I had a hair cut last August, but I just can't afford such a treat just now. I'm not overly precious about my hair, I've been cutting my fringe for years anyway, even if it's a bit wonky it always grows back lol. I really am toying with the chop chop
Well I've been fairly lazy today but not entirely. A wee 3km walk with the pup after walking son to school. I've managed to clip the bit that fell off the car back on... it needs replacement screws and clips but I suspect it's been like that for some time, so I'm sure a bit longer won't matter it feels pretty secure how I've fixed it.
I took the trailer tent wheel along to the garage and it's fixed, I don't know how much it's costing yet I'll find out when I pick it up tomorrow, but at least the day hasn't been entirely unproductive.
For lunch I had slices of cheese and tomato like little bread-less sandwiches, and cucumber sticks wrapped in ham, dunked in salad cream.
It was entirely acceptable and I couldn't eat all I'd put on my plate.
Not sure about dinner was supposed to be roast chicken but it's still in the freezer. kids want tuna pasta. I still have the pork to make 'sausages' and that really needs using.
feeling a bit... meh.
I freaked myself out last night thinking about the dentist, just going to admit this all here. I've not been to the dentist for probably about 14 years. I'm 45 and still have all my teeth so I know it's not that bad, but I'm embarrassed. I'm ashamed I've left it this long, my gums are a mess and I wouldn't be surprised if it's too late to save all of my teeth. I traumatised myself looking up the worst of teeth on the internet (don't judge me I was having an anxious spiralling moment of thinking the worst)
I comforted myself by realising my teeth aren't the worst... but then catastrophised and decided they probably would be. Any day now.
I comforted myself again by saying well it doesn't matter I can't afford to go anyway. So that made it easy to just opt out. No point worrying about stuff I can't fix.
Then I remembered I can get free dental treatment as I'm on universal credit. I can't this month as I earned too much but that isn't typical, I covered a few shifts for a friend.
Then I debated well I'm not in any pain or anything and covid means they're busy, and blah blah blah
Then I said to myself (in my best counsellors voice) well you know - is it going to be any less shame for you if you leave it another while? your teeth and gums aren't going to get any better you know... wouldn't it be better to start this process as soon as possible, next month when your wages allow you to claim it for free? the sooner the better means you might get to keep a few teeth you know... (I'll probably get to keep all of them, at least most of them, I'm being dramatic)
I'm ashamed, I'm uncomfortable, I'm anxious. There. I've said it all.
I don't even know what made me think of it last night.
Perhaps I'm just finally at a place in my life when I'm ready to actually heal myself properly, in all ways. I know I need to find a dentist. I don't have to like it... I don't usually care what people think of me anyway, that's just an excuse to avoid it.
I know here isn't really the place for this, but I know I'm pretty much anonymous so it's easier.