mama kash diary

[MrMc]

Oh sweetheart I'm sorry men can be sh*t! Please don't get too upset he's not worth it if he verbally abuses you *hugs*

Absolutely agree with MK. Keep your chin up. Don't ever let anyone hurt you this way. There is too much joy and abundance to let those who build themselves on abuse of others be central in your life.

Would say though, as a male, were not all bad. ;-)

 

[Mamakash]

Day 40 and thanks everyone for kind thoughts .

Well he has moved out so feeling a bit deflated and exhausted as he called me continuously all night then turned up outside my house early this morning . He has been a rock during my illness ( been together 4 years) but hates me having friends or talking to men and always finds something negative to say to put me down . Most of my friends have been alienated by him ( one ended up calling the police after an argument last year) . Guessing .... Thinking about it.... Great relationship when nobody around but I need friends and I do speak to men !!! I bumped into a male client 2 weeks ago and even he picked up on the scowling .....
I think this dieting isn't helping as when he met me I was at my goal weight ...... He keeps moaning about the dieting and also my baby steps to exercising ..... I think as well when you are with someone who is very jealous there is a lot of subconscious decisions to de sexuality our selves ..,,, putting on weight is one of these for me and that + illness = 3 1/2 stone overweight .,,,,
I am going to stay strong though. While very sad I just can't see him changing or me changing to be what he wants .....had enough chances and the derogatory texts just show in his head it is all my fault and the physical and emotional threats seem to have been erased .

End of story . Going to stick to diet and move on ....

 

[slinkybride2be]

Day 40 and thanks everyone for kind thoughts .

Well he has moved out so feeling a bit deflated and exhausted as he called me continuously all night then turned up outside my house early this morning . He has been a rock during my illness ( been together 4 years) but hates me having friends or talking to men and always finds something negative to say to put me down . Most of my friends have been alienated by him ( one ended up calling the police after an argument last year) . Guessing .... Thinking about it.... Great relationship when nobody around but I need friends and I do speak to men !!! I bumped into a male client 2 weeks ago and even he picked up on the scowling .....
I think this dieting isn't helping as when he met me I was at my goal weight ...... He keeps moaning about the dieting and also my baby steps to exercising ..... I think as well when you are with someone who is very jealous there is a lot of subconscious decisions to de sexuality our selves ..,,, putting on weight is one of these for me and that + illness = 3 1/2 stone overweight .,,,,
I am going to stay strong though. While very sad I just can't see him changing or me changing to be what he wants .....had enough chances and the derogatory texts just show in his head it is all my fault and the physical and emotional threats seem to have been erased .

End of story . Going to stick to diet and move on ....

Sounds to me like you are better of without that man mama. He doesn't deserve be a part of your life. His loss will be another's gain, stay strong xxxx

 

[DustQueen]

Day 40 and thanks everyone for kind thoughts .

Well he has moved out so feeling a bit deflated and exhausted as he called me continuously all night then turned up outside my house early this morning . He has been a rock during my illness ( been together 4 years) but hates me having friends or talking to men and always finds something negative to say to put me down . Most of my friends have been alienated by him ( one ended up calling the police after an argument last year) . Guessing .... Thinking about it.... Great relationship when nobody around but I need friends and I do speak to men !!! I bumped into a male client 2 weeks ago and even he picked up on the scowling .....
I think this dieting isn't helping as when he met me I was at my goal weight ...... He keeps moaning about the dieting and also my baby steps to exercising ..... I think as well when you are with someone who is very jealous there is a lot of subconscious decisions to de sexuality our selves ..,,, putting on weight is one of these for me and that + illness = 3 1/2 stone overweight .,,,,
I am going to stay strong though. While very sad I just can't see him changing or me changing to be what he wants .....had enough chances and the derogatory texts just show in his head it is all my fault and the physical and emotional threats seem to have been erased .

End of story . Going to stick to diet and move on ....

I'm sorry you had to go through this, I'm sure you have done the right thing, even if he does change and this works out I think it sounds like at the moment you need the distance x
Like you say you do need friends and a man getting in the way of that is never healthy x
Sending you lots of love and kisses
*hugs*

 

[Mamakash]

Thanks guys . Might stayi bed all day no energy and work is going pear shaped . Going to have extra shakes for energy and maybe go for a walk later xxx

 

[fortyandfat]

hey mama, you are so better off without this man in your life. you feel lonely now but there really are more fish in the sea. give yourself time to get to like yourself again and live a little.
my ex husband sounds just like him. i put up with him for 15 years. wasnt allowed friends, couldnt go out and the final straw was when he broke my ribs in front of my kids when we were abroad on holiday all because i asked a man for a lighter!! (i got to sit next to him on saturday for my daughter's wedding )
keep safe, massive ((hugs))
you will feel better as the days go by. it will take time. show him the person you really are and get out there and live life how you want to live your life

