CharleyBarley - my new 2014 diary with pics

[xsugarfairyx]

We are doing nothing V day due to lack of money but he said he will buy me an extra bday present in march to make up for it. Chris used to be really romantic used to write me poems be lovey dovey hold my hand a lot etc and now its not much, he said ive got you now so dont have to be romantic. charming eh? Oh and it was our 5 year anniversary in jan and didnt even say happy anniversary he says people only celebrate it when married but i know couples who do x

 

[Cheese Thief]

I'm completely the same with having clothes in loads of different sizes. My biggest trousers were a 28 and I've got every size down to an 18, at the moment I'm 18 top and 22 bottom, so hopefully in the next few months will finally be able to get into them again!

I've never really lost a lot of weight before. I've done diets but only really stuck to them for a few weeks or something, nothing long term. I was actually quite happy in my own skin, even as a big girl, though obviously I wanted to lose some weight. For me the decision to join SW came when I found out I'd need to pass an occupational health screening to get onto my uni course in Radiography. I refuse to let my weigh stop me getting my dream job (I want to be a sonographer), so haven't looked back since last August. I've got a place on the course, just got to get through the occy health check in Sept, should be a LOT skinnier by then with a bit of luck, still nerve racking having that hanging over me though!

I've been with Chris for 2.5 years, we've decided not to go out this valentines day, but are off out the night before instead. I hate busy restaurants and this way we can get the same meal for half the price on the midweek menu, lol. Sounds cheap but I'm a student and only work part time so cheap is good!

I'm the same as you when it comes to suggesting the holidays and things. I'm absolutely addicted to travel, it's the one little luxury I refuse to live without. I don't drink, smoke or eat loads of fast food so when I have spare money it goes into travel plans! I guess I'm quite lucky that Chris doesn't have a huge desire to go anywhere, except Vegas and Austria, so that I get to pick most of the places! On the other hand though he's music mad and always drags me to loads of different gigs, so I guess it works both ways. I'm definitely not the dominant one in the relationship, only when it comes to holidays!

Hope you manage to do something for V-day. I don't think it really matters so long as you spend the evening together, but I totally get that its nice when they do something romantic. Chris isn't hugely romantic either, but a few months ago he did send me flowers randomly one day. It was a complete surprise and so lovely. I did jokingly ask him if he'd cheated on me though or been hit on the head that morning!

 

[xsugarfairyx]

Good luck on getting on your course bev. I miss university lol x

 

[Cheese Thief]

Thanks hun, I'd be absolutely gutted if I was too fat, but with the amount of progress I've made I'm hoping they'll take that into account. Got another 6 months thankfully so if I keep it up might be in the 15/16 stone bracket by then hopefully. At my height the BMI at that weight wouldn't be too bad, so fingers crossed!! x

 

[xsugarfairyx]

Thanks hun, I'd be absolutely gutted if I was too fat, but with the amount of progress I've made I'm hoping they'll take that into account. Got another 6 months thankfully so if I keep it up might be in the 15/16 stone bracket by then hopefully. At my height the BMI at that weight wouldn't be too bad, so fingers crossed!! x

Wellyears ago I was overweight and I passed the medical to get on to nursing I think all it is was that the Dr filled out a form but maybe it's changed now. I decided I didn't like hospitals so never went lol. And I'm sure they will be pleased on your progress well done so far. You can continue to do it xx

 

[xmisskx]

men are totally a different species!
my OH is also the my longest relationship (almost 4 years) and i have no doubt that he loves the bones of me...but i struggle with things too.

i make the decisions for dinners etc, he's always "Not bothered" and it dements me!
if we're having take away...i decide cos he's not fussed but won't even phone and if he's busy or asleep or whatever, i'll wake him and say i've ordered/made such and such...but it would be nice if he did the same.

