From here to Slimfinity!!! - Team 6

[Katycakes]

So far so good... bit of challenge later as I'm meeting two friends, the idea is one of us brings a main course & one a pud & we meet at the third friend's house... not my plan, but hoping to survive it! I'm on the 810 plan so I can eat, otherwise it'd be a disaster.
I opted to do the main course (I will ignore the pud). Am going to do a veg bake with broccoli, cauli, leeks, spinach, etc with a lo-fat cheese sauce using tofu & feta... I am kind of inventing the sauce bit so I hope it works!!! Feel I should offer a carb too, like rice or pasta, but don't really want to... guess I will get cooking in a minute & see how it all comes together.
Fingers crossed!
Hope you are good, Suki!
xxx

 

[quizzicalgrrl]

a veggie bake sounds like an amazing idea xx

 

[quizzicalgrrl]

let's have a whoot!

This is good stuff xxx

OK guys, reporting in after this weeks weigh in... 1lb. Not a huge amount, but possibly more than I deserve this week... and VERY special as it brings me to an overall loss of 3 stone.... woooo!!!!

So happy.

Quizz, hope you are out there partying honey!
xxx

 

[quizzicalgrrl]

Thanks and big hugs to all for the delightful birthday wishes!!

I have had a complete food fest yesterday, but back on plan today.

Hope everyone is on the up xxx

 

[sohnii_kuri]

Hey katy,

Its amazing how you are thinking in the "low fat mode," im impressed! well done! this shows the diet has changed your habits as well and you will remain thin forever...........i hope i develop such sense when i get to my target

once you are on this diet for some time you loose your appetite.....you can go hungry for longer periods and even when you eat its not much

i have been ok....feeling teary today.....you know when you want something so badly but its so hard and you are really struggling....thats a bit like how i feel

suki

 

[Slimpossible]

Hey chapettes,

Sorry for my ridiculous absenteeism, I rely on emails notification to tell me that the thread is updated and didn't get them...

I've been really busy of late trying to plan my best mates hen party too the wedding is a big incentive to get to goal.

Katy I am so happy for you 3 stones is a massive milestone ! you have done amazingly well.

The veg bake sounds lush and it's awesome that you are socialising without letting food ruin it for you.

Hope everyone is cool

Unfortunately our team is full but all the teams are here to support everyone who needs it. Post a message in the advertising thread.

 

[Katycakes]

In the middle of cooking the bake... fingers crossed it will work! Great to hear you had a fab b'day Quizz!!!! Hugs to all of you, will check in when I get home & tell you how I got on...
xxx

 

[quizzicalgrrl]

Morning Girls!

Katy.. How was the bake?

xx

 

[Katycakes]

Hiya all... the bake was a success... they said it was yummy. It was just veg and a feta & skim milk sauce, but warm and tasty. I didn't bring a carb side dish, just a green salad, and there was lots for everyone so all good.

Confession. I did not ignore the pud, as promised... had a small slice of lime cheesecake (a nigella recipe apparently and OMG the BEST thing I have eaten in 3 months, no word of a lie). So... no regrets, really, it was a little slice, and the cheesecake is NOT in my fridge so I was safe from going back for more... and more... etc. So. Twas a good night, and though I was naughty I don't feel too bad about it really... on the wagon again today.

It's FRIDAY THE THIRTEENTH... hope it's 100% for all of us though!!!
xxx

 

[sohnii_kuri]

i want to ask you guys something! its not diet related and really off topic but i just want to talk about it and put my mind at rest!

can i ask?

suki

 

[Katycakes]

Ask away, I'm listening!
xxx

 

[sohnii_kuri]

ok (gulp)

Would you be upset if you found out your husband was watching alot of porn?? i know this is really stupid and you guys might laugh but i come from a very different culture

i was really upset when i found out and felt betrayed but i am wondering if im acting normal:cry:

it just makes me feel i am not good enough and thats why this is happening....and my husband is not good at communicating so he never ever talks about anything. when i confronted him, he just sat there and starred at me:wave_cry:

i just dont know what to think, even if i tell him how i feel he does not say anything

sorry guys, i am just upset, confused and i dont know what to think or how to feel

suki

 

[Katycakes]

Oh Suki, hugs, honey.

I can only give my personal response, and the other Sliminators will maybe have different ideas. I am sure they will be along with their views very soon.

BUT... I would have reacted in just the same way as you did, honey. I hate porn and feel it degrades & dehumanizes women, so it would feel like a betrayal to me. I know not everyone agrees with my view... some couples use porn together, but it seems so fake & so degrading to me I couldn't imagine that.

BUT (again!) men see porn in a different way and it is readily available to them on the net/dvds/mags etc, and it is VERY addictive. So men who use a lot of porn can get hooked. Maybe your husband is silent about this because he's ashamed/ embarrassed? If you can wait for the upset to die down a bit you may be able to get him to talk about it without things getting all aggressive/ accusing.

I know you are from the Asian community, and I'd assume porn isn't really acceptable there, but I could be wrong... that could be another reason he is ashamed. I hope you can talk to him Suki. I can see how hurt you would feel and I really, really hope you can sort it out.

And maybe the other slims can offer more advice?

