Blonde Logic's Stream of Consciousness/Diary

Hi everyone...

Julz, Clara, Kira, Spangly - really nice to see you all!!! Thank you so much for popping on. :)

Mel - Goal jeans are great!!! Now, downward into my 32s - when I get there, my laughter will be heard around the globe!!! :D

Its good to see you ladies - I have not seen some of you for awile. I hope you are all well yourselves.

THe counseling is going good - but it is going to start getting more difficult now as we tackle the PTSD. Mel, she is not using the NLP method of treatment you mentioned earlier. She is using EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing) If you are interested: Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia I would be curious if your sister in law (it was her wasn't it) if she has ever used this method? The idea is to get the left and right side of the brain talking again so it can process the trauma. Sounds like we will be revisiting a lot of unp[leasant things in the coming weeks - so it will be hard, but for a good end. Has to be done. And will be worth it in the end if it works for me.

CLara, I don't really think I suffer from SAD....I actually adore winter weather - the greyer and wetter a day is the happier I am. I am the only one I reckon in this country that frowns when I pull the curtain back and its sunny, and if its raining I break in to a beg grin!! LOL.....I do think it is mainly the PTSD that has had me in it's grips - but I will mention it and see what she thinks.

ANyhoo = I am going to go now and celebrate this weeks THREE POUND LOSS~!! WHOOP~~ WHOOP!!

:D :D


I am SO happy with the pace the losses are happening. Just wonderful! :)

Have a good night everone! :)

xxxxxxxx
 
Fabulous loss. Yay to your smaller genes.

It is my sister that does PTSD work with the US Forces. I'll ask her about it. Thanks for the link.
 
Awh! BL I am so thrilled you are in good spirits. I can literally feel the buzz in your more recent posts. I have followed your diary since your LL and you've been amazing, so real, not virtual if that makes sense. So glad the counselling is helping and always good vibes your way even when the counselling get tougher. x
 
Aw, thank you Kira. :) I am feeling better - but I almost am afraid to "say it out loud" if you het me.....it has been such a rubbish couple of years - and now with things beginning to feel better it makes me nervous. lol Its horrible to think that way but I am afraid if I admit it too uch something bad will hapen again. Silly but can't help it.

But one day at a time, one foot in front of the other - and see where it goes Iguess is all there is to do! :)

THnaks too for your comment about being real and not vitual - I get you and that made me smile. :) I have always worn my heart on my sleeve and for those closes to me my life has always been an open book. I guess I felt safe on here because of the anonymity factor to let it all out . And I find that therapuetic. So what you see is what you get! :D

THanks again - and have a great weekend!! :)

xxx
 
TGIF!
 
Blonde Logic said:
Amen to that Mel!!! GOt any fun plans??
Click to expand...

DD singing at Ely Cathedral tomorrow. Then seeing Olympic Torch on Sunday. What about you!!!
 
How was the torch spotting? Was there a good turn out? It runs past my house - just a couple of blocks away./ THats next Monday - can't wait! Not something you see everyday! :)

Well - another GREAT week - 3 more pounds bit the dust~! 3 seems to be my magic number!

THis is a scary week though - its my CD equivelant to Milk Week - but as you know you eat a small amount of protein and veg - gonna be scary. My strategy is to cook simple palatable food, but not to have a party. :D Scary scary!!! Hoping I do not unlesah the monster!! LOL

Counseling is going well - getting veryintense and the hard stuff starts tomorrow. Fingers crossed.

All in all, life is moving at a reasonable pace these days. :)

What kind of singing does your daughter do Mel?:)
 
Hi BL,

The torch was pretty cool and there was a lot of energy and a good vibe going!

My daughter was part of a school choir that sang with the Northampton Boys Choir and some adult choirs and was accompanied by the Huntingonshire Philharmonic. It was very cool.

I'm sure you'll be okay. It's carbs and sugar that trigger binges IMHO.
 
Blonde Logic said:
Whoop!!!! officially now less to lose then what I have lost so far! Yessssss!! Halfway there!!! :D :D :D

YAY!
Click to expand...

That is sooooooo fabulous!!!!
 
