Jezebella's Journey Forward

[slendablenda]

Wonderful post Jez. You are in the adult frame of mind with this. If we were constantly the same weight we could be statues or cardboard cut outs. We wouldn't be real people.
I went for pop-in tonight. I felt like a house, was ready with my excuses, was convinced I'd put on, told my LLC I'd had a bad week - which was true, but not food wise.
Got on the scale - 2lbs off!She said "drama queen".
Then she introduced me to her new group who only started a week ago and asked me to tell them how much I've lost.
I came away with a spring in my step.
I had nearly not gone for my weigh in....
Hope you've had a wonderful birthday celebration with your friend and your new baby. Love to Bliss too xxx
It's still all in our heads isn't it.

 

[Jezebella]

Indeed all in our heads, well done on the 2lb loss!! Am looking forward to WI tomorrow to see how the scales are since Saturday. According to my scale I am another pound down again this morning, but will wait till tomorrow to see for sure. I should be where I need to be by about Friday at this rate. worst case scenario till the following Tuesday which will make it 2 weeks. I am feeling a lot more comfortable now. In control so to speak.

Have a happy week

Jez
xx

PS new baby is brilliant, birthday party was fabulous, will post new baby pics tomorrow night!

 

[peony]

Hello lovely
I have had a quick read back and see you are having a short while on LLL - Good luck with that, I am not sure how many pounds you are worrying about - I am sure it isn't too many, but I understand the need to get control even if it is only a few.

I am trying to keep on top of things, and I have a holiday in a few weeks. I am trying to keep calm about it and am thinking hell if I put a few more pounds on I will just revisit packs briefly - so reading your diary has been really quite reassuring.

Also read this with interest: "I became "bored" of permanent diet thoughts, diet head processes etc"
I have only been off packs a month or so but I really understand what you are saying - I just feel like "I" am defined by food - what I can and what I can't eat and I am soooooo bored of it at the moment. It has been the central factor in my life since July 1st last year and I really feel like I need to allow something else be central to my thoughts for a change!

Well darling, you are doing so well - such an inspiration. And I LOVE your new hair, you look amazing.

Hugs
ssssssss

 

[Jezebella]

4 May 2010

So back to work.. feels like I have never been away, and now I have seen the sheets for the next 2 months I am shuddering at the thought!! Days off will be few and far between Oh well, I have a few days off with the new baby to look forward to.

Tootled off to class tonight - the last class or pop in I will probably manage for a while, but it is the thing that keeps me on the straight and narrow- woohoo I have lost 8lbs in a week!! I know mostly its a whole bunch of water, but I am now in my very happy weight, so going to keep going for a few more days, possibly Friday or till the end of the weekend, depending on what the losses are like. I just want to be a few pounds below my happy weight which still gives me a fair few pounds to play with if the going should get rough!! I am finding it really quite easy and still loving the whole not really ever hungry feeling.

The birthday party was a huge success. It was the most wonderful thing to give someone who is usually really stressed a wonderful relaxing day off and see her happy and smiling the kitten loving wasn't bad either!!! I planned the food so it was LLL Friendly and knew exactly what I was allowing myself to eat. I didn't want to make a huge fuss over not eating or drinking, so had coffee then soda because I was "thirsty" and then had a glass of champers poured which I just carried around. As noticed previously with a drink in your hand nobody questions you. Tuna nicoise for lunch, left the yummy bread and potatoes out, so it was just beans, tomato, fresh tuna and boiled egg. At Cake time, I took a piece, broke it up and then managed to "clear" plates to the kitchen at get rid of it that way. Not that I really didnt fancy a piece but hey there is another day for cake.

All in all a great success!!

Peony darling, so good to hear from you You are still looking amazing, and I am glad it is going so well for you. The diet headspace does get irritating from time to time, and for a while I just needed to get away because I deal with food all day at work, and then its in my head dietwise all the time. I am permanently analysing what I should/could/should/want/wantbutnothaving eat etc and I just wanted to see if I could manage to do what "normal" people do. I managed for a good month or so then noticed a small gain so decided to get rid of it asap and pull my head back into the right place. It is far to easy to drift if you are not constantly aware of the process. This is just reaffirming all the great lessons I learnt. It will make it easier to carry on in the future. The other great, wonderful, amazing lesson I have learnt is that "yes, it's true I can still loose weight" the first time on LL was not a fluke, if I put my mind to it, I can shift it. This gives me great hope for future maintenence.

Right bed time, and another few days on LLL then a 10 day re introduction to food.

