Crazy life of Chilli

[ladyfelsham]

Another great online learning place is Future Learn, I'm about to start a course on the history of the detective novel .

Our U3A is really active (normally) and runs Mahjong, book clubs, film, eating out, language clubs, etc - can't wait until it's back up and running properly.

 

[ChilliQueen]

I knew someone that undertook different academic subject each year, She said it allowed her to meet new people giving her a social life. Plus the academic subject kept her mind sharp she loved it.

I like her style! I'd love to do all that kind of stuff.

 

[ChilliQueen]

SO I just looked at U3A, thinking it was for older people but it simply says anyone no longer in full time work. I'm only 45 would it matter? there are a few places locally apparently but I don't know if they do anything that would be of interest to me at the minute.

And who am I kidding, like I have time?

I do love to learn but I'll be doing an SVQ at work sometime soon anyway.

OK so, it's clear to me now that I find 6 nightshifts in a row too much. I manage 5 well, but 6 tips me over. However as we're ridiculously short (someone ELSE has left since I last mentioned it) I have committed to doing 6 for the next couple of stints. I find it really hard to stick to anything for those nights BUT this is my life and this is how it is, so I'll deal with it in time.

I sts this morning but that's ok. Not unexpected. Perhaps I can lose weight every other week... that would do lol.

today I didn't eat until 1430 and it was just a handful of nuts anyway. will see what this week brings! Kids want noodles for dinner so I'll probably have one of my keto naans made into pizza. I'm really enjoying those, Had one with chicken curry last night too.

I had one of my infamous (among friends) ADHD moments this week. A few years ago we had a family room in the kitchen and used the living room as a games room/dining room. This was when I was trying to pacify and keep my husband happy, and he was in denial about suffering SAD, the kitchen side of the house is sunny, so I thought it might help if we lived there. I'm aware I did far too much for him, and far too much to keep him, but now everything is different... and I am glad.

We've been back in the normal living room for years, but I've been getting irritated because everytime someone walks past, which is a lot, my dog barks. I've been longing to be able to afford an extension and live at the back of the house - it's sunny, it's peaceful, it's private. I suggested to my daughter that it would be nice to try living in the kitchen again expecting lots of opposition, but she loved the idea. The kitchen is painted and new flooring just a few months ago so it's looking quite nice I guess, and the area we are using would be the size of a small living room so not too tiny.

The problem with 2x adhd people in a house is that we both jump in... as in ok. Lets do it, it doesn't matter I was in the middle of a run of night shifts haha.

We now have our family area sorted in the kitchen, it's super comfortable and cosy and I love it. We don't see anyone walking past, the dog barks (a bit) less and we're right beside the back door to let her in and out from the garden.

What used to be my living room now has all my craft and sewing stuff in there, along with 2 large tables (one used to be in kitchen one was in living room) and the freezer, which gives us more room in the kitchen space.

It all needs organised and sorted, there is also a bed in there, I considered going the whole haul and just claiming it as my bedroom too, but I've decided not to, I'm having trouble deciding where to put everything as it is. It will work as a spare room when visitors come though as I won't use the room for crafting if people are staying.

I'm HOPING that reorganising and sorting all my stuff, as well as having a designated work room, will give me the real kick I need to start to make and sell things again. It was my dream to do this when I left my old job, but then I had to deal with marriage break up not long after so it was all just kind of let go.

I do all kinds of stuff, I love making bags and other bits from recycled denim, I make dreamcatchers and funky wall hangings, things with beads, bits of upcycling, and I paint. The urges to be creative are coming back so I figure I should use them. See if I can create a future for myself this way, or at least earn enough to work less shifts in the real world.

In time I'd like to get rid of all I have and buy some purpose bought tables and storage but for now I'll get along just fine but I need to go and sit there for a bit and try to work out the best way to arrange what I have.

I'm fortunate to have this space really, and fortunate to have kids that go with the flow and are happy for me to live this way, but I have made my own compromises as well I guess. They have a double bedroom each and I'm crammed into a single room to give them space upstairs! I do kind of like my teeny room tho. All things considered, I quite like EVERYTHING at the moment.

** bounces off happily to look at paint and beads and fabric **

 

[AliGal]

What a lovely update!

 

[purpleorc]

Great to have a catch up. I wondered how you were faring on the long stretch of nights

 

[ladybird777]

I was smiling along to your update. My bedroom is the smallest in the flat and is also my craft room. To fit my craft table in I have to have a mattress on the floor so a bit of it slots under the table. It wouldn't fit if it was on a bed frame. I also have bookcases on the back of the craft table to house all my equipment and a sewing table that doubles as a printer table too. However the boys came with me from a huge house and have so much stuff. The divorce was hard enough for them without them having to give up their things so we squashed it all in their double rooms.

