It's now or never

[MinnieMel]

Crash, bang clatter and smash!


Yay - I breached the wall, I climbed that bu£ger and now I am looking at the view. 10.6.6 this morning.
Ok, only a little bit, I'm only just on the top, but from here I can see 10 stone. I am nearer to 10 than 11. And I am staying On this side!

Jealous.com -- I am sure that I am still in the 11s. :sigh:

So - I have stolen this idea from MinnieMel but I think its a good idea.

And, I got it from JackieN.

So - positives from yesterday - Wednesday.

1. I have a job interview on Friday, which has made me think about whether I want to go back to full time work and putting the kids in nursery 5 days a week or not, or appreciate the work I can do now part time and be with them.

Good luck!

2. I walked the dogs and got a good workout.

Whoop! Well done.

3. DP and I had our holiday jabs, which means we are all set for our honeymoon.

So soon!

Oh blimey - job interview tomorrow. Just realised, I have lost weight since I last wore business clothes. What am I going to wear . . .

Try some things on -- and I am sure that there is something that will work.

 

[egbert]

Hmm - may not have an interview tomorrow. I have not had confirmation about the time yet.

 

[MinnieMel]

Hmm - may not have an interview tomorrow. I have not had confirmation about the time yet.

That's odd. Did you call?

If you have the interview -- good luck!

 

[missfortissimo]

I certainly hope they had the decency to call you and let you know what was happening...

WELL DONE on breaking your plateau. May you have fresh motivation to continue to get to 10 stone. :clap:

 

[egbert]

Best not to read - long and depressing

Well its been 2 days of up and downs.

I can't go into a lot of detail, its private, but basically OHs parents, who you may recall live next door, have been massively interfering in some decisions which I feel are between me and OH - its about our kids, its our choice and its up to us to do what is in their best interests. But OH is so used to letting them run his life he goes and asks them all the time. Then while he is at work I get long discussions and lectures from them telling me what they think, what we should do (which is what they think as only they are right) and that the 'other people' they have called to discuss it with agree with them. Any expert opinion we may have asked is obviously wrong, doesn't know what they are talking about OR *I* have twisted what I was told to make what *I* wanted to hear, no matter that OH was there with me, as clearly *I* just make the decisions and tell OH what to say - basically they think if he agrees with them then he can think for himself and if he agrees with me then *I* am controlling him.

Last night I just reached the limit, tried to explain what I thought to OH but he just tries to shut me up because he doesn't want to listen to it, so I start to rant and shout, then he tells me I am nagging, then he shouts and walks out. SO I went a little angry and told him he is 44, a grown up and a father and we as a couple are responsible for our kids, and he needs to start making friggin decisions and stop trying to avoid all responsibility. Then had a mini breakdown.

OH then tries to tell me that he has listened and he 'will sort it' which means he will either do nothing in the hope it goes away, or go to tell his parents *I* want this or that, they will tell him *I* am wrong and he will come back brainwashed again. So it restarts. We have had the same discussion now many times over 6 years since the kids were even expected.

Anyway, so I just want some time out and peace and distance from them, but I can't because they live next door and every time I go in or out they are there asking me where am I going, who am I seeing, what am I doing and tell me what I should be doing. Today they were telling me how I should be looking after my cat (who I have had for 13 years) and how I should be looking after my chickens - basically implying I neglect them. The most spoilt animals in the world.



Then - rant part 2 - the wedding shoes I ordered hadn't arrived so I called the company who said they were waiting on a delivery due end of feb - HELLO, thats when the wedding is. YOu think they would have called to tell me before taking my money. So I called another 5 shops to be told the same thing, my size is out. One shop said they come in small anyway and I would be better off getting a size bigger, so have now ordered a size bigger, and I am sure they will be too big and have to go back. 7th attempt at shoes, and twice as expensive as I planned . . . .

My friend dropped my iPhone in her tea today - it still works but is a bit grumpy.

I have cheated badly and spent most of the day eating chocolate.


I had my job interview this morning, it went well and they are calling me back for a second interview. But now I will have to choose between this job - 9-530 5 days a week, so secure income, secure benefits, no family time with my kids . . . . or the job I am temporarily doing with my SIL which she says she will train me up on, which is totally flexible, loads of family time, but absolutely no security, no pension or benefits . . .

I am pleased with the interview but I just don't know what to do now, which way to go - sensible and secure or risky but kid friendly. My DS is 2, I don't want him in nursery 8-6 every day.

