Blonde Logic's Stream of Consciousness/Diary

[angie-bum]

Hi BL and Minerva,

3lbs is really good.

Personally, I know in the glory days of cd I'd be looking at regular 4lb losses, but earlier this year I did exante and some milk in tea, averaging 3lb a week, that was on 600-800 cals a day. I know it's slower but I found it really straight forward and the loss wasn't so quick that it freaked me out.

slow and steady =) 3lb a week is still a significant chunk

Was 17.10
Am 15.1
Will be 11.10

 

[Blonde Logic]

Well shoot. Messed about this week and stayed the same. I need to pull my finger out and get serious. Pleased its not a gain but its a silly waste of time and money - so here is to a much better, more more restrained, controlled, and near perfect week. One can hope.

 

[Blonde Logic]

And last week - messed about and went up two pounds - so - a stern telling off, I have managed to stop the fiddling about and I believe today I am in FULL ketosis - I hav buckets of energy - I have not had a pack yet - so hopefully, all systems are go. Now I jut need to dig deep - and rock this diet down to the finish line.

Give me strength!

How's everyone else? How are you doing Angie? And Minerva - I hope all is well - hows it going for you?

 

[Minerva]

Summer for some reason is harder to diet in, I'm finding it difficult too! Messed around since mid-June, haven't lost anything and just bouncing up and down with the water weight, thankfully, no *real* gains either. But we're all getting geared up to do the August challenge, maybe that will help a little? A daily check-in to make sure we're all on track.
It's here, come join us https://www.minimins.com/threads/august-challenge-31-days-to-get-back-on-track-for-xmas.355435/

 

[Blonde Logic]

Hoorah! My efforts have paid off. I am in ketosis as proved by the 6 pounds I dropped this week. Now THATs more like it. OK - now I rememebr how great this diet works if you let it. I am done messing about!

I am over the moon with this, and it feels like more of a week one than the one I had!!

I did a little happy dance when she told me I had lost 6!! So now down in the next stone - 17 from 18 - yay! 2 pounds from a stone loss - very happy and feeling much more focused.

PHEW!!!! Gonna give it some grit!

 

[Minerva]

Well done BL! You're on a roll!

 

[Blonde Logic]

Well - I had thouhgt I had it licked, but I never let Ketosis get a firm hold....and I slipped back to messing around. I tried to put my finger on it - why I kept messing about witht he diet. And while I never did find my answer, suddenly something has changed and I am now on my 4th or 5th day of 100% and full on ketosis, and feel confident I will now stay here. What a rocky start!

I came close to giving up a few times figuring my head just was not in the right space to do this, despite my heart being fully on board. But I was determined to stick to it, and do whatever it took to get in the groove, and I am no glad I did.

It's very tough this time around - while I got rid of so many demons of mine in 2008, I seem to have picked up a few new ones int he last 4 or 5 years. So I have some work to do and certainly feel a challenge lies ahead to get through months of this.

But I feel the most confident now than I have in the weeks since I started again - so here's hoping.

 

[MinnieMel]

Evening BL -

I'm glad to read you're doing well. I went to my first Weight Watchers meeting this evening. I found s formula online where I can calculate my Smart Points by using the nutrition information from entering my food on My Fitness Pal. I have a lot of VLCD packs that I'm using to control calories and my eating - kind of like doing the Lifestyle plan. If I have a STS week or (heaven forbid) gain week - then I may try to VLCD. I have found that VLCDing leads to binging for me.

 

[Blonde Logic]

Hi Mel So nice to see you again and hear your update. I think I mentioned a while back I had a spell of bad health. Since then I was reluctant to even DO a VLCD. Having lost half my bowel I did ot think it would be wise. So I tried more "conventional means". I dabbled and got nowhere. I finally went to Slimming World just to have SOMETHING to follow. Some reins to pull in. And I managed to lose a stone - but it took several weeks - 8 or 9, etc., something like that. ANd then Christmas came. I lost the plot. And a full on sugar addiction ensued - and I went off the rails. By now, a year or more had passed since my surgery so I saw my surgeon and he agreed I could diet - though TBH I do not htink he FULLY understood Cambridge. But I took his approval and ran. It has taken me many weeks to finally get into total abstinance. It was really hard this time = the last year was so rough that food was a real issue = and I was struggling to cut the cord. Fear. So this i my FIRST week or total abstinance = I am excited about weighing in tomorrow as it should be my best one yet.

This is a tricky business. I am still so envious of those who never have, and may never struggle with food.

Good luck with your plan.....we have done this before, we can do it again, ay?

 

[Blonde Logic]

-4 Pounds this week!!

I am very happy with that as I have been faffing about so much with this diet - mesing about, wasting time, too afraid to TRULY cut the cord with food.

