Jo's success story

Hi Jo :) Just a quick post to touch base and see how you're doing.... Managed to fight through to my first day SS in forever (whoop whoop) but I'm positively knackered! Lol

I'll catch up tomorrow, big hugs.

B xx
 
Day 3 and still here!

Last night was a horrible series of massive compulsions to eat followed by rationally talking myself out of it.

At least the rational me won! And this morning I seem to have dropped 4lbs of my bloat, which puts me back at only 3lb over my lowest and shows me fresh fat burning will soon be possible :D

Today will be hard because of the very tempting Friday lunch! However my rational self tells me that eating some cheesy chips and garlic bread (or similar) isn't really worth it compared to the possibility of getting down a further 10 lbs or so.

I hope rational thinking wins today too!


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Unfortunately, rational thinking went out the window! I managed to be strong all day in the office but after a pretty challenging afternoon, ended up eating a load of crisps and chocolate, followed by a Burger King, followed by more crisps and chocolate! After thinking how ridiculous that was, I had a 100% day Saturday, followed by another stupid day yesterday!

Which means pretty much what I've been doing for the past couple of weeks is one day on, one off, maybe two on, one off etc.. And that results in losing 3/4lbs of bloat, then putting it straight back on. 3 weeks before my wedding, I've wasted another week managing a couple of days on plan then coming off right before I hit ketosis. Is it really worth it?

Well, it feels it at the time, but then times like now I realise how ridiculous it is to be punishing my body like this. I'm also aware if I don't get this under control now ill be going away for the wedding at 182+ and won't be surprised to come back at 190+ which is just an utter joke at this point.

I'm actually boring myself with this stupid irrational self sabotage so apologies if I'm boring anyone else reading this! I genuinely never understood how someone could do this to themselves, just thought to myself that you're either on or you're off, simple as that, and that anyone messing about like this was obviously on the wrong plan. But I know I can do it in the right headspace.

If I thought maintenance was an option at this stage I'd genuinely try it, but the trouble is, I know its really not until I hit goal (which I'm still fixated on) and it looks like that won't be pre wedding. I can be pretty near to it if I sort myself out now but I know I'm going to have to go back on plan after the wedding for honeymoon gain and to get to goal. Ill make that so much easier for myself if I sort myself out now. Otherwise I'll be dreading coming home to a huge task.

Other thing is, I'm at that awkward weight now where my smaller clothes do fit (just) but larger don't as I don't seem to have any in between sizes. Really don't want to go back to work pretty much where I started and be back in 'fat clothes' as I know people will notice.

Also asked bf for honest opinion on whether I look like I've gained weight since coming off plan at the start of June and he said I do a little bit (ouch, but I did ask!) and I also took my measurements to find they've gone up a bit so need to stop deluding myself the 8lbs up to 182 is all water - some must be, but some isn't, and as such, I need to tackle that weight gain before it gets out of control like it has in the past.

If I get back on plan for the next 3 weeks, which I know I can if I set my mind to it, I can be below 168 when we leave for the wedding. I think I have to do this or I'll always regret it and spend my wedding and honeymoon worried about my weight, which I would absolutely hate.

So, I'm back at 182 this morning (FFS!) and have 21 days to sort myself out and hit below 168. Strategy is back to days broken into slots of 4 hours and telling myself that the food will still be there honeymoon. I'm aiming to get to the end of day 4 and see how I feel then, which I'm hoping is ketosis happy! I also intend to write anything I eat off plan down on this page. Read writing down what you're eating as you're eating it is a good strategy to combat binge eating and I'm thinking ill also not want to have to write my ridiculous binges down for all to see!

It's getting to the point where this is my last chance to sort myself out and I don't want to waste that chance. So, back to day 1 slot 1 and an hour in.. Will update later.




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And then I come into work in my work clothes, looking good, and start thinking I don't mind being this weight!

Arghhhh I annoy myself so much. It's really not about looking good at this weight in work clothes, its about looking good for my wedding, and in a bikini and giving myself a holiday gain buffer to ease the diet pain when I get back! Seriously irritating myself and its not even 10am!


