Kira's Diary (Re-start Day 5)

[Katycakes]

That's great!!! Every day done is a day closer to goal, you CAN do it.

I was on/off CD all last year, never lasted more than a day or two... and this time I have had two wobbles along the way where I have struggled and eaten off-plan, but the difference is that each time I hauled my sorry self back on the wagon. So I think it IS a mindset, we may not be perfect but a derailment is not going to stop me this time... so many, many times I have made the mistake of eating off-plan and then using it as an excuse to chuck the diet altogether. Look where that got me!

We are doing this Kira, stay strong and have a fab weekend!

xxx

 

[Kira]

Oh! Katy! I 'get' what you say and how eating off plan can derail one. On one hand sticking to SS easy yet on the other hand it is so hard, requiring absolute discipline and focus, something I simply can't apply when food comes into the equation... not yet anyway.

You are right we will do this. I'm not prepared to have to do CD in a year's time. I want this attempt to be my last and to suceed in maintaining weightloss.

Day 6 and I am so close to completing a full week. I'm trying to hold out having my CD pack at 12. I find if I stick to the same routine I have a work at the weekends it helps. I tell myself to hang in for another half an hour and distract myself with something that will make that half hour appear to go by quicker. This helps me avoid that danger time when my head is telling me "give it up, it's just to hard".

So, time to sip more hot water (feeling so cold!).

 

[Katycakes]

I am counting the minutes till 12 as well Kira! What are we like?

xxx

 

[mellie]

I feel what your saying so much I started the diet in 2009 did fantasic then my life got in the way @ the end of 2009 and I was really unhappy in 2010 and could not stick to plan I would get to day 3 and wobble and give up. I have been going along fine for a few weeks now and am nearly back at the weight I got to in 2009 but I take a day @ a time. I am looking forward and not back each new day is a day for me to do well & I hope to stay on track. Reading the posts on here does help me out alot and my hubby is doing the dukan diet at the mo so has not been tempting me which I think helped me get back in my groove. My hubby & I have a bet on betwen us and I am planning to win as I am just as competative as he is ! So keep plodding you have done well not to give up and walk away xx We all get there in the end x

 

[Kira]

Mellie it's great to hear your got back on track after your 2009 success. I completely understand doing 3 days of SS and then just falling off......... and then trying again. For me, it is a case of I have to want to do it and even my attempt of doing 8 days then letting life get in the way was all due to 'headstuff'. I know I have to address that in the longterm because otherwise I will always turn to CD for a fix. My husband is so supportive as are my kids, and I simply have no excuse so sabotage myself, so like you a day a time, not looking back but at where I am today and ahead. Hope to report back tomorrow that I have had a successful day 6!

 

[Kira]

5 March 2011
Argh!! Behind schedule again! What is wrong with me! I have been losing and gaining the same 7 to 8 pounds again and again! I guess one way to look at it I am not getting any bigger?! Yeah! Right!

Clearly stuffing my face all week has not made the stress go away and it won't. Nothing will, I simple have to handle it. Work stress is not life threatening.......though it felt like it yesterday. I wish I had the overdeveloped sense of responsibility I have for work matters for myself. Where is my responsibility for me, to take care of myself be fitter, healthier?

So here I am again. Day 1 a little further behind schedule...

 

[Katycakes]

If it's any consolation I am having regular falls from the wagon too. Sometimes feel so hacked off with it all I want to give up but manage to keep plodding. For me, over-eating only adds to the stress but my stupid head doesn't seem to have caught onto that message just yet! Chin up Kira, you can do it.

xxx

 

[Kira]

Argh! A whole week has gone by and I am exactly where I started! This is really my last attempt at CWP as otherwise I may has well burn the money I spend on the packs or just hand it over to my Cambridge Consultant!
As ever, excuses galore about what life is throwing at me at work at as a juggling mother etc. One would have thought that I'd have learn that no amount of comfort eating is going to (a) make stuff go away and (b) actually 'comfort' me

I've used so many excuses, from self sabotage to blaming a particulare friend whom I do see as a saboteur but ultimately she isn't physcially forging food down my throat, I am! Can't beleive I tell the kids "stick and stones my hurt my bones...etc" Why can't I apply that to myself when it comes to my friend saboteur?

