Jezebella's Journal

[slendablenda]

Calm Calm Jez

I can so identify with how you are feeling. So many of us feel like that once we start to re-introduce food.
We have been in the habit oflosing every week for a long time and getting psotive strokes from ourselves and others and reaping the benefits of becoming slimmer - looking and feeling better, nice clothes, etc,etc.
Then suddenly WHAM! put the brakes on, reverse the message, start eating again.
No wonder we feel scared and confused. Mixed messages. It seems suddenly so much safer and easier and tempting to revert to abstinence (black/white all or nothing). I remember and miss that lovely feelingof having no digestion going on.
Jez, you are doing so well.eating super food and inspring others/
Losing weight can be addictive as we have seen and if we didn't have addictive personalities we wouldn't be here in the first place.
By the end of RTM you should be about the same as you were at the beginning of RTM.
Last week was tough for me. I had a "FAT" day and worried I was going to put all my weight on. Today I felt slim and sexy - same weight! Confusing ain't it?
We'll get there. Hang on you are doing great.
You are bound to feel emotional - you are about to become a grandma!
Remember we all have days when we feel like that - what about a thought log to identify where those feelings are really coming from?
How was your appraisal?..............xxxx
:sigh:

 

[thin_inside]

Hey Jez! Finally got some time to try and catch up with your extensive blog here. Wow, you are having some ups and downs aren't you hon. Sending some big Hugs to you. It will all be fine you know. You are doing so well and it looks like you are starting to relax the minutae control and enjoy listening to your body instead of controlling everything by the book. I'm pleased to see you upping the calories and pushing the boundaries a bit. I really hope you enjoyed your cooked breakfast .

I will be starting RTM 4 weeks tomorrow! You are helping me so much. We have to meet up again sometime soon. xx

 

[Morticia]

Hi Jez, just a quick reply for now re the leg problem, have had something similar so will send a PM to compare.

 

[Jezebella]

RTM Day 42 (Week 6)

42 Days, seems a significant number somehow, not sure quite why? Week 6 has drawn to a close. Some high points and my lowest point on RTM to date. Thank you so much everyone for all your support, positive comments, words of wisdom. It really has helped me to put things in a bit more perspective. I guess I have been on a high for so long that having a down day weight wise was bound to happen.

Today was a fabulous day, even though I have overstepped the mark somewhat by splashing out entirely and having some baked beans at breakfast a whole day ahead of schedule. I think it was an important barrier to break mentally, as TI noticed I am very by the book!!! Also spent a lot of time with my sister today discussing things, and at least feel better now about some of my issues. Certain things just obviously become mental blocks and I have realised that I need to have time to eat, that is a big stumbling block for me, the feeling rushed - it brings to mind far too many memories and fears of the eaitng on the hoof and scoffing things down in minimal time from the past. Ergo - if I am relaxed I eat slightly more, worry about it less and feel generally better about myself. I find talking extensively about things makes me feel much better and helps me to but things in perspective. Probably why I find class so helpful and I am really really looking forward to catching up on Tuesday.

So to the food part of the day. Woke up earlier than expected, probably due to clock changes, sat in bed for ages with Miss Lily and drank coffee and read mags, my sister came through and we had a lovely chat. Breakfast at about 10. Some grilled lean bacon, 2 grilled portobello mushrooms, a grilled tomato with some lemon thyme, egg and 100g baked beans. We ate it slowly at a beautifully laid table with the sunshine streaming in through the windows. Also had a small glass of OJ followed by a cup of tea with milk. It was amazing, and very filling, did not even miss the toast. It felt like I was living in that fab Tropicana breakfast advert. Spent a long time further chatting, then headed up to the Palace for a walk and a pop into some of the shops for lookie sees. Got another cake tin as we were going to bake the Xmas cakes this afternoon. Weather was windy but sunny, so the walk was great. Headed home and had a small bowl of sweet potato and butternut soup followed by a jelly. The soup was wonderful rich and warming. Started the great cake baking, and soon the house was filled with the most amazing Christmas spice smells. Then had another treaty little afternoon nap for an hour. Had another cup of tea and my yummy peanut bar. Lovely hot bubble bath followed by X factor. Shocking result really. I had already decided dinner would be stuff we had pre made and was in the fridge, so a gorgeous side salad with peppers, tomato, cucumber,celery, red onion and mixed leaf. Ratatouille and the lemony meatballs with a dollop of fat free yoghurt. Sat down at the table again - feels wonderful and civilised, so will be making an effort to do this more often from now on. I realised it is a promise I made to myself in abstinence after reading the "Why French Women Don't Get Fat " book, which I think needs to be re read at this point. It has some valuable lessons in eating well for life and maintaining your weight. Some great recipes too. Pud is going to be the blueberry yoghurt with a blueberry jelly and some warm fruit compote. If I have space I will squeeze in the second pack which will be a shake. Do any of you pro's know if you can have 2 bars in a day, or is it the same as abstinence and you are limited to one only? I feel quite proud of myself for breaking the rules and being ok with it. I am also pleased to note that on the last 2 days my calories have been higher and my eating less structured. Have lots of plans for the fab week 7 foods, cannelini bean and thyme puree is way up there on my list, as is some hummus. Also perhaps a lovely chickpea curry, or warm chick pea mash? Also going to do french puy lentils with lamb and some lentil soup, Sis has a split pea and ham hock soup on her list of things she really wants.

