oh roch, im so sorry youre feeling this way (((((((BIIIIG HUGS)))))). I know how hard it is to be in pain doing things and to be dissapointed at weight gains and generally totally fed up with it all, have a few early nights, for me, everything always looks better in the morning after a good nights sleep.
and theres no need to feel shameful about your weight. ok, the gain has happened but please dont beat yourself up about it, you are who you, now youre ready to get back on track and im sure youll be successful!
tomorrow is a new day for a fresh start.
take care xx