Happy Friday the 13th!
 
Well, this week of having a small meal is drawing to an end, thank god. I have found it realy challenging.....and I am doing my best to saty within the boundries - somedays better then opthers - but never more then a bit extrave lettuce leaves, or a couple more radishes, etc. Though last night, I did really bend the rules and had a tiny sliver of a simple un-iced cake. IT was so good, I had a second - both slices totalling what would still have been a very small slice to begin with - and man - am I paying for it today!! Teach me! My stomach feels horrible and is bubbly and crampy!!!! How interesting. Confession aired - penance in action! :D

I will enjoy then end when I am back in the safety of just my packs - which starts tomorrow. {Phew.
 
Blonde Logic said:
Well, this week of having a small meal is drawing to an end, thank god. I have found it realy challenging.....and I am doing my best to saty within the boundries - somedays better then opthers - but never more then a bit extrave lettuce leaves, or a couple more radishes, etc. Though last night, I did really bend the rules and had a tiny sliver of a simple un-iced cake. IT was so good, I had a second - both slices totalling what would still have been a very small slice to begin with - and man - am I paying for it today!! Teach me! My stomach feels horrible and is bubbly and crampy!!!! How interesting. Confession aired - penance in action! :D

I will enjoy then end when I am back in the safety of just my packs - which starts tomorrow. {Phew.
Click to expand...

Morning BL --

That would probably be the carb bloat. It'll pass soon. I'm sure it was tasty, and remember if it makes you feel like that it is probably not good for you.



image-138479279.jpg
 
I've felt very emotional reading this!

I used to post a while back (Toller Girl) but that name and identity didn't feel like me, so I re joined. I always loved reading your posts, and found you warm, insightful, intelligent, thoughtful and generally very lovely.

There's a reason they call it 'management' on LL, rather than maintaining. It's not a state of being, it's a process. Blips is part of the process.

I've been wondering a lot about the reasons for my re gaining (I'm not back where I started, but I'm not THAT far off), what prompted me to take the leap now, why I feel positive this time etc. It's all very strange, I think you know from the outset whether it'll be a failed attempt or not. For me, I just know this time is the time for me. It seems from reading yours that this is your time too.

Is there anything about being at goal that you don't like?

I think you hit on something with guilt and punishment. If you have those guilty feelings, do you think a part of you was telling yourself that you didn't deserve the thing you wanted most in the world?

I thought you might find this article interesting, if you haven't already seen it.

Caitlin Moran on Women and Overeating: I Know Why the Fat Lady Sings - WSJ.com


Keep going on the way you're going, you're doing great :D
 
Awesome article. Thanks for sharing.
 
Hi FF - I remember you completely - you had that cute little doggy in your Avatar, didn;tyou? It is so nice to see you here again and thank you for your nice words.

No, I LOVED being at goal, and felt so proud of myself - there was nto one thing about it I did not like. It really was a dream come true for me.

I feel extremely confident that I would not have regained the weight had my mom's death and the fall out that resulted with what was left of my family kind of scattering in the wind, and losing the family home - the best friends betrayal at the time I needed her most - It was all just too much for me. If I liked to drink, I probably would have developed a drinking problem instead - food was a way to numb the horrible pain I was in. It was bigger than anything I have ever learned in CBT - it was PTSD which knocked me right for six.

I am getting counseling now and in that we are discussing guilt and regret and what not - as I have plenty of that - but I know that is not why I regained the weight. BUt I know its a couple of things that in the future COULD cause weight gain if I fell in to a trap so I want to move past it - its hard work and I hope I do it.

Guilt and punishment would have played a part in my escalating up to the 21 stone I was at when I did LL in the first place - but not the regain. That purely from a broken heart and a broken spirit. But I am clawing my way back, and like you sai, I know I feel it in me that this is the time. ANd its great.

I will read your article - I am just taking a break while hubby's tea finshes cooking but nearly time to dish it up for him.

THank you so much, and it really is so nice to see you back. I have really fond memories of you as well, also being a warm and sensitive andf lovely girl - so its just great to see you. We can do this!!!! :)

xxxxx
 
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