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Hi Jo, hope you're getting on ok this evening? Your honesty on here helps me with my own issues, thanks x
 
Hi Jo, hope you're getting on ok this evening? Your honesty on here helps me with my own issues, thanks x

Hi! Look how amazing you're doing :D Huge congrats on your losses so far. Today didn't go as planned :( Frustrated that if I'd just stayed on plan I could be down at 160lbs now. Still, tomorrow is another day. Sorry to be a let down, going to keep trying to do better!
 
You're not a let down to anyone, you keep getting up and trying again, despite finding it very tough. That's so admirable. I'm nowhere near that danger zone yet, but believe me, I expect to have some tribulations as I get nearer goal weight. I suspect we share a perfectionist streak. You seem to hold yourself to such high standards that when you feel as though you might not hit them, you go into a self-attacking mode. Forgive me if I have that wrong x

Thanks for your lovely supportive message, I am keeping this diet 'secret' from loads of people, so it's so nice to get a little cheerleading at times! :)

You will ace tomorrow!
 
You're absolutely right, I am a perfectionist. I'm also a major control freak, and the only area of my life I'm not controlling over is food, as I have a real binge eating issue. Although I do want to overcome it, it makes me feel better at the time, and is sort of a release for me, same way smoking and drinking are for other people. I guess I just kind of subconsciously feel that if I overcome this, I won't have an outlet and that makes me self sabotage.

You are really doing amazingly well. I try to keep the number of people who know about the plan to a minimum as people can be so judgmental. People must have started to notice that you've lost tons of weight?! Even bigger congrats from me for doing this without lots of support, as it can be so difficult at times.

Thanks for saying hello, as it does help that people read my ramblings!
 
Hi Jo

Sorry not been around in ages... Sounds like you have been hanging out in my self recrimination zone.

In sheer desperation I have taken to hypnotherapy... It worked for labour so why not weight loss.

3 nights in, one session a night and - hey presto no binging!!!! Which given that's all I've been doing lately is massive!!!

Shame I've only got two weeks until holiday. Still may drop a stone in that time if I'm lucky!!!!
 
Hi Jo

Sorry not been around in ages... Sounds like you have been hanging out in my self recrimination zone.

In sheer desperation I have taken to hypnotherapy... It worked for labour so why not weight loss.

3 nights in, one session a night and - hey presto no binging!!!! Which given that's all I've been doing lately is massive!!!

Shame I've only got two weeks until holiday. Still may drop a stone in that time if I'm lucky!!!!

That's amazing! You can definitely drop that.

I tried seeing a hypnotherapist earlier this year but wasn't impressed with her really, maybe I just wasn't in the right headspace. Still got the CD she gave me to use so maybe I'll try using that again. Felt I didn't have time to listen to it every night but I've certainly got time to food shop and binge at the moment, so no excuse!

Hope you keep it up, you deserve a good couple of weeks :)


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Awful day yesterday and the scales seem to be going up a lb a day, so Im going for a 100% day today.

Just keep repeating 'I am in control'!


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Think I'm feeling good about restarting now.

There's been a lot of me thinking I wish I could be in the right headspace, and I don't know what's holding me back etc and really, stupid as it sounds, its only just clicked that these are my choices to make.

I only get in the right headspace by making the decision to stick to it. Obviously, there's always the temptation to just say bugger it and have another day off plan, but that's me too.

Some of it is bound to be physical in that carb and sugar cravings are pretty difficult to deal with. But I've dealt with those successfully before during the first few days of the plan.

Team lunch on Friday, which I'm inclined to use an excuse, but I've not eaten at a team lunch before and nobody cared, so again, my choice and my issue.

Only I can decide I'm going to stick to this for the next 19 days and drop below 170 for my wedding. Only I can decide that I want to sit on that plane and spend those 3 weeks happy eating knowing that any gain will be on top of a weight much lower than I am now. How I feel about myself is totally up to me.

Ill worry about maintenance and 5:2 and healthy eating and exercise blah blah when I get back. I can't use that as an excuse to be overwhelmed either as that won't even be an issue immediately I get back as I'll be using cambridge for honeymoon gain.

