Blue's last chance with exante.

[jules6372]

What a very honest diary, well done!! i dont mean that in a patronising way at all it takes real strength to put deep feelings down onto paper . I can relate to many of your issues as I have been through very similiar things inc cpn etc over the years but i am very happy to say I have been on an even keel for a couple years now. It never ceases to amaze and fustrate me how unresolved issues as child or adult manifests years later with weight issues. Life can deal some people some very tough blows and my god you have been through a tough time but you havent given up and still fighting which you should be proud of. Im so sorry to read about your recent miscarriage its really hard emotionally but does get easier in time, I know it cliche and when others told me that when my premature son died aged 2 days I wanted to yell at them but time is a healer. Anyway ive rambled enough for now, im sure i will be back later xx

 

[jael001]

Oh Jules, that's so sad to hear about your son, I can't even imagine how hard that must have been. I had a miscarriage before I had my daughter and didnt leave my bed for 2 weeks, I thought my world was ending, but 3 months later I was pregnant and again and it stuck and I have the most wonderful daughter in the world now.

 

[Blue Butterfly]

I'm so sorry for the loss of your son Jules
Thank you for the lovely post, feel free to talk about anything here on my diary (that goes for everyone!) I'm always here to listen

Well diet wise today has been great, nothing exciting to report but whenever I do a diet like this I find it easy while I'm sticking to it...its when I talk myself into eating that's the problem!
Really looking forward to my weigh in on Thursday.

 

[Blue Butterfly]

Hhmmm I'm having trouble sleeping, have done the last few nights. It's a bit annoying

I'm also annoyed because I cant use all the smilies on here. Got a new laptop that has the new windows on it and minimins has a problem with it! So I've had to change a setting so I can actually post but I cant use smilies or attatch pictures, gutted.
I HATE the new windows thingy, I have no idea how to work things anymore!!

 

[Blue Butterfly]

Hello day 6
Cant believe nearly a week has gone by already, its gone so quick.

 

[Blue Butterfly]

I am knackered!
Just had a big clean out of all the animal cages....that was a workout and a half!
Feel quite bloated today, that could be because I was given some slim and save packs and did a day of that yesterday. So wont be doing that again just in case.

My police statement thingy has now been postponed because I've been freaking out about it and my doctor was worried I'd have a full on nervous breakdown today!
So the special victims unit (from the police) are going to arrange it for another time.

 

[notsoskinnymarge]

Blue you are doing amazingly great. I hope that when you do give your statement, it eases your mind and sleep prevails

 

[jael001]

Oh hon *hugs*. I can understand why you're so anxious about giving your statement, but it's times like these when medication could really help. Could you see your doc about maybe getting a valium? Or if you really dont want to take anything like that, have you ever used Rescue Remedy? It's amazing stuff, there are drops and pastilles and I think a few other things now, but it really helps calm your nerves a little and it's all herbal.

 

[Mia]

Hi Clair, I'm back again too. Started again yesterday and the headaches are killing me already. I have put every single pound back on that I have lost = gutted

Sorry to hear your bad news and feel for you. I'm sure you'll shift the weight this time, you are determined. Good luck xx

 

[Blue Butterfly]

Thanks for the posts ladies, nice to know I'm not here in my diary all on my lonesome!

I really do need to make a doctors appointment but I keep putting it off. The police want me to go because I need to be checked for sti's because of what happened last year. I don't want to have to tell more people about what happened. I know I shouldn't but I feel quite embarrassed when I have to talk about it, its very weird.
I have diazepam (sp?) here for when my panic attacks are bad, they make me sleepy so I guess I could take them at night to help me sleep while this is going on.
Just want this to be over but I've been told by the police that there is a high chance this will make it to court which will mean even more stress, I keep thinking I will never be strong enough to deal with all the court stuff. But I'll sort that out if it comes to it.

Being stressed keeps me on my diet though. When I'm stressed my appetite just vanishes so its helping me stick to exante....gotta look on the bright side of the situation

@Mia, good luck back on exante You'll have your weight back off in no time.