Have a wonderful week further

Jez
xx

 

[slendablenda]

Well done you Jez,
You havent lost the knack. Fantastic.
All those subtle avoidance tactics you used at the party. Great self control too.
Strange how nobody questions youwhen you look like you've got food or drink, but if you had said, "no, I'd better not have the cake" they would have felt like it was a challenge to get you to have some!
It's lovely watching your friends happy and enjoying their special time isn't it.
You are a real giver Jez.
I'm so please for you that you have shifted those few pounds before they took hold - even though Iknow you are below your goal weight - skinny !!!!!
Don't work too hard.xx

 

[Morticia]

Hi Jez,

Good to hear you're doing so well. Have fallen away from here when you stopped posting (Naughty Jez!). i've put on half a stone and have been toying with the idea of packs again. I've given myself a few weeks of being back at class etc, the trouble is I seemed to be taking 1lb off then 1lb on so not getting anywhere. Though my LLC always says that in itself is maintaining, I don't want to maintain at this stage, I want to lose. No not made my mind up fully. Went last night with the intention if I had put on then I'd do packs again, but I stayed the same.

Can I ask what you're having in a typical day Jez hun? Sorry if you've already noted it somewhere and I've missed it. Anyway, I've missed you so it's good to hear from you.

 

[Jezebella]

5 May 2010

So my first morning since the start of my little LLL escapade where there has been no significant weight loss. Not a problem however as I have lost more than enough in the last week to get me into my happy happy weight zone which is still a fair way under my original goal. I know also know that I have lost the full glycogen load which is usally about 7lbs, so will push on for a few more days and see where that leaves me. I do want to be under my happy weight to give me a little leeway in the busy weeks ahead. Not that I intend to eat badly but, sometimes things are hard to control out in the field. It has been remarkably easy to get back into the swing of it all, but then it has only been a week which also seems quite a while... I then remember I did 4 months of abstinence so a week is nothing

Morticia hunny so good to hear from you. I have been wondering how the bloody hell you are!!! I was doing pretty much the same as you putting on a pound loosing it then up 2 down 1, down 2 etc etc - My LLC also said this is maintaining. But I did miss that lovely very thin feeling I had when I finished abstinence. and I knew I wanted to be at the lower end of my "box" so as I was nearer the higher end, which was the weight I finished abstinence on I decided to head back for the weight I finished RTM on. LLC gave me the lite book, just for the eating plan so it is pretty much 3 packs and then a protein meal at night with veg and greens pretty much from the first few weeks of RTM. No Lemon, diet coke etc etc All the other Abstinence rules apply. It took me about 3 days to get into Ketosis but even the first few days were not bad as you already know what to expect. My first day I felt a bit of carb withdrawal and that was about it. Apart from anything it has been a useful way of making sure I remember all the rules that were so clear in my head during abstinence and early RTM. Although I am confident with eating normally and I know my eating habits have completely changed, it has been important to remember I am not perfect at it and this is early days still so sometimes small wobbles will occur.

Have a wonderful day ahead and Morticia let me know how you go. Look forward to hearing from you SOOOOOOON, and have you heard from TI?? I sent her a PM a while back but no reply

Jez
xx

 

[Morticia]

Hi Jez,

Thanks so much for the info. I'm still undecided what to do. My LLC said she did not recommend Lite if I was wanting to lose less than a stone. So the option is balance I think, two packs a day, one protein meal and this is where I get confused with what else, LLL seems a bit more clear cut. Then of course I have the added confusion of getting up today and being 2lb lighter than I was on Tuesday morning. So would I be better just trying to cut back for the sake of 5lb, or will that 2lb decide to jump back on by next week....ohh god it's all so difficult. I want to abdicate responsibility for all this!

I've not heard from TI, if you're out there reading this Hun, give us a wave...

It's lovely to come back and be able to read your journal Jez...

 

[Jezebella]

6 May 2010

Jeeeeeeeeeeeez it was a manic day and it is only getting worse for the next few weeks. Still no loss this morning on the scales so either I am in for a fairly big one soon or I have just levelled out. Will see how things are tomorrow and then decide if I start re introducing food on Saturday or Monday. I really want to be on food again before I head for Windsor on Tuesday. But then in reality I did Paris Airshow on packs so could do this on LLL too. I guess it is just a wait and see game. As I am already at a weight I am now happy with loosing another lb or 2 is not the be all and end all of the world.

Morticia hunny, quite strange that when I said to my LLC that I wanted to loose a few pounds and go back on a percentage of packs for a bit, he immediately suggested LLL. 2 packs a day and a protein meal is less than you have on LLL, so are only 2 packs and a meal wise? If you are on LLL it at least delivers all your nutritional needs in terms of vits and minerals It is not as easy to cut back as we would imagine. I also considered and tried a few times "cutting back" (ref to my comments for Peony in her thread) I never really ate that much, and hadnt yet even tried half the things I wanted to taste. So felt a bit "rebellious child" about having to "cut back" which is why it was so much easier to flip back into "pack" head space. It is just calm and soothing and many less decisions. If we are eating it is always easy to find a way to have a little more and sneak around it. It is a huge contributing fact to how most of us got onto LL anyway. We can always find "excuses" to eat so to speak - it is why Abstinence works!! Lol sorry soooo not meaning to ramble, just so happy to have you back on the boards, I felt so lonely on here for ages. I have found someone who might do some photos for me, so wondering if I should get some of my Burly gear on for them, lol not that I want to steal your ideas

Right a little election watching, so hoping everyone got the chance to place their vote, because so many people in this world would give anything to have the opportunity to vote. I remember voting in the first Democratic Election in SA and it moved me to tears, so many people fighting for years for the opportunity to voice their opinion and make a vote. They queued for days some of them. A new dawn for Britain tomorrow, let us hope it holds good things for us all

Jez
xx

 

[Morticia]

Hi Jez, I think the balance one is two packs and two meals but not sure which meals and what to have. I think 3 packs and 1 protein meal seems easier. I shall go tomorrow night and have another chat about it as my weight is still fluctuating. 2lb off one day, 2 on the next!!....I want a rest from all of this!

