It's Now Or Never

Blumin' 'eck chica. 8lbs is still 8 lbs despite xmas gain! Way to go girl!

Hope you get some respite soon - tight project deadlines are oh so familiar and I used used to get really stressed before ANY deliverable was due. Being the PM it was all my responsibility! So I really do understand how you feel.

:bighug: and have a great weekend.
 
Where are you chica? Please tell me you haven't been buried by a ton of paper!
 
Hey there. No I'm here. I'm into week two of what is now 4 weeks signed off work :-/ saw the psychiatrist today, who confirmed I am mental (but I can laugh about this, so all not lost) and he's refererred me for CBT and reckons I should be fine eventually. Was a hard week last week. I was off work so zero pressure there - but at home and getting head round a bunch of stuff. Food *****, and paid the price with a 3lb gain. Oops indeed.

But I've mostly been good today, and I will start writing my diary each day. Promise!

Hope you are well Bev, Molly etc Thanks for checking up on me. :) xxx
 
Aw chica - hope everything starts to settle down for you hun.

You sounded so down when you were trying to get that last deliverable out so a few weeks respite sounds like just the ticket.

Are things at home starting to get any better? It sounded like it wasn't just work. Are the anti-depressants helping any?

But this time off sounds as though it's getting you back to your running - although there is no way I could even visualise a hill run! I'll crawl up!!! :eek:
 
Thanks Bev and Lynne. No not just work. I think probably an amalgamation of many different things. I know I just feel shattered. Have taken to having a little snooze. No exercise today (slept instead) but gonna try a 30 min hill run instead tomorrow. Saw my financial adviser today and should have sorted a few things our there, which take some pressure off, one less thing to worry about.

The other day, the psychiatrist asked what things I got pleasure out of. It was so miserable realising at the moment, nothing. I'm just going through the motions, and have been for ages. Been very weepy too, but at least I know I'm dealing with it.
Today has been another good food day anyway. I am longing for that slim feeling back. Maybe I can get at least part way there while I'm on nut job leave.

Breakfast:
Porridge (using HEb on oats and 3/4 HEa on soya milk), banana, honey (2.5 syns).

Snack:
Cup of tea (remaining HEa), apple.

Lunch:
I made a sort of stew/casserole with lean braising beef, onions, leeks, tomatoes, celery and spices. I had 3, yes THREE bowls for lunch. :)

Snack:
Apple

Tea:
Pasta, salad leaves and some of above beef/veg sauce. A wee bit if cheese (a bit melted on the bit if Steven's that he left) - I'll say 3 syns.
Another apple.

So I've had all healthy extras and 5.5 syns.

Bed shortly, and hopefully another good day tomorrow. Getting back in control of my life. One day at a time.

Thanks again girls xxx
 
Mental? No wonder I like you so much. ;)

Seriously though, sooo many people deal with mental health issues because of the insanity of the world today... try to help yourself as much as you can but don't kick yourself or anything. :hug99:
 
Just popping into say hi. As a daughter of a very depressed Mum, I feel for you. Think you're doing very well with your exercise, which hopefully will help your mood, and your food is good.

Did you say you had some blood tests? Are your vitamin levels all good?

I think it's important to recognise what's important and what your priorities are. You can't be wonder woman and be there for everyone. Something has to give otherwise you bun out. Obviously the bairn is high on that list but maybe think about all the extras like the cubs website (if I remember right).

Hope I am making sense and this is not meant to be a lecture but I've seen my mum go down this slippery slope and would hate for you to.

Big hugs x

Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins
 
Ah girlies, I honestly had a little cry reading your comments. I don't mind admitting I feel pretty pathetic at the.moment. Logically I know I can be better, and think normally again. But deep down I just don't believe it. Hope this appointment comes soon.
Penny I have virtually no responsibilities at all now. Just domestic chores and caring for the wee man. I'm trying to achieve one thing each day though, to sort through the house - you know tidy environment, tidy mind and all that. So tonight I started going through 18 months worth of paperwork that had built up. Hopefully I'll finish that tomorrow. Then I can clean the front room. I'll look at the office next week.

But today was another good food day....

Breakfast:
Porridge (oats HEb, soya milk 1/2 HEa), sliced banana, honey (2.5 syns).
2 cups of peppermint tea.

Lunch:
Apple.
Stir fry veg, 2 egg omlette, 4 rashers of bacon. Strange lunch based on what was readily available to me in the fridge.
Banana milkshake (soya milk - rest of HEa, banana - 4 syns)

Tea:
Pasta, mixed frozen veg, spinach, salmon.
Apple.

Later snack:
2 bowls of defrosted berries with natural low fat yoghurt.

Total syns : 6.5

No exercise, ran out of time today. Assuming its not tipping down I'll walk the lad to school and run back up the long way, try and get 30 mins of hill work in.

Anyhoo, half ten now and I'm shattered so am gonna drop off.

Thank you again. I'll get my act together and visit your diaries soon, but I hope you are all doing well. Love and hugs xxx

Tea:
 
Pinkie - nay fret about our diaries. We can easily chat to you here.