So, for the very last time, I am attempting the CWP and trying to gain control. I know I said it a week, ago and the time before that and the time before that. This really is a rant to myself, so anyone reading please just ignore.

 

[Katycakes]

:hug99:

xxx

 

[Kira]

Tuesday 19 April 2011 4 weeks have passed and I am exactly where I was 4 weeks ago! Exactly where I was at the beginning of the year. The vicious cycle of sticking to SS for 5 even 9 days and then bingeing has to stop.

I am my own worst enemy. So what is different this time? Nothing really just don't want to give up entirely on myself and end up even bigger and heavier than I am.

Back into SSing, back in to C25K training (managed that once before and didn't keep running up) and I've discovered the 30 Shred having read about it on the forum which I'd like to try.

So I am trying CD again.

 

[Katycakes]

Good luck Kira. The spring has cheered me up lots and made things seem more possible, so maybe that will help you too? Go for it! I too have had such a rocky ride on CD this time that I finally stepped back and chose to try a food-based diet, after full-on weeks of binges post-CD I am finally back on track and have amazed myself by managing the food and finding a safe, calm place in it all. The relief after the ups and downs of last few months is huge. So never give up hun, if it turns out that CD is not the right path, don't despair because there are other ways. And if I can make the change, with all my fears and messed-up thinking about food/ CD, then anyone can.

Hoping this time CD will work for you Kira, you can do it. But all paths lead to goal, and whatever plan we are on we can help each other along the way!

Sending a big hug.

xxx

 

[Kira]

OH! Katy, I'm welling up reading your post!. Sigh!

Wishing you all the best on SW. Kira xx

 

[Katycakes]

Thanks Kira... I wouldn't be here if it weren't for minis friends, and I am so glad I hung on. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone with this, a good few of us have been through the same thing and it IS possible to come out the other side. Hope the sun is shining on you Kira where you are, have a fab day! and remember we are all in this together!

xxx

 

[Kira]

Wed 20 April Day 3 which means I completed day 2! I kept myself very busy by a huge declutter and good cleaning and laundry session. Was great to hang up the washing on the line in the lovely sunshine. Sad to be spending school holidays on cleaning but better than sipping wine and eating loads of food! Scheduled shakes for 12pm, 6pm, and 8-8.30 pm. My mind seems to accept I have until 12 for first shake, and then I have to wait until exactly 6 on the dot for the next! So here's to a busy and active day, sun is shining and I will focus on sticking to SS today.

 

[Katycakes]

Yay Kira! So glad Day Two is done and dusted. I have a ton of washing to put out shortly and sun still shining here, wooo!!!

xxx

 

[mercury21]

Day 3 for both of us

Morning Kira,

this restart is going brilliantly for you - we'll crack this together.

Stay busy as planned and remember how great you must have felt this morning waking up knowing you are sticking to it and how quickly you will lose the weigh if you carry on the same way. x

 

[saraian24]

Well done Kira, I hope you have another fabulous 100% cd day - you can do it!! you too katycakes - best of luck girls xx

 

[Kira]

Ladies thanks for your posts! I'm feeling on a real high! I think the sunny weather is really helping! Went to see CDC and lost 4 and half pounds since last week! I did confess I'd completed 2 days and today was Day 3 but it was encouraging I still showed a loss.

Feel focussed to complete today and keeping busy and active really helps. I do get very tired in the evening so I end up crashing and in bed by 9! Which is great as it stops me thinking about food and wanting it! Feeling good, I can do this! Ok so I have to keep telling myself that!)

 

[Kira]

Day 4 which means I have completed day 3! Still feeling focused and very happy. Happy is a nice place to be! So needed this time of work! Managed to run just less than a mile and a half and it felt so good! Ran for 14 mins 26 sec! So my aim is to increase that by a minute each time I run if I can. Here's to another day I can complete.

 

[Kira]

Had restless night, felt a little nauseous and kept waking up. Had upleasant vivid dreams. Still feel very nauseous and have a slighlty 'dicky' tummy. Not sure how else to describe it? Think I'll try and drink more water today, although I've been drinking the required amount just wondering if I need to up the water? Do hope I feel better once I've had a coffee and woken up properly! I'd normally use the excuse of feeling like this to eat something and then give up entirely and go back to the binge cycle because I'd eaten something may as well continue! Not this time. I am getting through another day of SS despite this awful nausea. urgh!