So. As avid readers might know (although I have no idea how you keep up with my blurby-type posts – me me me, but then hey, this is my diary and the only one I ever write in (on)!!!)…
I have had my wedding dress since about a month after the wedding was booked – I picked the second one I tried on, purely because it was practical, i.e. lighter-weight than the usual wedding dresses, so I wouldn’t melt too much in the Barbados heat. I felt no love or emotional attachment to the dress, although it was nice enough, I didn’t feel particularly “pretty” in it, in fact to be honest, I felt a bit daft in it! I am not the sort of person who feels comfortable (mentally) in that kind of gear. But I went with it, spend loads on a tiara (again, I felt like a bit of a prat in it) and spent money on some bits to be stitched into the dress to glam it up a bit.
I was also given until July, by my alterations lady to “lose what weight you need to because I won’t have time to do anymore alterations afterwards” which meant for the whole summer I would have to maintain the weight I was from my fitting in July, and it didn’t sit well with me at all. However I went along with it.
When Mick and I spoke about the wedding planning and things, I was all go and organised, but when we talked about the actual day and the excitement and all, I pretended to be as excited as him but in my head there was this thought stopping me and that was losing enough weight to feel good in that damn dress – it was holding my excitement and happiness up (if that makes sense?).
Mick and the Ushers and the bridesmaids are all in really low key, casual wear, Mick is wearing blue linen shorts and a white linen shirt and we have told our guests to wear casual wear – I am the only one who will be wearing something formal and “weddingy”. I mentioned this yesterday to a couple of girls in my IT dept (I went in there on a totally un-related subject and ending up spilling my feelings out, like I am to anyone still reading this post!). I said “I would just love to get away with wearing a pretty maxi dress or summer dress, I plan to wear the current dress up until after the meal and then take it off anyway!” So one of the girls said “well why don’t you?” I went on about tradition and she said “Charlotte, nothing about your wedding IS traditional – the groom is wearing shorts from M&S!” and I thought ok, I will have a little look. I popped to Lakeside and found the dress. I tried it on, its cream and crocheted at the front, like a shift dress that comes to my knees and I immediately felt a genuine smile. I felt pretty. Its not a wedding dress, it’s a dress you might wear to a special occasion, but I think it really suits me. It fits now, but would look better with a few pounds off, so I have right up until my wedding day to lose weight and keep exercising, on the flip side, if I don’t lose any more weight or tone up, then I still have a dress that fits.
So last night, I got in and chatted about it to Mick (he never saw the dress in question!) and he said that he knew something was holding me back before – he wouldn’t care if I wore a bin bag, any more than I would he – the truth of the matter is – our day is about marrying each other, I am marrying the love of my life, the person who is sweet and kind and makes me laugh everyday – the day is not about what he or I look like. Don’t get me wrong, I have spent money on expensive make up and I will have my nails nice and my hair nice – I want to feel pretty – my original dress didn’t make me feel pretty.
So there is my little story that I wanted to share. My bridesmaid is popping round to see it on, and she is 100% supportive. I mentioned it to a girl at work, who believes in tradition and that fairy-tale wedding – while she wasn’t rude about it, but she wasn’t complementary. I explained the dress and she found it on the internet (sneak!) and was kind of skirting the words – she clearly doesn’t approve. I have a need to seek approval from people, which is a trait that I hate about myself. This conversation with my work friend is setting me up for telling my mum and sister, because I know they will think the same!
xxx
