Here's to getting the old me back!

[Spanglymum]

In a better frame of mind today. I think one of my triggers really is tiredness. It sounds a bit lame, but it's very real. Also feeling bloated (ie when I've had a big bowl of veggies) makes me think "oh, I might as well have some MORE then", which is really strange. I don't have more, but I'm noticing it... storing up these moments so I'll be prepared when I finish the programme.

Compliments still coming in, which is lovely . I'm off on a big residential work conference in a couple of weeks' time. I remember this time last year really stressing about what clothes to take. This year I feel a bit more confident about it, which is great. I didn't mind presenting etc, just was worried about evening socialising and fitting in. This year I think I'll be fine!

Planning to have our postponed family Christmas dinner (they had a low-key one cooked by my DH) in March . Also DH and I have a big party planned for our tenth wedding anniversary in April so I need to start thinking about an outfit for that!

Had a bit of a red-letter day yesterday. I tried on two size 12 items in All Saints and they were both TOO BIG . Can't believe it! I think it depends on the cut, but it's so exciting!!

 

[Spanglymum]

Bit of an emotional roller coaster at the moment. I haven't lapsed but am finding Lite difficult. I guess thoughts of lapsing don't matter unless I actually DO lapse. But it's almost like a devil-may-care 'it won't matter if' feeling, which I know is classic crooked thinking. Is it rebellious child? Hmm. Feel I should look into my book and thought records a bit. I've just been so grumpy and up and down the past week or so. What exactly is bugging me? I know I'm scared of being this slim, if that makes sense. Scared it's going to slip away. Scared of how hard maintenance is going to be. Scared of how everyone will rejoice if I put it all back on again and say 'i told you so'. Also fed up because I want to lose those last few pounds but my body disagrees!

Harrumph!!

Also my husband has just been retired I'll-health grounds, which is really sad in one way, but I'm really envious in another. Also worried because he still hasn't had a straight answer about how much (or little) pension he is going to receive. I have been the main earner for many years now but I now feel very exposed and vulnerable... Like it's all down to me somehow.

Sorry. This is rambling a bit. Just guess I'm tired!!

 

[MagdaX]

Sorry to hear you've gained 0.2 lbs this week Hun. I know you must be gutted but honestly that's nothing! It's probably water retention. It could also be your body telling you it's ready for rtm. I know you're not quite at your goal weight yet but maybe it's worth relooking and adjusting your target.
You know best what's going on and how far you want to push yourself but my advice would be to listen to what your body is trying to tell you.
Maybe it's time for the next stage now?
Remember you will still carry on losing weight on rtm.
Good luck with whatever you decide and please please don't beat yourself up for that tiny gain. Look at the bigger picture!
And the picture is that you're amazing!

Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins

 

[Spanglymum]

Well things haven't been great tonight. Dh got cross with me about me 'never' loading the dishwasher. Not sure what's that about as it isn't true, and I was annoyed because I've (again) cooked all the meals this weekend even though I'm on lite and he knows how difficult I've been finding it,

Ended up with a big row, and I

Opened a bottle of wine. Two glasses of wine. Two biscuits (!!!)

And I'm so angry. And so sad, and confused.

But also OMG how good does wine taste? Lol? And carbs?!

Back on the wagon tomorrow. But how do I learn to deal with anger constructively and not act out like this?

 

[slendablenda]

Look at those goals you've ticked off Spangly.
Don't let anyone sabotage what you are doing. Could your OH be feeling a bit vulnerable now you are getting so gorgeous and slim........................?
They do have a tendency to think we're going to run off with the first guy who comes along when we lose weight. A woman in control in size 12 jeans is a wonder to behold -so if you make her angry and she loses that control - you undermine her and she feels pi**ed off with herself.
That may not be the case for you, but food for thought?????????
Lots of subconscious mind games go on with this weight loss business. It's not as straight forward as we think and sometimes we don't realise the impact it has on those around us when we decide to do something for ourselves. I bet it's got nothing to do with the dishwasher!

 

[MagdaX]

Hi listen to the Oracle!
SB is totally right!
First of all do not let this event overshadow your phenomenal achievement. You have done amazingly well. You have remained abstinent during Christmas!!! I don't know many people who have done that!
What you need to do is take a deep breath and move on.
You're doing a great job at recognising what happened and why and I'm sure you'll figure out how to deal with such situations in the future without going back to food for comfort.
This small hiccup, a first one for you since you started by the way (wow!) is not going to get you down! You're better than that!

Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins

 

[Spanglymum]

Thanks, guys. You're fab!!

Well. What an eye-opener that was. I'm glad it happened, in a way, as these situations are bound to happen from time to time and I will need ways of dealing with them. I still don't quite understand what's going on with my DH, but SB it was lovely to read what you'd written and realize his feelings might not be entirely my fault... If that makes sense. I do think he had a fair point more generally about housework though. I feel a bit guilty that I've been leaving more and more of it to him of late and I did need a bit of a wake up call to start pulling my (somewhat reduced!) weight a bit more. Guess I took his retirement a bit too literally and have been expecting him to do everything, which isn't fair of me!

Anyway. Criticism is hard to take (especially since the dishwasher was a weird focus as I do actually do that!!) and I knew even as I was having the wine and carbs last night that I was totally being rebellious child. Didn't stop me though! If I'm honest, it was actually fun to to be a bit naughty, having been so so strict all this time! Thing is not to let one blip ruin everything I've achieved, and I won't.

You are very wise women, and you say such lovely, kind, comforting things. Thank you so much for your understanding. I feel I can be really honest here, which helps.

Today is going to be a strange day as I have an impromptu day's leave. I had a wisdom tooth out a week ago and the stitches came loose over the weekend, a week early, and I've been left with a very big and painful hole so I need to see a dentist urgently! No idea what time I'll be able to get an appointment so I've asked my boss if I can take the day off.

