It's time

Hey Kimberley,

hows things with Oli now? I can totally sympathise we all say the worst things to those we love the most and you know him better than us so hopefully know he is probably lashing out. Fear and frustration make us horrid at times.

I hope you have managed to get some answers!!

big hugs xxxx
 
AWOL

Thanks everyone for all your loveliness.
It's ok. We're ok. For now.

Was really sick last mon-tues. Lost 3lbs at weigh-in (obvs didn't count- I felt like a cheater and didn't stay to group incase I got slimmer of the week!)
Thurs morning I had a job interview. Was really scary and arghhh. Thurs night I had Sainsbury's takeaway curry type thing. Synful.
Friday found out I didn't get the job. Disappointed but got some really decent feedback. Friday was my gdads 71st Birthday so we went to the casino.
I had calamari, salmon and prawn salad and salted chocolate and caramel tart. Was delish. Lots of vodka.
Saturday- BURGER KING. Then bag of sainsburys cheese and onion crisps (sharing size), bag of metcalfes popcorn (sharing size), salmon, asparagus and potato gratin. Almost a whole 70cl bottle of vodka. 2 litres of fanta. Fat fanta.
Yesterday- meal out with gdad again. Quiche, chips, coleslaw. Chocolate fudge cake with loads of sauce and ice cream.

So far today-
porridge
whoopie pie (someone at work made them coz it was her bday at the weekend)
chocolate (from a box of)
jacket potato and baked beans
Krispy Kreme
walkers prawn cocktail crisps
250g of grapes and melons
another whoopie pie



This needs to stop.
I feel fat and sluggish. I'm barely tasting most of this food. Just shovelling it in. I'm going to gain on wednesday. And I'm going to cry.
I don't think I can afford SW anymore. My engine broke yesterday too. And I stood on my mums glasses friday night and have to replace them (£140). They shouldn't have been on the floor!!!
Oh, and my laptop is completely knackered. Won't connect to the internet- screens hanging off.
I'm not unhappy. At all. Just indifferent?
And piggy.
 
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Doesn't sound like you are indifferent to me. It sounds like you are a bag of stress and rightly so! I hope you enjoyed your meals and the fact that you recognise that you are now just eating for the sake of eating should make it easier to climb back up on the horse. (Horse? Bike? Something you ride anyway....easy tiger). We are all here for you!! X
 
Aw hun, sorry to hear your having such a hard time :(

You are so close to target, so if money is tight do you think you'd be able to just carry on doing SW on your own? It would be such a shame to stop coz of money, & there are so many helpful ppl on here who could help if you have questions on syns or need advice.

X
 
porridge
whoopie pie (someone at work made them coz it was her bday at the weekend)
chocolate (from a box of)
jacket potato and baked beans
Krispy Kreme
walkers prawn cocktail crisps
250g of grapes and melons
another whoopie pie
Chomp
Really big dinner- fusilli, toms, carrots, corn, green beans, broccoli and quorn. Cheddar (smidge)
Belgian bun
Half pack of haribos maoam
Half pack sharing size crisps

Feel sick and cretinous

Hopefully it's out of my system now. Whatever it is
 
Oh dear... U will get back on track when ur ready, and every1 here will be ready to support u xx

Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins
 
Today is a new day

In Laura's words:- Today is a new day

I am going to treat myself with love, respect and dignity today.


porridge oats (only 27g) so 4.5syns
180ml skimmed milk (half HeA)
peanut butter (level tsp) 3
banana
apple
leftover fusilli with garlic, onions, toms, broccoli, quorn pieces, green beans, carrots and corn
285g pineapple, apple and grapes

then we got an email to say there was loads of leftover food from a buffet...

3x mini pizza's
prawn sarnie (quarter triangle thingy)
hummus sarnie (same)
battered king prawn
lots of chopped fruit and raw veggies. Ready to explode



2x tea with red milk 1
4x pints of water

Todays syns:- 8.5


Thank you all so much for the support, kind words and encouragement you give me. Today I want to give myself some too.
 
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Slow and steady Kimberly... even if you're not following SW to the letter, or have a week or two off plan, you'll come back to it. And your "bad days" probably aren't as bad as they were pre-SW- even when I am totally pigging out now, I have a lot less than I used to.

So, be kind to yourself this week, have as much on plan as you want/can. You had a pretty hectic time last week with illness and everything going on, so it's no harm to have a bit of time out from the old synning and hexing.

here, have a balloon...

:553:
 
Thanks Niamh. Lots of love xxxx

Will endeavour to catch up with everyone else's life at lunch/ this evening. Instead of focusing on my own.

