the day... I had a fitful night again - lots of nasty dreams! The dog was grumbling outside my bedroom door so I let him in and it was strangely comforting to have him laying on my feet as I went back to sleep...
On Tuesday (yesterday) I woke already tired... getting to be the norm it seems.. and I went into work very early as didn't want to stay in the house.. more productive in the office thank goodness and made a list of jobs to be done.. and did them! On the way home I picked up some more baking bits and bobs and then once in I had some food... good old Uncle Ben - I love his 2 minute rice! Perfect! Then I baked the cake I had promised to bake for mum's beautiful neighbours daughter-in-law... a giant cupcake which I shall decorate tomorrow (Thurs) when at mum's as it is too difficult to transport it when it is iced... plus made some small buns too - just coz there was so much cake mix leftover.. lol So... will be decorating those later today and take those with me too I reckon. I have a good supply of buttericing I made for the cakes at the weekend so will use that up.
Gas board came on Monday (forgot to say) and now I appear to have a repaired oven and fridge! Hurrah!!
Oh yeah.. lol... forgot... on Monday I went to the Post Office and, whilst in the queue.. the insurance company dealing with the morons at Asda who drove over my flowers etc.. well, they rang... and I tore strips off the poor chap!! I gave him such a tongue-lashing... lol He was in no doubt as to my stress levels and the fact that I expected better customer service from him!
Felt a bit sorry for him... but not for long... ignore 5 calls and a letter from me and you should expect nothing less!! lol So, I am not waiting for a landscape gardener to come and give me a quote!!
ANyhoo... where was I... oh yeah... baked cakes... and then went up to my room and sorted out more "stuff" ... and went to sleep pretty early for me... and I did sleep, for a while... but then was wide awake again... and stayed that way for hours before nodding off again and then struggling like mad to get up!
Oh... I forgot... ALSO, yesterday sis texted to say mum was worse again, she was being sick and the nurses had been called out... they gave her an injection and it knocked her out cold... so I didn't call her for a few hours in the hope that the sleep would help her loads... I texted her (I have a feeling my sis controls when she has her phone too!!)...and asked for her to ring me when she felt up to it...
She then had a visit from the Dr and he gave her gaviscon as she now has dreadful indigestion too - when mum called she sounded absolutely awful... I have never heard her sound so rough... I went to bed so worried that I packed my bags and had them ready to go... seriously... I just hate this...
RB was really nice and sent lots of encouraging texts throughout the day... I had a fitful night again - lots of nasty dreams! The dog was grumbling outside my bedroom door so I let him in and it was strangely comforting to have him laying on my feet as I went back to sleep...
On Tuesday (yesterday) I woke already tired... getting to be the norm it seems.. and I went into work very early as didn't want to stay in the house.. more productive in the office thank goodness and made a list of jobs to be done.. and did them! On the way home I picked up some more baking bits and bobs and then once in I had some food... good old Uncle Ben - I love his 2 minute rice! Perfect! Then I baked the cake I had promised to bake for mum's beautiful neighbours daughter-in-law... a giant cupcake which I shall decorate tomorrow (Thurs) when at mum's as it is too difficult to transport it when it is iced... plus made some small buns too - just coz there was so much cake mix leftover.. lol So... will be decorating those later today and take those with me too I reckon. I have a good supply of buttericing I made for the cakes at the weekend so will use that up.
Gas board came on Monday (forgot to say) and now I appear to have a repaired oven and fridge! Hurrah!!
Oh yeah.. lol... forgot... on Monday I went to the Post Office and, whilst in the queue.. the insurance company dealing with the morons at Asda who drove over my flowers etc.. well, they rang... and I tore strips off the poor chap!! I gave him such a tongue-lashing... lol He was in no doubt as to my stress levels and the fact that I expected better customer service from him!
Felt a bit sorry for him... but not for long... ignore 5 calls and a letter from me and you should expect nothing less!! lol So, I am not waiting for a landscape gardener to come and give me a quote!!
ANyhoo... where was I... oh yeah... baked cakes... and then went up to my room and sorted out more "stuff" ... and went to sleep pretty early for me... and I did sleep, for a while... but then was wide awake again... and stayed that way for hours before nodding off again and then struggling like mad to get up!
Oh... I forgot... ALSO, yesterday sis texted to say mum was worse again, she was being sick and the nurses had been called out... they gave her an injection and it knocked her out cold... so I didn't call her for a few hours in the hope that the sleep would help her loads... I texted her (I have a feeling my sis controls when she has her phone too!!)...and asked for her to ring me when she felt up to it...
She then had a visit from the Dr and he gave her gaviscon as she now has dreadful indigestion too - when mum called she sounded absolutely awful... I have never heard her sound so rough... I went to bed so worried that I packed my bags and had them ready to go... seriously... I just hate this...
