Lizz's "to Inslimity and beyond" diary

[dreamingmaid]

Oh wow Lizz, your post has really helped clarify things for me. Im so, so glad that you are finally at peace with food and your body.
I know that you went through a really bad patch but it is so inspiring to know that you have come out the other side.
We get so caught up in our body's and size and weight that we lose sight of what is important in life.....health being the main thing.

Being the perfect size isnt the be all and end all is it? I still have about 11 pounds to lose to get back to my 10st goal and my size 10's are a little snug. I was going to start calorie counting today but your post has made me think otherwise, just dont think i'm in the right mental frame to do it at this moment in time and dont want to set myself up for failure.
Anyway, as a mum of 3 very young children i look pretty darn good!!! Ha,ha!
Once again lizz, so pleased you are well, and thanks for posting

 

[Wales]

So pleased to hear from you Lizz, I was just thinking about you yesterday, and I am thrilled that you sound happy and at peace with where you are. Big hugs xxx

 

[alexmummy07]

Hi Lizz

Glad to hear you are doing well and you sound like your head is in a much better place.

xxx

 

[herewego]

Good to see you back and much more happy in yourself! We spend so much time stressing and fretting over food - it's sad really as we are missing out on just enjoying life.

Good Luck with the new job - that's excellent news!

 

[LizzMB]

its been a while, and i hate myself for staying away for so long!

I'm an idiot! a bondering stupid idiot!
I really was so sure about myself, i trusted my ability to make good choices and judgements and i was wrong to!

I am back on SS! my clothes dont fit, i live in leggings and i hate every fat ugly inch of my body!
I'm a mess!
and a far cry from that nice slim size 10!
I see my CDC tomorrow night, but have started back on SS today as i desperately need a kick up the rear to get this damn weight back off!

I cant believe i let myself get this far out of control again when i said i wouldnt! I said i would notice earlier! why didnt i notice earlier????


Miserable about my size, but doing something about it!

and i will be coming on here every bloody day!

I NEED that reminder, that motivation, but its hiding inside a pizza box right now and wont come back unless i eat!

I will not give in though!

SS for the next 30 days! Dont know my "starting" weight yet, but will update all my stats tomorrow after i have been to my CDC!

xxx

 

[Greeneyes11]

Awww sorry to hear how upset you are, I know exactly how you feel though as I have managed to put on 2 stone since my goal weight and I keep trying diets and my willpower is zero.... am also going on holiday in 2.5 weeks which doesn't help with the willpower either as I know I will put all I lose back on.... am desperately trying to lose weight but failing badly. Started back at WW this morning....

 

[Jessica Rabbit72]

Lizz - really empathise with you am exactly in the same boat as a few of us are from last year. I went back to my CDC last tues and weighed in with the full intention of SSing. I managed 3 days and then succumbed to high protein food and ending up off the ss wagon but healthy eating - managed 2.5lbs off at WI last night so am dead pleased with that as my scales have just gone consistently up every week since August last year fom 11.2 to 16.2!

Had chat with my CDC and she said that we are going to spend the next few weeks working down the plans to ss prob starting the summer hols as I have a few dos on in the next dew weeks and ssing would be impossible.

So I will join you and we will get rid of it together

Lovely to see you back - we can do this
xxx

 

[LizzMB]

as comforting it is, its worrying that im not alone! Means there are more of us with the same agony

Today is day one! AGAIN! Yesterday i really wanted to start it, but just couldnt do it! Had an ok lunch and dinner, but then ate an apple turnover and 3 chocolate bars! STUPID!!!

trouble is, i never "planned" for any of this!

I genuinely thought that being a size 10 would mean more to me than eating junk, and it sadens me that i have so little pride in my appearance than food keeps winning!

I KNOW i have to lose weight, ww/sw i just can not stick too, and CD is the only one that has worked in the past, but the thought of not eating makes me miserable!!!

trouble is, i like the fast results that SS brings, so really dont see myself as having an alternative option!

I really could shoot myself! All that hard work last year and i feel like a failure

xx

 

[coley144]

The best thing is do is figure out what happened. Why did you put the weight on? Why did you ignore what was happening? Were there any triggers that made you do it?

Figure it out and plan for what you'd do if those things happen again. Don't hate yourself - Use this to ensure it works next time.

 

[leeds123]

good luck liz and so nice to see you back.

 

[KD]

I genuinely thought that being a size 10 would mean more to me than eating junk,

Nah, because deep down you know you can stay size 10 and still eat junk. No good and all that....

and it sadens me that i have so little pride in my appearance than food keeps winning!

Appearance as a main motivation is fraught with dangers. You can have a bizarre and very unhealthy attitude to food..yoyo diet forever, and stay looking slim, or go up a bit knowing you can probably just get back down to it again.

But you don't want that do you?

Find another source of motivation. One that will lead to working on getting a good relationship with food, rather than one that will maintain your weight.

I'm not saying don't do Cambridge, neither saying you should. It's just a tool to get to goal. But whether you have a peaceful life with food from then on, will depend massively on your motivations. Make sure they are good healthy ones

 

[LizzMB]

i like cabridge becuase i know deep down that when i do it properly, that weight drops off me and stays off me!

Its that relationship with food when i am left to my own devices that i have problems! I'm not good at making choices...as i know i will go for the lardy option over and over and never reign myself in!
That's the bit i dont get......!

Getting my head into the right place, finding that motivation.....i wish i knew how at the moment!

I'm motivated by the clothes in my wardrobe at the moment, just hanging there doing nothing!

Before hand, i swore i wouldnt be the fatty at a wedding when my hubby was best man....without an "event", i feel a bit lost!