 

[Quirkygirl]

Hi BB

i can't recommend sertraline (like Prozac) enough for anxiety. My anxiety was so life limiting and basically I don't have ANY now. However I totally acknowledge that meds aren't the choice for everyone. Just a suggestion. Whatever gets us through the day right?

well done on the cleaning out. I love it when I feel organised. Woohoo

 

[Blue Butterfly]

Thanks Quirky girl, I might see what the doctor suggests about meds and stuff. I'm open to trying things as long as the side effects aren't too dodgy (like becoming suicidal is a side effect of anti-depressants....what!!!)

Anyway I am feeling a little more positive and upbeat today.
It's day 7 already, where has the week gone?!
So that means its weigh in day tomorrow and I'm looking forward to it.

I am FREEZING though! Got the heating on, socks and a jumper on and I'm still shivering.

 

[jael001]

It is cold, but dont forget that you may be feeling cold as a side effect of the ketosis, so embrace it and know it's working! Glad you're feeling more positive today though x

 

[Blue Butterfly]

I can deal with being cold if it means the weight is coming off and I'm in ketosis

I keep thinking about doing a month of slim and save, then a month of exante....and so on.
Just because I get bored quickly and don't want to fail again just because I got bored of having shakes and bars all the time.
I like savoury stuff, don't have a sweet tooth at all so that makes doing exante kinda hard sometimes because I don't have the soups and the carbonara was horrible.
I've tried the meals on slim and save and enjoy those so might be a nice change.
I cant stay on slim and save though because I'd then get bored of that!
So yeah, I am thinking of doing that. We shall see.

 

[Blue Butterfly]

Weigh in. Week 1

Ok well I've just had my first week weigh in and I am over the moon!
I got on the scales and was like this

I have lost 18lbs!
And I am a very happy bunny this morning.
That's 1st 4lbs in JUST ONE WEEK!!
And I've dropped 3 BMI points already.
Holy heck!

On top of that I have realised minis has fixed the problem I was having (couldn't use the return button to write on next line, was something to do with windows or something, so I had to have it on basic and couldn't use smilies or anything. Now I can!! Woohoooo)

So on to day 8 for me.
Off to have a lovely glass of coke zero to celebrate my loss.
Have a great day everyone x

And just because I can do smilies now
:talk017:

 

[jael001]

wow that's incredible, fantastic job!!!!!

 

[Quirkygirl]

I posted on your other post, but wanted to leave something on your diary.

this is my favourite post so far since joining. Well done its totally amazing and a huge inspiration for those in their first weeks.

cant wait for more!

 

[Blue Butterfly]

Thank you both

I know I've only lost so much because I have sooooooo much to lose though.

I'm going away to the seaside in may for my 30th birthday (I feel so old!) I just wonder how much weight I can lose before then.
I will stay on the diet most of the time I'm away, up until the Thursday when I will weigh in, I will then have thurs-sun off to celebrate my bday.
That's a long way off yet but I like to have a plan!

I've talked about it before somewhere in the exante section but.....
I have a bucket list Which I love complething things from and adding things too. I LOVE my list!!
My list has about 400 things on it (I've completed about 100 already) and I was going through it working out the things I need to weigh less for because some things have weight limits or need me to be fit to do them.
I'm going to list the things I will be able to do once I've lost weight.
- Ride a horse
- Ride in a hot air balloon
- Do a highwire treetop adventure
- Go zorbing
- Ride in a helicopter
- Fly a plane
- Go shark diving
- Swim a mile (I cant actually swim yet!)
- Go fire walking
- Drive a tank
- Indoor sky diving
- Complete the demon run
- Have a go on aerial silks
And here is my list if anyone fancies a read
My50 | Read Lists | Claire Long's List

 

[jael001]

wow those are amazing goals, obviously some are easier to organise than others. I'd like to fly in a hot air balloon and I'd also like to do a sky dive one day. I know someone who did fire walking, I dont remember who it was now but I remember someone telling me about it. I thought they were completely nuts but they loved the experience.

 

[Blue Butterfly]

I am going to give indoor skydiving a go before I do 'real' skydiving....because I'm a scaredy cat!
I know I may not complete all my goals before I die but I'm gonna give it a damn good go