I'm going to say here what I'd think if someone else had written this diary:

Get a grip. Stop making excuses. Just do it and be happy and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Nobody is going to do it for you, and you do not need food so much you can't manage less than 3 weeks 100%.

I think I need to give myself some firm tough love and just be in control now, like I know I can be.


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Ok, so I made a deal with myself..

Ate my chicken pieces for lunch (on plan) and told myself that if when I went to get the food shop (for my bf) there were hot fresh sausage rolls in the bakery I could have a binge today (I love love love the sausage rolls!). If not, no binge.

Good news is, there weren't any! And I stuck to my deal with myself and didn't buy anything for me. Heading home for a shake.

These 'food deals' are so silly, but I find myself making them all the time! Is it just me?!

Anyway, result is, day 1 on plan successful. Whoever bought that last sausage roll did me a favour!


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Day 2 now.

Feel so worried I won't make it through today which is obviously ridiculous as its my decision whether to stick or not!

184 on scales yesterday (totm so extra bloated) so majorly need to sort myself out as that 10lbs up in 5 weeks. If I can stick at this I reckon I can be 168 for wedding. Under 170 will do!

Feeling really scared today though :(


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Ok I'm back.

Major wake up call as I'm weighing at 197 this morning.

Went to wedding at about 180, came back at 188 after 3 weeks honeymoon (so not shocking) and managed to maintain at that for a few weeks with very little effort as I had no urge to binge.

Since I tried to get back on plan I've been stuck in a fast / binge cycle but that has to stop now, as I feel utterly disgusting. I need to get on track, lose 2 stone to bring me to 169 and then work out how I can avoid the huge water gain, whether that's with the steps or low carb or 5:2. In the meantime, healthy eating just won't do it.

So I'm on plan now til 17th when I have a weekend away. That should allow me to get down a stone. That following week will be getting back on track as I'm likely to have carb gain. Then from the 27th October I need 5 clear weeks for another stone to bring me to goal by 30th November. December will obviously be busy with parties etc, but that'll be the month I work on how to maintain.

Here's to day 1.


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And yet, I get into the office and feel like I still look nice and then think I don't care!

Also massively irritated I'm in London next week for 3 nights and my colleague has booked into the same one and him being there makes it really difficult for me to stay on plan cause he'll want to eat together every night. Annoying.


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Good luck Jo and well done for getting back on. You know the first few weeks are the hardest, can you stick to protein and veg/salad next week? Borning I know but it's only for a few weeks, you'll have that weight off in no time if your 100%. x
 
So, thought I'd update this diary, as I'm in a really happy place and want anyone who's read this to know I haven't given up on having a success story!

I've been back on plan for 4 weeks and I'm down to about 182. I'm planning on spending til 31st January on SS (hoping to get down to a BMI of 25 by then) and will follow this with the steps. I'm doing two weeks on step 2 and a further 4 weeks on steps 3,4 and 5 and an additional 1800 calorie step.

So why is this time different? Why will this work for me this time when it hasn't so many times before? Two reasons, I think.

Firstly, I've been seeing a counsellor to pick apart all the things that have happened in my life to make me want to continually binge despite knowing how unhappy it makes me. I think its going well, and it certainly can't hurt.

Secondly, I've registered myself for a gym membership starting the 31st January. I know I can't exercise on the lower steps so have timed it like that so I start going once I'm on step 2. I don't plan to overdo it - 3 x 30mins cardio while I'm on step 2, and adding 5 mins per session for each step I move up. Will hopefully end up doing 3 x 45 minute sessions a week as a minimum, and do more if I'm in the mood. Don't want to set myself stupid goals like an hour+ every day, as I know I'll soon get fed up with that, and I'd be setting myself up to fail. Any cardio is better than the no cardio I'm doing at the moment. I also used to do 15minutes of yoga every day which I found really grounding, so may pick that up again for toning and relaxation once I'm in my cardio routine.

I'm feeling really happy and positive tonight and believing I may have a success story after all!
 
Love that x


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Great story, fantastic progress. Well done! Starve/binge is a complicated life problem as much as it is about food. You're on the fast track to success x
 
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