As to the potential "dates" time will tell, but have been chatting to 2 really nice guys one who is 38 and a lighting engineer, and the other who is 34 and a lawyer... Both want to take me out for a drink, so ladies and gents I will keep you updated!! I hope the weight will at least maintain for this week, it should do because of the increased cals, but weirdly I was less on the scale this morning than I have been for the last 2 weeks? Go figure?? Also had loads of water today, had a small low grade headache, thought I would try the water before I took a pill and instantly the headache went. So been on that all day. I really am trying to listen to my body.

Roll on Week 7 and the new things to learn and grow from

Jez
xx

 

[Jezebella]

Min, will absolutely take on board what you have said re the calories, and an innocent smoothie is absolutely on my treat list for this week, as is a little more dried fruit. Your look is great Min, but more than happy to go out and do girly shopping

Will also try to set aside more time to eat so I can relax around it and enjoy it more, because I can see how much it affects me when I don't.

Re the square plates - lol and other odd shaped plates, I love the whole look of really big plates with lots of space and a little food in the middle, I hate seeing food crammed onto a plate it feels too overwhelming - hahhaaha probably a throwback to the days of nouvelle cuisine!!

Jez
xx

 

[Minerva]

42 Days, seems a significant number somehow, not sure quite why?

*sneaks in very quickly* ... The meaning of life... is 42.

 

[Jezebella]

RTM Day 43 (Week 7)

Min you always know just the perfect things to say!! Hehehehee, off course the answer was so logical <G>

Tonight will be a quickie post, it's been a busy day so no time to be introspective and get into my head

Calories are a little low today right now but will try to rectify it before I head off to bed shortly. Usual coffees, then breakfast of strawberry yoghurt with a little chopped apple, some raspberries and some plum compote. Busy, busy and then more busy, Lunch at about 2pm of a really good salad of rocket, with tuna, cream cheese, lemon juice a little sweet chili, some cherry tomatoes, cucumber, spring onion and pepper. Really filled me up, and then had the other 3/4 of my little breakfast apple and a cup of coffee with milk. I did make a point of sitting for breakfast and for lunch heading up to my office alone to eat so I could have some time to eat properly without interruption. Still found myself getting distracted by paper work on the desk that needed doing, but eventually turned it all over so I would not look at it! Made a nice batch of ratatouille for work as it is easy and quick to heat on events. So popped some of that into a tub, and a sealed bit of lamb cannon to take out on the evening job. This was busy and we were working in a sub basement which was hotter than hell and actually the first time I have felt properly hot since starting ketosis, but it was over 40c in there and no air flowing through!! Drank loads and loads of water, must have necked nearly 3l whilst there. Sat down at 7:30 when I had a minute and heated the lamb and ratatouille which I had with a little pot of hummus fat free - absolutely to die for!!! Loads more water and a sugar free jelly. Cals are only on 700 right now, so will have a yoghurt and banana with a bar and then a shake.

Tomorrow is WI and class which I am really looking forward to.
A better update tomorrow when I have more time on my hands

Jez and Mrs Pumpkin Belly!
xx

 

[kenshin112]

What is ratatouille
got it
now
like a veg stew

 

[Jezebella]

Very easy, very fat free, very low cal, very filling, very yummmilicious, goes with everything, you want the recipe?

