Very good post and I can relate to a lot of what you are saying...I've been thinking a lot recently about why it's taken me so long to get started on this journey. Here are my hold backs:
1. A lovely husband who is supportive and great regardless of my weight, who loves me just as I am. Which is brilliant, but means less motivation to change. (Still wouldn't swap him for a mean fat-shamer though)
2. I'm a dreadful procrastinator. Even going way back to school, I'd never do something today that I could put off until tomorrow. So I was able to convince myself there was plenty of time to lose weight, there was no point if my heart wasn't in it, I couldn't do it with Christmas/a birthday/a night out on the calendar. Etc, etc, etc...
3. The sheer amount of weight I had to lose. (Nearly a third less now). I knew it was going to be an absolute mission. It would take ages. It would be really, really hard. And so it was easier not to even start. Because if you don't try, you can't fail, right?
And what I'm taking forward?
1. Short term sacrifice for long term gain. I haven't slipped yet (not once! Not in 13 weeks!) largely because I know that no matter how delicious whatever I was craving would taste, the feeling of disappointment in myself would leave a very bitter aftertaste. I now think about how, when I get to goal, I can have whatever it was, occasionally and in moderation and without guilt.
2. I love clothes shopping. I love being able to get something off the rack without going right to the back. I'm not going to the back again. Oh no.
3. I've stopped avoiding cameras. It makes me sad that I was doing that. Sometimes subconsciously, but definitely avoiding them. Don't want to go back there.
4. There's definitely a twinkle in my husband's eye. I think this is mostly because I don't avoid him touching me any more. I used to sort of cringe away sometimes because I knew I was squashy and that made me feel embarrassed and unattractive. Not any more.
I've been thinking a lot recently about why it's taken me so long to get started on this journey. Here are my hold backs:
1. A lovely husband who is supportive and great regardless of my weight, who loves me just as I am. Which is brilliant, but means less motivation to change. (Still wouldn't swap him for a mean fat-shamer though)
2. I'm a dreadful procrastinator. Even going way back to school, I'd never do something today that I could put off until tomorrow. So I was able to convince myself there was plenty of time to lose weight, there was no point if my heart wasn't in it, I couldn't do it with Christmas/a birthday/a night out on the calendar. Etc, etc, etc...
3. The sheer amount of weight I had to lose. (Nearly a third less now). I knew it was going to be an absolute mission. It would take ages. It would be really, really hard. And so it was easier not to even start. Because if you don't try, you can't fail, right?
And what I'm taking forward?
1. Short term sacrifice for long term gain. I haven't slipped yet (not once! Not in 13 weeks!) largely because I know that no matter how delicious whatever I was craving would taste, the feeling of disappointment in myself would leave a very bitter aftertaste. I now think about how, when I get to goal, I can have whatever it was, occasionally and in moderation and without guilt.
2. I love clothes shopping. I love being able to get something off the rack without going right to the back. I'm not going to the back again. Oh no.
3. I've stopped avoiding cameras. It makes me sad that I was doing that. Sometimes subconsciously, but definitely avoiding them. Don't want to go back there.
4. There's definitely a twinkle in my husband's eye. I think this is mostly because I don't avoid him touching me any more. I used to sort of cringe away sometimes because I knew I was squashy and that made me feel embarrassed and unattractive. Not any more.