i know he doesn't have a leg to stand on cos he can't come in with chocolates etc the way he would before (cos i'd be like WHY DID YOU DO THAT!! lol) and he can't just easily rustle up the lunches cos i'm on sw but sometimes i just look for that wee bit more.
i've recently told him i can't get the BNS & falafel salad at our local salad but he can near his work...so he's been appearing with that every now and then - think my hints have paid off! lol

he's been really busy with stuff the last wee while and i told him that i'm lonely...he said i wasn't but i told him I WAS! i come in from work, make lunches for the next day for us all, 3 separate dinners sometimes then taxi my little one to clubs etc, come home, get him into bed and finally settle at 9. i told him if i'm not at work i'm in here, if i'm not in here i'm in a supermarket and i know these are things that mum's do....but i resent it sometimes cos i'm officially not a single parent now...but really, i feel like i am...he just lives here too now. i know he doesn't want to "butt in" but i trust and value his input and wish sometimes he'd say why don't you go to bla bla. he would 100% say no probs, i'll watch him if i said i wanted to go somewhere...but my past and pride means i won't ask! if i'm honest, i crave the stuff he has and the banter/friends he has at work so think maybe i'm just a bit jealous?

i think his problem is that he's frightened to speak up/suggest stuff in case it's not what i want and he doesn't want to get it wrong....it's like pulling teeth getting information out him sometimes where as i just blab about everything and anything so i can't relate to why he wouldn't tell me this or that happened!
and then cos i've asked questions, i'm wary that it comes across like i'm prying!

eurgh! blokes are...well....they're just not us lol...relationships are hard but we get there just the same eh!
but god love them....they'll never work us lot out either! pmsl x

 

[Saruk88]

Hi all!

Charley - I love your posts and the way you write. I feel I can really relate to you from what you say! Massive congrats on getting back on the wagon, it's always hard to get the momentum going.

My fella is totally unromantic, but I'm so laid back about these things I think he takes advantage of it, haha. He turned to me on Christmas Eve and said 'oh no! I forgot to get you a card' ... I had completely forgotten too and hadn't even realised I had! So he did better than me at any rate. Saying that, last year I came home on valentine's to an 'I love you' balloon, flowers, chocolates and a home cooked meal - I was over the moon and so in love with him after that! Does that make sense? Like I always love him but it's so nice when they do something thoughtful that I swear it reignites all those beginning-of-relationship feelings. This year we're going to treat ourselves to a Chinese takeaway, have some wine and cuddle up on the sofa - definitely my idea of a good valentine's.

Its so good to read all your posts and know I'm not the only girl that has to push the OH into everything. I can also relate to your relationship Charley - I know if me and Mike broke up he'd be back at his mum's having everything done for him ... And he's 29! It's not all it's cracked up to be though, my ex boyfriend was amazing at romantic stuff. I'd be coming home from uni and he'd surprise me at the station, whisk me off to a hotel and spoil me rotten, but after a while I wasn't interested. MENTAL when I think back on it, but the grass really is always greener!

Sorry all, I've rambled a bit there but I've really loved reading this thread! Best of luck Charley, I'm rooting for you!

 

[Charleybarley]

Ooh ladies I am loving your man bashing responses which I will get to tomorrow as I am off out tonight - but thanks for your responses!!!

A quick food update for today (close your eyes if you are easily offended by day 3 diet breaking!!!)

Food today

B - Greek Yog (about 2 large tbsps), squirt of runny honey (1 dsp) and a small helping of granola with banana.





L - Wholegrain roll with a smattering of spread and ham and Branson pickle. Veg cup a soup.





Snack - some wine gums

D - OMG my parents came back from their break in Cornwall with proper pasties and real cider!!!!! So that is what I had - I should feel guilty but honestly it was so delish.





And the bad food doesn't end there - I am going to the cinema tonight with my friend and we have a Big bag of Butterkist Salt and Sweet Popcorn with full fat coke - each!!!!!

Tomorrow is going to be bad too. Not a good week to 'start a-fresh' is it?!?

 

[hells2012sw]

Just catching up Charley- my OH hasn't a romantic bone in his body, but neither have I!!

What are you seeing at the flicks? X

 

[Sharry]

Heeeeeeeeeeeey Charley! .....however not so smug as I am nowhere near the top three first posters!

Thanks for dropping by my diary, really made my afternoon. I hadn't been online yesterday so hence only saw your message just now.

I do get the 'man issues' I married four years ago to a wonderful man, I currently live in Edinburgh which is an awesome city (alot slower than my hometown Landan) hubby comes from a family of Jehovah Witnesses and they never do birthdays/xmas etc. I have always put it down to this for the lack of enthusiasm/thought. However very slowly... I mean VEEEEERY slowly he is coming round to being alittle more thoughtful at these times.

