kellierocks
Silver Member
shhhhh....Unofficially I have 2lbs off, my aim is to be 3 lb down by Wednesday, fingers crossed.....
Imagine if i wasn't fat
- Thread starter kellierocks
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kellierocks
Silver Member
Yesterday, an old friend rang. She was coming to do a bit of work in the area, so naturally I invited her to stay with me. And how lovely it was. Some friends come and go, others are just alway in your heart. What a nice treat. (No bickies with tea lat night, poached eggs adn my one slice of toast this morning and I do not feel like I am sacrificing)
kellierocks
Silver Member
Is it time to go?
I am thinking about emmigrating. The chances are I will have work until December, in a much more insecure way, but work none the less. Yet something inside me is asking if I should emmigrate. Change scares me. I do not know where this feeling is coming from. As you may know, I have been feeling lost and unsettled in work since the New Year. Last night I dreamt I ran away and it felt good. Confused.com.....
I am thinking about emmigrating. The chances are I will have work until December, in a much more insecure way, but work none the less. Yet something inside me is asking if I should emmigrate. Change scares me. I do not know where this feeling is coming from. As you may know, I have been feeling lost and unsettled in work since the New Year. Last night I dreamt I ran away and it felt good. Confused.com.....
judith55
Silver Member
Kels, there are lots of opportunities for working abroad without emigrating. I went away for 2 years and rented out my house with a view to seeing whether I wanted to stay long term after I had settled. As it happened, I was happy to come home after my adventure. Going with an open mind might satisfy your wanderlust without having to make a permanant decision first. Life is an adventure and you should follow your heart. In the front of my filofax I have a quote from Figler: "Risk is the tariff for leaving the land of predictable misery". But its also why its so exciting. xx
kellierocks
Silver Member
a dream, literally
I dreamt I ran away, and then all day, I had a feeling. the growing unsettledness inside of me. My mind asked the question, and my gut reacted. My consciousness played no part. My consciousness wants to stay close to my family, to work in my safe (enough) job which has many avenues for growth and do philosophy and run half marathons and download books on my kindle and play scrabble on my ipod.
My gut seems to want something else (maybe its because I don't feed it anymore)
There is no plan, no destination. Yet. I need to get advice. I need to talk this out.
This morning I am 12 4.8 so let's call in 12 5. A drop of 2 lbs since last week. I blame yesterday's cappucinos and no toning class for it not being more. But 2 lbs I'm happy with, mainly because I went to bed weighing 12 8.2. I asked to change my consultant back to the one who did my introductory session. I just prefered her and when I'm paying a large ffee, I deserve the little things I want I reckon.
I dreamt I ran away, and then all day, I had a feeling. the growing unsettledness inside of me. My mind asked the question, and my gut reacted. My consciousness played no part. My consciousness wants to stay close to my family, to work in my safe (enough) job which has many avenues for growth and do philosophy and run half marathons and download books on my kindle and play scrabble on my ipod.
My gut seems to want something else (maybe its because I don't feed it anymore)
There is no plan, no destination. Yet. I need to get advice. I need to talk this out.
This morning I am 12 4.8 so let's call in 12 5. A drop of 2 lbs since last week. I blame yesterday's cappucinos and no toning class for it not being more. But 2 lbs I'm happy with, mainly because I went to bed weighing 12 8.2. I asked to change my consultant back to the one who did my introductory session. I just prefered her and when I'm paying a large ffee, I deserve the little things I want I reckon.
kellierocks
Silver Member
Week 3.
I jumped on the scales there, I know I should not be on every day, but honestly, what is the harm? I don't get hung up, its just a good pointer. Well I'm up at 12 7, (12 5 yesterday). Now i know I had a skinny caramel macchiato (lush) and a satay chicken salad and dark chocolate extra yesterday, but I didn't think it would be that much- like it was an extra 600 cals max. So why do the scales jump
up? And is there any understanding completely the science of weight loss. take Biggest Loser- the trainers know what the contestants eat and how much they train but even they can be shocked by the results on the scale.