I think I have finally done it. Feels great to FINALLY feel in control and on course now. May I please just stay here.

Now to just keep my head down and get this done.

I do not feel brave enough or confident enough yet to boldly say, "I got this!" - but I am doing my best to get there.

 

[Jellybabie]

Hi BL!! Are you still about?? How are you doing?? Do you remember me?? xx

 

[sexychick]

Hi Blonde Logic & Minerva,
How you doing ladies.....been I long time since I posted on here? x

 

[Jellybabie]

BL! I cant tell you how many hours i have spent over the past 10 days reading your diary! How moving! What a rollercoaster you have been on since 2008! I lost 3 stone in 10 weeks back then too and it was advice you gave me back then that got me through and still sticks with me today. I mostly maintained my weight for 2 years until i became homeless, my wee dog got knocked down and killed and my best friend died in a car accident. All this in 2010. I totally lost control with food and over the years have lost a couple stone here and there and now i am back. 3 weeks on LL. Going for a 100lb loss this time to get to my true target weight which i have never been in my whole life! So much has happened over the years since i was last on here. I have never forgotten you and you really are an inspiration. How are you? i really hope i can help you this time round.
much love
Diane
xxx

 

[Blonde Logic]

SO - yay.....STILL faffing about, FFS. Honestly, I need to start working through some stuff - I am in the shittiest headspace I have been in for such a long time. Really sh*t. I have been on/off/good/bad - had a knee injury - knee replacement surgery ahead - had a bereavement-lost my father in law who was very dear to me - work stress, depression, chronic pain, tension in my relationship because of all these things - AHHHHHHHHHHH. I need to go scream in the forest or something.

This diary helped me when I did this in 2008 - because I worked through things "out loud". No holds barred - I jut let it all out. I think I need to do that again.

I wonder too if I am on the wrong Antidepressant. I have been on the same one for years - Sertraline - and I just never really get out of the hole - it just gets more comfortable. If that makes sense - but dammit, I want to get OUT of it. Has anyone else ever changed meds? Is there any unpleasant effects from changing?

My name of my diary is Stream of Consciousness, and that may be what I do again, and apologies up front - it might mean that I do not really interact as much - I will just log on and pour thoughts out. If I don't always reply- please don;t take it personally - just means I am processing on the go. Ya know? My focus gets so easily distracted, and I think I have to just get my nose down, and push like a mutha.

I cannot do this for the rest of my life. I just can't.

Feeling very worn down.

 

[Minerva]

I'm sorry you've been having a tough time It sounds like a lot to take on in such a short span of time, but you are coming back here because you know that writing things down helps let it out. It's hard to shoulder all these burdens alone. Have you had some therapy? I recently made the decision to try it out, I'm not sure if it's for me yet, but I know it's helped some of my friends so long as they keep going back. You may have mentioned you've done it before, maybe it would help at this time to see someone once a week?

The anti-depressants, it's slippery slope, the problem is that they can't tell which medication will work for you specifically. There is no test for it. It doesn't hurt to try another one, but it may not work in the same way. The trial and error period is a tough one especially while the right dosage is found, and it's probably not the best idea to switch them around if right now is an especially emotionally trying time.

Having had some antidepressants when I was 18, I do know that switching between them may mean gradually stopping the medication you are on before starting the new one. There are going to be withdrawal effects with most of these drugs and depending on the type, it can mean tremors, nightmares, headaches, lightheadedness, worsening moods maybe even nausea. At least that's what I remember having when I was stopping a drug called Venlafaxine. It was a fairly unpleasant experience. But like I said, not all drugs are the same and it depends on the dose too. Do discuss it with your doctor and if you decide your current medication isn't working for you, then try another one, but be prepared for a few months of withdrawal and adjustment... Please be careful BL. x

 

[Enough]

This is a great place to pour it out Blond Logic and absolutely right that you use it for you in whatever way you need to - that's what it's for.

Ask your GP for an IAPT referral of you're in England (if Scotland/Wales/elsewhere, simply ask your doctor about taking therapies). As Minerva says, it can be unsettling changing antidepressant and isn't always a good idea (although venlefaxine is usually a much bigger deal to change than sertraline).

Use us, use this space, and also ring Samaritans regularly instead of taking your mood out in your relationship. You absolutely don't have to be feeling suicidal to ring them..

And use us! We won't read of we don't want to, so no one is burdened or under obligation..

I use swimming to vent but we're all different. If you have a therapy pool near you they can be brilliant for hot water pain relief. Good luck for your op

X

 

[Blonde Logic]

Hello.....anyone still here?

 

[Enough]

I'm here x

 

[angie-bum]

Hi, I’m not really here, but my email just pinged this =)

 

[Mini]

Hi BL

How are you?