So excited to see you back and your wonderful style of diary writing!

xxx

 

[Charleybarley]

We are doing nothing V day due to lack of money but he said he will buy me an extra bday present in march to make up for it. Chris used to be really romantic used to write me poems be lovey dovey hold my hand a lot etc and now its not much, he said ive got you now so dont have to be romantic. charming eh? Oh and it was our 5 year anniversary in jan and didnt even say happy anniversary he says people only celebrate it when married but i know couples who do x

Awww - he does sound like he was so romantic, bless him. Men do get complacent though, I have noticed that with Mick - I occasionally feel like I am being taken for granted, which I do make him aware of.

At least he is buying you an extra b day pressie

I'm completely the same with having clothes in loads of different sizes. My biggest trousers were a 28 and I've got every size down to an 18, at the moment I'm 18 top and 22 bottom, so hopefully in the next few months will finally be able to get into them again!

I've never really lost a lot of weight before. I've done diets but only really stuck to them for a few weeks or something, nothing long term. I was actually quite happy in my own skin, even as a big girl, though obviously I wanted to lose some weight. For me the decision to join SW came when I found out I'd need to pass an occupational health screening to get onto my uni course in Radiography. I refuse to let my weigh stop me getting my dream job (I want to be a sonographer), so haven't looked back since last August. I've got a place on the course, just got to get through the occy health check in Sept, should be a LOT skinnier by then with a bit of luck, still nerve racking having that hanging over me though!

I've been with Chris for 2.5 years, we've decided not to go out this valentines day, but are off out the night before instead. I hate busy restaurants and this way we can get the same meal for half the price on the midweek menu, lol. Sounds cheap but I'm a student and only work part time so cheap is good!

I'm the same as you when it comes to suggesting the holidays and things. I'm absolutely addicted to travel, it's the one little luxury I refuse to live without. I don't drink, smoke or eat loads of fast food so when I have spare money it goes into travel plans! I guess I'm quite lucky that Chris doesn't have a huge desire to go anywhere, except Vegas and Austria, so that I get to pick most of the places! On the other hand though he's music mad and always drags me to loads of different gigs, so I guess it works both ways. I'm definitely not the dominant one in the relationship, only when it comes to holidays!

Hope you manage to do something for V-day. I don't think it really matters so long as you spend the evening together, but I totally get that its nice when they do something romantic. Chris isn't hugely romantic either, but a few months ago he did send me flowers randomly one day. It was a complete surprise and so lovely. I did jokingly ask him if he'd cheated on me though or been hit on the head that morning!

Bev, it seems like our sizes are opposite, I am bigger on top than on my bottom and you vice versa - its weird, I haven't got massive bosoms but I have a really big wide back, so I find bras quite difficult to buy...I too am happy in my own skin, I am very outgoing and active and lively and happy, I don't and never have had any illnesses or problems relating to weight, but I am 38 this year and I know that if I am not careful things may start to be different and you have to consider your health. I hate my photograph being taken, because I actually think it is such a shock for me to see how big I really am..because I must forget! I am like a thin active whippet in a massive body, so that's another reason to change. I want to fit in theatre/train/plane seats more comfortably. I want to not sweat so much. I want a lot of things, but do I want those things enough to change my ways? So far, these last 6 months, its been a "no"....

You seem to have it sussed and you have a very specific goal to aim for and I have no doubt in my mind that you will do it, you are driven by your dream job. Its yours for the taking!

men are totally a different species!
my OH is also the my longest relationship (almost 4 years) and i have no doubt that he loves the bones of me...but i struggle with things too.

i make the decisions for dinners etc, he's always "Not bothered" and it dements me!
if we're having take away...i decide cos he's not fussed but won't even phone and if he's busy or asleep or whatever, i'll wake him and say i've ordered/made such and such...but it would be nice if he did the same. Oh wow, its like I have written this. I feel exactly the same!

i know he doesn't have a leg to stand on cos he can't come in with chocolates etc the way he would before (cos i'd be like WHY DID YOU DO THAT!! lol) and he can't just easily rustle up the lunches cos i'm on sw but sometimes i just look for that wee bit more.
i've recently told him i can't get the BNS & falafel salad at our local salad but he can near his work...so he's been appearing with that every now and then - think my hints have paid off! lol. I have only tried the "hint and she shall have" idea a couple of times, and that has been with birthday and christmas presents - nothing day to day. I think we may give them a hard time occasionally though - I think we expect them to know what we are thinking.

