Imagine if i wasn't fat
- Thread starter kellierocks
- Start date
kellierocks
Silver Member
i didn't know that
Posting in another forum of some of the best people I have ever met, I made a realisation. The depression of the past week is probably more to do with my menstrual cycle than simply stress. Reason being, my circumstances have not changed but I feel better this morning, and my period just came. Simple as that. I rarely get PMS and detest jokes refering to it. But this time it really got me and I did not realise. I've been tired, down, negative, and eating like a horse. Now it feels like a brain wave "oh was that what it was". I can park it and move on. I must make some green tea.
What is quite startling is that I realise I do not know my own body. This thing I have carried around with me for nearly 29 years, or has it carried me around? It connects into my feeling last time about me making poor decisions for me- spending evenings watching terrible tv and jumping about online, yet I love concentrating solely on a book, and the peace, calm and focus that means. Instead I over-stimulate my mind and under stimualte my body.
The future is uncertain, yes, but today, for the first time in a week, I feel like I can handle it, come what may
Posting in another forum of some of the best people I have ever met, I made a realisation. The depression of the past week is probably more to do with my menstrual cycle than simply stress. Reason being, my circumstances have not changed but I feel better this morning, and my period just came. Simple as that. I rarely get PMS and detest jokes refering to it. But this time it really got me and I did not realise. I've been tired, down, negative, and eating like a horse. Now it feels like a brain wave "oh was that what it was". I can park it and move on. I must make some green tea.
What is quite startling is that I realise I do not know my own body. This thing I have carried around with me for nearly 29 years, or has it carried me around? It connects into my feeling last time about me making poor decisions for me- spending evenings watching terrible tv and jumping about online, yet I love concentrating solely on a book, and the peace, calm and focus that means. Instead I over-stimulate my mind and under stimualte my body.
The future is uncertain, yes, but today, for the first time in a week, I feel like I can handle it, come what may
kellierocks
Silver Member
stop
the snow has come. The ground is white, roads are treacherous, and people are somehow in a better mood. Or maybe its just me. Our Friday night plans were cancelled and I sat in with a bottle of wine and a bowl of popcorn. And loved lying back watching a DVD. Somehow, these days I don't just watch DVDs- I'm on facebook, on here, checking the news, checking youtube. I never seem to just concentrate on one thing. I really enjoyed just watching the fil (DaVinci Code) last night. And this morning, I did the housework, and realised its been a while since I did a good cleaning. Too long! I even cleaned the doors. The simple pleasures in life folks. And now I am heading to a coffeeshop, which is ok, as I will walk there and back. Fresh air, a bit of exercise and a saturday treat. Indulging in pleasures, not burying myself in them.
the snow has come. The ground is white, roads are treacherous, and people are somehow in a better mood. Or maybe its just me. Our Friday night plans were cancelled and I sat in with a bottle of wine and a bowl of popcorn. And loved lying back watching a DVD. Somehow, these days I don't just watch DVDs- I'm on facebook, on here, checking the news, checking youtube. I never seem to just concentrate on one thing. I really enjoyed just watching the fil (DaVinci Code) last night. And this morning, I did the housework, and realised its been a while since I did a good cleaning. Too long! I even cleaned the doors. The simple pleasures in life folks. And now I am heading to a coffeeshop, which is ok, as I will walk there and back. Fresh air, a bit of exercise and a saturday treat. Indulging in pleasures, not burying myself in them.
kellierocks
Silver Member
walking to the brink, stepping back, looking over...
So my job was gone, and then there was a glimmer of light and now there is another 24 hour wait...
I am eating all in sight. I am jumping from one thing to the next, and staring blindlessly thoughtlessly into space. I'm tired.
I want to stop. I see what "being present" means and being in the "Now" but right now I cannot access it and do not know how. I want to eat popcorn and drink bailey's. If i could get my hands on chocolate, I'd eat the factory. I'm doing online quizes to tell me what I want to be and whether I'm emotionally mature and checking facebook to see if anyone has posted. Jeesh just decide already people!
So my job was gone, and then there was a glimmer of light and now there is another 24 hour wait...
