I'll prove I can do it!!

Christy I'm so sorry I have caught up up! I didn't realise I missed your post about J's dad. I know you feel for him and his loss but he didn't show,you any compassion when you dad was hospitalised! He didn't even ask how your dad was or what was wrong with him!

I know and understand the desire tomofort and and drink. But this will pass once you get a handle of your emotions. Don't beat yourself up for feeling the way you do, the desire to comfort yourself with food etc. Take a day at a time. X
 
Lol u have said exactly the same thing as all my friend's have said!! I know u r all right, I am just way too soft for my own good.

Dad had his pre-surgical assessment today and we spent the morning up at the hospital. I managed to speak to his GP and get his pain relief upgraded but he is still in horrific pain so may need upgrading again. Dad is being re-admitted next Wednesday for vascular surgery. He's likely to be in hospital for several days so I've booked the week after off work ready for him being discharged. Just need to make sure he's comfortable and ok.

Right now my priorities are Dad and my son. I'll pull the diet back - I think J's loss has played on my own loss of losing my mum as a teenager. I know how hard it is to lose a parent xxx
 
ChristyT said:
I've fallen way off plan the last few nights. I'm ok in the day, but I fall apart at night. Drinking red wine and eating!! My head's all over the place worrying about my Dad and thinking about J and wondering how he is after losing his Dad. Definitely not in control at all :( xx ps thank u for asking...I know I need to pull this back and get myself back xxx
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No wonder its! Even though you guys are finished and turns out he's a bit of a twat, you still cared about him and its not so easy to stop once you've started so this must still effect you. You wouldn't wish it on anyone! You have put in so much hard work already,Get yourself remotivated and concentrate on you, your family and your goals! X says she who is only just starting week 3 haha!
 
My best friend summed it up beautifully by saying that his situation played on my weakness; my mum died suddenly when I was 19.

If anybody I know loses a parent I will walk over hot coals to make sure they feel they have someone who will listen and "be there whenever". This is the first time I've been in a relationship with someone going through that and I gave him everything. When my own dad fell seriously ill I had nothing left to give because J had taken it all. I'm normally a really strong person and would have dealt with this all, but there is only so much a person can give.

I've learnt a lot over the last fortnight - my own family come first before anybody elses!!!!

I know J will be in touch once he comes out of his man cave....now that conversation will be interesting and not sure he will like what I have to say.....! xxx
 
ChristyT said:
My best friend summed it up beautifully by saying that his situation played on my weakness; my mum died suddenly when I was 19.

If anybody I know loses a parent I will walk over hot coals to make sure they feel they have someone who will listen and "be there whenever". This is the first time I've been in a relationship with someone going through that and I gave him everything. When my own dad fell seriously ill I had nothing left to give, because J had taken it all. I'm normally a really strong person and would have dealt with this all, but there is only so much a person can give.

I've learnt a lot over the last fortnight - my own family come first before anybody elses!!!!

I know J will be i touch once he comes out of his man cave....now that conversation will be interesting and not sure he will like what I have to say.....! xxx
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Sounds like a sensible friend! It just shows you who is the better person. Lol my mum would call him a 'life leech' sucks all the life out of you and gives nothing back! X
 
Read a book called ' co-dependent no more ' and see if any of it slightly chimes with you.

Come on! Back on track! The 13s are looming and you were smashing this. How someone else is feeling is NOT something you can control and he has actively chosen to not have you in his life right now. That being the case, he's lucked out and you should be concentrating on YOU and not men and their thoughts and movements and feelings and what they might want and blah blah etc etc. you don't need a man, you need to find yourself first and be happy with you and raise your self esteem to such a level that you don't keep going for blokes that ultimately turn out to be lacking in some way - and just not good enough for you .

Remember - just because your ex might have been a Grade 10 b astard, doesn't mean that you should settle for the next one who may only be registering on the t wat scale as a 7. The only acceptable level of nonsense , abuse , twatty behaviour, being dicked around etc etc in a relationship is ZERO:

You are allowing men to dominate your diet. Your thread is littered with these no hopers.

You are doing fabulously well. Don't allow your self esteem to sabotage you now. Get back on it , forget the blokes for now and get the job done

PS ill understand if you don't speak to me again ; )
 
One more point ... And this is quite telling . You say you ' gave him everything ' ... This man can't have been your boyfriend for more than a month or two as I recall the last one the other month.

You give too much too soon. Pull right back. I've said it before and ill say it again ... Do nowt for 12 months '

It's decent advice, that.
 
To be honest how low I am feeling is f***k all to do with J, it's all the other pressure I am under. I'm the only one getting off my backside to help my Dad and all I'm getting back in return is verbal abuse. Totally sick of it and really don't know why I am bothering

I had a bit of a melt down yesterday and I've had some light touch counselling today organised through work, the woman I spoke to thinks I need to have bereavement counselling over my mum as I never dealt with it properly and she thinks me trying to support J brought up suppressed issues. I also think the way I am being treated by my Dad at the moment is bringing out a lot of bottled up anger - He's always treated me like I am a disappointment and my sister like she is his princess.