I requested a change of consultant at the clinic, and while I prefer this one (she was the first I met), it feels like they just don;t get how much I exercise. And then I feel guilty about aying this. It is obvious the plan is the same for everyone, as consultant B mentioned last week. In our worksheets for this week, it talks about trying to take a walk every day. I exercise a minumum of 5 times a week, and 4 of them are tough, where I am pushing myself out of breath. I reckon its about 2500 extra calories a week- 500-600 on days of training. And when I'm on 1200- 1400 cals a day, there's not enough juice to keep it going. They just do not get it, and I feel as the ones paid in this, they should know. I told them about the training before I started, sometimes I consider stopping training, but that's my hobby now and without it my mind would overload. I know they are shocked that I feel hungry before my meal times.
So I am going to do my own thing. I won't cheat on fats (we are not allowed any added to our diet), but I will have either toast and banana or rhyvita and eanut butter before training. I feel so guilty about that, which is totally useless. You know how I hate to deny myself anything, I would much prefer live in moderation. However, saying that, this plan has taught me more than any other plan (eating a meal without carbs is abs fine!) and the motivational stuff morning and night really does build up in my mind.
(i do think though, while its a great programme, it is not worth the money)
I jumped on the scales there, I know I should not be on every day, but honestly, what is the harm? I don't get hung up, its just a good pointer. Well I'm up at 12 7, (12 5 yesterday). Now i know I had a skinny caramel macchiato (lush) and a satay chicken salad and dark chocolate extra yesterday, but I didn't think it would be that much- like it was an extra 600 cals max. So why do the scales jump
up? And is there any understanding completely the science of weight loss. take Biggest Loser- the trainers know what the contestants eat and how much they train but even they can be shocked by the results on the scale.
I requested a change of consultant at the clinic, and while I prefer this one (she was the first I met), it feels like they just don;t get how much I exercise. And then I feel guilty about aying this. It is obvious the plan is the same for everyone, as consultant B mentioned last week. In our worksheets for this week, it talks about trying to take a walk every day. I exercise a minumum of 5 times a week, and 4 of them are tough, where I am pushing myself out of breath. I reckon its about 2500 extra calories a week- 500-600 on days of training. And when I'm on 1200- 1400 cals a day, there's not enough juice to keep it going. They just do not get it, and I feel as the ones paid in this, they should know. I told them about the training before I started, sometimes I consider stopping training, but that's my hobby now and without it my mind would overload. I know they are shocked that I feel hungry before my meal times.
So I am going to do my own thing. I won't cheat on fats (we are not allowed any added to our diet), but I will have either toast and banana or rhyvita and eanut butter before training. I feel so guilty about that, which is totally useless. You know how I hate to deny myself anything, I would much prefer live in moderation. However, saying that, this plan has taught me more than any other plan (eating a meal without carbs is abs fine!) and the motivational stuff morning and night really does build up in my mind.
(i do think though, while its a great programme, it is not worth the money)
x Nee x
Gold Member
Sounds like a fair decision Kellie, and it does seem they havent paid full attention to what you have been saying and I agree as your hobby, you dont want to be pulling back on it.
But like you say, you can use some of it to your advantage without the additional cost of going so good on you
xxx
But like you say, you can use some of it to your advantage without the additional cost of going so good on you
xxx
kellierocks
Silver Member
i am eating everything. Just because I was out of routine. And I loved it!!!
kellierocks
Silver Member
My lovely Sunday morning, alone in my own home, Bliss.
So to my thoughts. The scales are up from 12 5 to 12 12 in 4 days. Yes I ate all in front of me. Advice?
I am sitting here thinking, do not eat breakfast, then another pasrt says no, eat a healthy day of food. I feel like if I am too harsh I will rebel. Why is it so difficult to eat just what I need and enjoy and leave the rest? Why do I have to think, and debate, and analyse this thing so much. I just want to eat normally. What is eating normally?
So to my thoughts. The scales are up from 12 5 to 12 12 in 4 days. Yes I ate all in front of me. Advice?
