Brand new and terrified!!! Ella's Diary

[SandraB]

I'm nearly a week into refeed and it is terrifying! Don't get me wrong, I am enjoying food and actually eating what I'm cooking but tfr is much much easier and not half as scary.

This is how daft I am, I haven't been to the loo (oh dear, danger, poo alert) since I started eating so naturally I have put on a lb.......ok I know that it's not fat and I know that I must now retain a little water but that lb is doing my bloody head in! If I don't lose it again, and at least another one to go with it, by weigh in on wednesday I will be so upset! How pathetic is that? But I've had such good weeks recently and I really didn't want to have to refeed now just when I was doing so well.

You know what, if I was one of you guys contemplating Christmas, I might just give it a miss and carry on with LT.....it's only food after all! Particularly if I still had weight left to lose......

 

[Ella Belle]

It's such a confusing thing this 'refeed'. I keep changing my mind about it. Today I think my plan is to try to do tfr for another 3 weeks to get as much off as I can and then do 3 weeks of 2 shakes a day and one meal and then back to tfr until I'm at goal of 9st. I figure(and this opinion is of course just todays and will most likely change completely by tomorrow) that there is no point stopping LT completely until I am at goal, what is the point in trying to lose the last stone in WW, I might as well lose it all and then maintain with WW. If I do 2 shakes a day I should surely still lose some weight and then it won't be so difficult to go back to tfr for the remainder. It all depends how the next few weeks weigh-in's go of course.....this is such a crazy dilemma isn't it?.....to eat or not to eat??!!!

Anyway, wi in 3 hours...really hoping for 4lbs this week....fingers, toes and everything else crossed

 

[SlimmerSu]

I am so glad i am not the only one who is confused by this refeed lark!!!

I have got everything crossed for you hun.. Good luck x x x

 

[SandraB]

I used to be indecisive....now I'm not too sure

 

[Ella Belle]

5lbs gone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am delighted. Of course my stupid head is already saying things like 'oohh that can't be right' and 'next week will be really low now' but feck it..I am forcing myself to just enjoy it and woohoo!! 2.5st gone in 7 weeks!

I have just been reminded that this weekend I have a night away with old friends. It threw me for a few minutes as these are the only people who I don't want to tell about LT, not because I'm embarrassed or ashamed but because one of the girls will be so negative about it, it's just her way, and I don't want to have to listen. So, I have decided that I am going to eat with them, just protein and some salad and not much at all. This is a big departure for me, I have not cheated at all, not once in 7 weeks but I think it'll be okay to do this. It'll make next weeks wi horrifying but I'll have to live with that. I have also decided (for now) that I am going to do 3 shakes a day until Dec 13th and then a week of partial (2shakes +meal) refeed and then continue 2 shakes per day over Christmas. I'll then see how I'm getting on and perhaps come back to tfr for a few weeks after Christmas. It's unlike me to not follow a plan completely to the letter but it's all about finding a way for this to fit in my life over the next few weeks and I think this is the best way for me...although...I'll prob think differently tomorrow.

For now...I'm happy ..and I may just go and do a bunnydance for my 2.5st....x

 

[SlimmerSu]

You weigh in shouldn't be bad at all hun....

I think it was one day last week i had chicken and salad and still lost my normal 4lb.... As long as you stick to proteins and don't overdo the portion, you should be fine x x x

 

[SandraB]

It worked for me Ella, I survived my weekend away and still lost 4lbs that week. You'll probably be surprised at how little you can actually eat and it's not that exciting when it comes down to it! I still feel like that at the moment TBH, I keep waiting for a voracious appetite to appear from nowhere

Will your friends not notice your weight loss? what are you going to tell them?

 

[Ella Belle]

Hopefully I'll be like you two, but you both are so good at this....the 'golden girls' of LT . It's been a long time since I've seen these friends so I'll just tell them I've been watching what I eat. If they really question it I'll tell them cus I don't want to lie but I haven't been a very good friend to any of them these past few months and tbh I don't want to give them a chance to get on to me about anything. I feel guilty enough for not being the type of friend I should be without getting hassle for doing a 'fad' diet. Plus, one of them, who i love dearly, is an extremely straight talker and I just dread her take on LT, I know she'll have strong opinions about it. I may be wrong but I'd still prefer not to make a big deal about it and just see what happens, if they find out then so be it.