he's been really busy with stuff the last wee while and i told him that i'm lonely...he said i wasn't but i told him I WAS! i come in from work, make lunches for the next day for us all, 3 separate dinners sometimes then taxi my little one to clubs etc, come home, get him into bed and finally settle at 9. i told him if i'm not at work i'm in here, if i'm not in here i'm in a supermarket and i know these are things that mum's do....but i resent it sometimes cos i'm officially not a single parent now...but really, i feel like i am...he just lives here too now. i know he doesn't want to "butt in" but i trust and value his input and wish sometimes he'd say why don't you go to bla bla. he would 100% say no probs, i'll watch him if i said i wanted to go somewhere...but my past and pride means i won't ask! if i'm honest, i crave the stuff he has and the banter/friends he has at work so think maybe i'm just a bit jealous?

i think his problem is that he's frightened to speak up/suggest stuff in case it's not what i want and he doesn't want to get it wrong....it's like pulling teeth getting information out him sometimes where as i just blab about everything and anything so i can't relate to why he wouldn't tell me this or that happened!
and then cos i've asked questions, i'm wary that it comes across like i'm prying!

eurgh! blokes are...well....they're just not us lol...relationships are hard but we get there just the same eh!
but god love them....they'll never work us lot out either! pmsl x

Miss K it does seem like you are the one "left holding the baby" so to speak. And I can completely understand why you feel a bit put upon. You see that he has his single-cake and is still eating it. But looking on his side of things, men aren't mind readers anymore than we are. Perhaps if you explained that he is part of you and your child's life he will get a bit more involved and maybe the three of you can do things together as a family. My advice is to put your pride aside and tell him. Your past relationships should have no bearing on how your current relationship should pan out. I understand that when you have been knocked in the past by men you walk into your next relationship with your guards up waiting to be knocked again. But this guy isn't the last guy. Maybe this guy wants more involvement - Mick's previous marriage dissolved because they couldn't confront one another with issues, big ones or even the teeny tiny ones. But I am a big talker and if I have something on my chest, I wont and cant hold it in because something so so tiny that niggles, will build and build until it explodes. Thats what happened early on in our relationship I didn't want to rock the boat, so I left things and then we had a big barny. I hated it, so we resolved that we would speak our minds all the time. Now we rarely argue and we don't play guessing games. Why don't you try it out and tell him and trust him....if he reacts positively, then he is a keeper!

 

[xsugarfairyx]

How did cinema go? what did you watch? x

 

[Charleybarley]

Hi all!
Sorry all, I've rambled a bit there but I've really loved reading this thread! Best of luck Charley, I'm rooting for you!

Hi there Saruk

Thanks for posting! Well done on your weight loss, you are doing great - and you live in Brighton! I love Brighton soooo much. We tend to stay in Kemptown when we stay over. Great area.

Thanks for saying that about the way I write - so sweet. I like being honest, and as much as I hate muffing up my diet ( which I do all the time) I like to put a positive twist on things, and use humour to deal with stuff - it may look like I am not taking it seriously, maybe I am not all the time, but one can only try!

I can't believe you forgot to buy each other Christmas cards - but hey, at least you both forgot! Mick is very laid back, to the point where he is horizontal, which can be both a blessing and infuriating at the same time! Its a blessing because I am quite highly strung and get worked up over things that he doesn't and he calms me down and puts things into perspective. But its also infuriating because he it takes him so darn long to do anything!!! He is never in a rush for anything, driving for example; Mick is originally from London and therefore never bothered learning to drive, no need because of London transport. He had a US driving licence from his marriage (he lived with her in NY), but that was automatic. So he took driving lessons, it took him almost 2 YEARS to pass....!

My friend (who was also coincidently HIS driving instructor) used to say he was on Carribbean Time, Mick's family originate from Barbados and even though he was born and raised in London, he has this relaxed way about him. And my friend used to say "Chill Char, just join Mick on his Caribbean time and you will feel better about life!" And she was right. Why am I in a rush to do everything. Although, saying that, he used to infuriate her because he would drive in 2nd gear all the way down the road because he knew he would have to drop down to 2nd at the end of the road, so he wouldn't bother going into 3rd!!! He would just poodle along ignoring the traffic piling up behind him! Thankfully he is better now he has passed...