I am eating all in sight. I am jumping from one thing to the next, and staring blindlessly thoughtlessly into space. I'm tired.
I want to stop. I see what "being present" means and being in the "Now" but right now I cannot access it and do not know how. I want to eat popcorn and drink bailey's. If i could get my hands on chocolate, I'd eat the factory. I'm doing online quizes to tell me what I want to be and whether I'm emotionally mature and checking facebook to see if anyone has posted. Jeesh just decide already people!
kellierocks
Silver Member
Energy
I met a friend for lunch yesterday. She is on my advisory group, and knows that we are waiting on word on the job. I told her that I was finding it hard to stop- mymind was jumping from one thing to another to another in split seconds- tv, facebook, book, tea, tv, text...... She said she could tell, that energy was jumping from me, and asked me to put my 2 feet flat on the ground and my hands on opposite knees, Within 2 minutes my body slouched and a block of tiredness descended. My energy calmed. My brain went quiet. It was just amazing.
It helped me calm my eating too. I ate well yesterday, not brilliantly, but well. My body appreciates it, less sugar to speed up everything and let me be in peace. What's coming is coming and I will deal with it. I'm scared. Scared of the uncertainty around my future. Unemployment. In a notebook form nearly 4 years ago i have written why I wanted to leave that job and for what- and is a very accurate account of the job I've been doing for 3 1/2 years. Except the money. 20k was my minimum. I've been earning way above that and feel I have not saved enough. I am glad I prioritised living alone- it has been a real pleasure and treat.
I am drinking my lemon and ginger tea here to kickstart my day. I'm taking a few hours off and going to try getting my car out when it warms a little (?!). Silly little tasks while a nameless faceless person who does not know me or review my work decides my fate. No, that's too much. My fate is not tied in one decision, but it is a massive decision.
I have forgotten about why I want to lose weight. I read this article recently. It asked if you had your main problem dealt with, sorted, what would you have to deal with then? The idea is, our "Public" issue, the one we focus on again and again and again, is the cover up.
So imagine if I was thin- it actually makes me nervous- why is that? Imagine being 9 10, not thin but normal BMI. I would be around a size 10. Maybe if i was still not in a relationship I'd feel like a total failure- right now, I keep thinking it's because I'm fat (and I know that si wrong but that's the feeling). Actually i think being in a relationship scares me, it would be so easy to be hurt.
HMMMM, cross your fingers for me today and pray to whatever higher power you trust in that whatever is meant to be happens....
I met a friend for lunch yesterday. She is on my advisory group, and knows that we are waiting on word on the job. I told her that I was finding it hard to stop- mymind was jumping from one thing to another to another in split seconds- tv, facebook, book, tea, tv, text...... She said she could tell, that energy was jumping from me, and asked me to put my 2 feet flat on the ground and my hands on opposite knees, Within 2 minutes my body slouched and a block of tiredness descended. My energy calmed. My brain went quiet. It was just amazing.
It helped me calm my eating too. I ate well yesterday, not brilliantly, but well. My body appreciates it, less sugar to speed up everything and let me be in peace. What's coming is coming and I will deal with it. I'm scared. Scared of the uncertainty around my future. Unemployment. In a notebook form nearly 4 years ago i have written why I wanted to leave that job and for what- and is a very accurate account of the job I've been doing for 3 1/2 years. Except the money. 20k was my minimum. I've been earning way above that and feel I have not saved enough. I am glad I prioritised living alone- it has been a real pleasure and treat.
I am drinking my lemon and ginger tea here to kickstart my day. I'm taking a few hours off and going to try getting my car out when it warms a little (?!). Silly little tasks while a nameless faceless person who does not know me or review my work decides my fate. No, that's too much. My fate is not tied in one decision, but it is a massive decision.
I have forgotten about why I want to lose weight. I read this article recently. It asked if you had your main problem dealt with, sorted, what would you have to deal with then? The idea is, our "Public" issue, the one we focus on again and again and again, is the cover up.
