Here's to getting the old me back!

[Tilleymonster]

Heya spangly, I've just worn my I phone out reading your entire diary so far. It's fab! Youve gone thru so much and dealt with so many things that I can relate to-thought patterns. Seeing you doing this is keeping me focused this first week! Keep writing xx

 

[Spanglymum]

Thanks, Tilley! I'm really glad you enjoyed reading it - I enjoy writing it! I found the diaries and before and after pics on here incredibly inspirational when I started LL, and now as well, as a reminder of why I've done this. This forum is an amazing resource: to have so many people sharing a similar journey and supporting each other along the way is invaluable. Good luck with your journey!

I have a nice day ahead today: out at a conference then seeing a friend I haven't seen since last summer. She's one of my old Edinburgh friends and still lives up there, so I don't see her that often. She knows I've done LL but is going to get a surprise when she actually sees me I think!

On a different (and exceedingly vain) note, does anyone find that the veins in their hands are really prominent now they're slimmer? I've always quite liked my hands, whatever size I was, as I have long fingers, but they look like old lady hands now and I'm a bit sad about it. I know it's trivial in the grand scheme of things - and an excuse to buy gloves (?!) but still.

 

[Spanglymum]

OMG!! Just got my first-ever electric blanket and it is DIVINE!

(How sad am I?) lol

 

[Spanglymum]

The previous post was for all those who suffer with cold feet when in ketosis!

Right. I'm in a pickle. Have got myself in a mess with shopping too much so applied for a loan to cover it. Was fine except dh found out and isn't happy. Worst thing is we have always been very open with each other about everything but I feel very ashamed and secretive about this. Part of the embarrassment is that he used to be terrible with money and I paid off his credit cards twice when he couldn't cope. Since then we've not had any debt, apart from our mortgage, by being very careful with what we spend.

Thing is I've become a reckless eejit since doing LL! Almost like I'm being so controlled about food my "mad" energy has to splurge elsewhere.

I've been approved for the loan and can afford the payments but am torn because DH is really set against it. My rebellious child says that I'm the one earning so it's up to me but I know that really that isn't true and marriage no decision is taken in isolation.

I feel really miserable and guilty and ashamed. Thing is, he LOVES my new image and all my new clothes and most of all how happy I am. But why is he set against me managing my money problem how I choose?

 

[slendablenda]

Ooooh Spangly,
Complex issues here. The transferring the focus, dare I say addiction, from food to buying clothes etc, is something many of us can relate to. I KNOW i can.
It's more complicated because you've got lots of other issues here - the financial previous history, the sort of balance of power in your household over the finances, your need to feel in control of what you earn, enjoying looking and feeling good, possibly your husband's insecurity around that, how he feels about not working.
Have you got a good LLC or group?
If it was me I would write down the issues, separate them out, definitely try and discuss with OH, but out of the house if possible.Try and find out what he's really feeling too.
Good luck hun, not an easy one. Let us know how you get on.
Good luck xxx

 

[MagdaX]

Hun it's so common to try and compensate with other vices when we beat an addiction. It's hard to adjust to the change especially when it's so dramatic and it happened so quickly.
Give yourself time to adjust. Things will calm down.
And try to think of your new wardrobe as an investment in the new you.
I've never been married and always had my own money so I can't relate to your situation fully but the best policy is always honesty.
Sit him down and explain why you did what you did and ask for support and advice. I'm pretty sure he will understand and together you will come up with a solution.
Good luck Hun and try not to stress!
It's only money at the end of the day!

Sent from my iPhone 4 using MiniMins

 

[Spanglymum]

You guys are amazing! It's just so wonderful to be able to share stuff like this and know I am truly understood. Thank you.

Well... I've taken the coward's way out and tried to explain in an email... aaagh. I have tried to be in my "adult" mode while writing it though so I hope he will understand. Scary waiting for the response!!

 

[Spanglymum]

He was brilliant!!!

Am on iPad at mo but if I wasn't I would do lots of hearts and stuff. Yay!

 

[slendablenda]

That's great, I bet you are glad you did it. What a relief.