Its funny what you said about your previous fella, being overly romantic and you losing interest - hmmm maybe we are the complicated ones.....

I feel like I have totally outed my man as being a total pain in the anus. So I feel bad and will now tell you that he is such a sweet man. He is so good to me and he NEVER EVER judges me about the way I look or if I eat too much, he looks at me as I am the only woman on this earth who can make him happy - and the biggest and best thing ever... he is soooo funny, he makes me laugh so so much. We make each other laugh actually, all the time. We talk about crap, all the time. Even if he isn't romantic, I am and I should do something for him for Valentines... hmmm what to do what to do....

 

[Charleybarley]

Just catching up Charley- my OH hasn't a romantic bone in his body, but neither have I!!

What are you seeing at the flicks? X

How did cinema go? what did you watch? x

Hey Ladies,

I went to see 12 Years a Slave - has anyone else seen it? Man, what a powerful and disturbing film! I found it very difficult to watch, but it was so good and so well acted.

I don't think I could watch it again because it was very disturbing, but I would recommend it. A very well made film and I hope it gets the awards it deserves. I want to see Dallas Buyer's Club next, I think that will be another powerful film. Mick and I are seeing Wolf of Wall St next week, looking forward to something a bit more lighthearted!

x

 

[xsugarfairyx]

Ive heard its meant to be good, not sure if it would be my sort of film, Id probably get too upset. Is the dallas buyers club the one with matthew mcconaughey in? I aint been to the cinema in ages, I wanna see the new zac effron one ( bit of a crush) and endless love x

 

[Charleybarley]

Heeeeeeeeeeeey Charley! .....however not so smug as I am nowhere near the top three first posters!

Thanks for dropping by my diary, really made my afternoon. I hadn't been online yesterday so hence only saw your message just now.

I do get the 'man issues' I married four years ago to a wonderful man, I currently live in Edinburgh which is an awesome city (alot slower than my hometown Landan) hubby comes from a family of Jehovah Witnesses and they never do birthdays/xmas etc. I have always put it down to this for the lack of enthusiasm/thought. However very slowly... I mean VEEEEERY slowly he is coming round to being alittle more thoughtful at these times.

So excited to see you back and your wonderful style of diary writing!

xxx

Hey lovey!

I am glad to see you back too! Wow, with all these responses about other halves, it seems I am totally not alone. Like you said, slowly slowly we get under their skin and turn their heads a little. I think most of how WE are stems from how our family is/were. I come from a very lively happy celebratory family, my parents have been happily married for 47 years and still celebrate V day - it won't be much, but I know that they are getting an M&S meal for two and having champers and candles. So I guess because as a child and young adult I was around a family where "stuff happened" thats how I want my family to be, even if my family is just Mick and I. Mick's family are very different to mine and this reflects sometimes in Mick's ways. I guess somewhere along the way you find your own happy medium yourselves. There isn't any point in comparisons (which is something I am guilty of).

Its great to see you back too!

x

 

[Charleybarley]

Ive heard its meant to be good, not sure if it would be my sort of film, Id probably get too upset. Is the dallas buyers club the one with matthew mcconaughey in? I aint been to the cinema in ages, I wanna see the new zac effron one ( bit of a crush) and endless love x

It is VERY upsetting, I did get tearful, I honestly thought I would cry more, but it was more uncomfortable to watch than anything else. At one stage I checked my body language and I had twisted myself up into a tight mass because it was horrid witnessing such despicable acts of cruelty being played out that you knew happened at that time in history. It was an education. Yes, DBC is the one with Matthew M in it, he plays an Aids victim in the early 80s when they had little or no treatment for it, so he seeks other sources to medicate himself and others. .. Another true story, but it will probably be quite harrowing at times too.

 

[xsugarfairyx]

It is VERY upsetting, I did get tearful, I honestly thought I would cry more, but it was more uncomfortable to watch than anything else. At one stage I checked my body language and I had twisted myself up into a tight mass because it was horrid witnessing such despicable acts of cruelty being played out that you knew happened at that time in history. It was an education. Yes, DBC is the one with Matthew M in it, he plays an Aids victim in the early 80s when they had little or no treatment for it, so he seeks other sources to medicate himself and others. .. Another true story, but it will probably be quite harrowing at times too.

