Hannah's Lighter Life!

[Lind]

Hannah, the pics are good, you can see you have got smaller all over. The t shirt is haging off your back from your shoulders and your arms and legs definately look smaller.

I know what you mean about people trying to get you to eat. I know this weekend will be hard and I am not going to tell anyone I am on LL I am just going to lie through my teeth and say that I have a tummy bug.

 

[hanmac]

Thank you Lind! Good luck for this weekend, I am positive you'll be fine just stick to your guns I always tell myself that my desire to be slim is higher than my desire for cake/crisps/etc.!

Today has been a funny day, am at uni studying events management, am on my 3rd year doing an 'industrial placement', so am working for a sports event company (have probably mentioned this before but just incase I haven't!)
I've been working here for just under 2 months, and cannot stand my boss. Its just me, my friend Becky who is on the same course as me, and my boss. That's it, just the 3 of us! And me and Becky cannot stand him at all. He puts us down at every opportunity, is completely patronising and we have hardly any work to do as he insists on doing everything and wont delegate, so the days literally drag on!
If it was just me who didn't like him i'd take it as just a clash of personalities, but the fact that Becky doesn't like him, plus he used to have 17 other people who helped out at events, it's now down to one other person as all the others cannot stand him and refuse to work for him anymore. I'm stuck here until May as it's part of my course, and I just don't know how to get through it!

But the thing that really offends me is his attitude to me being on LL. In front of other people he always says that i'm doing really well. Yesterday he joked that he needs to lose weight, so I said 'oh join LL men only do it for 8 weeks', to which he replied 'no its pointless, you just put all the weight back on anyways'. I had a bit of a dig at him as i'm so sick of people who say it'll just go back on. I told him how much it offends me and he just acted like it was a joke.
Then today he went out and bought chicken noodle soup for lunch, then pulled out a pasty as well! Becky joked that he shouldn't eat both, and I said 'funny diet your on!' to which he replied 'why would I listen to you, miss 500 calories a day'. He said it in such a snidey way, I know in my 'adult mind' its because he's jealous that i'm losing weight and he's not doing anything about his weight. And the fact that on Monday he also said 'oh have you not managed to crack yet', it's almost like he's daring me to fail!

I think because the majority of people have been supportive, his negative comments really stand out. Just need to think positive and stay calm!

But my workmate Becky made an interesting point, when she is sick of him she treats herself to a cup of tea and a biscuit. I can't do that, and it shows how much I used to rely on comfort eating to make me feel better. So think if I can get through working for him without comfort eating, i'll be set for life!

Anyways, on a happier note I tried on a dress last night that I bought in my first year of uni when I had lost weight the summer before. I bought it to wear for a night out in October, so just under 3 years ago i think. And it fits! It actually fits better than when I bought it, as I remember I didn't wear it out as it was a tad tight! That really cheered me up The dress is a size 14 so can comfortably say i've gone from a size 18 to a size 14, amazing!!! :character00100:

 

[hanmac]

My boss today said 'I can see your losing weight hannah, see even I notice'

That's the best compliment I can expect from him!

 

[Lind]

Haha! Somebody said something like that to me today too! Feels good no matter how jealous and begruding they may sound!

 

[hanmac]

I'm having a really low day today. Not lighter life wise, am still enjoying the diet and have no desire to give in to temptation.

I just hate my job, and I know that's something most people say, but I really, really, really hate it. I just feel like I can't work here anymore and i'm sat here trying not to cry. I just honestly feel like it's killing me slowly, I just feel completely flat and depressed. I have absolutely no motivation, we have an event coming up this weekend and I should be preparing for it but I just can't bring myself to do anything as I just don't want to be here. I find the whole thing completly boring and unchallenging. I went to another sports event this weekend organised by the company I used to work for, and it was just amazing. I am absolutely kicking myself for not getting a placement with them, but I thought it would be good to try something new...
I cannot stand my boss, i've never hated anybody but he is definitely the closest to hate i've ever been. I can barely stand to talk to him, he watches me while I work and it just makes my skin crawl.

I know this must sound completely over the top, but it's all been brewing for the past few weeks and i've been trying to control it all but I just feel like I can't cope anymore. I just want to walk out the door and not come back! I don't know what to do as our placement is 11 months and i've been working here just over 2...another 8 and a bit months just seems impossible. Feel completely stuck.

 

[Lind]

Can't you talk to someone at your uni about? Maybe try and get another placement? You are not even half way into it so maybe they could help if you told them how bad it was and you were not getting any useful experience or learning from it.

Poor you, it is horrible when you are stuck some where you hate. Chin up girl, you'll be ok in the end.

