Boris's diary ( thats not my real name its Matt)

[Borris]

Hope tmw goes ok xx

 

[Borris]

Borris's Goals

Afternoon, been thinking about my goals today.​

I am working from home and been reflecting quite a bit - starting Saturday, provided I get my form signed tomorrow.
　
Reflecting is hard, very hard. I spent the weekend at my Sisters, who I love dearly - but I was dreading telling her. She was actually very supportive, I was very open with her, how being this weight makes me feel.
　
"feelings" aren’t everything, I know but physically I’m sick of feeling like crap, unwell, immobile and un healthy - I’m worried that in ten years I could be dead. Harsh as that sounds its quite a possibility.​

I actually feel embarrassed about myself and the way I look, I know this seems overly negative, but I think its important to document all this so I can look back and see it.
　
HONESTY - I’m not happy being "fat". I hate the massive clothes I wear. I hate looking and feeling unkempt. I hate having to shower three times a day because I think I smell. I hate the mirror. I hate pictures. I hate the fact my weight has affected my relationships, my confidence and my ability to love someone else - because has clichéd as it is - how can I possibly love someone else when I hate who I am.
　
So I have set some goals:​

Goal 1 - Complete one week
　
Goal 2 - Complete two weeks
　
Goal 3 - Weigh under 20 Stone
　
Goal 4 - Lose 2 stone
　
Goal 5 - Lose 3 stone
　
Goal 6 - lose 5 stone
Goal 7 - lose 6 stone
　
Goal 7 - Appreciate food is my addiction, and has caused me so much unhappiness and misery :cry:
　
Goal 8 - Fit into clothes I actually want to wear :flirt2:
　
Goal 9 - Buy a pair of jeans from River island :jelous:
　
Goal 10 - fit into a size Large rather than XXL
　
Goal 11 - wear a medium sized t-shirt
　
Goal 12- appreciate this will always be an issue for me and that I will have to work to maintain and weight loss :break_diet:
　
Goal 13 - commit to never being in this position again :flirt2:​

So here is to Saturday J ​

 

[Catthin]

Hi Matt
You have been havng a good think about things.Good luck getting your form signed.
You will fel so much better once the lbs start melting away.The CBT will help you change the way you think about yourself and your relationship with food.
Dont be too hard on yourself.Look for the positive points about yourself,whether it be your eyes your personallity.Start with the things you like about yourself and soon you will be loving the new positive you.
Take care
Cathy

 

[Borris]

Hi Matt
You have been havng a good think about things.Good luck getting your form signed.
You will fel so much better once the lbs start melting away.The CBT will help you change the way you think about yourself and your relationship with food.
Dont be too hard on yourself.Look for the positive points about yourself,whether it be your eyes your personallity.Start with the things you like about yourself and soon you will be loving the new positive you.
Take care
Cathy

Thanks Cathy - yes you are right I do have nice eyes ha !! Xx

 

[Borris]

Oh and I'm looking forward to the cbt x

 

[Claire_Williams]

I know exactly how you feel, at my heaviest I was 17st+ and had everyone of those issues. You are definitley doing the right thing joining LL, and you'll sail through those goals. I am so looking forward to hearing how you get on, xxx

PS. Love the new profile pic!

 

[Borris]

I know exactly how you feel, at my heaviest I was 17st+ and had everyone of those issues. You are definitley doing the right thing joining LL, and you'll sail through those goals. I am so looking forward to hearing how you get on, xxx

PS. Love the new profile pic!

It's horrible to face the truth but it's something I really need to do ! It's nice to know I have the support of others xx

 

[misslouise193]

Hi boris, you and I have had similar days today! I also wrote a diary talking about my goals etc. It's hard but at least we are fixing it!! I can't wait to start on Saturday!! Xx

 

[Borris]

Hi boris, you and I have had similar days today! I also wrote a diary talking about my goals etc. It's hard but at least we are fixing it!! I can't wait to start on Saturday!! Xx

It's hard isn't it !!!! But needed really x

 

[misslouise193]

It's going to be hard, then easy then really hard some days but there are amazing cheerleaders on this site and within your local group!

Think how amazing you'll feel in river island - it's the first place I am heading!!! X

 

[Borris]

True true Lou ! It rhymes I love clothes and Riverisland! Xx

 

[misslouise193]

I also love clothes. I remember last time I went on my LL journey and I was in river island dancing like a lunatic in a size 12 dress! It's a great feeling

Have you been cutting down this week? Are you prepared for your doctor? I had prepared a list of pro's and con's of LL but also being overweight and how much I'd cost the NHS eventually if I stayed overweight. Hopefully you have an ace doctor! Fingers crossed xx

 

[Borris]

Yeah been cutting down - but could do better ! I'm dreading the doctor mainly because I feel quite emotional about it all but hey ho! Are you managing to cur down ?

 

[misslouise193]

I have cut down loads but struggled to find anything carb free in the hotel menu tonight so had a baked potato. It will be better when I can have my packs with me. I am going to read books on food to teach myself healthy eating for afterwards as I have no idea about food!

Xx

 

[Borris]

Idea as in what to eat what is bad and good for you ? What do you plan to do instead of eat then ? I have bought myself a wii on eBay yesterday, plus I have a mouton of books to read

 

[misslouise193]

Yeh I have no idea about carbs, low gi, sugar in fruit etc. Makes my mind go crazy!! X

 

[Borris]

Yeh I have no idea about carbs, low gi, sugar in fruit etc. Makes my mind go crazy!! X

Ha ha ha !! So any other plans to occupy yourself ?

 

[misslouise193]

Watch greys anatomy boxset. Going to Shetland for 5 days with work in a couple of weeks. Probably start walking more but not much else. I enjoy sleeping so if I feel horrible I will sulk in bed! How about you?

 

[Borris]

Watch greys anatomy boxset. Going to Shetland for 5 days with work in a couple of weeks. Probably start walking more but not much else. I enjoy sleeping so if I feel horrible I will sulk in bed! How about you?

Gaping to try and read exercise swim and play on the wii ! What do you do for work ?

 

[misslouise193]

Gaping to try and read exercise swim and play on the wii ! What do you do for work ?

I am an internal auditor for a bank. Basically go round branches making sure they are following correct guidelines and treating customers right. How about you?