Bog Willow's very slow, and mostly unsteady weight loss diary

Thanks, Sam. Yes things progress a bit slower as we age, that's for certain, it's a bit humbling, isn't it?

Thanks everyone for your replies and support.

AliGirl, frankly, I would rather stick a fork in my head than eat low carb - lol. I know it works for a lot of people, but I'd rather focus on enjoying complex carbs over simple ones, in addition to lean protein, fruit and veg and a small sweet each day. As a thin, fit woman, I ate a lot of carbs - they're my fuel. At my healthiest I ate pasta or potatoes every day. For energy and brain function I need carbohydrates..it's just now that I'm older and less fit, I do need to watch the portions.

MistyAngel, I tried exercising twice a day 6 days a week initially, and I really fatigued my muscles, they just weren't given enough time to recover...so I'll stick to once a day, 5 days a week. It's working, and besides I'm not 20 anymore. I'm also still quite heavy for my small frame, so if I avoid injury, I can keep exercising regularly, instead of laying myself up because I pushed it too hard. Exercise for me is for pleasure and mental health and to build strength and stamina. I want to avoid it becoming something I do to punish myself for what I've eaten ...or something I do to earn the right to eat, When I was younger I exercised compulsively... I think today it would be called exercise bulimia, and I'm too old for the crazy making stuff.


So I've stopped calorie counting, and I slept well last night. My husband's reaction was one of incredulity, when I confessed that I'd been secretly calorie counting. He's seen me do this dozens of times, the results are always the same....I don't sleep and my brain get's a bit squirrely. But we all know the definition of insanity....

So, I'm back to eating sanely and exercising regularly...it's working, I'm just fell into a shame spiral that led to wanting the weight off yesterday. "Patience Grasshopper" is the lesson for this week.
 
mistyangel said:
When you were having lower calories before, was you weight higher or lower than now?
Click to expand...

First time, at age 27, my starting weight was 175lbs and I ate too few calories, and did the same with a starting weight of 208lbs at age 36. I won't mention the numbers because it was disordered behaviour. My age and starting weight isn't really relevant, the big difference was that both times I was hypomanic - I have bipolar disorder and both times I lost the weight,I was single and I was driven by my desire to find a sexual partner...that's the real truth. I wasn't concerned for my health in anyway like I am now....it was all just: "get thin, get laid"

Now I'm happily married, and I just want to be well. My husband loves me regardless of my size, but I want to have more energy, and feel strong and well...and to be able to shop the smaller sized clothes in my closet is of course motivation too.
 
Monday and back to my exercise routine- I really miss it over the weekend, and I find myself doing little exercises in the kitchen while waiting for the kettle to boil. But I know it's important to take the two days off right now, and enjoy getting back into it on weekdays.

Had a lovely lazy weekend with my husband - he's been having to work Saturdays, and he's just shattered. It was nice to have him home for the two days, and nice to cook him special lunches. nothing fancy, fried potatoes and scrambled eggs on Saturday, and French toast yesterday. Also nice that I enjoyed eating with him. Working to keep in that "just eat normally, exercise, and be patient" mindset...and enjoyed another good night's sleep.
 
Oooh French toast, I haven't had that for many years - it was a treat my gran would make when I stayed with her.

Loving the positive outlook - can I have some of your patience please? :)
 
Ohhh boy, yesterday was a weird one. Monday night I tried out the new seroquel doc prescribed. It's regular not extended release, and a lower dose, with the option to take two if needed. I thought I'd start with 2 in case the lower dose was not strong enough to sleep. Ugh, I was so hungover yesterday, like I'd spent a night mixing booze sort of hungover. I felt so sore too - I didn't think Monday's workout was that challenging, maybe it was.

I spent the day in a fog, either feeling too nauseated to eat or wanting to eat only crap, and depressed as hell. Sat on the couch half the day with a heating pad for my neck and shoulders.

Last night I took only one tablet and I feel much better. Now that I've abandoned calorie counting, and I'm back to finding that sane balance in eating, I'm thinking again about my "eat this, not that" rules for myself. Such as unsweetened yogurt as a late night snack instead of half a peanut butter sandwich and a glass of full fat soy milk - I did that last night, and I slept fine, no waking up hungry.

When I was single I could just not bring the crap into the house. I tried asking my husband to only have treats in the house that I didn't like - that worked for me, but it didn't work for him. After a few weeks he confessed he didn't like those treats either. I keep his junk separate in his own cupboard, but I still have to watch him eat it every day. I need to have a plan, such as I will keep __________ on hand for when he's eating ________ and I feel hard done by because I shouldn't have any. Usually I don't want what he's having when he's having it, but the next day, I'll go foraging. So I need to get proactive about this.

Thinking again about going to an overeaters anonymous meeting. I went years ago and met some lovely people. I didn't find the programme itself all that helpful, but that was years ago and I guess I have nothing to lose by giving it a go.
 
You sound like you are a 'trier' as much as I am

Hugs xx💙xx

Having strategies will surely help you out and attending an in person meeting could be daunting but speaking your feelings out loud might help. Might not but you will have tried and won't be plagued by thoughts of What If...

💙🤣💙
 
Yesterday, I cleaned out a kitchen cupboard full of tins and spices etc that have gone past their expiration date. Not really related to weight loss, but more a cleaning up after years of depression and sleeplessness kind of thing. Which I suppose the exercise and eating better is about cleaning up after years of sleeplessness and depression too. Still struggle with a lot of anxiety and depression, but at least I'm sleeping, and it helps a lot.