 

[hanmac]

Am feeling a bit better today, spoke to my mum last night and she said to give it a few more weeks and see how I feel. But my family has gone to Florida for 2 and half weeks today, so I don't know who i'll have to talk to as I usually phone home almost everyday. All my friends are home for the summer so will be a tad lonely for a bit. But will just have to keep my chin up and see how it goes. Would love to change my placement, but would mean starting the 48 weeks from the beginning, meaning I wouldn't finish till later next year and was planning to travel a bit next summer as will be my last summer before I graduate, and go out into the real world! But i'm doing what I always do, think about the future too much!! Need to concentrate on the here and now.

Bought some ketosticks today, as for the past 2 weeks, at my meeting the stick doesn't change colour! My LLC always says it's because i'm dehydrated, think it's because on weigh in days I only drink 2 litres of water and stop drinking by 2pm as gives the water time to get out my system, read somewhere that a litre of water = a pound, or something like that! So bought some sticks so I can do them on the days when I am drinking water. Did one just now and I am in ketosis so it's all good, was getting a bit panicky that maybe I wasn't and thats why the stick wasnt changing at my meetings!
Also the instructions say that the lid for the sticks needs to be put back on straight after use and my LLC just leaves it open on the table which could be bad for the sticks and says it affects the readings.
But know i'll get addicted to doing the sticks now...find them strangely fun!

 

[hanmac]

Am worrying a bit today, am just worried that I won't lose much on Thursday. Don't know why I feel this way, think it's because my loses have gone from 5ibs to 4ibs to 3ibs, and am just waiting for them to go down to 1/2ibs! My LLC says that if you follow the program right they the loses should stick at 3/4ibs but i'm just very paranoid!

 

[Lind]

I know how you are feeling. The only thing I can say is that so long as you have been 100% and you are in ketosis then you will have lost fat, no matter how much or little the scales say.

I know it is easy for me to say this but we all know it's true and we will all be where we want to be in the long run.

Saying that, I do truly hope you have a good weigh in tomorrow!!

 

[hanmac]

Aww thank you Lind!

I should be fine, and any loss is better than no loss! It's just so easy to get used to big losses, will let you know how I get on tomorrow!

 

[hanmac]

I've decided this week that I want to do the Great Manchester Run next may!

It's a 10k race, and my work friend did it this year and said it was really good.

I've started jogging 3 times a week for 30 minutes following the Couch to 5K plan Couch to 5k - C25K Running Program which i've done before, where it trains you to run 5k or 30 mins in 9 weeks. Last time I did it I really enjoyed it, then Uni got in the way and I got out the running habit. But i'm determined to do it again, and build up to 10K!

I reckon since i've got roughly 9 months to train I can definitely do it, and it's good inspiration to keep in shape once i finish RTM!

Just wish I could apply now, but applications havent opened for next year yet, but i've already pre-registered!

 

[PrettyPaula]

Fingers crossed for your weigh in tomorrow.

My best friend is an events manager for see tickets, she had to work that big Prodigy gig last weekend, and she loves her job.

Just see the placement as a means to an end.. i know its hard but once u finish uni life really starts hun xx

 

[hanmac]

Yeah, am almost ashamed to say it but can't wait for uni to be over. I never really wanted to go to uni and did it to please my parents, but feel working in the events industry isn't something you need a degree for, and if i'd given uni a miss i'd have a good 3 years of working under my belt! Your friends job sounds great!! Am excited to do something more interesting once this placement finishes, guess it's shown me that triathlons aren't my thing!

Our new work jackets were delivered today and everybody tried theirs on but mine is still sat in the packaging on my desk. Just can't bring myself to try it on in front of everyone, incase it doesn't fit. I know it probably will as it's a size L, but years of being overweight has made me so paranoid about trying stuff on in front of other people!

 

[PrettyPaula]

Yeah, am almost ashamed to say it but can't wait for uni to be over. I never really wanted to go to uni and did it to please my parents, but feel working in the events industry isn't something you need a degree for, and if i'd given uni a miss i'd have a good 3 years of working under my belt! Your friends job sounds great!! Am excited to do something more interesting once this placement finishes, guess it's shown me that triathlons aren't my thing!

Our new work jackets were delivered today and everybody tried theirs on but mine is still sat in the packaging on my desk. Just can't bring myself to try it on in front of everyone, incase it doesn't fit. I know it probably will as it's a size L, but years of being overweight has made me so paranoid about trying stuff on in front of other people!

i TOTALLY get that. I have to wear a uniform for work, when they want to do an inventory/order check at head office, they ask for our sizes to be put onto one large spreadsheet which gets emailed to my entire area (think the m1 corridor, luton to Notts and all in between)

I have to wear a mens medium, granted mostly cos of the length as im very tall but its humiliating.