And because of all this stress and worry and serious thoughts going on, I am just totally fed up with the wedding, not looking forward to it at all. OH has shown no interest, doesn't even know the colour scheme or any idea of what i have organised. He doesn't want to go get fitted yet because he wants to lose more weight - but realistically he needs to be fitted now - 6 weeks before or he won't have time. I feel like I am having to nag him to do anything. He flatly refused to do shoe shopping, I had to go online, order 4 pairs, he chose one and I sent the rest back. He hasn't even tried them on yet.

He says it is like going on holiday, once he is on the plane he will get excited.

I just feel stupid, putting all this effort into planning all this day that no one else seems to care about at all.

OK - rant over, you can tune back in now.

 

[mama22]

My god Egbert I hope you feel a little better for getting all that out. Tell oh it is like going on holiday and once you on your way get excited BUT if he doesn't pull his finger out he new bride will spend ALL honeymoon sleeping/ recovering in the spa at his expense x

 

[spangles]

oh honey - that sounds like a b*stard of a day. How important is it to you, what OH wears - cos i'd be inclined to let him screw it up and have to get married in whatever was available. I think with weddings, if it matters to you, you have to do the nagging and the running around. It's sad though that none of it seems to matter to him. My husband couldn't have given a toss about how anything looked - so i ordered all his stuff and sent back the stuff that didn't fit, etc, etc... but he did care about food and drink and music, so he dealt with the caterers, bought the wine and arranged the decks, and sorted out a rota of our DJ mates to cover the day and night. Is there anything like that, that he does enjoy, that he could do? Although i spose everything's pretty much sorted by now...

Regarding the in-laws, how on earth did you come to be living next door??? The absolute first thing on my to do list would be moving house. No chance that this job would make more sense if you lived closer is there? Surely your bloke doesn't actually want to live next door to mummy and daddy either, does he? it's a bit odd...

He certainly ought to be manning up and not letting them blame you for stuff that you've agreed together. That's bloody unforgiveable. a massive betrayal of you.

Can you have a lovely long bubble bath when he gets in and takes over the parenting?

 

[egbert]

The living next door thing is because his grandfather built our house - and in normal circa I would say we are so lucky to live here, beautiful big house in the country with acre garden, no mortgage . . . . HIs parents built their house next door on the same land - the 2 houses are in a 12 acre plot, so no, moving not an option. Who would leave a beautiful country home to live on an estate with a postage stamp garden - well thats the general opinion here. Every so often I do pop up and say that a garden isn't everything, some neighbours I can have coffee with and make friends with would be nice . . .


And the job is 2 miles away, if that, down a straight road, so moving is not necessary there either.


OH is into his music and is meant to be sorting the ceremony stuff, but his taste of appropriate is slightly different to mine, so I have to check it (i know I am a control freak).


OH says he is like a slow gentle stream and I am like niagara falls. HE does things in his own time, one thing at a time. I juggle everything and get it all done asap. lol

 

[egbert]

Unfortunately, just as he walked in and I was heading bath way, I realised its Friday and daughters swimming lesson, so now rushing t feed kids before we go drown them.

 

[spangles]

oh, ok - that does make sense. big house in big grounds is a bit jammy.

if you leave him to sort his suit in his own time, what's the worst that you think will happen?

 

[ClaireCat]

Oh hello! Just been catching up on your diary. All sounds quite stressful. I sometimes think men need a good shake to get them to focus. Mine is pretty sort of "la la la look at the pretty clouds" about most things. There always no rush or sense of urgency. Which I suppose can be good because i'm all about the wanting everything done yesterday, and I have a brain wave and want to instantly do whatever it is.

Hope the swimming has gone well

 

[egbert]

Well - apologies for my long winded moaning last night. I was very naughty, slipped slightly off the wagon and into a bottle of wine and half a box of chocs. However, feeling better today, weight seems pretty much the same, so its a clean the house day.

I do find cleaning the house helps me to feel better - gaining control of my environment I think. Is this a woman thing? Our home is our castle? Anyway, locking the kids in their room until they can see the floor, and rooting through the rest of the house to find carpets and washing!

 

[MinnieMel]

Wow -- I am sorry I missed your "rant" but I can see how stressful this situation is for you.

I would, however, stop pressing OH and talk directly to the parents. I would let them know that you are uncomfortable with them asking you where you are going, what you are doing, etc. that you know they are just interested and, perhaps, a bit bored... but that you are feeling as if you a small child and not an adult.

Your OH is caught in the middle -- they are HIS parents and your are HIS partner. How is guy supposed to choose. It isn't easy.

Also, most men care little about the wedding stuff. So, plan it how you like it and want it -- and realise that if your OH did care a lot... he is probably gay and you really shouldn't marry him. Weddings a the bride's big day (that is why the traditionally the bride's family pays for the wedding and groom pays for the honeymoon).