I have some extra LL packs, from when I switched to Lite and they counted wrong, so I'm going to do three days of Total to make sure I get back into ketosis after my blip. Wish me luck!

 

[Pinkie :)]

Aww, spangly... hope all went ok at the dentists today!... Had a tooth removed myself a while back, and I know that 'gaping hole' feeling well! Quite unnerving! Still, hopefully they've sorted it right out for you now...

As for your teeny lil' blip... as others have said, hey, it was one time, your only time, and you are obviously straight back on track again, so leave it behind you and feel positive again... after all, we're not made of stone... when something upsets us, emotions take over and we are not always responsible for what we do...

Oh, and by the way! Well done on only having 2 biccies! You were still very restrained in my opinion!

Keep your chin up hunny... in the grand scheme of things, it really was just a little blip, and you're still doing amazingly well!

xx

 

[Spanglymum]

Thanks, Pinkie! I did go on to have quite a few more biscuits after i posted, so not quite as restrained as all that! But yes, I'm putting it in perspective. Dentist said my tooth is normal (!) as is the pain (!) but to go back in a couple of days if it's still troubling me.

It was fab to have the day off though. DH and I did loads of stuff we normally can't fit in at the weekends, and it was good to spend quality time together after yesterday.

 

[slendablenda]

Yes, good luck Spangly.
I bet the wine got into your wound in your mouth!
On a more serious note - when I had been in abstinence for almost a year I went to the dentist for a routine check up after about 9 months. he didn't know I was doing LL. He said my gums were not good and was quite concerned. The next time I went I had been back on food for a while and he looked at my mouth, then looked at his notes and said it looked in such good order he couldn't believe it was the same mouth!!! I suppose when we are living on our reserves for a long time there isn't enough goodness to go round.
My husband is medically retired too. I used to get very martyrish and think I was doing everything. We sat down and had a real heart to heart talk. I became less angry about everything and he's become more helpful. It's not perfect, but we're definitely more of a partnership nowadays.

 

[Spanglymum]

Well, in the interests of focusing on the positive I might try to take some new photos this evening and post them up. I've come so far. LL is amazing really. I went out this lunchtime for a friend's leaving do from work and there were several people there who hadn't mentioned my weight change before - but couldn't believe it is almost 5 stone. Very sweet of them to say they didn't think I had it to lose. Bless!

Anyway... I stuck to my peppermint tea and water as I'm having a few days of Total to make sure I get back into ketosis asap. I want to nail those last few pesky pounds!!

 

[gingette]

Peppermint tea is now my absolute saviour!! It does get rid of those "I thought you took milk" questions - which as a confirmed cappacino drinker is an added bonus!

 

[Spanglymum]

Mystery of the blip solved: p from hell has arrived today (sorry if tmi). Suddenly remembered that last time I was slim I used to get dreadful pmt once every three months. Will need to watch out for it!

 

[dale]

Poor you Spangly. Be kind to yourself this week and look forward to the extra weight loss when your "little visitor" has packed her bags. xx

 

[slendablenda]

It's always good to find out the reason why isn't it Spangly
Probably why you were feeling extra emotional too? xx

 

[Spanglymum]

Yes, I'm sure it was! I brought it up at group this week and we had a great chat about triggers and finding ways round them that don't involve over-consuming. I'll have to put my dates in my diary again like I used to and plan ahead each month I think just in case - oh, and get some evening primrose oil, which used to help.

Feeling so much better again now. I weighed myself this morning and am almost at goal (!) but I'm not counting it until I get officially weighed again as my scales may be different. I am away next week with work so have a pop-in on Saturday and then I think the following week I may be going on to RTM... not sure. Depends how my body handles these last few pounds!

Just feeling so amazing. Ok, so I've spent up my ISA and more (!) but now have a wardrobe of simply gorgeous things to wear. It's actually exciting and FUN getting dressed in the morning. I know that might sound terribly shallow, but after years of wearing black t-shirts and black trousers (both of which do still have a - limited - place in my wardrobe) I can't tell you how amazing it is to have skirts, of different lengths, and dresses, and belts, and fitted things! COOL!

I'm off to the hairdressers tonight and want a total change. I must be mad! The time is right though. I'm going to get my hair cut short! I have some pictures of styles I like and will talk it through and make sure the hairdresser doesn't think it will make me look like the dreaded "mutton" . Wish me luck!

Then off to a residential conference in Portugal for four days next week. Looking forward to it actually, though not sure how I will handle resisting the lengthy drinking sessions on offer each evening in the bar. I've not found it difficult in my usual environment, but taken somewhere different where everyone is kicking back and letting their hair down (long or short as it may be) I'm not sure how I'll manage ... ideas, anyone?

 

[MagdaX]

Invitation for a makeover is still there Hun!
With new hair, new wardrobe and new make up you'll feel like a whole new person!
It's so exciting!

Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins

 

[Spanglymum]

Hairdresser refused to cut my hair how I wanted it as he said it is too thick, but he's done a nice job and it does at least look a bit different!

Had a pop in this morning to pick up my packs as I'm going away on Monday and wasn't going to get weighed as I thought there wasn't any point so soon after Wednesday, and I've lost another 2lb!!

Mags, I'll definitely be in touch soon re the makeover. Very exciting! Thanks!

 

[dale]

"too thick" - when was that ever a problem?! Just had a peak at your photos Spangly and you look great - well done you! Now you will have to do some before and afters for your Mags makeover for us.

 

[slendablenda]

Well done Spangly. You are obviously feeling great at the moment, it shines through in your posts.
I'd love to see a pic of your new hair cut.
Congratulations on your 2lbs. Enjoy Portugal
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