Jez
xx

 

[kenshin112]

Sure if it's not too much to ask jez

 

[Jezebella]

Ok, quantities work on how much you fancy making, I usually make loads and then freeze half but I use for a decent batch

1 large onion, cut into small dice
2 cloves garlic, chopped finely
2 small red onions chopped in large dice (at least 1cm sq)
1 each red, yellow and green peppper (you can use whatever colour you want it just looks prettier with the 3) - cut these into slightly larger squares than the red onion
2 large courgettes, cut in half lengthways and then sliced about 1cm thick
1 aubregine cut into chunks as big or small as you want
4 tomatoes roughly chopped
1 tbs tomato puree
salt, pepper and a little balsamic to taste - if it needs sweetness at the end of cooking add a little splenda or fruisana
1 cup water mixed with a tsp of marigold
few sprigs of herbs, basil, thyme, rosemary or whatever mediterranean herbs you fancy - dry is fine too
1 bay leaf

Method:

Line a roasting pan with foil and pop all the veggies onto it,except the tomatoes and herbs, sprinkle with salt and pepper and scatter over a tbs or 2 of water. Pop into a hot oven about 180c, until veg are just turning soft. Give them a little stir from time to time so the top layer does not over brown.

Heat the cup of water with marigold in a pan and when it is boiling add the veg. Simmer slowly over a medium heat and add the tbs of tomato puree, stir and cook for another few minutes then add the tomatoes and herbs. Cook until all veg are well combined and tender but not falling apart. Season to taste with salt, pepper, balsamic and a bit of sweetner if needed. Chill and freeze or serve straight away

Enjoy

Jez
xx

 

[Jezebella]

RTM Day 44 (Week 7)

A sort of uppy down day food wise, had to go to our head office, which ended up stressing me out hugely, I hate nothing more than having wasted time when I have so much to do. Went over for a meeting and the lady I was meeting was continously busy, completely unhelpful so I left after 4 hours with nothing achieved!!!

Food wise the usual black coffee, followed by some mandarin yoghurt, with canteloup melon, raspberries, and a sprinkle of almonds and raisins. Was planning to be back at my unit in time for lunch so only had a bar on me for emergencies. Left at nearly 2 not 12 as I was expecting, and was so angry/hungry that I woolfed the bar down in the car on the way back to the unit. Had a coffee with skimmed milk and a few smokes to calm my shattered nerves when I got back!!! Raced around to get orders in and some desserts made for a tasting - one was totally divine, triple chocolate mousse with oreo cookie base!!! The cookies smelt divine!!! Raced home to get to class in time which was excellent, another .5lb gone, but had a very good discussion with my LLC. Stress obviously affects my eating, but I am hoping that with the introduction of some more carb items like the beans etc I can increase things. I realise that although I eat a lot it is probably quite carb light, hence me still loosing weight. Class was wonderful as ever, and it always sets off lots of things for me to think about and examine mentally. Dinner I planned in advance, some salmon with wholegrain mustard and philly topping; asparagus, new season fresh peas; leek and cabbage with some artichoke; cannellini bean, roast garlic and thyme mash and home made tomato sauce. Absolutely scrummy!!! Have been sitting down at the table for meals lately to try an make it an entire experience on it's own and it really helps me with the speed of eating and my meal enjoyment. Just seems very civilised too!!! Funny we always sat at the table for all meals until I left home and started slobbing on the couch for food!!!!

Pud has been a peach and nectarine compote with more almonds and raisins (see I am really trying here) strawberry yoghurt and an orange jelly. Will have a hot choc shake shortly whilst cuddling lovely Ms Lily on the couch!!..

I really do promise a more exciting journal tomorrow, but it seems that they are only long and detailed when I have more time on my hands.

Until tomorrow

Jez
xx

 

[slendablenda]

Well done Jez

I was wondering how you'd got on tonight. Glad you are aware you need tio up things slightly. The nuts and dreid fruits are a good idea.
An easy snack to have with you is a few rice cakes and some light philly with either some fresh pineapple or marmite for a savoury flavour. Yum
A little packet of dried cranberries is delicious too.
Work sounds very hectic at the moment.
No wonder you feel a bit stressed. You are aware of the dangers so I know you'll cope with it fine.
Have a few cruditees and light dips in the car in case you get away later as you seem to be doing at the moment.
Night night xx

 

[Jezebella]

Thanks hunny

Jez
xx

 

[Jezebella]

RTM Day 45 (Week 7)

Gosh, reading Morticia's post has made me quite emotional. What a journey this is. RTM is going so fast, I cannot believe I am nearly at the trigger weeks already. I had a really big lightbulb moment about how we "see" ourselves which is detailed in a post on the main forum. Really did make me stop and think. I am feeling a lot less apprehensive about the calories this week, perhaps this is the breakthrough I have needed? Also my weight seems pretty stable at the moment so hopefully I don't put on too much during the remaining weeks, as I would like to maintain within about a kilo or two of where I am now. Any more would make me feel uncomfortable.