Your shoes are really no huge deal, especially if you are wearing a long dress. Go for comfort and something that is suitable. I'd spend more time and effort on the make-up and hair... that and the dress are what people will be looking at when you walk down the aisle and later view the wedding photos.

QUESTION: Why would your son need to go to nursery for such long hours -- with his grandparents next door couldn't they watch him part of time?

The house sounds lovely and I can see why you would not want to move. But, I would really want some boundaries.

If the SIL is hubby's sister or wife of his brother -- then I would take a job that is not connected to his family. They are already too much in your business.

You need to try to relax and enjoy the whole process of getting married... it should be lovely event that celebrates your love and future commitment. It should not be somethng that creates strife in your relationship. Our wedding was 25 years ago -- and we remember it fondly and not as a time of turmoil. (That came later LOL

I hope I am not being too preachy here -- but take a step back and think about what is IMPORTANT. There is no such thing as perfect wedding... and you will make yourself and everyone around crazy by trying to make yours such. Do the best you can and be happy you are marrying "your other half".

 

[missfortissimo]

Wow. My FIL lives in my house but he is disabled and can't say much. That said, I would lose my mind if my MIL lived next door. She calls almost every single day anyway! I'd be screaming at my husband to move across town.

I wish I knew what else to say except that you have every right to be frustrated... OH needs to grow up and think independently about his decisions... and talk to YOU about them and not mummy and daddy!

As for the job situation, I saw follow your gut.

Good luck with the shoes.

 

[egbert]

Mel, to answer your question, the MiL is too elderly and a bit fuzzy, and can't cope with a 2 year old for long. She is ok for an hour maybe, but gets too tired, doesn't have the strength to control him, change him, etc, and forgets he is there is the phone rings. Plus I would it let my kids in the car with her driving, OH and I have doubts she should be driving herself at all. fiL is mor capable although no longer strong enough to pick him up. But he says more than an hour is too much, they have a life of their own. And if he says no, MiL will say yes and no one wants to tell her that we no longer trust her with them.

Besides, they like to go out and about, I don't think it is fair to tie other people to have my kids from say 330 to 6 every day, unless they are being paid for it. But if I work 9-530, they have to be in nursery.



Anyway, apologies for my rant, generally I am easy going and just laugh off or ignore their interference. Sometimes, like this week, when it is to do with my kids or something important, I do get frustrated. I was brought up not to be rude, so I do find it hard to tell them to back off. And FiL is very snotty. If I tell him I dnt think this is anything to do with him, he will say that we have told him everything to do with the kids is nothing to do with him, and is likely to stop seeing them at all for a few weeks while he sulks.

Anyway, OH said he will sort it, which means burying his head in the sand till I have calmed down and re entered the fray to get it fixed. Lol

 

[egbert]

Hi Molly. It's been quiet without you.

I am going with my gut re the job. They clearly like me, I got the formal app papers in the post the very next day, they must have posted them the moment I left the interview! They also said they would consider flexi working. I think it depends on whether the price is right at the end of the day.

 

[MinnieMel]

Hi Eggie,

I hope this works out and my long post did not offend you.

I understand about the grandparents. If they aren't capable, then I would not trust them to watch them, as well. As far as, "burdening them" with watching their grandchildren... if they think they can tell you how to raise them, then they can help. As my older sister likes to tell people who try and tell her what to do, etc. "The day you start paying my bills, is they day you get a say in how I run my life."

The flexi-working sounds ldeal. Then you'll be in place for more hours (if you want) when the children are in school all day.

Fingers crossed that it all works out for you.

Mel

P.S. Please do not apologise for a rant in YOUR DIARY... this is YOURS. We are under no obilgation to read or post responses. In fact, if what I reply offends you, etc. please let me know.

 

[egbert]

HI Mel

Not to worry, I don't get offended easily, besides if I didn't want to hear other peoples points of views I wouldn't post on a public forum Its good to remember sometimes that they are old, and his parents, and when I am watching my little baby boy go off with some woman, I will also feel a bit territorial



But - there was one thing you were wrong about. The shoes DO matter


Only kidding - and a good job too since I am sending back pair no 7 and ordering pair no 8. :cry:

 

[egbert]

I dont know what went wrong this weekend - well obviously it involved cheating - but I manged to climb back onto the wrong side of the wall - 10.8 today.

So frustrating - and only myself to blame. also feeling quite blocked up and need to go re read some of the other diaries for tips on how to get some movement.

OH and I have been chatting about the wedding and he has tried to demonstrate that he does know what is going on by repeating the details back to me - which is interesting as it meant I got to hear what he thought relevant enough to remember - lol.

Time to kick off the school run. here we go again, monday

 

[mama22]

I wish I was knocking at the door of half way I'm sitting tight at 10,10 drink loads and lets get done with this diet x