I hated doing anymore than 4 nights on the trot. I had 4 children under the age of 4 at that time and it was tiring. I often had to do a day shift too.

 

[ladyfelsham]

Oh I so admire you lovelies who have craft talent - the one time I tried to do something with felt, i managed to put a staple through my thumbnail!

And Ali you're a woman after my own heart, I love things to be organised and easy to find, and love a good sort out. It's distressing me a bit to be sitting here typinng surrounded by kitchen chaos - but it can't be helped.

So I say go for it with the room change around (and maybe your new bedroom), it's lovely having things different, fresh and new xx

 

[ChilliQueen]

with 2, possibly 3 of us in the house with adhd it's a constant struggle to keep things half organised here, but I do like it better when it is.

I think I've decided where the tables and storage things should be, will see if I still like it tomorrow, I've lost count how many variations I've tried lol.

Dinner tonight ended up being tuna with salad cream and sweetcorn, some in lettuce wraps, some with cucumber and carrot crudites, and a few chunks of cheese.

I didn't think I put out a huge portion but I could only eat half of it. Earlier I'd had some nuts and a couple of my lower carb biscuits I'd made last week out of the freezer.

I still have muffins, biscuits and naans frozen, so over the next few days I'm going to pick something else new to try.

I had finished eating before 1830, and later on at about 2300 I'd been watching tv with daughter and fancied something more and initially I thought I could because I've really not eaten that much, but then I thought no... I should be fasting by then. So I didn't.

 

[purpleorc]

Well done on having the willpower to fast instead of giving in and eating something. You should be proud of yourself. I don't believe I could have your discipline Evenings/night is when I tend to get the munches.

 

[ChilliQueen]

I usually give myself until 8, sometimes 9 then I know I can eat at lunchtime next day. With an 8/16 window.

I just hadn't been hungry earlier. I don't always make it through

 

[tipperary]

Chilli that move sounds perfect. Living at the back of the house with the sun and the garden sounds so much better. And I'm with you on having a dedicated craftroom if you can. I just cleared out my office to make a sewing area. It's your house you should be able to live in it as you wish, not as convention dictates.

 

[ChilliQueen]

you are right Tipperary, being defined by convention has a lot to answer for.

I'm trying to bring up my kids to understand they have more choices than they realise.

Well I gave myself a headache trying to sort out a Facebook shop, but I think I have it. I still need to add stock and preview it before going live but I think I've worked it out... mostly.

I'll continue working on sorting out my craft room today, in doing so as an added advantage I'll also be partly clearing my cabin I have in the garden. I bought this (and assembled it myself ) when husband was still here. As I indicated yesterday I was bending over backwards to keep him happy, He liked xboxing so we had 2 tv's in the living room, he liked gym so we had a huge home gym that took over the kitchen, or the living room depending on the time period I'm thinking off lol. In any case there really wasn't room for my craft as well so I built me a 3m x 3m cabin, and put all my stuff out there. with an extension lead for light and power.

It worked well at the time but has basically turned into a shed/store/jumble over past few years, as I didn't like to leave son in house alone to go outside to craft and as the disappeared gym equip (along with the disappeared husband) gave me space, I moved most of my craft stuff back in, but there is still stuff out there.

Eventually - there is an old day bed of my daughters in there, and a desk which will stay. I plan to use it as a meditation cave, and a place to write and paint on nice summer days. The day bed will have cushions though and it will be used for party time BBQ type events a couple times per year as well. I have a gazebo I leave up as well.

I think I have most of the ingredients, I'm just currently trying to find the right recipe for my 'life', but I think it's nearly time to do the mixing. Off course a cooking analogy perhaps isn't the best... suggesting that once baked it's complete. But Perhaps better thinking of life in a series of many courses. The recipe involving my husband was missing some vital ingredients, but was presented beautifully on the page, had a few addictive ingredients but overall was poor for health and ultimately it lacked the proper taste haha. Life is like the bravery of cooking and crafting though... Find a little courage, let go of the outcome. Try a new ingredient, paint a different style... walk a different path. Enjoy the journey... Sometimes things go well sometimes not, but usually the consequences are smaller than expected.

I still need to get to the trailer tent cleaning, other areas of the house etc. Can only do so much at once.

I might make soup today, kids want the noodles for dinner that they didn't have yesterday as they had tuna pasta, so I'll probably have soup or naan pizza or who knows what else. I can eat anytime now as I haven't eaten in 18 hours, but I'm just drinking tea for now.

 

[AliGal]

I've just noticed your 5lbs chunk! I have 25 of those chunks to go!!

I like hearing about you organising your life. Thoughtful living.

I am living in a mess, My study is full of boxes, my wardrobe untidy (and bags of clothes I'll be wearing as the weight drops off) and my side of the garage not organised. I also have lots of paperwork that stacked up. I am back listening to videos by Flylady followers, and have started flylady.net routines again. So I hope this will be the year to transform how I live too!

