Liking yourself...how much does it matter to you?

[Prettyfacebut?]

NLP was definately the key to the door to me, cut through my own comfort zone and made me deal with my true problems (which I was happy to do!).
Yup...I realised that my comfort zone had become more of a comfort 'prison'. Had a real 'Ah-ha' moment (well quite a few) when I stopped focussing on others and put some work in on me.

Not saying I wouldn't like my ears slightly smaller but I certainly don't "hate" myself now either physically or psychologically.
.....for me its my HUGE feet

M.

XXX

 

[DQ]

NLP was definately the key to the door to me, cut through my own comfort zone and made me deal with my true problems (which I was happy to do!).
Yup...I realised that my comfort zone had become more of a comfort 'prison'. Had a real 'Ah-ha' moment (well quite a few) when I stopped focussing on others and put some work in on me.

Very deep words - thank you :wow:

 

[Gen]

Yep NLP for me too

Changed my life... now nothing is a problem!!

 

[caws]

I quite like the person that I am but don't always like the way that I look.

There are things about myself that I don't like - I can sometimes have a quick temper or am impatient but I think as a whole I am a 'nice' person.

I have definitely stayed overweight to make me less attractive because I haven't wanted someone to fall in love with me, but I've also said to myself that if someone didn't love me while I'm overweight then they are not worth being with !!

I now feel ready to have a relationship (if I can find anyone) and am also ready to lose weight to feel better about how I look but not to attract someone (if you can understand)

 

[wheels]

I'm an all or nothing person. And that is very definitely my biggest problem. If things aren't going to be perfect I'm not that interested in making them good. For example my flat spends most of its time being really really messy but then I will do a total blitz! I think this is why I find losing weight hard - I find it hard to pick myself up after a lapse and I just forget all about it. Until the next time that is!

I don't spend a lot of time worrying about whether other people like me but if I do reflect on it I do feel inadequate. Like I don't match up to what they'd like in a friend or colleague. I need to learn that perfect is unachievable and reach for my best instead.

 

[Kaitlyn]

I'm surprised at how negative some people are about themselves-I thought it would be a pretty natural thing to like yourself. After all, how can you do the best for yourself if you don't like yourself?

I like myself. I believe that we are controlled from within (I guess the nature part of the nature nurture debate), so we shape ourselves in to what we become and I just assumed everyone would shape themselves into something they like. I feel as though I do aim for the best for myself and if I didn't like myself, I wouldn't do that.

What's NLP by the way?

 

[loveydove]

I've always hated myself. A few years ago after seeing a documentary on self harm, I was thinking to myself that I would never do that. Then I realised that that's exactly what I do do.
I do want people to like me and go out of my way sometimes to please people; part of me though knows that I can't make people like me they either do or they don't, and I shouldn't compromise myself just to win acceptance.
I don't know how to learn to like myself or if I ever will. I've always believed that being a normal weight would be the key, but I really don't think it is now - I see losing weight as something I need to do in order to continue living my life; liking myself is entirely seperate from that.

 

[totty]

You know what....

I love myself :giggle:you gotta in my opinion....if you dont love who you are...then how is anyone else gonna love you :bliss:

I love my bits that jiggle ...arty0048:...and i love my bits that dont...

If you open your eyes in the morning....then that should be enough to make you smile arty0049:


I teach my childern to be exactly the same...there is no shame in loveing who you are...because you know what the best thing is...there is NO ONE else in the world like you :happy096:

I love my kids .....i love my OH ...and i love my family to bits :sign0168:

i love everyone :flowers:

 

[perseph0ne]

I think, yes, I do. Having battled depression and come out the other side stronger, a big part of that was accepting myself warts and all. It's an ongoing struggle, though, as I find it difficult to say that I like and accept my physical appearance in its current state. I think if I genuinely did, my weight loss would be easier, as I'd want to nurture and protect and cherish the body I had, by feeding it healthy things, and becoming more active for its own sake rather than how it could help my weight loss.

 

[Hezz123]

i dont like myself very much, i never really have. i used to self harm when i was a teenager, i dont anymore, and i should be proud, but now i just feel completely ashamed of myself. i constantly worry what people are saying about me - not people i dont know, i dont care about that, but my family mainly. if ive been out for a few drinks i worry for weeks incase i said something stupid or did something embarrassing, even if i hadnt been drunk.idont feel worthy of love really and still cant quite get my head round the fact that my man loves me. i hate my weight and i tend to put all my failures down to my weight.
on the other hand though i am very good at helping others and comforting people. im one of those people who gives really good advice but doesnt follow that advice themselves. im a very nervous person and i take calming tablets often - people are always shocked to hear all this as im abit of a chandler from friends and i hide everything behind humour!
sorry, rant over!

 

[Janey2004]

Has taken me a long, long time to like myself. Spent so many wasted years loathing myself. Partly because of the way I looked and mostly because I always felt I was nothing and meant nothing to nobody. But I'm finally at the stage in my life where YES I do like me. Have self doubt and moments when I want to give myself a good kick in the rear end, but basically I like being me.