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FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
So, it's now Wednesday and I was late for work (only 20mins in the end)... because I was so tired I didn't want to get up.. lol
I got a text from sis to say mum had a brilliant night and was in great form! This really is a total rollercoaster ride... so I had already texted mum as I won't call before 8am and, as she has been so very tired recently, and as my sister seems to always answer her phone, texting is best and I ask her to call me.. that way I know I am not disturbing her...
The good news of mum's settled night meant I got on with loads at work without so much worrying... it also helps that I am going to be back there again with her tomorrow! Hurrah!! I am SO much happier when I am looking after her... it isn't that I don't think my sister is... it's just that I want to be with mum too... *sigh*
I am dreading going in some respects as I KNOW that my sister will have something new to complain about and it will be my failing to do or get something... or done something wrong... or filed something incorrectly... or something!!!
That said... I worked overtime today so that I can leave an hour early tomorrow and get on my way sooner... my bags are already in the boot of my car.. and I am going to leave some of my stuff in mum's room upstairs out of the way so I don't need my emergency bag in the boot all the time...
I also rang her long term friend who is away on holiday in Yorkshire and brought her up to date - I had promised to, so I have done every 3 days.. and I am going to be talking to her later today after I speak with mum too... I feel so sad for mum's friends... I know how I felt when it was Sarah, and then Jim, Mick and then, this year, Lucy.
Bless them - it must be so hard for them all too. I keep in touch with her closest ones but it is hard as I don't have much chance to do so, but I try.
I can't wait to see my elder daughter on Saturday morning, and, our lifelong friends from Dublin are flying in to visit mum too... I think that is going to be incredibly hard... and very very emotional... and I think it could upset mum loads... they are the husband and younger son of her best friend ever who died 2 years ago... and it is going to be very emotional for all of us... we have not seen them since Nora's funeral... I am looking forward to seeing them but also know how exhausting it could, well, will, be...
Bless her, mum hasn't turned anyone away yet.. but I have a feeling that time will come...
I told her friend who's on hols to come next weekend when I am there .. my sis will be rude to her otherwise... they kinda rub each other up the wrong way... probably coz my mums friend says it how it is.. lol No fear!!
So, busy days ahead as usual... but today, so far has been ok... I am going to hopefully speak to mum soon - she will be watching "Pointless" now so I will wait until that's over.. then I think I will risk it and call her! lol
I got a text from sis to say mum had a brilliant night and was in great form! This really is a total rollercoaster ride... so I had already texted mum as I won't call before 8am and, as she has been so very tired recently, and as my sister seems to always answer her phone, texting is best and I ask her to call me.. that way I know I am not disturbing her...
The good news of mum's settled night meant I got on with loads at work without so much worrying... it also helps that I am going to be back there again with her tomorrow! Hurrah!! I am SO much happier when I am looking after her... it isn't that I don't think my sister is... it's just that I want to be with mum too... *sigh*
I am dreading going in some respects as I KNOW that my sister will have something new to complain about and it will be my failing to do or get something... or done something wrong... or filed something incorrectly... or something!!!
That said... I worked overtime today so that I can leave an hour early tomorrow and get on my way sooner... my bags are already in the boot of my car.. and I am going to leave some of my stuff in mum's room upstairs out of the way so I don't need my emergency bag in the boot all the time...
I also rang her long term friend who is away on holiday in Yorkshire and brought her up to date - I had promised to, so I have done every 3 days.. and I am going to be talking to her later today after I speak with mum too... I feel so sad for mum's friends... I know how I felt when it was Sarah, and then Jim, Mick and then, this year, Lucy.
Bless them - it must be so hard for them all too. I keep in touch with her closest ones but it is hard as I don't have much chance to do so, but I try.
I can't wait to see my elder daughter on Saturday morning, and, our lifelong friends from Dublin are flying in to visit mum too... I think that is going to be incredibly hard... and very very emotional... and I think it could upset mum loads... they are the husband and younger son of her best friend ever who died 2 years ago... and it is going to be very emotional for all of us... we have not seen them since Nora's funeral... I am looking forward to seeing them but also know how exhausting it could, well, will, be...
Bless her, mum hasn't turned anyone away yet.. but I have a feeling that time will come...
I told her friend who's on hols to come next weekend when I am there .. my sis will be rude to her otherwise... they kinda rub each other up the wrong way... probably coz my mums friend says it how it is.. lol No fear!!