See I would of got really upsetting I blub all the time lol that DBC does look good apparently he lost loads of the weight for the role xx

 

[xmisskx]

Miss K it does seem like you are the one "left holding the baby" so to speak. And I can completely understand why you feel a bit put upon. You see that he has his single-cake and is still eating it. But looking on his side of things, men aren't mind readers anymore than we are. Perhaps if you explained that he is part of you and your child's life he will get a bit more involved and maybe the three of you can do things together as a family. My advice is to put your pride aside and tell him. Your past relationships should have no bearing on how your current relationship should pan out. I understand that when you have been knocked in the past by men you walk into your next relationship with your guards up waiting to be knocked again. But this guy isn't the last guy. Maybe this guy wants more involvement - Mick's previous marriage dissolved because they couldn't confront one another with issues, big ones or even the teeny tiny ones. But I am a big talker and if I have something on my chest, I wont and cant hold it in because something so so tiny that niggles, will build and build until it explodes. Thats what happened early on in our relationship I didn't want to rock the boat, so I left things and then we had a big barny. I hated it, so we resolved that we would speak our minds all the time. Now we rarely argue and we don't play guessing games. Why don't you try it out and tell him and trust him....if he reacts positively, then he is a keeper!

men are a different species...but really, us women are mental! lol i know i'm nuts sometimes...infact, when i can't work myself out at times, what chance do they have! hehe

i'm very honest and upfront (think ppl either love or hate me!) but i hate falseness and pi$$ takers and i CANNOT tell lies!
i over think things too much to the extent where it'll eat away at me for so long, but once i deal with it or confront the issue, i'm fine.

my fella is a keeper...i've never had anyone love me like he does and he accepts me warts an' all. sure he's not the typical bad boy/ar$ehole who i'm usually attracted to! but there comes a time where you have to look at the bigger picture!

he'd never hurt me intentionally, in fact, if anyone was gonna screw this up, it would probably be me!

i think for him, he has a lot of stuff from years ago and doesn't think he's good enough...he thinks i'm too good for him and always questions why i'm with him...i love that about him but i also hate that he feels like that at the same time do you get what i mean?

i always say what's bothering me but it can be difficult when i know he'll take everything to heart cos of his own stuff but to be honest, i'm so upfront with him, sometimes too much lol, but no doubt he loves me...NONE!

too many people give up on relationships too easily...they're not meant to be easy all the time...we have to work at things don't we.

aww i'm feeling all romantic now pmsl

hope you're having a great day.... xxx

Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins

 

[Sharry]

Hey lovey!

I am glad to see you back too! Wow, with all these responses about other halves, it seems I am totally not alone. Like you said, slowly slowly we get under their skin and turn their heads a little. I think most of how WE are stems from how our family is/were. I come from a very lively happy celebratory family, my parents have been happily married for 47 years and still celebrate V day - it won't be much, but I know that they are getting an M&S meal for two and having champers and candles. So I guess because as a child and young adult I was around a family where "stuff happened" thats how I want my family to be, even if my family is just Mick and I. Mick's family are very different to mine and this reflects sometimes in Mick's ways. I guess somewhere along the way you find your own happy medium yourselves. There isn't any point in comparisons (which is something I am guilty of).

Its great to see you back too!

x

I agree on the how we were raised/family life etc. I guess I am pretty lucky as I don't have to get under his skin my two grown up daughters do! They nip at his head as dates come round my daughters have an unsaid rule and I guess I am the same birthdays always a family meal out with cake and candles. Even if you can't buy a little gift, a card is chosen and bought/made even better! That is enough in my eyes (not saying gifts are gratefully appreciated ) My eldest daughter is a thoughtful giver of gifts, I remember Mick treating you to afternoon tea at the Ritz? Well I mentioned that to my eldest daughter how lovely that would be.....my birthday in November she took me to the Balmoral Hotel in Edinburgh we sat in the Bollinger Bar/Palm Court where we supped champagne and had afternoon tea. I thought of you whilst there .... however, hubby gatecrashed that with the youngest and loved being tagged on Facebook as people naturally assumed he had arranged it not my daughter! Men Eh! :8855:

xxx