 

[Grrlscout]

This is a really tough question to answer for me. I like myself for what I do, but not for who I am. I'm one of those tumbleweed people who's constantly in motion as a result. If I do something well, I am pleased because it shows I am worth praise in an objective sort of way. If I do something for someone else, it makes me happy, because I can see the positive impact of my effort to shift a mountain or two out of their way. But when I'm in the bath, on my own, in a quiet moment, not doing something? I'm not sure I really do like me that much.

It's down to my family and my upbringing - high expectations and high pressure to perform. I was praised for performing but for very little else. If I didn't perform, not only would I be punished, but my brother would miss out as well. Same went for him - he didn't perform, I missed out on treats or praise. Very twisted kinds of stuff, when you think about it.

I do like myself more when I'm at my goal weight, or getting in my fitness targets, because I'm hitting my goals. And I'm not sure that it's entirely a bad way to be, particularly in academics or in my career. It's just a question of balance.

Not really sure where to start on liking the parts of me that don't have to do with doing and have more to do with being...

 

[danzlilsista]

Very wise words Icemoose. I can't wait for the day when the struggle is over, I have been to target weight before and maintained for 8 years but feel that I have always struggled. I have been between 5 and 8 stone overweight for the last 13 years, it really is time to reach my happy weight.

 

[CuddlePaws]

Such an interesting question! I believe I do like myself deep down, although I don't like my habits and even my temperamental hormonal days make me want to run away from ME! But I do think you bring up strong valid points about how if you are to succeed in anything in life, you must first succeed from within!

BTW I know its totally off topic but I've been very impressed with the cambridge success rate on here. I've never been sold on 'shakes' or 'formula's' but I would like to know more about the diet. Is there a link, or more info anyone can provide that I could look into? Thank you!

 

[FatGirl2Slim]

I have just lost my fiance due to the way I see myself. I think I like myself but I hate my body so much that I have lived like a hermit since my teens. Losing my love has forced me to look at myself and to try to start living again. Not easy after being big all my life and having a mother who dislikes fat people.
Loving yourself is important but people are still cruel about a person's size.
Losing weight might not make me a happy person but it will give me the freedom I have craved for a long time

 

[thisisit]

There are aspects of myself i dont like, i do not like injustice to myself or others so i sometimes react in a way i regret by either questioning or defending others.

Liking myself seems to sound selfish and self obessed(my thoughts) and completed but the body, mind, soul are ever changing daily,90% of time I'me O.K and your O.K.

Now trying to live my own life for self not through others( mean dont do things because i feel i should i do because i really want to when i have a choice and i always do have a choice)

I have had to do loads of work on this caretaker aspect of my self, because while ime looking out for others and it was to the extreme.

Doing some things with N.L.P in the new year to break a few more barriers.

Over years liked my acheivements, liked my lifestyle, liking the body has been harder as this is the physical Image/impression i give others but the inside is different.

Will ponder on this as my thought for the day hum....!? Ava

 

[MoonLyte]

I used to absolutely hate myself,I guess that has improved a little.I still don't like myself very much and detest looking in the mirror.I cannot even look in the mirror to do affirmations.I sometimes think I look okay when I'm wearing make up but i know that's superficial.

People tell me i am sweet/nice/caring but I really don't see it.I see myself as horrible/critical and cold.

I also tend to keep myself busy a lot of the time to stop myself thinking about this aspect of myself,and when I do try to make time for myself, i will suddenly find something else that needs doing.

It is very important for us to accept and like ourselves without criticism but i am a loooong way off yet.

 

[RachelA]

I have hated myself for years, not just the way I look but also the kind of person I am. From the age of 14 (I was slim) everytime I caught sight of myself in a window or mirror I would say things like, 'fat cow' etc. This is something I still do. I recently left my husband and moved into a refuge with my 2 girls, then into ourn own flat, finally felt like things were getting better, only to have a sort of breakdown.
The upside of all this is that I finally realised I needed help and saught it, I am feeling better now and will start therapy in the new year which will hopefully help me deal with all the underlying stuff.
I hope that sometime in the not so distant future, I will be able to look in the mirror and like the person I see, not despise her.

 

[AmandaJayne]

Fascinating thread. Have thought about this question long and hard.

For me it is about self-acceptance. Learning to be comfortable in my skin, whatever its condition. Learning to accept any alleged 'flaws' in my personality.

Over time I learned to use food as a refuge/comfort/escape/drug to help me cope with living in the big bad world.

Learning to accept myself will hopefully take the pressure off. When I got to goal all those months ago, it really made no difference to how I viewed me. So, here I am back at square one, ready to lose the weight again.

This time, with a bit more understanding of the importance of changing mentally.

Here goes...

AJ

 

[1974rach]

Tough question and having read and re-read the entire thread I would have to conclude that while I don't necessarily hate myself, I definitely don't like myself.

I tend to be hyper-critical and when I do something silly I beat myself up, and I never feel "good" enough. A lot of what has been said has struck a chord with me, and I think I need to do some really soul searching.

Thought provoking question

xxx