Both my mum and gran suffered with "nerves" as they both call it. Mum will not admit to depression despite the fact that this is what it is.

She's terrified of the word as she thinks that if people know she is depressed they will think she is mad (now the fact that she is slightly nutty in a nice way IYKWIM has nothing to do with it).

If we have a broken wrist people can see that and sypathise. But if our brain gets a bit broken it is totally invisible and, sadly, people are afraid of mental health issues.

The fact you have recognised it, done something about it and are now facing the world again is more than half the battle chica.

You'll get lots of support and :hug99:s on here - don't hide - just keep talking to us.
 
Pommette said:
Pinkie - nay fret about our diaries. We can easily chat to you here.

Both my mum and gran suffered with "nerves" as they both call it. Mum will not admit to depression despite the fact that this is what it is.

She's terrified of the word as she thinks that if people know she is depressed they will think she is mad (now the fact that she is slightly nutty in a nice way IYKWIM has nothing to do with it).

If we have a broken wrist people can see that and sypathise. But if our brain gets a bit broken it is totally invisible and, sadly, people are afraid of mental health issues.

The fact you have recognised it, done something about it and are now facing the world again is more than half the battle chica.

You'll get lots of support and :hug99:s on here - don't hide - just keep talking to us.
Click to expand...

Excellently said.

Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins
 
That is so sweet of you to say Bev (and thank you Penny too). I know in my head its all true, but I still worry. Though at the same time I have gone beyond worrying, I almost just don't care. Obviously I do, as very few people know what is going on. I've not told my parents, and don't intend to either. Their response will be pull yourself together, which will just stress me out even more.
Anyway, I've told myself that the new tabs they've given me are suppressing my appetite. They can, but not that quickly. But I'm trying to consciously plant a placebo and con myself into thinking that it is working already, so that I will eat less. Does that make any sense. I'm still eating loads, but I feel much.more in the SW zone than I have done for a long time. I am very conscious of what I eat again, rather than just shovelling any old crap in there.
I also finished my paperwork today - hurrah, and cleaned the kitchen floor. Did an expensive food shop (but a top and some warm socks accidentally fell in the trolley) which took all morning somehow.
Tomorrow is athletics and football. We're gonna treat ourselves to a kebab on the way home.

So food....

Breakfast:
Mixed fruit and natural yoghurt.

Snack:
Small skinny capuccino (half HEa)

Lunch:
Mixed fruit, natural yoghurt and branflakes (HEb)
2 egg omlette, 4 rashers lean back bacon, stir fry vegetables.

Tea:
Baked beans, large tin of sweetcorn, 2 syn free sausages. (the boys had curly wurly fries but I avoided them)

I need to finish my HEa, so I will have a small banana milkshake later (banana - 4 syns, soya milk - rest of HEa).

Total syns: 4

I ran around the park for 20 mins while the boys were kicking a ball about after school. Should have been 30 and there were no hills! Oh well.

Right, best chase the lad and his homework up. Thanks girls and love to you all as always.

Xxxxxx
 
Breakfast:
Mixed fruit (SF), branflakes (HEb) natural yoghurt (F)

Mid morning skinny capuccino (half HEa)

Lunch:
2 packs of JS vege sushi (1 syn)

Afternoon skinny capuccino (remaining HEa)

Tea:
Egg noodles (F), stir fry vegetables (SF), chicken pieces (F) with sesame oil (9 syns), soy sauce and seasoning.
2 bowls of mixed fruit (SF) and natural yoghurt (F)

Total syns = 10
Walked about 50 mins.
 
Hi Pinkie - sorry about the gain. Might be worth watching the carbs too, they always do for me . . . big time.

Have a great weekend chica. I'm off to the UK tomorrow for 6 days with no internet access so will catch up again next week.

Got snow boots, ski socks, thermals, hat, gloves and scarf packed - quite a feat when I'm just bring hand luggage! :D But hence no room for netbook! :cry:

:hug99:
 
Pinkie1973 said:
2lbs on. *rolls eyes*

Ah well, fingers crossed for next week. Fortunately whilst obviously I do care, at the same time I don't. If that makes any sense.

So this week I think I'll keep an eye on my superfree.

Hey Ho.
Click to expand...

Well, I totally understand about caring but yet not caring :hug99:

The fact that you are taking time out to look after yourself and working through things gradually, really does show that deep down you do care, even if, at the moment you can't see it, or feel it :hug99:
 
Thank you honey. Yes I guess its all progress. I really want these CBT sessions to come through though, its starting to stress me with them not happening.
Food today....
Breakfast:
Mixed fruit, branflakes (HEb), natural yoghurt

Lunch:
Punnet of cherries.
3 egg omlette with cheddar (hea) and mushrooms, served on a huge plate of salad leaves.

Snack:
Apple

Tea:
Vegetable and red lentil soup (butternut squash, red and brown onions, red, green and yellow peppers, leeks, courgettes and red lentils) served with two chopped rashers of back bacon.
Fresh blackberries, raspberries and blueberries with Irish creamery yoghurt (4 syns)

Total 4 syns

Feeling a bit run down today, so quick soak then early night. Hope you're all doing well xx
 
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