So on to the food. Did some work from home this morning which was good, had planned to eat breakfast before I left, but got my times muddled and had to leave an hour earlier than planned so grabbed a banana on the way out the door. Did my food tasting - the loved the xmas canapes ;P Then headed back to the unit, realised it was nearly 1:20 so decided to have a cranberry bar with a cup of tea. It was gorgeous. Carried on with my dessert making and left work at 4ish. Had planned again to have a pot of the carrot and parsnip soup when I got in, but had a million things to sort out, so got stuck into the cleaning and things as you do and decided to wait for dinner. I had taken some of the lamb and butternut curry out the freezer so added a few chickpeas to that and some of the roast veg mix I had made. Had a lovely bowl of that with some sambals and it was uber good. The chickpeas really added something to it. Realised that even though I was quite hungry when I sat down that a normal portion filled me very well. Previously I would have hoofed down the lot and more! Still eating at the dining room table at night so I am finding this helps with how slowly I eat. The French are really onto something when they say it improves the meal and no doubt the digestion.

Had a lovely jelly and vanilla yoghurt and some peach and nectarine compote with raisins and a few raspberries. And still have space left for a shake. I did not have the stress today regarding not eating at the correct times. Perhaps this means I am finally relaxing a bit around food.

I had yet another lightbulb moment whilst going into work this morning. It was my habit of old, that when going through a Station instead of driving into work, I would treat myself to the inevitable Starbucks. I have had a few coffees from there since starting RTM, I suppose it was all a bit of a novelty. I planned on having one this morning and had already decided that even though I wanted a latte, I would have a cappucino instead (not as many cals) However, when I got to the station, I realised it was no big deal, I could choose not to have one or choose to have one. There were no restrictions. This got me to thinking about other foods and why I have followed RTM so strictly and I realised again I could choose to eat anything I wanted, but for this time I am choosing not to. It was such a flash of inspiration and so empowering. It is a lesson I really will carry with me beyond RTM. EG: I can have chocolate cake, but I choose not to right now. So after reading Morticia's post that it finally makes sense, no food is good or evil as I have previously thought. It is all just fuel, lovely fuel but fuel and I choose to have or not have it at any given time. Such an adult feeling.

Tomorrow will be interesting, am packing some food to take with me as I am not in my usual place of work, also going to a friends farewell tomorrow after work, and it is the first time any of these people will have seen me since long before I started LL. Should be exciting so want to choose something really nice to wear - perhaps even a bit figure hugging! I might even have a glass of champagne as that will be very free flowing tomorrow night!! Still something I haven't indulged in.

More tomorrow on my return from my big reveal!!

Jez
xx

 

[katalena]

That is a line I have used throughout abstinence - especially when someone says something like "you can't have it can you" I always reply with "I can, I just choose not to right now"

It keeps the ball in your court. Is not restrictive and you have control. You are not being deprived because you "can't" have something. You are saying "thanks but no thanks" or "I can, I just don't want to".

Kat xx

 

[thin_inside]

Great points you raise Jez.

Right from the start I emphasised to the kids that I could have the same food as them if I really wanted to, but at the moment I was choosing not to. My choice.

The approach has worked well in keeping me in complete abstinence. It is, after all, MY choice.

xx

 

[Morticia]

Hey Jez, you're doing so well, I'd be surprised if you out anything on during trigger weeks. I followed RTM to the letter or so I thought during trigger weeks and even then lost weight. I've not gone back onto white bread, white rice, white pasta so I'm wondering if it's to do with the processed stuff.

Anyway, I am so impressed with your light bulb moments. It's amazing when someone points out someone the same weight/shape and we are faced with the reality of our size. I think I must be getting better at this as now I'm looking at people who I always considered thin and can see they are either bigger than me, or I can see some tummy bulge etc. I am finally seeing people for what shape they are instead of seeing them as being ultra thin just because they were thinner than me....hope that makes sense.

Another thing I've noticed is that I must subconsciously only equate being thin with having a flat tummy. And because I've never felt that I've had a flat tummy, even now, then I don't see myself as being thin....but I'm trying to challenge that. Possibly you have that same mindset too?

 

[Jezebella]

RTM Day 46 (Week 7)

Thanks everyone for the great comments. Morticia I think we really do share a similar mind set with regards the flat tummy thing. It is the only thing I would really want to have surgery on. Everywhere else I am thin as.