PS. my best friend did an english degree!

i did History, i'm in retail management. I dont think Uni matters like most people think it does. Experience does.

 

[Lind]

Hannah, how did you do tonight?

 

[hanmac]

Hi Lind,
3 pounds, was a bit 'meh' . Was hoping for more as i've really upped my activity levels this week but 3 is always better than 0. Am really, really hoping for 4ibs next week as will hit my 3 stone goal but don't want to get my hopes up. Will just have to have a good week

 

[PrettyPaula]

Han, you are WAY over halfway now, thats fantastic, dont forget that x

 

[Lind]

Well done Hannah, I have really increased my activity level this week after only losing 2lb a week for the last 2 weeks. So like you I want more more more next week!!!! lol

 

[hanmac]

Thanks Lind, will have my fingers crossed for both of us this week!

And thank you PrettyPaula for your support, am so happy that i'm over halfway

Had quite a long week last week, and the weekend was even worse. There are builders in my house at the moment installing a new shower, they started last tuesday and it's now monday and they're still doing it! I physically don't get how it's taken so long. They show up at 7.30am every morning (i don't usually have to get up til 8.30 for work so am really missing that extra hour of sleep!) Then I go to work, and they are never there when I get back, and they seem to be working at a glacial pace. Plus, I dont know how but they have made a huge mess of my kitchen. They've moved stuff around, got brown sauce all over the floor, my bin is overflowing with takeway boxes and wrappers...coming home to a house that smells of fish and chips or curry when on LL is literally agony!
On Friday went to see what they had done and they've put down the shower tray and tiled half of one wall...and that's taken them 4 days!

Then at the weekend was working at an event, had to work all day saturday with my boss from hell. Got back on Saturday and my housemate who has been away for the past 2 weeks was back, and said 'it's so depressing coming back to this house and it looking worse each time'....tried to explain that it's worse having to live in it and see it look worse everytime night I come home! She just sat and moaned, and didn’t once say thank you for anything i’ve done. Thankfully she cleaned the kitchen after the builders, but only because I explained that i've cleaned it 5 times since we moved in, and she's never even emptied a bin bag. At my LL meeting on Thursday we went through the 'drama triangle', and I was talking to my group about how I always do stuff for other people, and rarely say no...mainly because I want people to like me, and being overweight I always felt I had to overcompensate. But now i'm finally sticking up for myself, and it feels great! Plus she said to me 'your looking really skinny', which is the only time shes commented and felt great But she's now gone home for yet another week and am starting to feel lonely, stuck in the house on my own. But am going home for 5 days on the 18th of August and CANNOT WAIT!! Haven't been home in so long. And on Friday virgin media is finally coming to install our internet...hallelujah!! It's 'only' taken 5 weeks!

Then on Sunday had to be up at 4am to go to Leeds for the event. So was absolutely shattered when I got back. And had quite a bad day, fell out with my boss as usual as was just knackered, we have to dismantle barriers and pack up after the event is finished, and after running around all day, being on 500 calories a day I really struggle energy wise. And it gets tougher watching everyone chow down on burgers and hot dogs from the van, while I try and make my thai chilli soup crisps last the whole day. But i’ve never once been tempted to cave in and have a burger, they just look so greasy and yuck! Am glad the weekend is over. Boss told us not to come in until 11, so was looking forward to an extra 2 hours in bed.

But was woken up this morning at 7.30 by...THE BUILDERS!
Was strangely upset, should have remembered that they were coming but was still frustrated. Decided to get up and went for my jog, did Week 2 of the Couch to 5K programme, and really tired myself out! But am glad my jog for today is over and won’t have to do it again until Wednesday, am really hoping it makes a difference to my weigh in on Thursday as really, really want to hit the 3 stone mark. So got back from my jog, to find the builders having yet another cup of tea, then as I was getting ready for work they knocked and asked me to lock up when I left, and then they disappeared! This was at 10am...i’m now at work and have no clue if they’re in my house or not. Am really hoping the shower is finished by Thursday, as have a day off on Friday and am longing for a lie in!

So am sat at work, so tired I can’t really think. Trying to control my sarcasm when boss asks me questions (get quite sarky and snappy when i’m sleepy), am glad that I got the jog out the way and am looking forward to going home to hopefully a nice clean house, and just chilling out for a bit.
Am counting down the days until my next weigh in, keeping my fingers crossed!

 

[hanmac]

Han, you are WAY over halfway now, thats fantastic, dont forget that x

Hey PrettyPaula!
Just saw your new signature and had to say how much I LOVE Mad Men! Am dying to see the new series.

And also just noticed that we are almost the same height, and have roughly the same weight goals, so good luck for your weight loss journey! Are you doing LL or exante? xxxx