Nanny Doreen
Nanny Doreen Red and Green from 25.8.19
You blather about whatever you like.
No restrictions here eh?.
No restrictions here eh?.
Bog Willow's very slow, and mostly unsteady weight loss diary
- Thread starter bog willow
- Start date
bog willow
Full Member
Thank you, Doreen
Well, I did cut my hair yesterday, and also my finger, and I'm pleased with the results. I ruthlessly thinned it out, and my head feels so much cooler and lighter. It took half the time to wash it - so full marks for doing something that simplifies my life.
Well I was a good girl, and good to myself last night, and took my full dose of seroquel and slept well as a result. After too many failed experiments I've let go of the fantasy that I can get by with the lower dose.
Last night before bed, instead of my usual healthy snack or small meal, I had a bowl of Mr. Willow's crisps?! Odd. Then this morning I remembered that I had happened upon an old ad for Walker's Cheese and Onion crisps in the middle of a YouTube video I was watching. Gosh, I really am that suggestible. So I remembered to put a low calorie salty snack in the grocery order for such times.
It's a long weekend here, labour day, nothing planned, just hanging out with hubs and the cat.
Well, I did cut my hair yesterday, and also my finger, and I'm pleased with the results. I ruthlessly thinned it out, and my head feels so much cooler and lighter. It took half the time to wash it - so full marks for doing something that simplifies my life.
Well I was a good girl, and good to myself last night, and took my full dose of seroquel and slept well as a result. After too many failed experiments I've let go of the fantasy that I can get by with the lower dose.
Last night before bed, instead of my usual healthy snack or small meal, I had a bowl of Mr. Willow's crisps?! Odd. Then this morning I remembered that I had happened upon an old ad for Walker's Cheese and Onion crisps in the middle of a YouTube video I was watching. Gosh, I really am that suggestible. So I remembered to put a low calorie salty snack in the grocery order for such times.
It's a long weekend here, labour day, nothing planned, just hanging out with hubs and the cat.
bog willow
Full Member
I've had a few poopy days of PMS insomnia, but I slept last night, so no doubt my period will start today or tomorrow. I am so over this perimenopause bulls**t. But the sleeplessness got me feeling a bit defeated, as it's slowing down my weight loss and it's preventing me from exercising as much as I'd like. I feel frustrated for tumbling off the back of the wagon so often. Then, while listening to a dietitian's podcast, I heard her say, "what if there is no wagon" , what if there's just healthy behaviours that we're able to do with our own unique lives, and just let our health and our weight fall were it's naturally going to fall for us. What is we just ate normally, and there wouldn't be the binge response. What is we just exercised in ways that we liked, with the end result being stronger and fitter for the things that our important to us, not to fit into the jeans we wore when we were 20. And it got me thinking...
I was very ill for a number of years, and I've only just experienced some positive changes in my health this year, thanks in part to time and therapy and the mostly positive effects of seroquel . I've only lost 9 or 10 lbs this year, and I've not recovered as much fitness as I'd like, but I've been thinking about all the non-scale accomplishments I've made this year, and there's quite a few.
At the beginning of the year I made an appointment with the dentist, my social anxiety and depression and just sheer exhaustion had kept me from the dentist for more than 4 years! I had to have some work done, naturally, but I kept all the appointments until everything was finished. The new dentist and her assistant were both lovely and fun to chat with, so I met some kind and interesting people on top of finding a good dentist. Even the front desk woman was terrific.
I got my cat to all her vet appointments, with hubby, drove the 5 hour each way to get her the treatment she needed. I had to have my credit card limit increased, and then get a line of credit to pay off the credit card, so our debt would be one with lower interest. Our bank had pre-approved us for both, which shows that despite being poor folk both with disabilities, we are responsible enough to have maintained a good credit rating.
Bit by bit my home is getting cleaner and cleaner, a lot of things had been neglected after years of illness. I have learned more and more about my husband's high functioning autism, and how to accept it. And while not always, I do cope better with his lack of affection, need for companionship and his inability to be as collaborative as I'd like. Two years ago, I was downing a bottle of wine each weekend to cope with loneliness -I was teetotal before I met my husband. Now, I've quit drinking entirely-I've not had any booze since January 2018, and I feel much better for it.
While I've not become as fit as I'd like yet, I notice that I am much stronger and have a far more stamina when it comes to housework. I can get up off the floor just using my leg and core muscles. I can also do a bum to heel squat, so what if I have to spread my legs so my big belly falls between them. A bum to heel squat is very useful when I need to pick up something from the floor using both hands, like my cat's large water dish. I also can walk to the doctor's or the closest shopping centre without arriving all sweaty and breathless.