I can't imagine that I'll be able to eat much either, the though kind of terrifies me, but it'll be grand....God, I feel so positive after that wi today...feel like I could take over the world

 

[SlimmerSu]

If it's only for one night, can you not pretend you do not feel 100% so will only have a small dinner, which just happens to be chicken salad? They don't know about LT so can't get on your case, and you still get to enjoy your evening with them.. Just a thought x x

 

[Ella Belle]

Measurements 6 wks ago: Neck: 12.5", Arm: 12.25", Chest: 41", Waist: 36.5", Hips: 43.5", Thigh: 26.5", Calf: 15.5"

Measurements 2 wks ago: Neck: 12.5", Arm: 11.25", Chest: 38.5", Waist: 32.5', Hips: 41", Thigh: 24.25, Calf: 14.2

Measurements today (26/11/10): Neck:12.5", Arm: 11", Chest: 36", Waist: 30", Hips: 39", Thigh: 23.25", Calf: 14"

 

[anto]

girls do u mind if i ask a question,when ye talk about two shakes and one low fat meal ,do ye mean the starter shakes or the maintenance ones its just that i would like to do this over xmas without goin off the starter shakes

 

[Ella Belle]

Hey Anto I'm going to do it with the normal shakes. I don't want to change things now by starting Maintenance shakes as I don't know what they're like or what way I'll react to them. Just to make it easier for me I'm not going to tell my Chemist that I'm planning this as to be honest I understand more about this diet now than she does and I don't really want to have to listen to her going on...she's already been trying to push me towards going on maintenance shakes for a few months when this is over...not gonna happen!!!

Hope this helps

 

[anto]

thats brill ,i feel the same , thanks for that

 

[anto]

im findin this site very hard to get around and i really need help an support would anybody mind facebook friend requests

 

[Ella Belle]

I wouldn't think so. You should have a look/read at some of the tutorial under the 'Tutorials' icon in the top bar on the page. Also, within the Lipotrim forum there are 'Stickies' that give advice on how to get around. Alternatively, post up a thread with your questions and we'll all do everything we can to help

 

[Ella Belle]

I am so crap at keeping this diary

I've been 'snowed' off since Monday so it's been a bit of an odd week so far. Thankfully my Mam was allowed out of hospital on Monday, finally and luckily otherwise she would have had a very lonely week with none of us able to get to the hospital. Everything is so much better now that she's getting well again, it's a massive relief

I am very happy with losing 5.5lbs last week but I really hope it's not the kind of loss that means next week will be disappointing. i haven't been able to get to the gym but I have been walking a lot in the snow, albeit slowly!!

So, I have 2 weeks left tfr and then a week refeed followed by 3 weeks eating before I come back to tfr until I get to 9st. It feels like it's really complicated, I keep staring at the calendar figuring out what I'll be doing on different days, I think I'm wishing for the time to go faster or something. I tried on all my clothes today and nearly everything fits now, only 2 pairs of size 10's don't fit yet but having said that, the ones that do are big sizes. Officially my measurements are barely a 12 but the way clothes are stretchy, the 10's fit okay. I am happy, but my goodness I have a lot of bumps and still a belly sticking out as if it's proud and won't be told to 'feck off'!! My body is so different this time, I know it will get more toned so I'm just looking forward to that and hoping I don't mess it up before then.

I'm not having too many cravings these days, I'm cooking a good bit, trying, unsuccessfully to bake things (not one thing has worked yet - blaming the oven), I never did cookery in school and my Mam never baked so I really don't know what I'm doing. I made chilli chutney today though and that's all bottled up in the cupboard now, some for me, some to give as presents. It's really strong which will be great when I'm eating, there's really nothing bad about it, in the whole 500g batch the only ingredient that isn't 0points on WW was 100g brown sugar which will amount to almost nothing in a portion. My dog has been enjoying quite a few 'Celebration' chocolates though lately, I love smelling them, but thankfully no wish to eat one..yet

So that's me for now...I plan to make my Mam some of her Christmas food tomorrow for the freezer as I won't be here, I'm so looking forward to smelling the stuffing when I have it made, even raw it smells yum.

xxx

 

[SlimmerSu]

I am glad your Mum is home and on the mend hun x x

You have done really really well, your losses are admirable x x

 

[funkystrut]

Elle, Hope you enjoy making that early christmas dinner....you as so strong to be able to cook and not crave....show how far you have come over the last couple of weeks and like Su said very impressive. The chilli chutney sounds delish...do tell how it's made. When I am refeeding and Maintaining(Long way ahead) I am thinking of doing WW as well. I have been on it before and familiar with the program. Has it chaged much? I love cooking at times and enjoy making some of the WW recipes online. Loads of great ideas.

