phew! its been a LONG time gone! Just thought i would pop on to see you all and give you an update on the situation!
I have stopped starving myself and now seemed to have found peace and balance with my food.
I still use CD, during the day, and then i have an evening meal that is wheat free (as it seems im not intollarent to the stuff) and usually low carb.
I wont tell you that im 11 stone and a perfect BMI becuase im not!
Although that is classed as healthy, its a) impossible to maintain and b) made me a size where i looked ill!
I'm about 12 9 i think at the moment (going on clothes as i dont weigh myself), a beautiful size 12 and finally coping with food!
I had some chip shop chips last night, added a tuna salad and ate that bit first and didnt eat as many of the chips. I had some giant buttons, and put them away after i'd had enough and stopped noticing that i was eating them which seems to be my issue....i eat without noticing!!
Monday - friday are days where i am more controlling about my food, and weekends im a little more flexible.
I am having another tuna salad tonight for dinner with some stir fried prawns! YUM!
I start a new job in 8 weeks time too! The plan was to SS until then, but im just not unhappy enough! Ok, so my jeans are a little snug, but hay, they are a size 10...they're gonna be snug on my size 12 body!
I bought a dress yesterday from New Look....they have a pussycat dolls range and there was a dress in khaki green that i instantly fell in love with...size Small so i put it back....then after another walk round the store, i went back and picked it up and bought it! Tried it on last night and it is beautiful! It is cut perfectly under my bust and makes my waist look tiny! THAT was my defining moment!
Would i like to go back to my size 8/10 frame...yeah i suppose, but am i prepared to put myself through the emotional drama again? HELL NO!
When i started CD, i was a size 18 and weighed nearly 18 stone! I NEEDED to lose weight! Now, im just like other women you see on the street! I have a bit of padding here and there, but still a 12, so how can that make me unhappy?
I think i have spent so long dreaming about that 11stone 25BMI that i had lost sight of how far i had come, and now i remember dreaming about being a size 12 and how i never thought i would get here!
I dont think i consume more than 1200 cals as a rule each day....but then at the weekends, if i want a curry, im having a damn curry! I make better choices now (no naans for me) but i enjoy it and move on!
I'm finally at a place that i think i can call "normal" and i will keep doing what i am doing and see where i end up!
CD is now no longer a method of dieting, but now its just a meal replacement for when i'm at work (and i much prefer it to any of the highstreet crap like slimfast etc)
I have written my own rules, becuase that is what "normal" people do!
Its been over a year since i started CD, and i dont feel like a failure anymore! Being told and seeing how ill i looked at goal, i'm glad i have a bit more flesh on my bones! I still want my tummy tuck and boob job (esp as i am now a 34C from a 38DD) and i truely believe that they will make a difference to my general body shape becuase the excess skin does make me look a lot fatter than i am, but its not going to happen anytime soon so i'll muddle on with this body! Its mine and it just needs some love!!
xxx
