Thanks ladies I knew I was angry at myself and I shouldnt be but I couldnt shrug it off last night, I feel better this morning. I wish I showed some more restraint but I didn't. plus I only have healthy food in my house so at least my over eating wasnt the worst it could have been. Very bloated today, not enjoying that lol still no sign of period tho? not really sure what is going on down there! lol I am hoping it turns up. I think it may be why I am being quite mental too
So yesterday I did a shop in sainsburys and in their sale I found a kettlebell for 4.99! so cheap! Im going to download the kettleworx dvds and that can be another at home work out. Really been fancying the kettleworx for a long time and seen people with amazing results but its like 100 quid on ebay so I was chuffed when I saw that bargain! I also bought myself some posh new pans. They were definitely not in the sale! lol but I have my old cheap student pans that were asda smart price and they are all rusty and the non stick is peeling off so I decided to invest in some decent ones and these have a 10 year guarantee but I suspect they will last longer! They are very pretty
I also bought a couple bits of clothing, some jeans, a lovely day jacket and a dress, all in the next size down. The jacket is perfect already, the jeans are about a stone off Im guessing? and the dress is so close its tantalizing! It looks amazing everywhere but my tummy. Even with magic pants on! Its such a shame I carry most of my weight there. I think maybe its a stone away too, but not if I dont lose that stone off my tummy. I took some photos and I will show you all, see what you think!
Before the shop I went to therapy and the gym, both were really good! This weeks therapy topics were my dreams and my therapist pointed out to me that even though every dream was horrible, I always survived, I have never died in my hideous dreams, not once! I never really noticed that. I was so hung up on the crap that was going on around me. He asked me what I thought about dreams and what they were. I said that I thought they were an odd jumble and collection of thoughts that were in your head but you never really grasped or thought properly. all the subconscious and unconscious or semi conscious, almost there but not quite thoughts! He agreed and said that is exactly what he thought. He said that my brain is shouting at me to tell me something, again and again. You are a survivor. It kept putting me in increasingly horrible situations to labour the point, that I was never getting. Its funny cos this makes so much sense to me, and I have spent so much of my life thinking about these dreams, trying to change them or understand them or get rid. I never thought to look for positives and I always thought the theme was death, not survival. It has really given me alot to think about these last couple days. I have had several traumatic events in my life and Ive been so bogged down by negativity I never thought to look for the positives. I would say although therapy has helped me a lot over the years I have never really had any massive break throughs and this is a first! He has given me some exercises and things to try which may help reduce the amount of nightmares/ night terrors I get.
I then went from there to the gym and had a really good time, you know when you have the perfect work out and it makes you feel amazing! I had such a buzz but I was so hungry when I came home, so maybe that I why I ate so much?
Anyyyyywayy
Today started okay, up early and went for a morning swim. Then went into town for a few bits. The party I am going to on Sat is fancy dress with a made in china theme so my friend and I decided I would go as a pokemon and she as a pokemon trainer haha. So I am now sat in my mothers kitchen as we attempt to make a pikachu costume! I actually really enjoy it. When I went to uni the first time I made mine and all my friends costumes, so many to mention! My favourite was for a friend doing teachers training, for world book day she had to be a character and she chose red riding hood, so I made her a red riding hood! I remember being so impressed with myself over the hood! It was quite a challenge. Now that I am back home and my friends are all young professionals
I dont really go to many fancy dress parties - once a year mostly for halloween. But 2 years ago I got close to a friend of a friend and she has these random parties with random fancy dress themes and I absolutely love it! people get really creative! Last year I went to a greek mythology one and went as the god Urania. She is the god of the skys so I made a toga and a cape of the night sky. Last halloween the theme was inappropriate people - there were many jimmy savills
and Michael Jacksons lol Cant wait to see what people turn up as tmrw! its half the fun!
So Im off to sew some more, will post the pics of the dress in a sec!
x