It must be great to see your mum on the mend esp this time of the year....wish her all the best in her recovery....it must have been difficult when she was in hopital...I remember when my MIL had her bypass...I would come back from work..cook for the family and take some over to her coz she didn't like the hopsital food...I learnt how to cook all these healthy vege dishes....it was great!! Now she tends to spoil us with her cooking......

This year I know I will not be strong enough to make xmas lunch.

About exercise...i love going to gym....used to love the classes and having some me time to relax in the sauna. Slowly getting back....but it has not been regular.....what do you do at the gym to help burn those extra cals? Are you able to do an exercise video when you are snowed under? That may help...I know what it is like not being able to go.

Not long for you till the refeed either...you will be fine....you are losing a good amount every week.

 

[Ella Belle]

I'm struggling trying to 'see' the changes in myself. I was on Skype to my sister last night, she lives in Australia. She hadn't seen me for a few months and she e-mailed me to say that she was so happy after our chat, she said it was like I was shining, that I looked really well but that I seemed so much more at ease with myself...compared to the last year of out and out depression and years of self destruction. It was so nice to hear that from her, and I'm so glad because it makes her feel better. I do feel better, happier, and that's a culmination of lot's of different things, not just my weight. Being really honest, I don't feel that different weight-wise. I know there are changes, but when I look in the mirror I don't 'see' it. This is something we've discussed on here before and I have been working trying to battle this. I appreciate that I am closer to my goal than a lot of people, and I do know that I didn't have as much weight to lose as some people have so I feel a little like I shouldn't be complaining but at 13stone I thought I'd be so happy at 10stone. When I was 10stone before I felt thin but this time I really don't. I feel like I am nowhere near where I need to be. Anyway, I don't know why I'm going on about this, I guess this is what a diary is for though??!!

xxx

 

[Ella Belle]

End of LT...

I've come to the end of my journey with LT. I haven't been appreciating what I've achieved and I've been obsessing about being fat and losing more and more weight. I don't want to get back to that place in my head where I don't eat and don't see anything wrong with that. I want to be healthy and the way I've been thinking/acting is unhealthy. So...I've just had a look at the list of goals I made for myself 9 weeks ago:

[STRIKE]1. Survive wk1[/STRIKE]
[STRIKE]2. Lose 5% (9.17lbs)[/STRIKE]
[STRIKE]3. Survive wk2[/STRIKE]
[STRIKE]4. Survive wk3[/STRIKE]
[STRIKE]5. Lose 1stone[/STRIKE]
[STRIKE]6. Lose 10% (18.34lbs)[/STRIKE]
[STRIKE]7. Survive 1 month[/STRIKE]
[STRIKE]8. Lose 1.5stone[/STRIKE]
[STRIKE]9. Have someone comment[/STRIKE]
[STRIKE]10. Lose 2stone[/STRIKE]
[STRIKE]11. Fit into 14's[/STRIKE]
[STRIKE]12. Lose 2.5stone[/STRIKE]
[STRIKE]13. Fit into 12's[/STRIKE]
[STRIKE]14. Lose 20% (36.68lbs)[/STRIKE]
15. Lose 3stone
16. Lose 3.5stone
[STRIKE]17. Fit into 10's[/STRIKE]
18. Lose 4stone
19. Lose 30% (55.02lbs)
20. Reach 9stone

When I look at the ones I can cross out, I have to see that I have done well. I'm not finished but it's not the end of the world if the last bit takes a while. It's better to get to the finish line healthy than by starving myself and being under-nourished. I have to tell myself it is okay to stop and I can control myself. I will control myself. I'll do one week of refeed and then do WW from then on. I may still have a shake in the morning for a while (I have some spare). I still plan on using this site every day, I wouldn't have got this far without it and I know it's going to be an integral part of my maintenance.

Anyway, that's it. I'm going to do my measurements tomorrow but now I'm going to go make out my food plan for my refeed week..