So imagine if I was thin- it actually makes me nervous- why is that? Imagine being 9 10, not thin but normal BMI. I would be around a size 10. Maybe if i was still not in a relationship I'd feel like a total failure- right now, I keep thinking it's because I'm fat (and I know that si wrong but that's the feeling). Actually i think being in a relationship scares me, it would be so easy to be hurt.
HMMMM, cross your fingers for me today and pray to whatever higher power you trust in that whatever is meant to be happens....
kellierocks
Silver Member
slimming up for summer
Well I have 1 stone on since going to New York. So I am spending my last day of 2010 planning to shift it by my birthday on the 19th February, and to be my ideal weight for next Christmas- 9'10.
My sister in law lost 4.5 stone this year- so that is my inspiration.
I ate so much yesterday I was il, which is an excellent way of my body getting an internal ick up the ass, which it well needs. I am dreading E saying it, as she promised she would- "you've gained!", so it really is time to knuckle down. Another start, another year spent dieting, yippee. But this will be it. This time next year, it will all be maintenance, I promise.
Well I have 1 stone on since going to New York. So I am spending my last day of 2010 planning to shift it by my birthday on the 19th February, and to be my ideal weight for next Christmas- 9'10.
My sister in law lost 4.5 stone this year- so that is my inspiration.
I ate so much yesterday I was il, which is an excellent way of my body getting an internal ick up the ass, which it well needs. I am dreading E saying it, as she promised she would- "you've gained!", so it really is time to knuckle down. Another start, another year spent dieting, yippee. But this will be it. This time next year, it will all be maintenance, I promise.
kellierocks
Silver Member
My new year resolution is to keep my home tidy. I'm going to do this in 3 ways
Wash dishes after dinner
Hoover on Thursday
Hang up my clothes every night.
It may sound silly but I feel like if I learn how to mind by home, I may learn how to mind myself. Plus since my massive "spring" clean (a few weeks earl!) I enjoy life more. I want to take pride in the little things.
Wash dishes after dinner
Hoover on Thursday
Hang up my clothes every night.
It may sound silly but I feel like if I learn how to mind by home, I may learn how to mind myself. Plus since my massive "spring" clean (a few weeks earl!) I enjoy life more. I want to take pride in the little things.
judith55
Silver Member
OMG - I made a similar resolution. I've steadily lost all sense of pride in my home, my clothes, my appearance. And this has to end. I've made a commitment to decorating the rooms I've been meaning to do for 2 years and to take more effort with the washing up and ironing. I agree that this might make us feel generally more positive about life. xx
kellierocks
Silver Member
One day at a time
This evening I came home and really enjoyed doing the housework. it took over an hour to get it all done, and it is much easier to clean when I do little things every day. It may seem strange, but the place being clean and tidy has definately improved my mental health, and it was nice to spend a full hour getting all the hoovering and polishing and mopping and disinfecting done.
At work my new thing is to have a jug of water on the desk all day and finish it before I go home- its a good way of getting it into me, and it definately reduces cravings at work. (reduces not eliminates!)
Today was my first day of Project Motivation. I did go over on my carbs with lunch, but all in, I think I've done well. I have one more portion of protein to eat before bed, and i have to say I am satisfied, even though eating ham and grapes was odd (but tasty!). I have to eat protein 6 times a day, 3 fruit, 2 carbs, 1/2 serving of dairy and then veg (some limits on some stuff). Any ideas on protein meals, please forward on!
This evening I came home and really enjoyed doing the housework. it took over an hour to get it all done, and it is much easier to clean when I do little things every day. It may seem strange, but the place being clean and tidy has definately improved my mental health, and it was nice to spend a full hour getting all the hoovering and polishing and mopping and disinfecting done.
At work my new thing is to have a jug of water on the desk all day and finish it before I go home- its a good way of getting it into me, and it definately reduces cravings at work. (reduces not eliminates!)
Today was my first day of Project Motivation. I did go over on my carbs with lunch, but all in, I think I've done well. I have one more portion of protein to eat before bed, and i have to say I am satisfied, even though eating ham and grapes was odd (but tasty!). I have to eat protein 6 times a day, 3 fruit, 2 carbs, 1/2 serving of dairy and then veg (some limits on some stuff). Any ideas on protein meals, please forward on!