I managed a longer than usual workout yesterday, that made me happy. I'm a bit sore today, but pleasantly so, I feel as though my workouts are accomplishing something. I still did my usual morning workout today-I'm still loving the Lucy videos..great for the uncoordinated like myself.

Before lunch yesterday, I put some chickpea curry in the slow cooker for supper, and I'm was so tired I keep saying to myself "why do I smell curry?" and then I would remember:oops: lol.

I'm not sure I mentioned that our cat was very ill recently, and she's doing great these days. She's been so energetic and happy, we just love her to bits, and we've been so worried we were going to lose her...such a good feeling to see her doing so well. We had to take out a loan to pay for her treatment, and things are even tighter now than they were, but she's so worth it. I am very grateful.
 
Oh I'm so pleased your cat is better - you sound like me, I love my two to bits, they are my family xxx

And well done on the clear out - amazing how quickly time passes and things are suddenly months or years out of date!

May the good sleeps continue xx
 
Yesterday I spent all day fixing a rather gross and difficult home repair job - a leak under my kitchen sink - it had been there for sometime and there was mould and slime and corrosion to clean up, in addition to removing and replacing parts. My hands just weren't strong enough, and I had to admit defeat and ask hubby to leave work early in order to help me with it. Luckily, together we got it fixed last night. Cost us the price of new parts and a pipe wrench, which will come in handy if I ever need to hit a burglar over the head, or at least for the next plumbing job.

Anyway, my exercise routine was missed, and my eating was chaotic and I'm tired today.. got the mould all cleaned up, but still working on the remaining odour ...bleurgh!
 
Thanks, Sam..well for certain, my back is still hurtin' today.

I was having such and anxiety attack hangover last night - wired and agitated, but exhausted. I took the heavier dose of seroquel last night, feeling a bit slug- like today.

I did cook a somewhat health Sunday dinner though. I roasted some veg to go with a pre-cooked roast beef au jus for two - It's our first time trying it. It's just so expensive to buy even a small roast for us both, it's way too much meat for us anyway. This was 400g for £5.48, so more than we pay for a weekday meal, but a nice economical treat for sure. 220 calories, 8g of fat per serve..that's not too bad. I had diet cranberry juice with it, so, all in all, a nice easy supper.

I ordered some crispy minis, with this weeks grocery order (small, flavoured rice cakes 90 calories) so I'd have something snack-y and salty for myself. I've been tucking in to my husband's crisps all week. Also some tins of tuna, and low fat vegan deli slices instead of peanut butter for lunches- and I'll use mustard instead of margarine...yogurt for bedtime snack.

So, little changes here and there, in addition to my little exercise routine, and fingers crossed the weight will start to come off.

Tomorrow is a holiday, so will have hubs under feet tomorrow...just do my best to carry on with Monday housework as though he wasn't here, and maybe get a few squats and other quiet small space exercises done while I'm in the bathroom. I know that's strange, but I just can't exercise in front of him, or with him knowing I'm exercising while he's in another room...it's just so awkward and uncomfortable for me.
 
Ouchie on the sore back, but it must be great knowing the leak is fixed - plumbers charge a fortune!

I really like your attitude - little changes - that is a really good way to go, rather than a complete lifestyle and eating habit change overnight that just isn't sustainable.
 
Rough night last night - bouts of insomnia, horrible nightmares and a few episodes of sleep paralysis! Holy cow! It's probably been 2 years since I've experienced sleep paralysis - I thought I was done with it. It's a truly horrible thing.

So I feel like poo today, like I've been run over. I'm not going to use it as a reason to overeat, but I'll be taking it easy.
 
Well, I didn't overeat over the long weekend so this is good. I thought I'd be back into my little exercise routine this morning, but I really got stuck into the housework and some heavier tasks. I re-hung a curtain in the bedroom with some blackout panels attached, it's a southwest facing window and it's getting hot out. I had to move some furniture to get my ladder in there - then I got it in my head to start removing a wallpaper border that a previous tenant had put up in the kitchen. You would not believe how ugly this border is, and I've been living with it for years. It's been put up with old fashioned wallpaper paste and it's a complete pain to remove. I can't use any solvents or fabric conditioner to soften the glue, so it's warm water and vinegar in a spray bottle and a lot of elbow grease with a plastic scraper. It is coming off, I managed 3 feet today.

So on top of my usual housework I got a few extra things done, and I skipped my workout to do them. I wish I was in good enough shape to do my work out and the extra stuff, but I'm just not there yet. I need to go out this evening, after I feed my husband, just to the Vet to pick up our cat's insulin. But I've put on makeup and did something somewhat presentable with this frizzy mop I call hair. I even did some hair removal in the non-face areas. So I call today a partial success. I lose marks because I used some of my energy to make cookies - they have oatmeal, but they are not low calorie by any stretch. I rewarded my work by eating two....oooooh, bad kitty, I am.

I had to use a full length mirror for the deforestation, and, oh, ick, gosh, I hate seeing my gigantic belly in the flesh...bit of a wake up. Wish I'd looked in the mirror before I made those cookies ;) Ah well. I'll share them with hubby as usual, and I'l try not to make them too often. No shame in a cookie or two now and then. Maybe a longer workout tomorrow, in addition to more wallpaper scraping.
 
Wow you had a really productive day, well done hun!

You deserved those cookies! :) (I know we're not supposed to talk about food as reward - but sometimes it just has to happen!)
 
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