I am sitting here thinking, do not eat breakfast, then another pasrt says no, eat a healthy day of food. I feel like if I am too harsh I will rebel. Why is it so difficult to eat just what I need and enjoy and leave the rest? Why do I have to think, and debate, and analyse this thing so much. I just want to eat normally. What is eating normally?
kellierocks
Silver Member
My eating is all of again. My consultant will put it down to eating sugars which throws everything off and not emphasising protein... Blah blah blah
Anyway I am happy, and that is nice. I am telling my employers on Monday that I will accept redundancy and then my plan is t go travelling. i have no plan folks, yet, but I am so sure this is right for me, I feel it right through me. So much so, I am not worried about cutting the strings of financial security. It feels like my dreams are becoming more real, and not something to wile away the time. I'm shocked at how quickly I came to understand and accept this decision. I hope all my decisions are this easy. Sadly the stopping of eating chocolate biscuits is a decision i never keep to, probably becuase they taste too darned good.
My other dream is to write. Maybe now is the time to get started. There is something I find captivating about putting words together, about reading stories, about reading words and imagining the feeling, the experience, the emotion. I know that earning a living by writitng is probably a pipe dream, but as a hobby, perhaps I could find a new way to find my feet.
Chips for dinner folks? yes i know, but some decisions just don't seem worth it. At least not today.
Anyway I am happy, and that is nice. I am telling my employers on Monday that I will accept redundancy and then my plan is t go travelling. i have no plan folks, yet, but I am so sure this is right for me, I feel it right through me. So much so, I am not worried about cutting the strings of financial security. It feels like my dreams are becoming more real, and not something to wile away the time. I'm shocked at how quickly I came to understand and accept this decision. I hope all my decisions are this easy. Sadly the stopping of eating chocolate biscuits is a decision i never keep to, probably becuase they taste too darned good.
My other dream is to write. Maybe now is the time to get started. There is something I find captivating about putting words together, about reading stories, about reading words and imagining the feeling, the experience, the emotion. I know that earning a living by writitng is probably a pipe dream, but as a hobby, perhaps I could find a new way to find my feet.
Chips for dinner folks? yes i know, but some decisions just don't seem worth it. At least not today.
kellierocks
Silver Member
End of week 3 project motivation
I have around half a stone on in one week. Shocking I know. I ate and ate, largely out of happiness! And the sugar liquoraces, and cappucinos. Off to my clinic today- oh the fun that awaits me there. I sometimes forget why I bother even trying.
I have around half a stone on in one week. Shocking I know. I ate and ate, largely out of happiness! And the sugar liquoraces, and cappucinos. Off to my clinic today- oh the fun that awaits me there. I sometimes forget why I bother even trying.
kellierocks
Silver Member
In the newspaper today, there is an interview with a writer who was 25 stone and is now half that. She has written a fictional novel (You don't have to say you love me) where she used her own experience. In writing the line- "regardless of how thin you are you will always be fat inside", it clicked with her that was her mindset. And it clicked with me, its not mine.
This may sound really odd, but for the most part, I feel like a thin person inside. I have my fat days/ weeks, but generally I am actually the opposite, which explains why my mental weight at the clinic is 9 10- my ideal weight. In my mind, I am already there. I have said it here so often before, sometimes I have more confidence than my size 10 mate(she refuses to go swimming). Now do not misunderstand me, there are the days that I binge eat and feel terrible, but thats more to do with abusing food and how that feels rather than the number on the scale. And yes I love losing weight, but I was happy at 11 10 and will be back there very soon.
Fat is a funny thing. Fat days can lead to all kinds of trouble. And i know I need to lose weight or it will catch me out with future illnesses. BUT i love my cinnamon rolls and pain au chocolat introduced to lidl at 69 cents. Life's too short for extreme measures. I know I could regret this, but surely there must be a better way? To enjoy life's treats and still stay healthy?
On another note, I told my young people about my travel plans, and they seemed genuinely happy for me. Feedback from a mum from her son on me: I notice the little details (scatty me? really?);I always encourage; I have a presence when I walk into the room. WOW.
I just got out of bed and tidied my room and I feel about 68 times happier!