Hark at me sounding all spiritual and good. PAH! xxx
 
Rae Rae said:
Glad to hear you+oli are ok :) did u enjoy the food? just dust yourself off+get back on plan, you CAN do it chick xx
Click to expand...

I did enjoy some of the food RaeRae. Like the meal out with my grandad at the Casino was nice, because it was planned and I was allowed it. But once the binging began its like I'm not even acknowledging what I'm doing. I'm not tasting or savouring. Just sort of like a machine grinding up rubbish. Dang

lickthelid said:
Doesn't sound like you are indifferent to me. It sounds like you are a bag of stress and rightly so! I hope you enjoyed your meals and the fact that you recognise that you are now just eating for the sake of eating should make it easier to climb back up on the horse. (Horse? Bike? Something you ride anyway....easy tiger). We are all here for you!! X
Click to expand...

Thanks Sam. It was really strange to me that last night/this morning I sort of realised that what I was doing wasn't normal or should I say, positive behaviour? Like- I can recognise that I haven't behaved like that in quite a while now and I can sort of separate myself from it as something that I have done but don't do. But I didn't even realise it was wrong or strange before. I can't really explain what I mean.
Anyways- you guys have all given me the boost to get back on the elephant?!

emmster said:
Aw hun, sorry to hear your having such a hard time :(

You are so close to target, so if money is tight do you think you'd be able to just carry on doing SW on your own? It would be such a shame to stop coz of money, & there are so many helpful ppl on here who could help if you have questions on syns or need advice.

X
Click to expand...

Hiya Emmster. I think I'm just going to have to budget elsewhere to make sure I stay going to group. I think I'd really fall off big time if I didn't go..I'm not sure? I'm not close to my final target of around 8st7lbs. I set myself smaller targets on here (which I never seem to meet) which is why it looks like I don't have far to go. Thing is its actually taken me 19 weeks to lose this 11lbs. 3 of which will be back on this week as they only came off as I was sick. Gosh I hope its only 3 more that go on! Lol!
Hope you're doing well- and thank you for the support!!!

shivvy1211 said:
Subscribing
Click to expand...

Hiya Shivvy- sorry you've come introduced yourself at such a rocky time, but hopefully we'll get there in the end!!!

Maverick said:
Oh dear... U will get back on track when ur ready, and every1 here will be ready to support u xx

Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins
Click to expand...

Thanks Laura- used your diary name as inspiration for today. Sometimes its easier to bunch the weeks up but its best to take each day as it comes. So cliche. But I'd be punishing myself so severely today and it's just not good for anyone to do that!

KatieCupcake said:
I have to say as well that I admire your honesty - you could have easily just not done a food diary entry because it was a "bad" day but you put it all on here, faced up to it and moved on. Well done! :D xx
Click to expand...

Oh Katie, its shameful but seeing it all written down like that is always helpful!!! Not entirely sure how I put it all away to be honest. Sickening- but makes me realise that its not just a craving or something as I was shovelling all sorts in. It was a binge. Possibly driven by emotions? boredom? complacency? I do not know, but I hope I don't have another one anytime soon!!!


And Niamh- I'm not ignoring you. Thanks so much for my balloon!!! And do you know what- I think it could have been worse pre-SW. Like continued today or something?
I do have the other half the bag of maoam's and crisps at home but I shall leave them in the living room for my housemates. Let them get fat!


Hope you're all having a wonderful day. I'm feeling peckish and have written all this instead of walking to the shop in my lunch break. Bodymagic vs temptation.
 
whoopie pie. Oops :eek:
 
It's very refreshingly honest to see all the naughties written down. During my recent blip I just switched off to it totally. No honesty, no lies no nothing. That way it's like it never happened. You did what I could never 'fess up too. I'm impressed. :)

I have also found that being back and more active on here helps me. X
 
Hi Kimberley, I love your honesty. When I go 'off plan' I never admit to anyone what all I have ate, it honestly disgusts me thinking back of the binging I was doing (and this was only in the last 2 weeks!!) I actually was talking to one of the girls in work about it yesterday and she said she couldn't see me doing it and I'm not as bad as I think I am. I then told her how I went out for my lunch in one of my breaks and bought a tuna bap plus a big bar of chocolate and ate it all on my break. On my way home I got another big bar and had that ate on drive home!! When she told me she couldn't finish one of them herself, I didn't tell her what else I ate when I got home :eek:

Good to see you back on here, and good luck for weigh in later :)
 
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