Together, my cat and I have become better at testing her blood glucose, so now I'm not a ball of anxiety each time I need to do that.
I've managed to shave a huge chunk off our weekly grocery bill. I've gone from spending 180-210 CAD on our weekly grocery shop, to $75-$120. We've had takeaway only once since April, and we stopped eating out entirely.
There are quite a few more things I'd like to master that have nothing to do with the number on the scale - the most important is becoming employable once again, and finding a part-time job. First challenge is I'd like to get out for walks, just for the sake of walking, at least 3 times a week, seeing what's going on in my neighbourhood that I can't see from the car, and getting some fresh air.
I was very ill for a number of years, and I've only just experienced some positive changes in my health this year, thanks in part to time and therapy and the mostly positive effects of seroquel . I've only lost 9 or 10 lbs this year, and I've not recovered as much fitness as I'd like, but I've been thinking about all the non-scale accomplishments I've made this year, and there's quite a few.
At the beginning of the year I made an appointment with the dentist, my social anxiety and depression and just sheer exhaustion had kept me from the dentist for more than 4 years! I had to have some work done, naturally, but I kept all the appointments until everything was finished. The new dentist and her assistant were both lovely and fun to chat with, so I met some kind and interesting people on top of finding a good dentist. Even the front desk woman was terrific.
I got my cat to all her vet appointments, with hubby, drove the 5 hour each way to get her the treatment she needed. I had to have my credit card limit increased, and then get a line of credit to pay off the credit card, so our debt would be one with lower interest. Our bank had pre-approved us for both, which shows that despite being poor folk both with disabilities, we are responsible enough to have maintained a good credit rating.
Bit by bit my home is getting cleaner and cleaner, a lot of things had been neglected after years of illness. I have learned more and more about my husband's high functioning autism, and how to accept it. And while not always, I do cope better with his lack of affection, need for companionship and his inability to be as collaborative as I'd like. Two years ago, I was downing a bottle of wine each weekend to cope with loneliness -I was teetotal before I met my husband. Now, I've quit drinking entirely-I've not had any booze since January 2018, and I feel much better for it.
While I've not become as fit as I'd like yet, I notice that I am much stronger and have a far more stamina when it comes to housework. I can get up off the floor just using my leg and core muscles. I can also do a bum to heel squat, so what if I have to spread my legs so my big belly falls between them. A bum to heel squat is very useful when I need to pick up something from the floor using both hands, like my cat's large water dish. I also can walk to the doctor's or the closest shopping centre without arriving all sweaty and breathless.
Together, my cat and I have become better at testing her blood glucose, so now I'm not a ball of anxiety each time I need to do that.
I've managed to shave a huge chunk off our weekly grocery bill. I've gone from spending 180-210 CAD on our weekly grocery shop, to $75-$120. We've had takeaway only once since April, and we stopped eating out entirely.
There are quite a few more things I'd like to master that have nothing to do with the number on the scale - the most important is becoming employable once again, and finding a part-time job. First challenge is I'd like to get out for walks, just for the sake of walking, at least 3 times a week, seeing what's going on in my neighbourhood that I can't see from the car, and getting some fresh air.
mistyangel
Silver Member
Thank you for being so honest and sharing your story. Being overweight, FAT, obese, whatever you want to call it is NEVER EVER about the weight, we all know that, NSV are what it is all about. They may not mean anything to others but my goodness they mean a lot of us. Whilst some of the threads are similar, my story is completely different, but they all equal the same thing.
You should be so proud of all that you have achieved in the last year or more, only you know how it feels to be you, only you know where you have started from, where you are now and where you want to go, it is difficult while you are on the ride to stop, take stock, review and pick yourself on and keep riding. But you have done a fantastic job and will continue to do so, AND not only that, you have been very empathetic, supportive and encouraging to me and others on here too, we all appreciate you!!!!!
You should be so proud of all that you have achieved in the last year or more, only you know how it feels to be you, only you know where you have started from, where you are now and where you want to go, it is difficult while you are on the ride to stop, take stock, review and pick yourself on and keep riding. But you have done a fantastic job and will continue to do so, AND not only that, you have been very empathetic, supportive and encouraging to me and others on here too, we all appreciate you!!!!!
bog willow
Full Member
Thank you, Misty *hugs* Your post was very kind, and it meant a lot to me to read it. I very much appreciate the encouragement, especially since my journey/struggle/path appears to be different to the other women on the board, it probably really isn't.
bog willow
Full Member
After a few more rounds with the restrict, binge insanity. I am now fully onboard with Health at Every Size and Intuitive Eating, and I've given the middle finger to diet culture.