So, busy days ahead as usual... but today, so far has been ok... I am going to hopefully speak to mum soon - she will be watching "Pointless" now so I will wait until that's over.. then I think I will risk it and call her! lol
FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
Had a very long conversation with someone yesterday who told me that my late stepdad deliberately didn't leave my mother his house (which was worth almost £1mill) because he didn't want my sister to have his hard earned money and all that he and his late wife had worked so hard for... and he felt bad at the time as he had wanted to will it to my mum but he knew sis would end up with a load of it... so... he left the house to his elder daughter instead!! Mum doesn't know this, and nor does my sister, but I can tell you now... when mum is gone, my sister WILL know... and I will tell her... and she might just realise that her behaviour, over 20 years ago, when mum had only been married to my lovely stepdad for just 3 years when he made his will, her actions and attitudes had already made their mark and determined our mothers financial destiny! I will bide my time to tell her, but tell her I shall... one day.. when all is done, settled, cleared, sorted and legally completed.
Because of her my mum was really hurt and financially, not suffering, but denied... had it been different and my sis hadn't been such a drain on mum and her money then it would have been a very different picture now... but it really doesn't matter... no matter how much money there is or isn't... it won't make it any better.. and, at the end of the day it is just money and stuff.. so I really need to let it go... release all the negative energy... and try to forget it all... BUT... if my sister interrogates me again about my shopping then I may just have to say something to set her in her place!! NOT whilst mum is with us though as sis would go running to mum about it...
*sigh*
It's hard enough without being picked at... still... perhaps now she will have worked out how to operate the vacuum cleaner and the mop and the polish!! (Oink, splat... that was a pig falling from the sky!!)
I anticipate getting there and needing to shop, clean and sort... and that's ok.. if that's what needs doing, and mum is sleeping more and more, then that's what I shall do..
I know there are things I want to say to my mum but I can't... I would never forgive myself if I upset her... I think I will follow the nurse's advice... and be ready to have bereavement counselling as and when the time is right...
Right - time to get on... I have been incredibly productive and want to carry on! lol SO... copying photos onto cds now to free up space on my laptop... and will have a big deep bubble bath and early night again... was VERY bad on the food front! I ordered a dominos pizza and had it delivered to work! lol it was lush and I felt utterly sinful... heh heh heh Have decided to only drink water after 7pm in the eves now as I hadn't realised there was caffeine in Dr Pepper Zero.. lol So hopefully the sleep situation may improve as a result... I can feel the weight creeping back on too so have to try and nip that in the bud.. but to be honest.. I just can't seem to exercise any self control... ah well.. right, am off to do my washing now... that way my stuff will all be clean when I get home again.. sorry for constantly moaning about my sister but she is driving me insane!!!
RB says he has sent me a little something to mums for when I get there! I am going to tell her about him... she always liked him... lol lol Am NOT telling my sister!! lol
Thank goodness for Minimins is all I can say! WHAT a relief to get it all out!!
Because of her my mum was really hurt and financially, not suffering, but denied... had it been different and my sis hadn't been such a drain on mum and her money then it would have been a very different picture now... but it really doesn't matter... no matter how much money there is or isn't... it won't make it any better.. and, at the end of the day it is just money and stuff.. so I really need to let it go... release all the negative energy... and try to forget it all... BUT... if my sister interrogates me again about my shopping then I may just have to say something to set her in her place!! NOT whilst mum is with us though as sis would go running to mum about it...
*sigh*
It's hard enough without being picked at... still... perhaps now she will have worked out how to operate the vacuum cleaner and the mop and the polish!! (Oink, splat... that was a pig falling from the sky!!)
I anticipate getting there and needing to shop, clean and sort... and that's ok.. if that's what needs doing, and mum is sleeping more and more, then that's what I shall do..
I know there are things I want to say to my mum but I can't... I would never forgive myself if I upset her... I think I will follow the nurse's advice... and be ready to have bereavement counselling as and when the time is right...
Right - time to get on... I have been incredibly productive and want to carry on! lol SO... copying photos onto cds now to free up space on my laptop... and will have a big deep bubble bath and early night again... was VERY bad on the food front! I ordered a dominos pizza and had it delivered to work! lol it was lush and I felt utterly sinful... heh heh heh Have decided to only drink water after 7pm in the eves now as I hadn't realised there was caffeine in Dr Pepper Zero.. lol So hopefully the sleep situation may improve as a result... I can feel the weight creeping back on too so have to try and nip that in the bud.. but to be honest.. I just can't seem to exercise any self control... ah well.. right, am off to do my washing now... that way my stuff will all be clean when I get home again.. sorry for constantly moaning about my sister but she is driving me insane!!!
RB says he has sent me a little something to mums for when I get there! I am going to tell her about him... she always liked him... lol lol Am NOT telling my sister!! lol
Thank goodness for Minimins is all I can say! WHAT a relief to get it all out!!
Oh my word I think you are so brave and I follow your posts daily. I think you are right to wait to confront your sister. The main thing at the moment is to keep your mum as happy as can be there will be plenty of time to deal with your sister later. I wish I could do or say something to make this time easier for you but alas I cannot, however please remember that there are lots of us here thinking of you and admiring your strength. :bighug:
