Hi Kira,
yes, I miss Debbie very much. Sadly, with my own health problems I had not seen her for a few months - I thought of her often while I was sick with the intention to get together as soon as I was through the worst of it - unfortunately, that took too long and opportunities were missed. Additional salt to the wound - I feel as if in some small way I let her down, but it could not be helped.
And I was starting to feel a bit more positive, and on the mend, and things closer to returning to normal than they had been in months - in fact, last Tuesday was the first day I was allowed to work my full normal hours. I was so happy. Until on the way to the train station I had a fall and have broken my foot, which is now in a cast. To say I was upset, discouraged, frustrated, angry, sad, distraught, humoured, shocked, cursed, confused would be the understatement of a lifetime. I could not believe my luck - I was so down, and truly felt as if I have been cursed. I am now completely dependant as I cannot put any weight on my foot so use crutches - could not even carry my own bleedin cup of tea - and I H A T E being dependant, on anyone, for any thing.
I just couldn't believe my bad luck. I still can;t but now at least just getting on with the business of now healing THIS and trying to feel less sorry for myself. lol
One thing that frustrate me so, is that I have put on stacks of weight during this whole ordeal. Having such a damaged metabolism already, which VLCDs do leave you with, or did to me anyway, being sedentary for so long during and after surgery, etc., had made exercise nearly impossible, that I now have a huge task ahead t lose the weight.
Because of having half my bowel removed, I will not do a VLCD anymore - I do not think that is wise, and sometimes wonder if the VLCD's which I were off and on for 5 years could perhaps be behind the damage that was found in my gut. Who knows. My bowel was full of inflammation and infection, so much infection that it was gangrenous and there was a lot of dead tissue - it was one messy mass. Because VLCD Packs are all made in labs, etc., they would really be quite sterile food - I wonder if being on them so much destroyed to good gut flora, in my intestines, leaving me vulnerable to infection, etc. Anyway - I will not put my system through that now or in the near future - too risky.
So I have decided to go the slow and sensible route with Weight Watchers. I am going to start next month when my husband goes out of town for 2 weeks - give me time to focus only on my needs and getting in my groove without having to feed another, etc.
I have been fighting my upset at how much weight I have put back on - it has crept up and up with each "life event" and its just very depressing - as now this recovery and being on crutches etc would have all been so much easier if I were smaller....every single thing is an effort and I am exhausted all the time.
So I am a mixture of anger/disappointment/sad about putting so much back on - that happy magic time of being at goal seems a lifetime ago, so much so I have those negative feelings f it being "unobtainable" like I had my entire life. Only now I KNOW it I obtainable - jut do I have the will and stamina to do it slowly on WW, that was always my struggle - perseverance. That's what made LL and Cambridge so magic. I will miss that.
Anyway - I am really just waffling now Think I will stop. But that catches my diary up a bit.
Things can only go up from here, right?