Other motivations:

I dont want to look like a frump at my new job when there are so many skinny women here...but thats my competitive nature coming out
I dont want to feel fat and ugly like i do at the moment....

I guess my motivator "should" be to lose weight and then develop a healthy relationship with food....but i dont know if that is enough to get my arse in gear at the moment?!?!?!

I'm feeling very lost at the moment, but also very desperate!

 

[Mrs Taurus]

Hi Lizz,I completely identify with your updated post. I have put on 1 and a half stone just since May and rather than being motivated by my holiday this coming Monday,I simply thought blow it.
I am now completely out of control,feeling pants about myself and horribly oversensitive with Mr T,yet seeking comfort in large portions of calorific food.
I think once I started getting clothes out of my fat bag,hit 15st(I am 5ft 9) and resigned myself to a pre-holiday trip to Evans I just thought well your back to being Mrs Fatty so you may as well eat what you like.
I agree in what KD says,that I health reasons are the main reason one should loose weight,but unfortunately I feel exactly like you Lizz.

I admire Vanessa Feltz for admitting she knows how to diet,she has been a serial yo-yo dieter but unfortunately at times cannot control her eating.Although a band isn't for me(mum died due to an op that went wrong-hip replacement,so am terrified of any op) ss is the only thing that I know can help me.
As unhappy and self-loathing about my appearance as I am,and my 1st waking thought is oh my god what a pig I was yesterday I am not in the right place to start ss just yet,still loads of dos when back from holiday and sadly I am an all or nothing girl.
Sorry to waffle Lizz,just wanted to say you are certainly not alone in your thoughts and attitude to food.
Good luck hun!
Mrs T

 

[Greeneyes11]

Liz, I feel exactly the same as you, I was a size 8-10 last August until January and I loved crossing my legs and feeling slim I never thought I would put on the weight but I put on about 1.5 stone over Christmas just by eating chocolate so joined WW in January, went down to my healthy BMI again which was 10 stone 5lb (still 7lb over my goal weight) but as soon as I reached it I started eating again... have now weighed in at WW this week at 12 stone 1lb.... why do I do this to myself... I even had to buy bigger clothes in a size 14 for my South Africa trip.... but not in the right place at the moment to cambridge diet again, will wait until 1st August when I get back from holiday to try and sort out my head.

 

[LizzMB]

verdict from todays contemplating!
1000 cal plan or less for me from here on in!

As KD said, i do need to work on my relationship with food, so taking out of the equation isnt really a positive move! So figured that i would go as high as the 1000 cal plan but nothing more!

If i dont get round to eating breakfast, then that day will be an 810 day and i will have the additional shakes! I know its playing a bit with the plans, but i need that freedom i guess!
and i figured that 1000 cal a day max, so 7000 cal a week is probably going to help me lose weight!

Lets see if i can get my head round this food thing!

so far, im coming to the end of a 100% CD day, and i am happy with that!

 

[Greeneyes11]

Well done Lizz, keep it up, dont let the evenings be your downfall..... I remember in the past sticking to a 1000 cal diet and I lost on average 2lb a week..... I feel the same as you, if I take food out of the equation then I am not facing my problems which is why so far I have tried out other diets..... I know WW works, it did back in Jan-Mar, so am trying that, so at least when I have lost the weight I will know how to eat healthily..... after holiday I may go to CD 1000 cals too.... see how I feel and am coping.....

 

[LizzMB]

thanks hun! All of a sudden i feel i have a bit of control back!!!

just got weighed in at 13 13! not bad considering all the pies i have eaten recently!
Smiling though which makes a pleasant change!!

Got my cous cous, quorn and courgette for dinner and looking forward to it!

CDC was fabulous! and it was nice to know that i was actually lighter with this meeting than the last time i saw her and weighed in at 14 3!

Caught it in time, and nipping the bad habits in the bud right away!

So here is to tomorrow being a brand new day, and one i can put a smily next to on my signature!

xx

 

[LizzMB]

a beautiful day today!

up earlier than planned! DH's alarm usually goes off at 7, his alarm clock said 7 so i went into full panic mode! Ran around like a loon shouting at my alarm clock that usually goes off at 5:45...it said 5am! So more shouting about MY crappy alarm clock...then looked at my mobile phone....yup, 5am! Dont know why hubbys alarm went of 3 hours early but he did chuckle! bugger!

Foodwise! Did good yesterday!
Stuck to plan, and then this morning i have had an apple for breakfast and then have a shake for lunch!
Dinner, not sure! Might have 2 eggs with mushrooms and salad, followed by more fruit!

I have serious "breakfast" issues though! Just cant fit in the heavy food in the morning and i would much prefer a piece of fruit so might have to do a bit of fiddling around with the plan and cals to make it work better!

Off to see Eclipse at the cinema tonight so must avoid all popcorn! but my head is in the right place so shouldnt be a problem!

xxxx

 

[Greeneyes11]

Well done Lizz, yesterday I took to chewing gum to stop eating, today I am drinking pepsi max.... ha ha, I will get there somehow...

 

[SacredSilence]

Hi hunnie x

I`m sorry to read how sad you`ve been But happy to hear you`re more positive today.

Good luck with the 1000 plan Bizarrely, I`m finding I`m hungrier with it that with my shakes lol

I am LOVING being able to eat fruit again tho

Enjoy Eclipse!! I thought it was really good. LOADS better than New Moon but I think Twilight is still my favourite. I need to watch it a few more times to make sure

Oh and Edwards is HOT HOT HOT in it!! As is Carlisle, Jasper, Kellan & Charlie haha I`m not greedy much eh?

When I went to watch it last week, I did the triple bill and the cinema was packed and everyone was eating crap! I just sat and sniffed the air, But I`m odd like that lol

Have a lovely weekend Xxx