 

[ChilliQueen]

flylady is a good system, but I find I struggle with anything that suggests particular days to do things with my erratic lifestyle. I do use her concept of doing things in timed segments if I feel overwhelmed though - I'll set a timer for 15 mins and do what I can without feeling I failed. If I feel like it I'll do repeated time segments.

@AliGal I like videos by an Irish lady called Laura, howtogetyourshittogether she's on youtube and facebook too, she uses konmarie among other things and she's very 'real'

I can't go full on konmarie I don't have it in me to do whole sections in one go, but I like the idea of really considering an object before choosing to keep it.

It's all about taking these different concepts - flylady, konmarie etc and just finding the parts of it that work for us in our own lives.

 

[AliGal]

Thanks. I'll take a look at Laura. My kitchen was transformed by shine yr sink, and a clean hand towel and drying cloth every day. I fold them together when I put them away - so it's quick to switch them out each night. I'm going to do Flylady Kat's paper management system starting this week. She says stack it all up and do 6 inches a week - so a foot of stacked papers a month....

 

[ChilliQueen]

that would be 2 feet of papers per month

I actually sorted all my paper a few months back, I used to have a 2 drawer filing cabinet full of all kinds of stuff dating back years.
I went through it all and binned almost everything - I gave the filing cabinet to a friend and I'm down to a standard A4 boxfile. I now keep no paperwork unless necessary and most stuff is online.

I've sorted a few things today but not as much as I would have liked. I find when I'm not sure where to put stuff or how to arrange things I shut down and don't do much. However I have tidied up some wiring, relocated a bunch of dvd's and cleared 2 full shelves in craft room. I've also dyed a set of cream curtains grey, which has only cost £5 and will go nicely in our family area of kitchen. At the moment there are double glass doors out into the garden (south facing) with no blinds or curtains. It didn't matter when it was just a kitchen but now we're sitting here the glare from the sunlight can be a problem, I've taped up bin bags as a temporary solution, we're so chic here haha. I had to buy a curtain rail too but all in it's costing less than £20 to put up a lovely floor length set of curtains that will match nicely, so I can't really complain. Although daughter would like tie backs as well, but I really am trying not to spend unless I must. I'll be short now until the 20th so only food shopping till then. I actually might have an old set somewhere I'll need to look. I could have left the curtains cream but we have a mostly black doggie and I can only imagine the irritation it would lead to! it won't be noticed on grey, and the walls and floors are shades of grey, the main kitchen is mostly black and white, so I have bursts of colour in the window blind, and a few other bits.

The blind in the window is one of my fav things, it was just an old roller blind that I covered with a piece of fabric I bought for £2, it was an end of roll remnant. All it cost was £2 fabric a few glue sticks and a bit of effort. It's a multicoloured modern floral which isn't usually my scene at all! But I love the burst of colour it gives in an otherwise quite mundane area

I have deliberately missmatched bits too, I know most people would prefer to have them all the same colour but I wanted to be different. I have a red kettle, purple toaster, blue breadbin... the slow cooker which pre-dates my colour desires is black and the microwave is stainless steel. I'm going to get a different coloured microwave when it packs in .

I'm gonna be such a crazy old lady one day (I hope lol)

In other news I played chilli roulette today the only downside of growing your own is that you don't really know how spicy until you've made your food, todays soup is very spicy haha. I fried some onion and garlic, added some cauliflower, carrot, chicken stock, chilli butterbeans and lentils. It's still good soup tho, and I discovered that my keto naans do well dunked in soup too! They're not that big but they do fill you up for sure. Today so far I've had some salted nuts, 1 keto naan and 1 cup of soup, and will likely have more soup soon as I'm too lazy to cook anything else.

It's hard to get my head around the idea that 1 slice of bread would be around 90 calories and 15g net carbs and that will make me fatter (most likely)
1 keto naan though comes in at about 245 calories it says, and about 2g net carbs and won't make me fatter (most likely)

The main difference I see though is that I was genuinely satiated after my soup and naan.

with bread I'd probably start with more soup in the first instance and 2 slices of bread, not 1. Then I'd probably still want something else to eat later, and that would be something carby as well, whereas just now I'm not that hungry but my eating window is about to close within the next hour, Can it really be all about the insulin?

I find it all really interesting and I do buy into the information I've read about keto etc, but I wish it was easier to truly comprehend.

This is my last week of deliberately keeping the calories low, but I don't think I'll suddenly be eating all that much more next week, I will continue to try and find better ways to cope on my night shifts, so may try to eat more those days but of better foods. Then I'm going to try a few 24 hour fasts perhaps even 48. We will see how things develop!