I hope you do decide to have the piccies done especially a burlesque one....you would look fab, especially with the new hairdo....

Hope you've had a good few days.

 

[Jezebella]

17 May 2010

I am back from Windsor... somewhat exhausted.... will post with all news in the next few days and reply to all these interesting posts I have missed out on.

Hope all is well with everyone, all I can say is that I am ecstatic to be home again!!!

Jez
xx

 

[Jezebella]

7 June 2010

Just a quickie, I am still alive! - barely, work is stupid busy but I promise a long post over the weekend to fill you all in. Love you all madly and miss you much, sorry for the lack of posts

Jez
xx

 

[daisydoll]

hi jez
i was wondering where you had vanished to!
work sounds mad - are you mananging to stay on track with eating ok?
look forward to hearing from you properly soon
daisy x

 

[slendablenda]

Yeah, I've been wondering too, nothing since coming back from Windsor, and where's Peony and Mort too? It gets a bit quiet round here.
I'm also thinking about BL and how she's doing.

 

[Jezebella]

10 June 2010

Well, strange feeling but I finally have a night at home on my own, with the housework done and am sitting on the couch relaxing. Mmmm did I mention this feels weird??? It has just been so busy at work and will continue to be so until the end of July. The good news is I am still maintaining. I seem to have finally found my happy level. I am a kilo up on the end of my little LLL stint, but I don't seem to move much from that apart from the usual up and down on certain days. Obviously my body is pretty happy here. I still eat well, and do have the odd treat, but am starting to learn to balance things out naturally... well it seems so, whereby if I have had a bit of a treaty day then I have a light day the next day. Still fitting into the size 8's and am using that as a pretty good guide. If they fit well I am happy, if they feel a little tighter then I know I have to watch it. I have tried really hard the last few weeks not to jump on the scales every couple of hours- there is just too much variance in body weight in a single day and it starts to mess with my head and I find myself becoming paranoid. Other news, I celebrated my 38th birthday on Saturday, instead of on the actual day - lol was busy that night doing a dinner for 500!! Just a few girls in the afternoon at the fabulous Cellar Door for Gin and Tease - a wonderful afternoon of burlesque, cocktails, caberet, casino and cupcakes!! A few other friends joined us later in the evening and we had a fantastic time. Bad news was waking up the next morning with the evil red child Mr Chai having a huge pee on my bed!!!!! not the greatest way to wake up on a day off so spent half the morning scrubbing and drying the mattrass, laundering the duvets etc. I was soo unimpressed and it is not the first time he has done this. Good news is little Krakatau/Nimue/Frankfurter Face is doing well, and I am so looking forward to the day I can bring her home. Sadly I am having to wait a little longer than expected as I have 10 days away at the Farnborough Airshow so don't want to bring her home till after that is done as it really wouldn't be fair on her.

It was so strange to think that this time last year I was still in abstinence and had a birthday eating and drinking nothing apart from packs - how times have changed!!! I am only a 3 months off my 1 year maintaining anniversary. I still don't quite believe that I am a "thin" person, but I think I am getting there slowly and learning to accept myself now. I still want surgery if possible.. but not with the urgency I did a few months ago. I am still going to investigage it on the NHS as I really don't see how I can afford it privately. No real news on the man front sadly, but hey the right guy will come along at some point.

Sending much love to you all and off to read the boards now.

Jez
xx

 

[daisydoll]

wow jez, i am so impressed with you! you are doing sooo well, and it seems with ease, you really have got your head sorted!
make sure you find time to relax tho, you sound incredibly busy!

happy belated birthday - sounds like you hadfun

daisyx

 

[Jezebella]

Thanks DD, I doubt my head is sorted, but for this moment in time I feel in a good place mentally about my weight. Will post some Birthday pics soon. I felt really sexy and glam, lol and the fact another woman commented on my outfit and said it looked good must have meant I was looking pretty alright <G>

J
xx

 

[Morticia]

Hey Jez, just popped in to read about your LLL journey again and see how you're doing. Hope all is well and you're living life to the max.

 

[Jezebella]

Right so as not to clutter up the main boards let me ticker test here!! Should probably update this page anyways

J
xx

 

[peony]

yes you should!
And hey Miss Slinky - get your latest stats! WELL DONE! Where you at now then? back into maintenence? You are inspiring honey pie.
Have a fab week, don't work too hard!!!
hugs
xxxxxxxxxxxxx