I wonder will I ever work this out? this thing called life....
If i wasn't fat, would I be doing something else right now? What else could I want? I had a great day with 19 kids (who believe in the power of one, and the power of all), i went to the cinema by myself and had salty popcorn and minstrels where Tangled taught me a life lesson, and now here I am, in my own home (rented ownership, just a temporary kind!), writing as I love, to people who are wonderful and supportive. Life is good and kind and full of inspirational people. I am leaving a fantastic job to go on a new adventure. And back to Tangled. Eugene says when your dream comes true you move on to your next one. I think that's what happened in New York. A dream came true, and my mind sought a new one: travelling. My kindle holds a 1000 books (or more) my ipod the music, and my internet, so many of the friends I hold dear, real and virtually real!! I am ready and excited and I will not let my weight or my fear hold me back. I want my Goddaughter to grab life with both hands to enjoy the little things, to not fear the big stuff, to love, and to always see the good in those around her. And the best way for me to teach her that, is to be that.
I love to run, to read, to write and to connect. To love, to empower. To believe in good. And those are mine, all the time.
This may sound really odd, but for the most part, I feel like a thin person inside. I have my fat days/ weeks, but generally I am actually the opposite, which explains why my mental weight at the clinic is 9 10- my ideal weight. In my mind, I am already there. I have said it here so often before, sometimes I have more confidence than my size 10 mate(she refuses to go swimming). Now do not misunderstand me, there are the days that I binge eat and feel terrible, but thats more to do with abusing food and how that feels rather than the number on the scale. And yes I love losing weight, but I was happy at 11 10 and will be back there very soon.
Fat is a funny thing. Fat days can lead to all kinds of trouble. And i know I need to lose weight or it will catch me out with future illnesses. BUT i love my cinnamon rolls and pain au chocolat introduced to lidl at 69 cents. Life's too short for extreme measures. I know I could regret this, but surely there must be a better way? To enjoy life's treats and still stay healthy?
On another note, I told my young people about my travel plans, and they seemed genuinely happy for me. Feedback from a mum from her son on me: I notice the little details (scatty me? really?);I always encourage; I have a presence when I walk into the room. WOW.
I just got out of bed and tidied my room and I feel about 68 times happier!
I wonder will I ever work this out? this thing called life....
If i wasn't fat, would I be doing something else right now? What else could I want? I had a great day with 19 kids (who believe in the power of one, and the power of all), i went to the cinema by myself and had salty popcorn and minstrels where Tangled taught me a life lesson, and now here I am, in my own home (rented ownership, just a temporary kind!), writing as I love, to people who are wonderful and supportive. Life is good and kind and full of inspirational people. I am leaving a fantastic job to go on a new adventure. And back to Tangled. Eugene says when your dream comes true you move on to your next one. I think that's what happened in New York. A dream came true, and my mind sought a new one: travelling. My kindle holds a 1000 books (or more) my ipod the music, and my internet, so many of the friends I hold dear, real and virtually real!! I am ready and excited and I will not let my weight or my fear hold me back. I want my Goddaughter to grab life with both hands to enjoy the little things, to not fear the big stuff, to love, and to always see the good in those around her. And the best way for me to teach her that, is to be that.
I love to run, to read, to write and to connect. To love, to empower. To believe in good. And those are mine, all the time.
kellierocks
Silver Member
Sunday mornings, my favourite! The papers, BBC radio 2 and i must go get a cuppa!
Yesterday, we gave the young people a task. They are involved with the local authority, and will be for 2 years. They were asked to write a letter to themselves in 2 years. They had a bout 20 minutes- some had written it within 10, some took longer. Some finished the day saying "I cannot wait to read that letter in 2 years". Folks, what would you tell future self?
Yesterday, we gave the young people a task. They are involved with the local authority, and will be for 2 years. They were asked to write a letter to themselves in 2 years. They had a bout 20 minutes- some had written it within 10, some took longer. Some finished the day saying "I cannot wait to read that letter in 2 years". Folks, what would you tell future self?
bellefrogette
Silver Member
keep on rocking kelly.
Bella
Bella
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