I guess it all had to come out sometime and now is it.
 
Yes - support yourself and NOT J ...


This is a tough time for you. How's the eating going? That's one thing you can have full control over isn't it?
 
I'm not GG, I haven't spoken to him since Sunday afternoon when he told me about his Dad dying. To be honest right this moment I am not in a good place and have too much of my own problems to deal with anyone else's.

I am off my food completely today and can't face it xx
 
Christy I simply don't have the words to comfort you except to say I feel for you.

GG's advice is spot on albet it very blunt! You have to get your self esteem and emotions sorted and yourself first before anyone else. Take a break from relationships, be it men friends or family take time out for you and your diet. You are already looking fabulous finish off what you started out to do.

Here with you every step of the way.
 
Thank u both - a bit of tough love is always good for the soul. Just come off the phone to my best friend and he is taking me to the coast for a few days for some R&R after Dad has his op. I am blessed to have some amazing friends who have known me for ever and I know genuinely care.

I'm going to get my hair done on Saturday an going to book a pedicure and a manicure just to have a treat. I think some me time will do me good.

As of the morning I promise I will pull my socks up and concentrate on proving I can succeed on this bloody diet.

Thank u...u r 2 very special ladies xxxxxx
 
That was lovely to read Christy! Glad you are treating yourself and having time away.

Wish I could be as bold as you GG but I wouldn't be able to articulate half as well as you! Think I do ave sel esteem issues too! Though it's not too much to do with weight anymore! Time for quiet reflection for me!
 
My self esteem issues stem from my parents and in particular my mum. But Dad even now makes some horrible and personal comments. He reduced me to tears earlier telling me I'm still huge.

I have a feeling I am going to have some emotional counselling sessions ahead but they need to be done. The last few weeks have brought matters to a head and something needs to change xx
 
Gosh! Maybe we should organise meeting up via PM! Sounds similar issues to me! I feel so not a grown up even though I have a 16 year old an a 9 year old! So many issues.... not really weight related but just attributed them to being overweight. Alas, they don't disappear even when the fat leave the body and the scale confirms the fat has gone...............that dreaded fear it will return along with the issue that never left or were ever resolved..........Sorry Christy, having a feeling sorry for myself moment on your thread! I should moan on my own thread! x
 
Well we all have self esteem issues in some shape or form unfortunately

I don't mean to be blunt really. I can't bear fannying around and mincing words though! I never say anything to hurt anyone though or if I'm not entirely sure of the facts : )

I just think you use men to prop you up a bit and give you a focus. We've all been guilty of it trust me. And I think that these semi regular dips in your mood show that it's just not good for you.

Re your dad - yes this is hard. You're an adult now though and can actively choose how you're going to let this affect you moving forward. You can't change him and you can't change what's happened in the past but you can change how you choose to deal with it now. And there is always a choice.

Honestly - the way forward for you now is to ditch the losers, stop dating men ( yes , even those super fun ones etc etc - they're all the same right now because you're not mentally in the right head space ) and focus on you , your health , losing these last few stones, your son etc. And in time think about exploring why you choose the type of men that you do... You're drawn to them and there's a reason for that. And it's a habit you'll have to break in the long term for your own emotional well being. Yes it's sad that whatnots dad died , of course it is. But it ain't your problem to deal with - because you've known this man for five minutes and he's managed to ditch you twice in that time. Don't allow him to do this a third time . If he contacts you again offering you a few crumbs just ignore him. Because - mark my words - he will be all confused and ditching you again a week down the line. Well wah wah f ucking wah - sucks to e him and you will be far too busy being all fabulous and getting thinner

God I should stop wanging on

I say all the above with a LOT of love ; )
 
Oh and next time he tells you you're still huge don't give him th satisfaction of a reaction. In fact , don't allow the conversation to even get round to weight but if he just says it ad hoc simply shrug and say ' and you're still a gobshite but I don't see fit to mention it '

A more subtle - but very clever - way to deal with it is to say , with a slightly surprised look on your face and a tone of faint disbelief in your voice - ' oh! Did you mean to be quite so rude ? ' and then just walk away
 
Well feeling a lot more like me today - work sabotaged the diet with a meal out with a new member of staff and then leaving drinks. But main thing is I am ok, I'm positive, feeling (wait for it..) happy!!! So tomorrow is the day I restart and I will sort this once and for all xxxx
 
ChristyT said:
Well feeling a lot more like me today - work sabotaged the diet with a meal out with a new member of staff and then leaving drinks. But main thing is I am ok, I'm positive, feeling (wait for it..) happy!!! So tomorrow is the day I restart and I will sort this once and for all xxxx
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Hope today went well :)
 
Yeah I've had another positive day. I've definitely snapped out of the dark cloud I had over me earlier this week. I'm off out with my sister and my brother in law and his mates tomorrow night. I've known than all since college days so it will be about letting my hair down with genuine mates. Really really looking forward to it - it definitely marks me getting back to the real Christy :) xx
 
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