 

[DustQueen]

Thanks guys . Might stayi bed all day no energy and work is going pear shaped . Going to have extra shakes for energy and maybe go for a walk later xxx

Yeah a walk might help hun get some fresh air and space x stay in bed if that helps just try and get out for some air at some point x

 

[DustQueen]

hey mama, you are so better off without this man in your life. you feel lonely now but there really are more fish in the sea. give yourself time to get to like yourself again and live a little.
my ex husband sounds just like him. i put up with him for 15 years. wasnt allowed friends, couldnt go out and the final straw was when he broke my ribs in front of my kids when we were abroad on holiday all because i asked a man for a lighter!! (i got to sit next to him on saturday for my daughter's wedding )
keep safe, massive ((hugs))
you will feel better as the days go by. it will take time. show him the person you really are and get out there and live life how you want to live your life

Oh Julie that is awful I am so sorry you had to go through that and so glad you got out and I hope sitting by him at the wedding isn't too awful for you x

 

[fortyandfat]

its because of him i am who i am now. i have no regrets with life. i am a much stronger person now and will never let anyone hurt me again
we learn through our mistakes so dont regret them, learn from them and be happy

 

[DustQueen]

its because of him i am who i am now. i have no regrets with life. i am a much stronger person now and will never let anyone hurt me again
we learn through our mistakes so dont regret them, learn from them and be happy

Well said Julie

 

[Mamakash]

Wow Julie I do hope the wedding goes well . What a terrible thing to do to you and for the children to watch .....

You are very right . He is grovelling at the moment but I have no energy left . Well sun shining so going to get some fresh air. Thanks so much all of you for you lovely words xxxxxx

 

[Mamakash]

Well day 40 over and in bed with camomile tea. Wasn't too bad a day in the circumstances . Did day 2 of couch to 5k app and swept garden . Had 2 bars and a shake some chicken and low fat cheese and a bad glass (large ) if red wine . Extenuating circumstances . He is back here banished to spare room . No more but felt sorry for him (slap ) . I am not sure how things will pass out tomorrow .

Feeling positive . Just really need to hey on TS saddle xx

 

[Mamakash]

Day 41 . Woke up feeling exhausted and could just curl up in bed all day but unfortunately have work ....,

Going to really try to stay focused today as this whole weight loss is going pear shaped . Not eating anything particularly naughty but can see thatva glass of wine has had bad impact .

OH (or is that ex OH) calmed down and very sheepish but have told him no more . Enough is enough but I don't even have the energy to have an emotional debate with him so will probably drag on .

Need to focus on health diet and work . Going to do that now !

 

[honeytemple88]

just read you diet mama ur doing great try to avoid tho's little nibbles and wine and your be seeing the 11's next week x

 

[ladygaga]

Take care Mama and keep strong. I think you are amazing. You know where we are if you need us xxx

 

[Mamakash]

Aaw thanks honey and gaga ... Should be ok today but have a race meet marketing do tomorrow so hmmmm not holding my breath for WI on Thursday .....

Who knows tho eh ?

All quiet on OH front and he hadn't turned up ( he has his own house tho pretty much been living here for 4 years ) . Just taking it hour by hour ... Bit like TS

Hope everyone is well xxx

 

[Mamakash]

Day 42 ... Off to races .... Need to jump in taxi in about ten mins and no idea what to wear..,,,hope something fits that looks posh enuff .... . Going to try my best to be good .,,,,, stomach gurgling away ... It thinks I am an exante newbie . Going to go down well as I network ...

EXOH brought coffee . He is trying to be nice . It's not working .........

 

[DustQueen]

Day 42 ... Off to races .... Need to jump in taxi in about ten mins and no idea what to wear..,,,hope something fits that looks posh enuff .... . Going to try my best to be good .,,,,, stomach gurgling away ... It thinks I am an exante newbie . Going to go down well as I network ...

EXOH brought coffee . He is trying to be nice . It's not working .........

Have fun Hun x sure you'll look lovely
Yeah sod off exoh

 

[Mamakash]

Aw thanks dust queen . Had a good day tho really tired . Drank too much and had half a slice of whole meal bread thinking better knock me out if ketosis ..., so food was scrambled egg and smoke salmon ... The salmon in a sandwich . One soup and a bar ...,,, hope not too much damage and proud I avoided lots if bad food choices not proud I Drank champers ..,,,,,

 

[DustQueen]

Aw thanks dust queen . Had a good day tho really tired . Drank too much and had half a slice of whole meal bread thinking better knock me out if ketosis ..., so food was scrambled egg and smoke salmon ... The salmon in a sandwich . One soup and a bar ...,,, hope not too much damage and proud I avoided lots if bad food choices not proud I Drank champers ..,,,,,

Mmmmm scrambled egg and smoked salmon yummy