 

[MagdaX]

I knew he would...

 

[Spanglymum]

Well. Madness! Had a huge blowout yesterday and feel suitably terrible today. Hubby and I opened some wine and I ended up finishing the bottle after he'd gone to bed. Not good. Also ate masses of biscuits. Bizarre. Really compulsive.

Have a massive migraine today (serves me right) so am going to use today as a learning experience. Hubby has been brilliant. He was quite worried but I've reassured him that I'm not going to do it again. I have proved on LL that I have self-discipline and am not going to let one episode send me off the rails. I've decided no alcohol for me unless hubby is drinking too. My self- control goes out the window after one glass and I don't like it!

Feel v embarrassed today and low. Ugh. Yesterday was such a lovely day as well! Hey ho :-(

 

[Gembritney]

aw dont feel bad spangly... look how well you have done.... just get back on track and carry on xx

 

[Spanglymum]

Thanks, gem. Been feeling pretty sheepish all day. Still the main thing is to learn from it I suppose!

 

[MagdaX]

Come on Hun! Look at the amazing achievements at the bottom of your page! As if this small blip will cast a shadow on that!
Yes it feels horrible when you lapsed and yes for a second you think you might be tempted to go back to your old ways. But we both know this is not going to happen. You've showed everyone on here and most of all yourself that you have an amazing will power ( still can't get over you staying abstinent for Xmas ).
Now it's all about learning to eat sensibly and healthily again and I know you will do great with that.
Of course you're going to have hiccups. Everyone does. We wouldn't be human if we didn't!
So keep your skinny chin up and be proud of what you achieved!


Sent from my iPhone 4 using MiniMins

 

[Spanglymum]

Having a tough day today. Back on track 100% LL-wise, but just feeling really sad and worried about DH. He is having an MS relapse and it's horrible to see. He was so bad at the weekend his legs got paralysed so I had to drive us home, in his car, down the motorway (haven't done any fast driving for years!). I hate the MS. Wish I could make him better. It's awful.

 

[welshkaz39]

Well done on getting back on track !! and i really feel for you and your hubby of course, my dad has MS and suffers daily with neuralgia in his face and the paralysis in his 1 leg, its an awful debilitating disease and i think just as heart breaking for the family hope he is back in remission soon for both of you xx

 

[LadyT]

Hi Spangly, read your diary and found it to be an amazing inspiration. Our starting and goal weights are almost identical, its good to know that ou have done it, gives me the confidence to believe I will reach goal too. Thank you!

I love the way you wear your heart on your sleeve an you are so honest about things. I'm ashamed to say I dont know much about MS, but do hope things pick up for your DH!

As for you, the pics are amazing and you look great, well done you should feel so proud of what you have achieved. xxxx

 

[slendablenda]

Hi Spangly,
I wondered when you said you had a blow out the other day - what the emotional reason behind that was. I guess it was because of your worry and concern regarding your OH and the bloody MS.
I'm glad to see you took yourself firmly in hand almost immediately. You are one strong lady. Sometimes it just seems too overwhelming to be in control and sensible and responsible for everyone and everything doesn't it?
Doing LL and being successful at it is something that you are doing primarily for you. It's good that your OH is supportive to you about LL even when he is so unwell.
I used to be a Carer for a friend who had MS. The unpredictability of the disease is so hard to deal with isn't it?
I hope your OH will come through this episode very soon.
Don't forget we're always here for you Spangly.
Come and have a rant any time you feel the need.
Love and hugs hun. xx

 

[Spanglymum]

Thanks, slenda. And thanks for the compliment tsbx!

The MS is horrible. He can only just walk at the moment: has to shuffle his legs along and lift them into place when he sits down or lies on the bed. They've gone numb from the knee down. He insists it isn't a relapse but I'm sure it is. I stayed home this morning to do the school run. Heading in now. Really worried and sad. And tired, because my youngest was up four times, my eldest once and DH several times last night. Shattered.

 

[Gembritney]

oh im sorry to hear ur sadness spangly... hugs xxx