Had another morning working at home, and had time for breakfast this morning - the most gorgeous fruit salad consisting of: banana, grape, strawberry, blackberry, raspberry and a few raisins, topped with a bit of strawberry muller light. It was really heavenly. I so love mornings when I don't have to rush- such a treat for me who usually has 15 minutes to rush out the door.

I pre packed food to take to the wimbledon office as I knew I wouldnt be home and was heading to the drinks party this evening. Both tastings went really well and got loads of work done in between. Had my leftover curry at about 2pm. Thought this was a good option as I wanted to have a decent meal with some carb if I did decide to have a drink in the evening, also so that I would be full enough not to be tempted by the canapes.

Had put on some make up and a nice smart casual outfit. Felt really good about myself, but also slightly nervous as I had not seen any of these people since February -way before starting LL. A lot of them knew via the grapevine that I had lost weight, but had not actually seen me.

Felt quite nervous when we were walking in, but shouldnt have been, apart from loads of people not actually recognising me, the compliments were fantastic. I was even told I was beautiful. The only downside to the evening (which in retrospect is fine) is that my close friend, who's farewell it was, pretty much ignored me and then her only comment to me after a brief hello, was "you look well".
What is funny is she is so obviously jealous. She has always had a weight problem and is a serial dieter, yet slated my decision to do LL totally. She claimed it was unhealthy and would set a really bad example for her daughter if she lived on shakes. This is the same lady who started a diet the same time as I started LL and said healthy eating and excercise is the only way to go! She stopped dieting a few weeks later and has put on even more. Still I shouldnt be too harsh as she is just in denial like I was for so many years. I hope one day she finds something that works for her. I had a glass of champagne of which I had about 3 sips, tasted nice but I didn't want anymore, especially as I was driving so just walked around with the glass and that way people asked no questions. Plenty of fatty food about, canapes, little samoosas, cheese straws, chocolate etc. The first thought was oh a snack would be nice as it was 4 hours since I last ate, but then thought omg this just smells awful and is just junk full of fat. I had a bar in my bag as a just in case. Felt quite virtuous turning down the bad stuff.

Headed home early as it wasn't the most fantastic party, and needed to get home to feed Ms Lily. Made a splendiferous dinner of chicken breast with mustard and thyme, served this with cauliflower puree, chantenay carrots, fine beans, patty pans and the remainder of the asparagus, cabbage and pea mix from the other night. Almost felt like a good old roast dinner! Cauliflower puree is one of my favourite things, so much a favourite that it is on my new work menus!

Pud was my favourite yoghurt the black cherry, with a jelly and hot fruit compote, sprinkled this with a few chopped pistachios which must be the nicest nut out there, they give a great crunch and fabuous colour, also sprinkled on a few raisins which always make the compotes really special, you get these little pockets of sweetness in your mouth - such a flavour sensation, cannot wait for porridge(which I usually hate) with banana and raisin.

Having a bar and a cuppa shortly before heading off to bed. Have another tasting tomorrow evening so will pack snacks for whilst I am there and make sure I eat well during the day.

I am feeling much more relaxed about the food in the last few days, seem to be eating about the same amount calorie wise daily even if it is unplanned. Also don't seem to be putting on weight which is fab.
I feel more in control again, and am finding eating 3 bigger meals with a small snack easier than trying to fit in lots of small meals and snacks. Also feeling very happy that I am regulating meal times. Also that I am listening to my body and actually eating when I am hungry.

So all in all a good day for me. Have made a nice shopping list for the weekend to prepare for Week 8. Also planning to to a bit of a cook in this weekend as next week is busy and I also have little fur babies due!!!!!!!!

Jez
xx

 

[Morticia]

Hey Jez,

I know how you feel about your friend. I had that too when I saw my friend last. I actually felt nervous before going in (I mentioned it in my thread) I made a point of telling her she looked good and she looked like she had lost weight, even though I could not see it...it's nice to be nice....and I got nothing back in return. That was the first and probably the only time I've overeaten on RTM, but got over it fairly quickly. You did even better as you can recognise it's not about you...it's about her and her denial. Well done you for not being pulled into a drama triangle with it.

Your breakfasts sound lovely. How do you make the compote? I've been having porridge with various toppings, frozen summer berries, apple and cinnamon, greek yoghurt and sultanas....yum. Before LL if I did have porridge it would always be salted...funny how tastes change.

So is this your first trigger week? What you planning on having first?