Big hugs, honey.
xxxx

 

[sohnii_kuri]

thanks katy,

i really appreciate it! yes you are right thati am asian and i think we are not very acceptable of porn......but i mean even if we werent asian, i would still not like my man looking at that
it just makes me feel insecured! and i know for the fact we wont ever talk about this and i think that bothers me even more.
He just wont talk! any issue in the past as well he would listen and thats about it. So i dont know how to feel? is this something that might lead to something else?

i have told him every single second of my life that the communication break down is killing me but hes just not bothered there are days he will try but thats it! i mean if i was married to someone who could not talk i would atleast accept it that he cant talk! but with him its just .....arghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

i mean its hard enough living in a country with no family at all, and then having to deal with this and someone who just wont talk.....it just sucks!
and because of the kind of culture i come from i cant really talk to friends as well.....its all embarrasing but i guess atleast i got you lot

thanks kate.......hugs

suki

 

[Katycakes]

Suki... I do feel for you, honey.

I agree, I don't think porn would be acceptable whatever culture you were in, but wondered whether some cultures are even more condemning of it... and whether that made your husband especially ashamed to be caught watching it. But if he won't talk, it will be very hard to sort this out... that's SO hard for you.

When you say you have no family here... are you originally from overseas? If so, that must be even harder for you. Is there anyone in your religious community you can talk to? Anyone there who looks out for young women with no real support, like yourself? Or a religious leader who could offer some marriage counselling perhaps?

I do feel you need some kind of support system. We will help all we can, but it's not as good as having someone you can actually TALK to, cry on their shoulder, have a real-life hug. I don't suppose your husband has a sister you could confide in?

As for the porn, I can see it would make you feel insecure. It would make me feel very bad, too. But I think it's unlikely it would lead to anything more - an addiction to porn usually stays as just that, so I don't think he will be rushing off to be unfaithful or anything.

I do REALLY think you need to talk. You could keep on asking, letting him know you love him and want to help but feel so hurt and confused. And that you need to be able to talk to him. Be gentle and don't accuse him, just tell him you need to talk, that you cannot cope with the silence.

Big hugs honey.
xxx

 

[quizzicalgrrl]

Hi Everyone. I will throw in my 2p here as well.

Firstly Suki, we all care about you.

Secondly, I live in London and I would love to meet with you. Like you I have no family here, I am from America and miss my Mom so much. PM me if you'd like to meet up and chat.

Now about the porn. Like you I would be so upset. I would feel like I wasn't good enough. And you have EVERY right to set boundaries and insist on respectful behavior.

Let's think of it from a man's point of view. Men think about sex way more than most women. Porn has an allure of being forbidden and so that I think makes men more interested as they feel it is naughty.

I am sure you aren't feeling very patient right now, but maybe you could have a talk with hubby that goes something like this:

I notice you have been looking at porn. Is there something that excites you about it? Maybe we could talk about it so I can understand what excites you better.
( then let him answer)
Then you could say, I love you and I want to be the woman you fantasize about. It makes me feel like I am not all that attractive to you or important to you when you look at that stuff. Can we work on things in our realtionship that will satisfy us both and make us both happy?

(this might not work but maybe it is worth a try?)

xxx

 

[quizzicalgrrl]

Morning Friends! It's Saturday, Let's rock.

xx

 

[Katycakes]

Morning Quizz! Kind of drizzly and grey here in Scotland... sigh! Anyone else about today? And are we all 100%?
xxx

 

[Slimpossible]

Hey everyone,

I hope you are all well, sorry I was mad busy yesterday and missed a lot of what went on.

Hope you are feeling better Suki, just want to reiterate what Katy and Quiz said, I am sure that your husband's "past-time" is no reflection on you and/or his feelings for you.

I hope that you have been able to get some clarity about this issue whether you managed to speak to him or not.

A wise woman once said to me that as woman we tend to make problems about us, for instance he is looking at porn because there is something lacking in you but usually a persons actions have nothing to do with you and are purely a symptom of their own problems.

Do you know how long this has been going on? Can you think of any events or stress which have occurred which might have started or increased his interest in porn?

Also I am in London too so if you ever need to talk to people who are not in your immediate circle I'm here too.

We are all here for you whether it's pudding or porn, I just hope you are feeling better.

xx

BTW I am 100% at the mo and lovin it like JT loves mcdonalds

 

[sohnii_kuri]

Hello guys,

Thanks alot for all the support you have given me and the advice really helped! i think hubby felt increasingly guilty so he tried to be nice by doing stuff for me ( but i was very angry...lol....so i was just being stroppy) however he would still avoid talking about it and maybe he was embarrased as katy said? dont know

i think our personalities clash alot as i am a kind of person who always wants to sit and talk things out! and he is the opposite! i went off the diet totally which really is no excuse!

So all he said was "sorry" and then we didnt talk about it....i mean he didnt but i did make a point clear of how i felt and what i think is not acceptable!

like quizzi said, i think i will talk about it calmly but maybe when we are both in a good mood and chatting away! just to find out why it happen? or should i just let it go?.....i dont want to be a nagging wife

i think maybe i am not too active in bed? i have a feeling that is the problem?....i work really hard as a student nurse, mom and house wife! i feel really tired most of the days.......but i know i should make more of an effort

unfortunately, apart from you guys i dont have anyone else to talk to.......people from my culture would not understand!.....besides they think you have to stay with your husband no matter what! even if you are not happy as a woman you have to make it work! i dont agree with it! ( who cares about what it think anyway....lol)
if i spoke to my mom she would get very worried and she is so far away i wouldnt want her to worry besides i dont want peopl to judge my husband or disrespect him

i would love to meet you quizzi...........damn! that another incentive to loose weight! should we set a date then in the summer!..lol....so i have time to loose weight! maybe then you will see a lady in size 10 jeans....damn how cool is that

thankyou loads guys, i cant thankyou enough!

suki