 

[ladyfelsham]

"Walk your own path" - I just love it. I've always been really fortunate in being able to do what I wanted, pretty much, and as a result never got married, hated the compromise and restrictions - but came close a couple of times LOL.

And I so love the shake up on colour - brilliant! Plus the bin liners have their own shabby chic-ness .

And hear you on the carbs - even though you can eat carbs until you're sick on SW, I tend to do the low carb version - if I have porridge in the morning, I'm ravenous an hour later - and have a craving for toast about midnight, which I do my best to avoid!

Really loving all the changes you're slowly making, it's all very positive life laundry xx

 

[ChilliQueen]

I never minded the compromises at the time @ladyfelsham at the time I think it's what I wanted as well, but I don't think I ever realised how many choices I really had.

As a younger person I was very resistant to change and held on to things. When I say younger I'm still meaning only a few years ago haha.

After husband left and I recovered a bit it was just like a lightswitch going on, living in the unknown wasn't a choice in the first instance but I've found that I love it, when before I would have feared it. All those years trying to avoid it to find that it's more like home than anything else. I love the push for inventiveness that it's brought me and the feeling of freedom, and although so much is beyond my control I feel more 'in control' of my own destiny than ever.

The dyed curtains have turned out really nicely, but my rail doesn't arrive until later in the week so we'll have to stick with the bin bags for the moment.

I haven't eaten anything yet, probably have some of my soup shortly. Just me and my daughter now until next Sunday so should be easier to keep on course.

Today is the anniversary of her Dad's passing, my first husband. It's been 14 years and I don't feel it anymore the way people expect, dates don't matter to me in the way they do to some - that's not to say I don't care or don't remember I only do it in my own way- randomly at any time. I only mention it because my daughter wants to go to where his ashes are interred today, followed my macdonalds drive thru! However she was a silly girl yesterday with some friends outside and she has her first hang over from hell!

The ashes are meaningless to me I only go when daughter wants to, but we might wait until tomorrow now. I've told her I AM NOT having Macdonalds tho regardless of when.

So anyways I expect we'll just be home. Currently snuggled watching The haunting of hill house with the dog in the middle lol.

scales still sts this morning I've been watching a documentary on netflix about fasting too, need to fully decide what I'm doing next week.

So anyway food today will probs be soup and a keto naan shortly and bacon and eggs later.

 

[tipperary]

What documentary was it Chilli?

 

[ChilliQueen]

It is simply called 'fasting' and is on amazon prime I think rather than netflix

scales, stubbornly sts lol. I'll get a loss by Friday, trying to have some hope!

Today I slept really late! I slept off an on until 11am, when I heard my dog bark and got up. Can't remember the last time that happened, but I certainly needed it. Lots of weird mixed up and jumbled dreams, but thankfully nothing nasty.

I'm chilling with a cuppa for now, then going to shower. Daughter wants her trip today to the crem garden, and MacDonalds.

I was supposed to be doing all kinds of productive things this week but it's not really happening, but there are no real deadlines.

The universe has organised itself in such a way that I may be picking up a much better sofa for free on weds night (ours is extremely old and on its last legs, it's in 3 seperate pieces and drives me nuts as the dog keeps dropping things down between the sections. In addition having been thinking I need better storage for my craft space, but can't afford to buy until next year, my friends son is moving in with her, and she is selling 2x sets of ikea drawers which are IDEAL. When I say friend - this is a bond beyond most, where I was able to say I'd like them but I can't pay you yet. Which I couldn't generally and wouldn't generally do. So Our other bestie is going to bring his truck weds, pick up and drop off the drawers and then pick up the sofa. He'll come back another day for a skip run to take away my old one

Anyone reading my diary here can probably tell I'm a person who tries to be optimistic, but things like this just make me GLOW of optimism.

I've been finding it difficult to properly sort my craft room because things aren't fitting together in the functional way I'd like so I think these drawers will really help. So my plan for the moment is to go do this thing with daughter - she needs me for now. Then later if the weather holds I'm going to tackle the trailer tent. The craft room can wait until I've binned what's going out and got the drawers in.

Then I realise I have a bit of a mental block which tells me I can't make anything until it's all really sorted. So to get over that I'm going to use a mix off flylady and konmarie approaches (inspired by chat the other day) I'm going to take regular 15 minute slots and grab a box, tray, shelf of stuff. Then I'm going to go through that one pile deciding what I really need and what I don't. Organising as I go. Once my 15 mins is up - I'm going to try to get properly started and make something or paint something. Regular stand up and move around breaks are needed when painting or sewing anyway so I can take regular 15 minute bursts of moving around and sorting.

Everything is going to be AWESOME.

Food today - I'll probably finish the soup I made, it needs eaten as I didn't freeze it. Not sure about later yet.

Back later