I'm enjoying my food, and because I eat what I want whether it's because I'm hungry or I just want it, I'm no longer binge eating.
My weight is the same, exercise has become enjoyable once more. I eat fruit and veg and I also eat chips and chocolate when I crave them...my food life is good. I sleep better too. It's not all perfect, I'm still tempted sometimes to go on another diet, but the feeling passes within an hour or two. I'm done chasing the weight loss dragon...so F**king done!
If you're done with it all too, I highly recommend Christy Harrison's book Anti-Diet, or the podcasts Food Psych and Dietitians Unplugged. Untrapped a podcast from Australia is great(and very funny) too....lot's of UK based resources out there also.
Much love,
Bog Willow
I'm enjoying my food, and because I eat what I want whether it's because I'm hungry or I just want it, I'm no longer binge eating.
My weight is the same, exercise has become enjoyable once more. I eat fruit and veg and I also eat chips and chocolate when I crave them...my food life is good. I sleep better too. It's not all perfect, I'm still tempted sometimes to go on another diet, but the feeling passes within an hour or two. I'm done chasing the weight loss dragon...so F**king done!
If you're done with it all too, I highly recommend Christy Harrison's book Anti-Diet, or the podcasts Food Psych and Dietitians Unplugged. Untrapped a podcast from Australia is great(and very funny) too....lot's of UK based resources out there also.
Much love,
Bog Willow
mistyangel
Silver Member
Hi Bog willow willow hope you are well. Not been on here since last October. Been on a binge trip ever since. Planning on going back to SW this week. I know for you maybe this is not the right thing, but for me I need a plan and a focus. I am just not motivated to do it myself. My consultant is great, there is also a private FB group where we all posts our meals and recipes etc and support each other. I have barely been out since March and totally out of any routine, am realised this is what I need, some semblance of a routine. I have probably gained all that I lost and perhaps more, but I had that little self-destruct devil on my shoulder for the past 10 months and really listened to it and did not even care that I did. It is still there. so I will shake its hand and move on!!
Glad you found a way of eating and exercising that suits your needs. Horses for courses!! I wish you well and good luck, will check in again.
bog willow
Full Member
Thank you, MistyAngel...it's nice to hear from you. I'm sorry you've had such a rough 10 months. I hope SW works out for you, it sounds like you're off to a good start ((((Misty)))) with a good leader and FB group. I agree, horses for courses.
I'm working on accepting that I'll most likely be fat, or a bit fat for the rest of my life. I'm just focusing on being as healthy as I can be in a fat body. It has freed up a lot of bandwidth in my head, not obsessing about food, and I feel happier not hating on myself for eating when I'm hungry or eating what I want. I turned 50 this year, and it's doubtful I'll be thin ever again, at this age I'm really sick and tired of hating myself. Restricting my food, not matter how modestly, just caused anxiety and depression and sleeplessness and lead to binge eating for me.
I'm working on accepting that I'll most likely be fat, or a bit fat for the rest of my life. I'm just focusing on being as healthy as I can be in a fat body. It has freed up a lot of bandwidth in my head, not obsessing about food, and I feel happier not hating on myself for eating when I'm hungry or eating what I want. I turned 50 this year, and it's doubtful I'll be thin ever again, at this age I'm really sick and tired of hating myself. Restricting my food, not matter how modestly, just caused anxiety and depression and sleeplessness and lead to binge eating for me.
mistyangel
Silver Member
That is a great attitude, a lot of people say you should have a goal, a plan etc but I did last time and because I kept missing the milestones or not reaching an X amount of weight by a specified time I was constantly feeling deflated, a failure and metaphorically beating myself up. I am not, NOT doing that this time. I, like you am never going to reach my salad days of being a size 8/10 I had so many other insecurities when I was that size and didn't appreciate that I was fine, ok, acceptable, etc. I am going to enjoy the journey this time and think less about the destination. It is too much pressure otherwise, well for me it is.
My first WI is tomorrow, and straight after I am meeting up with my friend (have not seen her in person since March). We are going for pizza and wine and I am going to enjoy it as it's been such a long time. For me it is about being part of something again, providing a daily and weekly routine, and will be able to keep an eye on my weight, and ensure I do not put any more on, any little losses will be good by me and if I stay the same that will be fine too!!
